Just letting it all out..

OK well the hopeless ex has called not long ago after 3 weeks of no shows at visiting DD without any word from him either may i add..so he rung to ask if tomorow was still 'his 'visit' . So i said "yeh you can, i thought u were coming last wed? " he replied "oh yeh ah i hvent had a phone you see" and "ive just been having sleeping problems blah blah too be honest i just woke up that morning and just forgot" wtf..:wall:So i just cut him off and said "you don't need to try to explain to me ill see you tomorow at 11 bye " and i hung up

Ok so here comes my rant sorry:redface:

Im sick of him he has no idea at all what i have been through , what i have sacraficed everything that i do( not that i would change it for the world)
but he has never had to be responsible ever in his life.. all he has had to do for the last 6mnths of dd life was show up on the days he was coming to visit DD and he cant even manage that.. i dont no what i ever saw in this man let me refrase that 'BOY'

Im beyond furious i cant deal with this anger ive been trying so hard to make this work as positively as i can for grace but he hasnt even tried at all not once
im always cival to him try my hardest to refrain every part of anger i have inside so its all come out here sorry guys ..:redface:lol

How can i ever get rid of this anger and make this work i try my absolute heart out always having grace in mind, swallow every word i really want to say to him and hold it back scared that ill someday down the line hurt her for doin it

Everything i do i have gracie in mind everything she is my world, y cant i make this work without hurting , either myself or her in the future.Ever since i knew i had this little darling in my tummy i have fought to protext her and i will continue doing that ... why does he have to do this

thx for reading seriously are amazing if you got through it

I think a cuddle with DD might help ;)

You're doing fantastically well though - DD is proof of that. You should be so proud of yourself and what you've accomplished hun!

Maybe buy a boxing bag and let it all out if you need to shed some steam?

Hi Emma
Sorry I don't have any advice for you but here is a big comfy hug.:hug:

Thanks Leesa and alan means alot you have no idea
i had the best weekend too only for it to come tumbling down getting that phonecall. :redface: why do i have to let it bother me so much

huge hugs em. no real advice but from experience hes going to be the one to lose out and as she gets older she will see for herself hes not bothering. its sad for you as a mum to watch but you are doing fantastically. xox

Oh hun you are such a strong woman and an amazing mum to Grace! I honestly don't know how you do it, you are a much more patient woman than I! I don't really have any advice for you, but know I'm here if you want to chat. Hang in there hun :hug:

You're doing an amazing job holding down the fort and playing mum and dad role to your little miss! Just remember you are a strong, idependant woman! You are doing fantastic solo and that's something to be proud of!

Huge hug to you :hug:

oh hunni, its terrible how much they still can control our emotions. We alwasy try to do the best for our children and they somehow feel perfectly happy with continuing on with their selfish ways, not giving too much of a thought to their child. I just always try and hopw that Karma will catch up with XH sonner or later and he will have his comeuppance.

hugs x

*big hugs* They get to us cz they hurt us right where it gets us the worst- our kids. DS cant understand it now but Ill be fielding questions for the rest of his and the girls lives about 'Wheres daddy?' and 'Why dont I see him?' etc. Its hard but its worth it with ever little cuddle from DS.

god i know exactly how you feel. It didn't make me mad it made me sad. so all i can say is hang in there. its worth it for little one.

as hard as it is, you are not alone

always here to talk to if you want

It bothers you so much because you don't want to see your DD get hurt by him, either now or in the future...

You're her mum and protecting her - totally natural. You want what is best for her. Which is not being stuffed around by her own father!

Hun, have you ever thought that swallowing all this anger is not the right thing for dd?
What's the point of separating from him if he still makes you feel like crap?

I think it's time you formalised the access arrangements - for your sake as well as Graces. It's just not fair on you girls. I understand you you don't want to seen be to hassling him to much about it, or feel like you are forcing him to see her - but the upshot of this arrangement is that he CAN come and go as he feels like it. He is taking full advantage of have bugger all responsibility, so he needs to be reined in.

Either find some sort of Family Relationships advice type place that can help guide you in whats fair and reasonable, and draw up something that he has to stick to(this doesn't necessarily mean court).

I've seen too many children heartbroken by a daddy that doesn't turn up to visits, and if he wants to bugger off completely so be it. It will be harder for Grace to have to go through this than never have him to miss in the first place.

It might pull him into line, and at the end of the day that's what you want and what she needs.

xoxoxoxoxo

:yeahthat:
Lulu has given you great advice, I just wanted to pop in to give you a :hug:

Thanks so much for ur reply Lulu
Im hoping to have a talk to him tomorow when he comes if he doesnt bring someone else with him(as hes been doing that lately bringing random ppl with him)
i had a talk to him a while back thats wen i spoke to him about having his visit on a monday at 11am at my place(which was the best day for him yadda yadda )

im starting to get the feeling like hes not to happy about this arrangement (well not so much him but his mum) but why should i arrange more time for him when he cant even make it on the times that i give him.:rolleyes:

Im finding it difficult to now how to go about this with=out stirring up to much hopefully if i have a talk to him tomorow maby we can sort something out

how would i go about an arrangement whats fair etc at this age and in this situation
hes never been with her on his own as i cant trust him with her at this stage i feel more comftable having them see her at my place and i can just go away n get some house work done etc if his mums with him etc but dd still freaks out if i leave her and she cries as she doesnt kno him cuz he cant be consistent

sorry this is a long reply back i just really need some help

First and foremost - try to rejig your attitude towards yourself for a bit. It almost feels like you are apologetic about your situation. It is what it is - that's all. Better than living with the silly twat and waiting for him to come home drunk every night (random example on my behalf :redface:).
It's hard not to take it personally that he appears not to care too much for you and seeing Grace, but that's not about you, it's just that he is a twat. (oh how I love that word).

Second - remember no matter what, you can't avoid him being a....you guessed it - twat. Catering to his needs in order to avoid a negative backlash just makes it worse. Every change has a negative repercussion.
ie - I want to change the fact my floors are gross. So I have to mop them (afaik, thats negative), like it or not. So I get through the mopping, now my floors are clean.
I get what I want but I have to do the crap bits.

Thirdly, look for Family Relationship advice. Maybe google it, or even call C'link as they should have a list of places to help you out. Go see them to find out what's fair and reasonable, then present it to his lordship and if he doesn't like it he can take steps of his own to get what he feels is right (go to mediation etc).
Once you feel confident about where you stand it will be easier to implement and stick to.

And tell his friends to F off, it's an access visit, not a freakin zoo...

i really do hay..i hold so much guilt and anger inside its so toxic its like eating away at me atm, i need to deal with it i know and let go that i cant make things go smoothly for us atm.

ive txt him this morning to ask if its just him coming tomorow n if we ould have a talk etc (but i dont really know what im going to say tbh??? :redface:) just that we need to get along and he needs to be more consistent with his visiting etc yet to hear from him though..:rolleyes:

My mums friend is a family lawyer i might ask her for advise maby.. just not sure what is to be expected of me.. besides raising DD all by myself isnt enough(not that id change that :))

It looks like you are doing a lovely job from here! You are already doing what is 'expected' of you silly!
Don't you love and care for Grace? Not quite sure there is more to the job description that that :D

You can't control anyone, so try to push away the guilt if you can. It's not your behaviour that is crapola.

Hope all goes well today hun! :hug:

I still stand by the statement that its him missing out! Silly twat (had to get that word in there for Lulu LOL)

As always Lulu has given some great advice.

Thx Ammaki
today went really well, had a chat with xp about the importance of us getting along and everything for Graces sake and for the fact where going to be in each others life for awhile why not make it pleasant IYKWIM.

ive had this chat with him b4 in the early days it always feels like im the one having to set things right even wen im not in the wrong but i feel much better for it.
and im doing it for grace so thats all that matter.

I hope you came away feeling better sweets! Do you think you've made progress? You're a better person than i...LOL. I would have given up a long time ago!

xo

I'd still talk to your lawyer friend. You have been really good to this guy for awhile and his past behaviour says he will more than likely drop the ball again :rolleyes:.

You still need to know where you stand, and back yourself up with some more confidence xoxoxo

I deffinently feel more at peace with everything, feels strange but i feel like i can enjoy life without having something bringing me down all the time. i think i need to start up on the weightloss thread again ammaki lol ive ben slack as :rolleyes:lol woohoo bring it onim ready for it :)

Thanks lulu
ill definently talk to the family lawyer just to no, so i know my rights etc
xx thx hunny

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I deffinently feel more at peace with everything, feels strange but i feel like i can enjoy life without having something bringing me down all the time. i think i need to start up on the weightloss thread again ammaki lol ive ben slack as :rolleyes:lol woohoo bring it onim ready for it :)

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I've not been in that thread for a while myself :redface: just doing my own thing! But feel free to PM me or add me to FB and give me a swift kick up the toosh every now and then! I need it hehe.

Glad you're more at peace sweets! xo