A little concerned about attachment

Actually, its more lack of attachment.

We went to Pink on Tuesday, and SIL and our neice babysat for about 6.5 hours. Jazz doesn't see SIL all the often, maybe once or twice a fortnight, itd not really regular and its never for more than an hour or two at a time.

So we had been telling her all week "Aunty K is coming to look after you, you'll have so much fun etc etc etc" (not that she seemed to understand but anyway thats another issue), SIL arrived and Jazz started playing with our neice, we gave her big hugs and kisses, and then we left (I held my tears in LOL!).

We came back and SIL and neice kept saying "she didn't even look for you, she didn't miss you at all, she didn't even realise you were gone"...

:crying: :crying:

(I do believe it too, there have been other times when Jazz just doesn't seem to care who she is with or where we are)

Is this something I need to be worrying about?

She also doesn't have attachments to any toys either, she doesn't have a favourite stuffed toy, she doesn't hug her teddys... she seems very apathetic in that respect. I've spent lots of time playing and hugging teddys and things...? We show lots of emotion to her...?

Am I being silly? Tell me if I am, because I'm actually really worried that there is something serious happening. I've noticed it since she was born, she never had any issues being away from us (granted we were never out of view), she's never had any issues being with strangers (again, we were right there). She's not shy, she'll go to anyone, and unless she is very cranky, she doesn't really care where she is or who she's with...

Aren't babies supposed to not want to be separated from their mummies...?
(this is starting to sound very much like MY issue LOL!)

You dag!

She was distracted by a new environment and having a lot of fun. She knew you were coming back - sounds to me like she is a rather secure little smoosh head ;)

Wait until you look after someone else child for a few hours, then you will see that even if they do look around for mummy, they can usually be distracted by a new toy - or a stereo they haven't trashed yet, or something new to stick their fingers in or try to eat.....

There WILL be times when she won't want you to go, but I'm sure she'll save it for something really important to you so you feel baaaad all day. Babies are awesome like that.

xoxoxo

awww :hug:

I think its great that Jazz is like this, even though its hard for you.
I have no personal experience with this but wanted to share a similar story.

A colleague and I "treated" our boss and his wife to a night out. We arranged and paid for their dinner at a nice place as a way of saying thanks to him for all his help and thanks to her for being so darn patient :lol:
Their little girl was really crook this particular night too.
I had little B distracted when they left and she didn't seem to worry about them being gone at all. Yeah she had her grizzles when I had to change her and when she wouldn't go to bed but she didn't "miss" mummy and daddy.

I think its a great gift you have given to Jazz, at least you know you have the freedom to leave her and know that she will not be upset. Surely thats got to be easier then knowing your darling girl's heart is breaking because your not there.

:hug: Sometimes I think its harder for the mums, god knows I will be a mess when it comes to my time :lol:

Nae x x x

two things...

first, to me it sounds like she is very secure and you would be surprised what they understand - she knew you were coming back. My DS is the same, will go to perfect strangers, when we have other kids around and the snatch his toys off him he just goes onto the next toy. When dp leaves for work there is no tears or tantrums just a cya's, when I leave I get the same thing.

second, in saying that it does sound like your mummy instincts have been alerted... I have no idea if the lack of empathy, as you put it, is an issue or not maybe something to be aware of. Speak with your GP? or maybe someone will come in and have advice about this.

Oh come on. Babies having empathy? To have empathy you must be able to understand how other people feel - most adults don't display empathy, and babies don't have an understanding of their OWN emotions, they just display them.

Just because a baby doesn't have a favourite toy doesn't mean there is something wrong. None of my children picked a favourite toy until they were about 2-3.

There is nothing worth going to the GP about - totally over the top advice. Sorry K. xoxoxo

Just sounds like secure lil munchkin to me. She knows, mummy is always gonna come back, even if she is gone for now. As for the hugging teddies etc, i cant see why this would be seen as a concern? I would mayb see it as a concern if she was ripping their heads off. lol. She may just show affection in her own little way? I agree with K, if it REALLY is getting to u, ask your GP or ring the MCHN.. just for some advice. Im sure there is a pretty good chance that they will say she is just perfect :) As mothers, i think we have a tendancy to over analize the situation lol. But its only natural.

Jaz is gorgeous and just perfect :)

MY DD was exactly the same. She runs off to play without even a glance over her shoulder. She goes to people she knows with even a blink of the eye, and rarely cries if i go. If she's hurt she will cuddle the closest person. She has never had one favorite toy. I tried to get her to bond with a special soft toy but she just wasn't into it. It's good though, she'll go to bed cuddling any toy. :D

This has been changing a little bit as she approaches 2. She sometimes doesn't want me to go. or pretends to be shy. But i think some kids are just like that. I don't think there is anything wrong with my daughter or yours. ;)

DS doesn't have attachment to any toy either :rolleyes: I tried to introduce a *lovie* for sleeping / settling purposes and he won't have a bar of it, just rubbing our elbow :wall: So with the attachment issue, it is not unusual to not be attached to a toy / object. TBH DD doesn't really have a toy either but she will cuddle the flat out bear in bed.

As for her not *missing* you - great work mummy :clap: You have a secure and well adjusted little miss. Once or twice a fortnight is still reasonably regular contact so they would have been familiar and a new toy ;) My DS and DD see my sister infrequently due to distance but *see* her about the same frequency as you via Skype. She looked after them while I was at a funeral and they weren't even vaguely concerned I was gone for a few hours.

She is doing great (and so are you :hug:)

:hide: LOL thanks everyone... chronic worrier... yep thats me...

:redface: I thought she *should* have a favourite toy (bloody shoulds hey...), be cuddling teddies etc... :dunno: why, I always thought it was something babies did :doh:

You've made me feel much better :hug: Secure :D What a great word :D Never thought about it like that.


LOL ps - don't tell Shel I was worried, she'll just tease me for being a worry-wart hahahaha :p

I think if you give it a few months the tanty's will start...but it'll probably be with everyone who leaves, lol. DS has just started. He'll stand at the door screaming coz he either wants to go, or doesn't want them to go, but will wave at the same time, lol!

DD2 has a blanket, but she's not so attatched we can't go without it. None of mine have been like that with a toy. They'll play with them once or twice, then they just aren't fussed, lol.

DS is fine without me. Will go all day at mum's til he finally points at the door saying 'mum'. If he's there he's not too worried about me leaving. He's somewhere way more exciting! Lol!!

She'll cause you plenty of greif soon enough, lol. Enjoy it while you can!

re : fav toy... Mia doesnt have one either. She likes all her toys. Never payed any attention to it. Well until now! thanks leash! lol

Just another thing, baby sitters want to get to babysit again, and want the parents to know that bub was ok while they were away, so sometimes exagerate how 'good' bub was, and how much they enjoyed the babysitting. This might not even be conscious, but they may not have taken notice of things that you would have that means she is thinking of you. just another thought.

bilby had a very traumatic entry to the world, and has been an non-affectionate child from day one. it's very hard not to take it personally, when you are putting 100% energy into doing everything for them.

babies do go through a separation anxiety phase (even when you just go to the loo!), and i think that's just ahead of you (11 months old??).

I remember starting bilby at childcare at 16 months old, she was so freaked out/attached (who knows) i stayed with her for an hour each time, to settle her. Then came back in middle of six hour session to feed her. She definately clung to me then.

Started at new CCC at 20 months old, and continued the same thing for a few more months.

At nearly three, she still has never had a particular "blanky" or toy she can't do without. She is pretty fond of many of her plush bubbies (monkey, froggy, teddies, bilbies etc). Like you , i think i was PROGRAMMED to expect she WOULD adopt ONE toy/blanky and be inconsolable if that item went missing.

maybe it happens for some kids, but not all (gee, where have we heard that one before????).

Like you, i modelling affectionate behaviour (to teddies etc) and now when we pass a baby, she will say "dear bubby" and go "awwww". so maybe SOME things do rub off.

I'm still coming to terms with her lack of affection, spilt second hugs (after much requesting from me) - trying not to take it personally, but it's hard not to.

For me, the attachment thing is - i refuse to leave her if she's crying, i don't care what people tell me about "the child stops crying as soon as you're out of sight", i don't want bilby to go through that.

When i collect her at CC, she usually screams MUMMY MUMMY and literally jumps up and drops whatever she's doing. I go to hug her and quickly get a "booby, booby" request. Fair enough, she's thirsty, but i'd be lying if i said i'm 100% with that. Part of me would just love her to relax into a hug with me and it last more than 1/8th of a second and THEN ask for booby.

A good friend pointed out to me that maybe bilby gets her affection needs met through breastfeeding and doesn't need/want anymore.

We're such strange beasties, all that time, you spend 100% with your child, you're dying for a break, you get one, and then you worry that you're not indespensible to your child! but if that WERE true, then you wouldn't have gotten to go see P!NK.

i'm a chronic worrier too, welcome to the club L. I won't tell Shel on you!

that's ok lulu, I suppose I have had very similar worries, DS doesn't have a favourite toy and sometimes mummy instincts kick in for a reason, sometimes they are in overdrive ;).

I think I will just sit back, breath and relax :p

Leasha - Z doesnt have the slightest interest in anything cuddly or a security thing so to speak - I also like to think it is because he is secure in our family, and doesnt need it ;)

He has just stared child care 4 weeks ago 2 x days a week and I really um'd and ah'd about forcing a teddy on him to take to bed in prep for it. But I didn't. yes he cried not the first few times I left because he was probably wondering where has mum gone LOL - then cried for a couple of morning, but then last week just frowned and then the carers distracted him - we waved bye bye and no tears - so I bawled on the bus because he should CRY! Can't win hey :redface:

It'll come - wait until she is my DD's age and she has to decide which beanie kids or teddies or Pony's to take to the shops with us :rolleyes: sheesh ..... she has never had a favourite either ..

With regards to the teddy attachment - I could be wrong but both my children have a favorite/special teddy and I think it's because it was introduced as a part of their bedtime routines quite early (whenever they start grasping objects?). This was the ONLY comforter teddy they were put to be with, and, by around 7-8mths I think they started to show it great affection. If introduced later it might not have that same affect?? Certainly nothing to worry about though!

I agree with most posts above, Jazz sounds perfectly normal and well adjected for her age.

Now, what did you think of Pink? Awesome hey???

Leash, Oskar has only fairly recently started to cuddle and really play with stuffed toys. So it is sometime between 2-3 yrs old I think. They start to notice feelings/emotions and I guess they start to understand them a little too - what's nice, what's not etc. Oskar never cared if I was around or not and to an extent now still isn't, however he is at the age now where he is a bit more wary and does look out for me on occasion. Jazzy is perfect sweetness, and you are a great mummy :)

oooh wow Jac, long time no see!!! How have you been? You jolted my memory on one thing... Leash Oskar is attached to his cloth nappy lol and it seems Elijah is starting to be also but I think it's cos I use them for when they're feeding/burping etc and it's that "texture" they like too. Other than that, no attachment to items until older.

I was going to say exactly what lots of others said sounds like she is very secure!!! I was worried going back to work 3 weeks ago that Em would fret (even with DH as they SAHD) but she hardly even misses me :(
Our bubs are a similiar age and Em has never been cuddly with toys either until DH bought her this new baby doll just a week ago. It is the one toy she will give cuddles too i think because I have a few friends with newborns and she is so interested in them the doll is her very own bubba.
I worry about attachment to one toy..what happens if they lose it????
Good job!!

From what I've observed with my work, very few children as young as Jazz have seperation anxiety - it normally occurs a bit later - often we have babies who are very settled then once the get past one, decide they don't want their mummies to leave them!
Give her time and she will miss you I am sure!

:

---

I worry about attachment to one toy..what happens if they lose it????
Good job!!

---

I bought 2 of the exact same teddies that I selected as their special bed teddy. Kind of OTT but it means that I can wash one and give them the other plus it's unlikey that they will both get lost at the same time! I was very particular in my teddy selection so knew which one would be given as a 'special' bedtime one (from birth).

Ozziehoffy - hey mate, all fine with us, life's been good. Busy with our 2 1/2 year old and almost 1 year old! Not planning anymore at this stage though......