Does anyone have a 4 or 5 year age gap between kids? What is it like?

Hello,

My DS is now nearly 2.5 years old. I see most mums around me now either pregnant, about to pop or with a second child since I have had DS. I have and am still struggling with PND and am on medication for it. I need to come off that before trying for another bub. I do want another one but definitely feel that the time is not right yet.

That leaves me with a 5 year age gap most probably and I think that I would be able to cope better with this and enjoy the next one more.

Can anyone tell me what the relationship is like between their two kids 4-5 years apart? Any tips or words of warning? Any comments will be great really. I'm feeling guilty that I'm not giving DS a sibling sooner and doing something out of the norm that most mums don't do but I am trying to do what works for me. We have also just bought a house and have a much bigger mortgage and financially it isn;t the best time either.

my oldest 2 nephews are 4 years a 2mths apart they get on fantastic my hubby and his sister were about they same and for most of their lives they got on great bit different being different sex

My sister is nearly 5 years older than me, and from conversations with my mum, the only bad part of it was that I was never really allowed to play with her, because I was always too young, we were interested in different things etc - plus she would have to disturb my routine when she picked up my sister (and older brother) from school etc.

But having had 2 under 2 (and soon to be 3 under 3) I can see how a big age gap would be awesome!!! LOL

Personally (in my limited experience, LOL!) I think it is more about personality than age as to whether your kids will get along.
I think you are doing a great thing by making sure you are really ready in yourself before having another one rather than just having another one at the wrong time because you think you should, KWIM? I have had so many moments of doubt both during pregnancy and after Phoebe was born, asking myself if I made a mistake by having them close together. We are getting by and things are getting easier but if circumstances had been different then I probably would've waited a bit longer.
Sometimes I think it'd be awesome if Natty was older and understood that I'd be able to give her more attention if she waited while I settled Phoebe to sleep... to have the older sibling able to understand that concept would be brilliant, LOL. And while hopefully my girls will be able to entertain themselves and play together before too long, there's no guarantee that they'll be into the same things anyway... they may have very different personalities.
Anyway, that was a long-winded way of saying I think you've made a great choice :)

We have a little over a 8 year gap between our two, so a little bit more than what you are looking at, but thought i would still reply.. We have found that it was fantastic as we were able to involve DD a bit more, and she was obviously able to understand it as well. We got emails in each week, with what baby was growing or doing this week, which she loved to hear all about. We got the kaz Cooke book (name escapes me at the moment sorry!) mainly for DD to look it up for the measurements that ran along the pages and rough weight ideas for her too (One week we got a bag of microwave popcorn out to show her how 'heavy'the baby was that week)

She had a better understanding of why mum was feeling the way she was, we involved her in decorating DS's room, doing up her own list of names, picking out clothes etc...which being older i think she was able to not only appreciate, but made her feel more a part of it all.

Since he has been here, she absolutely adores him. Runs around with him everywhere, sits down and reads to DS, takes heaps of photo's, loves to help feeding him food, and bottle a couple of times when he was a bubba.
DH said to me yesterday, that having a big gap is cool...his words - we were able to devote ourselves solely to DD and now that DS is here, he has our full attention (in that we aren't having to monitor another little one)

I suspect in a couple of years time, as DD is entering her teens and DS is entering the phase where he knows he can annoy her, it will become a different story.... My mum is closest to her youngest brother who is about 13 years younger than her.

here's my experience:

the positive side: you can involve the older one in looking after the younger one (i always got DS to fetch nappies etc, and he invented special songs to sing to the baby when she cried). at 4 yrs they can actually be quite helpful! AND you only have one in nappies and one to put down for naps.

the negative side: once your baby is mobile, with a 4 year gap their interests are extremely different. for example, having a crawler and an older kid who wants to run around and play ball games can be hard. also my DS used to find it very frustrating when I had to sit and feed the baby, put her to sleep etc - but this would probably be even harder with a younger child who might be less easily distracted.

my two are quite sweet together now, but we went through a long period when my older child was very hostile toward the baby. we eventually turned this around but it took a lot of extra attention and affection before he really accepted her and understood that he was still special and loved just as much as before.

so, pros and cons! but to me the BIGGEST positive is that with the bigger age gap you're able to give heaps of one-on-one time to each child in their early infancy, when they need it most. my ds will be at school next year, and while i'll miss having him at home, i'm looking forward to lots of fun and adventures with my little girl.

best wishes with recovering from PND. i think waiting til the time feels right is an excellent idea, and don't be too worried about the age gap! all will be well :).

hi i have a nearly 11 yr old a 6yr old and a 15 month old.

we didnt plan it this way its just natures timing.

I must say I do like it, my eldest loves to help out with the boys. The older two are at school and i get to spend the day with bub on my own. It also gives the older two a break from each other and bub. When they come home from school they love to play with him and each other. I find my kids tend to get along very well with each other. We have one rule though, all small toys must be played with in your room or away from Lachlan.

My brothers and I have a 5 year gap between the three of us - We're all fairly close and it seemed to work pretty well with my mum. Mum got pregnant the year I was in Prep, so I was at school and she didn't have to worry about me when my brother was a baby. Then the same happened when said brother was in kinder.

I'm much closer to my middle brother than the younger one, but that could just be personality clash (we're fairly similar in our stubborness and short temper but not really much else)

Although I don't have 2 kids yet (I could well end up with this kind of age gap), I have a friend who has a 5 year age gap and for much the same as the above reasons it works really well.

Also, DH is 11 years older than his sister (!) and although you find that big during childhood, now that they're adults it isn't huge and they get along well.

Also, remember that your kids won't know it any other way (for example, you can't ask someone whether they'd prefer to have had a brother or sister closer or further apart in age, because they really don't know what that would have been like). You have to do what's best for your circumstances, and you won't begrudge the next baby anything when it comes at the "right" time.

Yeah, forgot to mention that there's 4 years between my sister and I and we are pretty close, although she lives interstate now and we don't speak very often because we are both lazy, LOL. But when I got to mid-high school I think I can safely say she was my best friend.

There's just under 6 years difference between me and my little brother, i was in kindy when he was born and i remember being a very proud big sister, i adored him and i loved helping my mum take care of him. My older sister was a second mother to him especially when my mum left his father mum needed all the help she could get, though my younger sister was a tad jealous at times because she was no longer the 'baby' of the family but when he got older they became inseperable and they both now have a very close bond.

Because your son will be at the age where he will understand a bit more, telling him he will be a big brother will make him excited and he will love being a big helper :D

There's 4.5 years between me and my sister and I can't honestly say that the age gap bothered me when I was little. There really didn't seem to be any difference between our interests - we played together heaps. We're not that close now but as someone else said, that's more down to personality rather than the age difference. I think if kids are going to get along they'll do so regardless of the age gap. If I had more of a choice in terms of timing then I'd go for a bigger age gap but maybe that's because DD is quite full-on at times.

I'm similar to Fiona - 4 years between me and my sis. Once we were both mobile we were still close enough in age to play together and have the same group of friends. When she was really little I was big enough to play 'mummy's helper' and not be jealous of the attention given to the baby cos I was a "big girl" :)
The only downside was whenever we fought my mum would intervene and tell ME off cos I was "older and should know better!" regardless of what age she was! :rolleyes:

Having had my first two 3 years apart and then this one 5years later I am actually enjoying the larger gap, the other two are at school so I get that one on one time with number 3, where I didn't realy get that with my second, my second also had health issues which was hard on her older sister.

The only down side was I had got used to sleeping all night etc, but it is such a short time that you have to wake up threw the night that I don't worry about it to much.

my 9 year old loves to help out with bub and does a fair it, though she also tells me when she needs her time lol. the now 6 yr old occasionally forgets she is not a doll, ie tries to carry her to much and dress her. But she is a good help and was great when she was first born etc. One of the best things I found they understood that I needed to bf bub or get her to sleep since they were older.

Oh hun, you need to do what is best for your family :hug:. Not do it because everyone else is, or thinks you should. Don't feel guilty, you are only looking out for yourself and everyone else. IMO, it's best to have a baby when you are truly ready, not because everyone else thinks the time is right, or the age gap is big enough. And don't worry about your DS not having a sibling, just enjoy spending lots of time together! My DS was born 5 days after yours :) and I know that I am loving this age, and am so glad we get to have it all to ourselves. That I don't have to share my time around. I know that it will come, but I'm just making the most of this time.

FWIW, my DH is one of three and there's five years between each of them. They all get along really well, the age gaps have never caused any problems ;).

There is 4.5yrs between my two. DS1 likes to help and thinks it's great that DS2 likes to copy him, or laughs at him, etc. DS1 was a really full on( still can be ) so the gap worked well for us.

xox

I had my three about three years apart. Austy in Jan 03, Jensen in Aug 06 and Hudson in June 09. By the time Hudson came Austin was old enough to help with both and jensen was old enough not to need me full time so I like the gap.

Good luck!

I have 4yrs 9mths between mine and I really like it.
DD1 started school this year so it's been great being able to give DD2 my attention. The downside of that is school pick up in the afternoon is right when DD2 would like to nap so she can get a bit grumpy waiting for her sleep. After school activities can also be hard. For me they are the only drawbacks.
DD1 has been such a great helper and she is old enough to get herself snacks etc swhen I was stuck on the couch bf'ing in those first weeks and get me things I had forgotten like the phone, a drink etc.
I'd really like at least a 3 yr gap before I have another one but I have been so cluckly lately it might be a bit smaller :)

I struggled with severe PND and that is why there is 5.5 years between my two kids and to be honest, i would not have wanted it any other way.

DS was at school when i gave birth to DD. Now DS is 7.5 and DD is just a little over 2yo and they play with each other, he teaches her stuff, like the alphabet, will take care of her whilst i'm in the shower, or loo or having a nap.

I didn't have DS at home whilst caring for a newborn and could nap with DD during the day. It was awesome. I never had PND with her, it was a fabulous experience this time round and hope it will be the same for you.

My brother and i have 10 years between us and that is toooooooo much. We are like 2 separate generations. Don't have such an age gap as that, but honestly 4-5 years is perfect.

GL hun

xxoo

:yeahthat:

Like TD above, I had severe PND and had a big gap between mine as well. Almost 6 years and it great. DD1 helps out and is so proud of her sister. I have time during the day to spend with Fred and then when she goes to bed, I have an hour or more to spend time with Lumpy before she goes to bed.

All I can say is thank goodness for this thread!
I have been contemplating ttc #2 at the end of next year which would mean a 4-5 year age gap between them and now I have confirmed to myself that this is definitely the way to go, I am so not ready for another just yet but haven't ruled it our completely, I am so glad to hear all the positive stories so thank you to each and every one of you!!

This may be slightly off topic...

My sister and I have an 8 (almost 9) year gap between us (she's younger). When she was really little it was good - I was like a second mum lugging her around on my non-existent hips. Then, when I was an older teenager and left home (at 16 to study) - well, I missed out on a lot which was sad. But now we live near each other again, and I see her heaps - and to be honest I am much closer with her than I am with my brother who is only 2.5 years younger.

This kind of thing would probably happen with siblings 4-5 years apart - they'll be close, grow apart, then be close again - especially when the teenage years hit.

HTH

We have a 4.5 year age gap.

It was a bit of a shock to the system, as we had forgotten everything about babies (took nearly 3 years to fall pg) and DS isn't the same angelic baby our DD was, though I'm thinking it will be even easier when DD is off to prep next year, as it will be kinda like just having the one child through the day. Not that DD is any trouble. It's just the time sharing between the kids needs during the day, which I'm sure would also be difficult with 2 kids or more of any young age.


Oh, so far they adore each other! :)

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All I can say is thank goodness for this thread!

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:yeahthat:

It is so nice to read positive stories about a bigger age gap.
I have a 3 and a half year old and having been trying for #2 since he was 18 months. One of the problems I have with my fertility issues is that the gap between #1 and #2 is getting bigger.
Reading good stories about the age gap is very reassuring. Thanks again all!!!

It has been so reassuring to read through this thread. DS is now 3, we would love another child one day in the future but I reckon there'll be at least 5 years between them. My issue has been PND too, that is the main reason for such a big gap for us. GL, I am sure the gap will work perfectly for your family

Thanks so much for all the replies - I've been really touched by it. I have put behind me what people think and am just going to do what is right for us and wait until I'm ready. The positive feedback about the age gap has been great, it was along the lines of what I'd hoped for. I thoguth there would be alot more negative stories. In the end of the day it is what it is but they'll have our love and that's wat counts!