Baby number two, give it to me straight....

Dh and i are discussing baby number two as we always planned to start trying when ds was 1. That date is coming up and some days i am ready to try for number 2 all gun blazing and other days it basically scares me!

DS and i are fairly social little creatures, most of the time we are out and about visiting friends, shopping, mothers group, swimming etc and i think this is what keeps me sane. How will i manage this with two little tackers?

What are your experiences with two babies, was it harder than 1? Was it as difficult as you thought it would be? What age gap do you think was the best? Just looking for experiences, warts and all!

I had a large gap between my first and second children... then a traditional 2.5 year gap between my second and third children.

Personally I prefer large gaps. Purely because of what you posted about it being harder to do things. Giving it to you straight: yes, it was. Plus I find that with a smaller gap they compete/fight more. I miss the peace of the first two. Of course I love all three.. but you know...

I'm not telling you to have a large gap. Mine was 9 years!!! I'm just relating my experience. I recommend TTC when everyday you are obsessed with having another baby all the time ;)

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I recommend TTC when everyday you are obsessed with having another baby all the time ;)

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Ha ha, i guess ill be starting tonight then!! lol

It can be very hard at times, BUT it can also be very rewarding, and It does get easier.

I found two children pretty cruisy once we got a good routine happening. It definitely wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but maybe I just got lucky? I have a three year gap between my first two which was great, DS1 was toilet trained and pretty independent by then. I didn't find it difficult to visit people or pop into the shops or post office with two, THREE is a different story LOL!

The only issue we had was that DS1 took a while to adjust to no longer being an only child which I guess is normal. He was quite naughty for a while because he was trying to gain attention, but he eventually calmed down.

Good luck deciding :D

For us, our gap was 16months, DS was not planned and was (a very beautiful) surprise. It was REALLY hard in the beginning for me. We live in a 3rd storey unit, with stairs. I didn't go out alone for months. I found it really difficult. I still do some days. If they are both in bad moods, doing things like cooking and cleaning is all but impossible. It is definately easier now DS is 1. He can play more with DD and they absolutely adore each other. Most days I love it now, but the early days were a bit of a blur until about 5months in. But that's for me. I don't think I have a very high tolerance for adversity or challenge, lol!

My two are 21 mths apart, and TBH it took me about 9 mths to really feel like I knew what I was doing! Its really hard - we TT DD1 as soon as she turned 2 - and that was hard work!
It is easier now, and they just adore each other which is lovely! But - I don't really feel like I'm an active member of society :lol: we stay home a bit!
HTH :)

Can't be that bad if I'm already preggers with #3 ;)

It is hard, but any age would be hard as they all represent their own challenges. I think #3 for me is going to be the hard one, Miss M is going through an extreme clingy stage at the moment and only wants me, and DS is acting up a lot because... well.. because he's a 2 year old.. LOL

For the most part it is hard and I absolutely collapse into bed at the end of the day and LOVE it when they are both asleep at night (well until they both wake up during the night still), but they do play pretty well together, and I love hearing them giggle together :D

ETA - forgot to mention, going to the shops and everything is pretty good now - DS will walk on his own, he wouldn't do that when Miss M was a newborn so I would have to carry both of them at once to get into the shops - that was hard. So we stayed in a lot. Now its easier because he walks everywhere and rarely wants to be picked up. I'd go out more if I had a car!!!!

I have 21 months between mine, and DS is 3 weeks old.

At the moment, it is so hard. DD is acting up cause she doesn't have my 100% attention. I had a ceaser and can't do a lot that I want to, and I am sick with a bad cold. (and DH went back to work this week)..

There have been a few moments when I have thought, this is ok (and yes they were awake :p) and I am sure it will be when I am not sick anymore.

As DD was such a good baby/child, I had a false sense of optimism that it would always be good and easy..

But I wanted them reasonably close in age when it was decided that I wasn't going back to work for a while..

My 2 will be 18 months apart!!!!


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

hope i survive ok, may end up sitting in corner rocking back and forward!!!!

At first, yeah it is hard. But I found that getting toward the end of my pregnancy with DD I was so tired that DS and I didn't go out as much anyway because I just didn't have the energy so he kind of got used to being housebound a bit more.

I'd say that once DD was about 3 months or so I felt more confident going out with the 2 of them but even then it was a big undertaking that I would start planning the night before, very hard to be spur of the moment.

I also missed having one-on-one baby time because DS was awake all the time so I never was alone with just DD.

On the upside though, you've done the baby thing before so it's very much second nature with the new baby, you spend far less time stressing over things and in fact I wondered what on earth I did all day when it was just me and DS as a newborn.

Now DD is 10 months old and she and DS are starting to play together a bit and she is mobile so more fun for DS - he pretty much ignored her when she was tiny because she didn't DO anything. But now she does get into his toys so I have to keep an eye and ear open...sometimes he doesn't mind her playing with his cars, other times she gets pushed around and I have to intervene and there are tears all around.

I am also back at the point where I can do 2 outings a day, just like I was with DS, and juggling the two of them is second nature.

I will admit DD has been a dream baby though, happy to sit in the pram, easy to settle and slept through the night from 3 months (in other words the complete opposite of DS who still wakes up in the night now).

But now I'm pregnant with Number 3! And there will be only 18 months between DD and this one so I'm going to have to re-learn all this again!!!

We have 19 months between my two. It is tiring, and cooking and cleaning often takes a back seat to the kids (ok always takes a back seat!! :lol:) ..but you want my honest opinion?!!...I love it! but I really think it depends on the personality types of your kids.

When our second came along, there was heaps of new challenges. But I used a sling (put them on the boob in the sling and you are pretty much free! :lol:) and that was terrific.

I think at the moment (with a 2.5 year old and 9 month old) meal times are the biggest struggle, just because they get very busy, and yes my house is often a mess..but my kids are happy, secure and love each other to bits- which is what matters most to me!

All the best!

Thanks for the replies ladies. Guess my life will chnage but then again it already changed when ds came along! DH works away alot but has managed to score a more stable position for 2-3 years so we want to have them close together while his at home full time as it will be even worse to have two littlies and have him away for 2-3 weeks (or longer) at a time. Plus we have decided that unless things get really bad financially i will stay at home full time with the kids for the time being so having them close makes sense. I guess im just apprehensive now that the time is coming up!

Wait until you are actually pregnant and you have a SHOCKING day with your DS - then you'll be thinking "holy crap, what the hell have I done?!!?"

lol

we always said we'd try again when DD1 was 12 months, but the time came and we just werent ready! we loved spending time with DD and wanted to enjoy her for a little longer before adding to our family, we have 2.3 yr gap and i love it!! DD1 TT not long after DD2 was born,(which was hard work but well worth it) shes independant, plays well, understands alot, maked life easier, we have hard days but not as many as i anticipated, only you and DH know whats right for you!!

ETA :rofl: mel i had those days too!!

My two boys are 16 months apart. the first 4 months of ds2's life were definitely the hardest of my whole life, but now that we've all gotten into the swing of things, i think it's great. the boys interact really well together and ds1 has never shown any type of jealousy towards his brother, partly because he was so young when he came along iykwim? they now sit together and hold hands and as soon as he wakes up in the morning ds1 goes looking for ds2 squealing in delight and kissing him on top of his head. it's quite gorgeous actually!
ds2 has spent a lot of time in the sling, especially when i have to be out at activities with ds1, but he really enjoys it. i find the hardest part is working around everyone's sleeps, but ds2 has gotten quite used to have day sleeps in the sling and car.

bascially.. yep it will be hard.. it is hard... but you deal with it.. once bub 2 is there you have no choice! :-) and it will get easier.. (well here's hoping)

Isabel, I just wanted to say in reading all of these posts, so many sound like it is just aaalllll hard work. But if I had my time again, I would not have it any other way. My kids adore each other. My DD is like a little mummy to my DS and DS absolutely loves her, her follows her everywhere and just wants to do whatever she's doing. It is sooo lovely to watch, and yep, I'd do it again now if DH would let me :D (:(but he won't !!). It is the absolute best feeling in the world to see them hug and kiss each other out of the blue just cause they love each other. I love hearing them talk and laugh together, and just hearing them play together. DD kisses DS everynight and hugs him everynight before bed, she gets his blankie and dummy for him to go to bed she's always thinking of him. It is soo sweet and he is like a puppy following her, he dances with her to her fairies music and even lets her put dresses on him! (Shhhhh, don't tell DH!). Just wanted to let you know all of that :)

Thank you for all your replies, like i said i want warts and all and thank you also for the beautiful posts about how lovely it is to have two close together. Its good to know that its not going to be a walk in the park but having ds was also very difficult (not that i remember that now) so i guess i need to expect that. By the looks of things the secret is a good sling and a double pram lol! I have a wonderful support network and also have met some amazing mothers in mothers group that i count as my closest friends that will drop everything for me so we will be able to do it i sure. As my mum said to me, this is what i was born to do!

I am another with an 18 month age gap- and while it was difficult in the first few months, I look back now and would never take it back. I remember some days when everybody would just sit and have a good cry together, but it really didnt last forever and now I a just used to life as a mumma of 2 (must be doing ok, we are planning #3). I think for me the hardest thing was getting out and about, DS was a reflux baby and just fed, cried and spewed constantly, and DD was goin through a stage of trying to assert her independence, but like you say with a good pram, and a good sling it really isnt that difficult. I find it much easier now I have some good friends in the same position because we can just visit each other, rather than going out out.
I look at my 2 now though (3.3 & 21 months) and they are just getting so indpendent, starting to play together well, and just love each other so much, I could never want to take it back, even if the first few months went by in a blur!

My first 2 are 25 months apart. Initially I found going out a little difficult because DD1 was not quite up to walking independantly beside me. She used to just take off. However this only last a few months and by the time she was 2.5 years life got easier. Now they are nearly 4 and 2 and they play wonderfully together.

There is 19 months between my 2nd and 3rd and I find it extremely difficult going out with both the nb and my toddler. Mainly because my toddler hates prams and being restrained and she chucks tanties whenever we put her in the car seat. Believe me I am tired even before I drive out of the drive way. Right now my toddler is just a little too young to completely understand instructions and she is very clingy and demanding. Some times I just have to let her roll around on the floor crying until I have finished feeding or attending to the baby. This causes me a lot of stress and guilt at times.

There is 3.5 years between my eldest and youngest and I love this age gap. My eldest helps me and she talks to the baby and she understands when I can't help her. I really enjoy this age gap for now.

Personally I think an age gap of anywhere between 2.5years and 3.5 years is great for me. HTH

Goodluck ttc

Well, our second hasn't been born yet, but I'll add my two cents anyway :lol:.

I was all for TTC again when DS turned 1. But as the time approached, I became less sure, and decided to hold off for a bit. The second year of DS's life was a hard one for me......he became a regular tantruming toddler, he was sick ALOT through that winter, he had allergy issues which became very hard to deal with until we understood them. But mostly it was just the toddler behaviour stuff LOL. I can honestly say that life has become so much easier since just before he turned 2, and that was when I decided I was ready to TTC again (DH was already ready). If I now think about what it would be like if we'd had another baby sooner, even at the start of this year, I shudder! Seriously. But I feel much better about things knowing that DS will be very close to 3 (which was my aim). I know that any age gap will have it's challenges, but I just feel that this is the one that will work best for us. Well, TBH, I think an even bigger gap would have suited us better, but DH is very keen not to be too old, and I was thinking about having babies all the time :rofl:. And I do think it will be so lovely for DS to have a sibling.

You will know what's right for you. And while I do agree with Bath about being ready to TTC when it's all you think about, I do think that if there are other things holding you back, that feeling and obsession will still be there in 6 months ;). It won't go anywhere hun! Good luck :)

ETA Oh, and I just wanted to add that I've really, really enjoyed the last 6 months with DS, it has been such a pleasure spending one on one time with him as he becomes a little man :D. Not that I haven't enjoyed all of his life, but the last 6 months have been a wonderful time of getting to know each other, ITMS.

Great post Kellie...My two little ones do all those things too!! hehe Very adorable.

One thing I also love about having them close, is how much my DD learnt by having DS around. Sharing, being caring, having to think about some else's feelings, looking after a baby, bf'ing etc...I love the fact that she is learning all those things at such a young age.

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Wait until you are actually pregnant and you have a SHOCKING day with your DS - then you'll be thinking "holy crap, what the hell have I done?!!?"

lol

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ha, ha, so that's a normal feeling is it? I had my whole, I'm not going to cope with a baby and a toddler rant last night!

Isabel - I still have days when I'm feeling apprehensive about having number 2 and its a bit late for me! I keep telling myself that I'll cope because I have to, and I'll somehow manage to get out everyday, coz I know being at home will drive me crazy. I think mainly trips out will be confined to friends houses because then it won't matter if I didn't make it to the shower, and my clothes are covered with baby sick! And the other thing to remember is, no 2 babies are the same - the next bub might sleep anyway and everywhere so it might be easier.
Reluctant that I am about it, I think we're getting the Phil and Teds, so I can strap DD in if I need to, and this will help us get out. Plus I think a capsule, rather than just straight into the reversible seat, will make things easier.

Some days i think that just getting pregnant and not thinking about it is a better idea as i wont be able to talk myself out of it lol. Somedays like today i think no way till L is at school but other days i just want to go for it now lol.

Phil and Teds do a side by side that i have seen during my research Sam. I dont think i have seen it in the stores though but it looks slightly more compact than other side by sides. You can come to my house any time, we dont often shower here either :doh:

Isabel, I love having two close together (19 months apart) and at this age it's great - they are best buddies and so close. In fact they have always been close - DS1 was never jealous.

But I won't kid you - the first year or so was very heavy going. DS2 had colic for about 4 months and screamed day and night. Then he started sleeping really well - but this meant he would sleep all morning, then DS1 would go down for his day sleep. By the time DS1 woke up, DS2 was ready to go back down. Most days getting out of the house was just too hard, as one would have to miss his sleep and be cranky - and being out with a cranky child and another one also is really hard work.

After DS2 dropped down to one day sleep, it was fantastic. They would both sleep at the same time - for at least 2 hours so we could go out, and I still got time to myself.

I think if you have two close together you need to be prepared for the fact that it will affect your socialising for a while. If you have people who can come to you it's a great help, otherwise you go stir crazy (thank goodness for BB!!). But it is only a while and then there are so many good things about a small age gap.

I have 3 years between all mine.
At the start with the girls it was great. DD1 was TT through the day & over night by the time DD2 was 4 months old. DD1 loved to help & was excellent! She was so much more grown up & understood alot more than DD2 at the same age.
Now though, most of the time, they are unbelievably competitive. I think its more coz they are both girls. My bro & I are 2 years apart & were never ever like that at all.

When DS came along it was a bit harder. DD2 didn't understand why she couldn't feed him (with a spoon at 2 weeks old!), or take his temperature (orally at 3 weeks old, lol), but we got past it & they are mates now. Always up to mischeif together!

I'm happy enough. Just gotta hope they get along as good as me & my bro when they are older. My sister, 6 years younger than me is a spoilt PITA.... But thats just her personality.

IsabelB- Hi there.
Jake and Zac were just about to turn 5 when I had Logan. Originally we werent going to have anymore, but then decided we would like just 1 more. At the start I worried about how I was going to cope, but then when I thought about it, I knew I would. I was lucky in the sense that Jake and Zac are TT, and they can do pretty much everything for themselves. Because they are older, going into the shops was alot easier, as I only had to carry 1.

As AJP said, only u and DH will know when the time is right. GL with TTC.