Children and Funerals

I was just wondering if anyone had been to a funeral as a child (and if so what they remember) or have taken young children to a funeral. My Grandfather passed away last night and I have three kids. 6,4 and 6months. I'm not sure if I am going to take them to the funeral or not. They loved their "old pa" and enjoyed visiting him but they arn't as close to him as they are to my parents.
So I'm torn between taking them or not. on one hand i'd like to give them the opportunity to greave but I don't really want to subject them to seeing all the family greaving. But then I think its a natural part of life (to die and greave) so I shouldn't shelter them but they are just kids........ the thoughts just go on and on! Anyway i'd love to hear any experiences with kids and funerals.

Im sorry for your loss :hug:

I think the choice is yours, maybe chat to your eldest and ask what they would like to do?

I lost my papa at 6 and wish I could have gone to the funeral as I really never felt like I got to say goodbye..i know i say this now as a woman but I rmemebr crying every morning for him for weeks after he passed and maybe this could have helped me grieve iykwim.

Good luck wiht your descion its ahrd :hug: xx

I'm of the mindset that its important to share every aspect of life as it is, raw and emotional. That way children can learn about emotions and how they are expressed.

I went to my uncles funeral when I was 4. I still remember bits of it, in facts its one of my earliest memories. I watched my aunts and uncles crying... I remember from then on understanding death was a sad thing, we will miss those people/animals and its okay to feel sad about it.

My FIL passed away last year, and my MIL expressed that she didn't want my children there. So we did a sort of memory time with the girls so they could remember Grandpa and understand that he wasn't going to be around anymore. I explained that people feel sad when that happens and we will miss him. I don't think they understand as much though, as they haven't been a part of the process of everything... its more confusing for them.

HTH!

I am sorry for your loss :hug:.

I remember going to my Great Nans funeral when I was about 7, I do have small memories from the funeral but nothing negative/bad. We did see alot of Great Nan so we were kind of close.

I also went to my Grandads funeral when I was about 10, I do not remember alot about it, but I wasn't so close to him.

Sorry, not sure if I have been any help.

Just to add, if it were me I would take my kids, but as I said that is just me.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

My Grandfather, my husbands grandmother and a close friends Mother have all passed away in the past 2 years. I have taken all 3 of my children to their funerals - and they have coped fine. The services were actually lovely - as people spoke lovingly and with humour about the lives they had lived. They have never been to a burial though - I think that would be too much for them to deal with at this young age.

thanks everyone. Its good to hear that you have some memories from such a young age. The funeral isn't until Wednesday so I'm going to chat with the kids and have a big think out it.

FIL passed away about a month ago and we took both girls, DD1 is nearly 3 and DD2 6 months.
DD1 knew something was up and we explained as best we could about her 'papa'.
Everytime we go past the funeral home she mentions how we went there and says how we saw photos of Papa on the tv screen there and he wasn't sick anymore.
Their cousins were also there who are 10 and 5.
I felt it was the right thing to do, DD2 will never remember and DD1 over time will prolly forget but they adored him and he them so thought it was important for them to be there.

I am having the same delemia (sp), my fil passed away this week and his funeral is next wednesday, I have talked to my girls about it and they want to go, they are 6 and 9. I have organised my sister who wont be there to be back up for me and pick them up if need be.

I would take them as I feel its part of the grieving process, especially since they knew him.
My great uncle's funeral is next wednesday too, wonder why so many funerals on that day?

I would let them go.

My mum wouldnt let me attend my Pop's funeral when i was 13. I never got to say goodbye and still cry about it now. In a way I'll never forgive her for not letting me iykwim.

GL xox

See I guess different strokes for different folks. I didn't attend a funeral until I was 20. My mum didn't think kids needed to be exposed to that. All my grandparents dief before I was 7.
I've never felt I missed out at all. My siblings feel the same way and I have to say I'm pretty much the same as Mum. I'm not sure little children really gain any benefit from attending.

I do remember going to my grandads funeral, I suppose I was only about 4 or 5 - i don't recall alot other than being at the graveside and holding a man's hand (which I found out was Dad when I was game enough to look up). I didn't find it traumatic that i recall.

We took Pip to his grandfather's funeral when he was around 18 months - we found the close family took comfort from Pip being there, specially as his grandfather took such joy from him.

We did, however, leave Pip with his other grandparents for the service in case he did start playing up. Just before the service started he did interact with the photos of his granddad. He got lots of cuddles from people who needed his warmth, his spark of life.

I'll add too we had friends on hand there too if the kids starting playing up to take them but they were actually really good and sat thru it. They sort of knew something was going on.

Hi sorry for your loss

My husband passed away last year, and i took our children to farewell their dad and step Dad, The kids were 3months, 2, 9,10,15.

The kids handled it quite well really, obviously the littls ones didnt realy know what was happeneing, but the 2 year old was as good as gold, i noticed with my 15 year old it was her way to finally let go all her emtions, she balled her eyes out, which she hadnt really shown any emotion before this, so it was a great outlet for her.

hi

my daughter passed away this year. I took the kids 6 & 4. I had the task of explaining death and funerals to them, I explained the whole process of what would happen at the funeral and how upset we would all be.
They really did benefit from the grieving process, and now visit the grave often with me.

My Grandmother died in 07 and my children at the time were aged 8,4 and 2. We took them to the funeral but not to the grave side. I think it is important for children to say goodbye as well

They also went to a viewing a few days before and they didn't freak out either and got to say good bye there as well

Sorry to hear about your loss :hug:

sorry for your loss

Taking children to funerals remind people at the funeral that life goes on, that it is a cycle. We've always had kids at funerals, with one or two designated people to take them out if they start to get fussy - this is especially important if the parent is sitting in the family rows.

The choice lies with you, with what you feel your children would be able to cope with.

I never went to my dad's funeral and it has always felt like I never got to properly say goodbye to him.

very sorry to hear about the loss of your loved one. I remember going to my Nan's funeral when I was about 2.5 - 3 yo. I remember taking some dirt out of my aunts hand to throw on to the coffin. I don't remember much else apart from the black clothes, I guess it has stuck in my memory quite clearly but I don't remember much else. I think it's appropriate for kids to go to funerals for close family or friends. My husband and I will be taking our 15 month old to a funeral for a good friend next week, but we did check with his family first to make sure they were ok, if it goes pear shaped we'll just leave. However, some discussion about the gravity of the situation may be necessary.. nothing like an impromputu wiggles song to put things in perspective...

I remember attending a few funerals as a child, one for a friend's three year old toddler, which was extremely upsetting. But we believed (even as children) that we were there to support the family and show our respect for the life now past.

We took DD as a baby to the funeral of our 91 year old neighbour and as a toddler to the funeral of her godfather, who died suddenly and unexpectedly at 60. Both times many people came over and expressed their appreciation in seeing her there. Especially the second time her godfather's family were very pleased that she came and they could introduce her and us to friends and relatives who had not met her. Being DD's godfather was very important to him and them (especially since he had no grandchildren of his own).

I also think it is an important thing for children to see how we as parents cope with grief. We are visiting my grandmother next month, who is declining fast. My DD is learning about life by being a part of all aspects of it.

Thanks again everyone.
We have decided to take the kids. I have explained to them what will happen and that people will be crying etc etc. And then i've told the kids they can either come to the funeral or go to school. I've completly left it up to them. I know they are little but if they want to be there then they will make the decision to go. If they don't want to go I'm not going to make them go either.
It has been very interesting reading about everyones experiences.