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Hi Everyone,
So i'm pregnant with my first baby and I'm trying to think about what i want when it comes to having the baby - my best friend is due to have her 2nd any day... and have been talking to her alot....
And i'm trying to decide who i want in the room with me?
Who did you have?
first time i only had DH, second time i had DH and my Doula
1St time I had my mum and Dp. This time Im having Dp, my sister and my mum. But my mum will be alternating between looking after Annabelle and being in with me ;)
Both times I had DH, but if my sister lived closer I would have probably wanted her at my second birth too.
I had my midwife and my husband the first time (independent midwife) & "sister"
The next birth - my SIL, husband, midwife, my "sister" and DD6
The next birth - my SIL, husband, midwife & my "sister" & DD8 & DS2
The next birth - my SIL, husband, midwife & DD10, DS4, DD15months.
My Imogen - my friend (who is an obs), my husband & a team of paeds and medical physicians... (high tech birth!)
It is important that you choose your attendants wisely and carefully. It's all about you and what you need. Think about what it is that's important to you and why. Good luck! :hug:
1 - ex and the worlds best midwife (pure luck)
2 - dp, sister and dd
3 - dp and Doula
Oh and midwives too ;)
My DH & my mum were with me for my first birth. They were both awesome and supportive :).
Only DH was at my last two births because my mum was needed as a babysitter instead LOL!
I had my mum & my DH...and about 10 doctors!
I had my DF and mum all 3 times except she missed the birth of Master L because she had gone down stairs to get DF some hot food and to have a smoke! She had been there for the whole birth of the other 2!!!
DS1 - DH,
DS2 - DH, Doula
With next bub will be DH and perhaps DS2 but going to wait to make that decision until a little later on.
#1 DH, OB plus around 10 other specialists!
#2 (due in 6 days) DH, sister acting as Doula, OB and the hospt midwife BUT who knows how it will all happen...
Thanks for your replies :).....
Did anyone not have their husband/partner.... i really want my DH there but he is very squirmish and i dont know if he is going to be able to be there.... i think he will try though....
i was tossing up between having my mum or my best friend.... thinking my best friend though cuz she will have been through labour twice and knows what i'll be going through for the support whereas my mum only had c-sections.
guess i'll have plenty of time to think :)
I had my husband present - but really my love it's not a pre requisite. We are told its natural and all men should be there. But really we all have our thing. If it's not his thing - he has plenty of time to be a father! Being present during labour doesn't decide good fathering.
If it were me I'd just let this evolve. If he feels really uncomfy - leave it up to him. You need though good strong support - so seek that out. If your husband chooses to be at the birth & you are happy with that - then so be it. If he can't be there - take this time to work through that and find alternate support. :hug:
If your labour progresses naturally, your DH will not really witness anything squirmish-ifying anyways. That only happens at the end - and many men who do say they are squirmish say that when they heard their baby was about to appear - the excitement and fascination took over and they found it easy to stomach!!
Regardless, your DH could always stand behind you and massage your shoulders, rub your lower back or simply hold your hand by your side or something when you get close to delivering - he doesn't have to witness anything he's not comfortable with.
I wouldn't stress about it hon - I would just ask him to take it as it comes.
It's not always about the squeamish factor though, it's very hard to support someone if you don't understand how to help them.
Consider a Doula xoxox
Yeah I'd think carefully about a doula too :)
Haha shades i see your signature too ;) and you don't live too far from me :lol:
I was actually looking at a website today about doulas for that exact reason, i guess i'll have to look into it a bit further....
who'd thought having a baby could be so complicated :)
Well if you book me before my studies are done I'll consider you a freebie ;) You can email me -
dreamless_sleeper at hotmail.com
if you'd like to chat about it further - no obligations :)
I'll have a think and let you know ;)
WIth DD i had:
2 midwives
1 en
1 student midwive
1 ambo
2 wardsmen
1 husband (he was at the birth not during labour)
(wasnt the way i would have planned it but that is the way it happened).
With DS
it was in my bedroom I had:
1 DH
1 Girlfriend (who was over to keep an ear out for DD who was asleep)
3 paramedics
lol
but happy to have the paramedics there for the actual birth (they werent their during the labour)
First time, DP, ob, anaesthetist and all others associated with a c/s - was a bit of a crowd really! We had a scheduled c/s due to placenta praevia.
Next birth I would like to have at home. We will have a m/w, doula, DP, my DD and my Mum (to look after DD). If DP doesn't get on board the idea of a home birth, then we'll still have a doula and possibly DD and my Mum.
my first i had my mum and a midwife this bub i want to just be me and my middwife and maybe a doula and dp if he can make it
i dont like to be crowded and thats what my mum did it drove me bonkers
its best to have someone your comfy with
i had my Mum and my sister and a midwife and a few on looking student midwifes lol
Just me and my DP. Would have liked my Mum but she felt as though it was our time and waited outside!
With DS I had: DH, about 10 medical people.
With DD I had: DH, DS, 1 midwife, 1 student midwife.
For the whole labour I had my then partner. He was a bit nervous about it even though he'd been through it before with his ex. He was fantastic throughout, much better than I thought he'd be. He was so emotional when he walked out of the room to announce the birth that my parents thought the bub or I had died. I also had my MIL there for most of the labour at the hossy and my parents came in and out.
For the birth itself (vac extraction) they cleared the room apart from my partner (at my request) so it was just us & a team of 8 medicos.
I think it would be a great shame if he doesn't come in with you. I'm sure when the time comes you will want him there. Just keep him at the top of the bed when the birth happens if he's squeamish.
Stupidly, I had DH.
Next time (if there is one) I'm having my sister. And no DH if I can manage it.
You need someone who loves you, cares for you, listens to you and will stick up for you if someone wants to shove "hospital policy" on you. Or tell you that you're in pain when you're not.
DH believed the midwives when they said I was in pain rather than me, who was not only not in pain but chatting about the student midwife's studies and playing scrabble. My mother would be too flappy and fussy. My sister may not have given birth, but she's reliable and calm and wouldn't flap too much. She loves me enough to be there for me but isn't so crazy-love that she'd tell me to go against my needs because she thinks I may want to.
I also had a whole plethora of hospital staff the first time - can't even remember who they all were or what they were for. Next time, I may have a midwife IF that midwife is VERY, VERY lucky. I know the last two midwives I saw recently tried to talk me out of freebirthing but TBH if I don't feel comfortable with a midwife I'm not going to have one.
I had DF & SIL, but SIL wasnt my choice DF called her from the hossy & asked her to come in because they had just moved in down the end of our street
Hi,
for DS1 I had my DH and a friend (she was there to support DH as he is also very squimish)
DS2 just my DH
DS3 DH and an Independant Midwife
My first two labors resulted in c-section and my third was a VBAC.
I'd also suggest either a Doula or and Independant Midwife. I chose an IM over a doula as they only cost a little bit more and are qualified to give medical advice if needed. :D
its a hard choice i just recently gave birth.. 5days to be exact
i had DP, my mum and my DPs mum :wall:
next time will just be me and DP.
good luck xxx
First time I had DH, godparents came at one point and another friend came at another point. (visited really - I had a long labour and I didn't mind them being there)
Second time DH, Doula, MIL, DD (and the midwives of course).
I only had DH and medical people. DH and I are very close and I'm much more comfortable around him than any female friends or family members.
It was interesting, DH wasn't at all squeamish about the c/s birth. He stood up and watched and took pictures over the screen. The part he found difficult was seeing me in pain during the labour.
He probably wasn't as good an advocate for me as he could have been. One midwife was trying to take the gas away from me and it would have been nice if he said something. I guess that is where a doula would come in handy.
I had my dh and my best friend. BF was useless- she vomited as soon as she walked in the room, then started taking photos of me in labour, which i had specifically aked her not to do. She ain't invited this time ;) I thought she would be great help, having had two kids herself (although, in her defense, we didn't call her until there was about an hour to go, so she came in right at the end).
My dh is very squeamish but he was fantastic during labour, I couldn't have done it without him. Having said that, I was less then impressed when he started throwing up in the sink, holding our freshly birthed baby- it was the smell of the placenta that got to him :lol:
i had DH my mum and MIL and the middies 2 when he was coming out and the ob and a student ob when i was getting stitched up
i so want it to be them next time maybe my sister instead of MIL not sure she was really there to take pics and when the other 2 went out for a ciggie
Originally my huband and I decided that it would just be the 2 of us. I would have liked my mum there, but he didn't want her in the room as it was his 1st child (my 2nd) and I respected that.
However on the day, there was no way in the world I was going in without either one of them, and DH had no problems with this, I think he secretly encouraged it.
He is now greatful that she was there (my labour went FOREVER) and they are much closer now than they ever were.
My birth was **** (something I am still struggling to deal with), but if it wasn't, they wouldn't be as close as they are, so I am greatful for that.
GL with your birth. It will be an amazing experience, no matter how it turns out.
I had my DH and Doula. A midwife came in and out intermittently and my OB was there for the last 2 hours (i had a 7hr labour) :)
ETA: Having a Doula was one the THE BEST things DH and i did. More women should have one and they should be a "standard thing" in our maternity care!
I had just my dh for all three births. I probably wouldn't have minded having my mum with me , but dh thought it was something just for us to share.
Just M and the midwife, both times (birth centre, so no doctors). Second time there was a midwife and a student midwife. M is REALLY squeamish, but he coped pretty well with it all - mind you with #2 he kind of stayed in the background and tried to read a magazine LOL and then appeared after the baby was out to cut the cord :) He can't even handle his own blood let alone mine!
I couldn't have handled my mum being there, and I don't think she would have wanted to. It was lovely to spend time with her after the baby was born, though. You know yourself - only have people around who can advocate for you should you need it.
For DD1's birth, it was just assumed that DH and my mum would be with me. I don't have sisters or any really close female friends, and DH is truly my best mate as well as my husband so I wanted him there more than anything. Because I was induced, I was in hospital for a couple of days waiting for things to start moving so mum didn't get there until I was well and truly in labour - I remember DH asking me if I wanted him to go pick my mum up (Dad had gone away for the weekend and mum didn't have the car), and I started yelling at him to 'tell her to get a ****ing taxi, you are NOT leaving me now!'
It was so funny because I'm not really *that* close to my mum, but in the throes of labour I needed my mummy lol, I felt like a little girl with a scraped knee!
The second time around it was just me and DH - I didn't need my mum at all and DH was more than adequate support for me. It was actually nice to not have my mum fluttering around and panicking about seeing me in pain - the birth went smoother and DH and I enjoyed our private time with the newborn. :)
Good luck!! I hope whoever you choose is/are the best support for you :)