Grrr.... C/S the easy way out!

My sister has been bothering me with all her comments about c/s being the easy way to give birth.

The first thing she asked me when I told her I was pregnant was if I had booked in my c/s yet.

My DD was born by emergency c/s and at my 6 week checkup doc and I briefly discussed future births. My doctor said that I have the option of an elective c/s in the future. At my appointment today we started to discuss options more seriously. I would prefer not to have another c/s. OK with my doctor so now we wait and see how things go.

I'm fine with all this. The problem is all the comments from my sister. When I try to explain that c/s isn't easy she tells me that I wouldn't know because I haven't tried to push a baby out. She seems obsessed with the idea that I have this option of an elective c/s. She keeps on bringing it up and is surprised that I haven't "booked in" yet.

It is just so frustrating. Why does she bring it up constantly? And why does she care?

Cos sisters do this. My sister has had 4 sections and still doesn't understand why I want a VB so much.

Just because its right for one person, doesn't mean its right for you. And to your sister - csection is definitely not the easy way out ;)

You do what YOU want to do. I Desperatly wanted a VB, but was forced to have an emergency C/S Too. If you want a VB, GO FOR IT! We are all behind you with this. I know it's not true for all, but always felt C/S was a cop-out. PLease don't anyone take offence to that, that's just me.
Any way what I'm trying to say is you have our support with this.

Gosh - sometimes i'm glad i don't have a sister! I don't think any means of giving birth is "easy" - but it is none of her business! Maybe you could ask her why her self esteem is so low she feels the need to "compete" with you about your birth choices!

I was up & walking not long after giving birth (the hospital was busy & they badly needed my room for a birth) ... then a quick shower then off to walk the long walk pushing bub to my room ... i'd like to see your sister do that after a c/s :rolleyes:

I have friends who have had a VB & C/S with each of the two children & funny enough they both said they would rather a VB ... but once again like Mel said we are all different as people in what's best for us at the time !!


*** Maybe tell your sister if she cares about you like a sister would to not bring the subject up again as it's causing you unnecessary stress that you don't need !!!

I'm perfectly happy with the way my previous birth went and I haven't even mentioned how this next one will be born.

The thing that is bugging me is that my sister keeps on bringing up how this baby should be born and pushing for a c/s. I wish she would just mind her business and stop telling me her theories about birth.

That is wishful thinking though. She often isn't aware when she is being offensive. Gentle hints don't work with her and I don't take it further as that has proven disastrous in the past.

I guess I'm just having a whinge.

I've had a reasonably similar problem with my friends recently in that one of them inparticular wanted to prove a point and I think that's what your sister is doing. It looks like she desperately wants you book a caesarean so that she can go around saying that you've chosen the easy option and therefore belittling you in some way.

It sounds like she's a difficult person to deal with so I'm not sure there's ANYTHING you can do to get her to shut it. You could try something simple and direct like, "Please stop talking about the caesarean, it's my decision and I don't need input from you," but I don't think she'd necessarily respect your wishes. So I'd probably just say, "no, I haven't and I'm not going to - I'm going to see how things go."

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr ... people.

Holly - you are fully entitled to have a whinge - and believe me, I know exactly where you are coming from.

At the moment I'm having to deal with telephone calls from my mum, and she puts in things like "oh when you have the baby at the hospital" (no, I'm going to a birth centre) "oh, you'll be out of action for a while after the csection" (um no, I'm getting a VBAC this time round)

So try not to pay too much attention to it, and focus on just you and your bub. Thats what matters.

:hug:

Holly, I don't get it either. I wanted a VB, but ended up with a c/s and 6 months later I still don't feel fully recovered and still have some discomfort. Why people think that is the "easy" way to have a baby I don't know.
When I went to my workplace after DS was born and mentioned I would like another baby, my old boss said "of course you would, you had an easy pain free birth", right after she also asked me "what's it like to be a lady of leisure?" (huh? a lady of leisure with a newborn?) Some people are just irritating and have these preconceived ideas of how things are and there's no changing their mind.
Good luck with which ever way bub comes into this world. :)

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Maybe you could ask her why her self esteem is so low she feels the need to "compete" with you about your birth choices!

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Maybe she is trying to compensate for her own feelings by belittling you. Not very 'sisterly' but I guess I'm trying to see what might be causing her to act like this...

What kind of birth experience has your sister had? she says you haven't tried to 'push a baby out' - has she had a CS?

I've had both & guess what - there IS no easy way out!

:hug: you do what you want hun, birth your way & pfft to her. It's YOUR childs birth, try not to let her comments get you down.

Mel - I am looking forward to seeing your VBA2C BA! ;)

Sisters press every button known to exist in a person!! I swear they do!! Are you the younger sister by any chance? Because I am 17 months younger than my sister and a million times stupider at times! :doh:

But, I do love my sister dearly, she would do anything for me, but sometimes the one thing I'd really lover her to do....(shut her pie hole!!)....is the hardest!!

Thanks for the replies and sympathy. Fiona, you hit the nail on the head.

I guess my sister is very competitive when it comes to me. We are both in the midst of our baby journeys and she has made lots of thoughtless comments. She had a vaginal birth and has said various things about how I don't know what labour feels like (I was in induced labour for 7 hours but that doesn't count). Also that i should have an epidural in the future because I couldn't cope with pain like she could. She also told a couple of people not to visit me in the hospital because I was a drama queen and wouldn't be up for visitors as soon as she was.

These are the things she happily says to my face and she truly doesn't think she is being rude. If I tell her that she is upsetting me she says how sensitive I am and that I really am a drama queen.

She can be a truly kind and generous person, but she saves this sort of behaviour for those who are closest to her.

None of this is helped by my DD being a good sleeper and her son being a frequent waker, but that is a whole other story!

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You do what YOU want to do. I Desperatly wanted a VB, but was forced to have an emergency C/S Too. If you want a VB, GO FOR IT! We are all behind you with this. I know it's not true for all, but always felt C/S was a cop-out. PLease don't anyone take offence to that, that's just me.
Any way what I'm trying to say is you have our support with this.

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:yeahthat:

Couldn't have said it better myself! Go with what you feel is best for you!

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I guess my sister is very competitive when it comes to me. We are both in the midst of our baby journeys and she has made lots of thoughtless comments. She had a vaginal birth and has said various things about how I don't know what labour feels like (I was in induced labour for 7 hours but that doesn't count). Also that i should have an epidural in the future because I couldn't cope with pain like she could. She also told a couple of people not to visit me in the hospital because I was a drama queen and wouldn't be up for visitors as soon as she was.

These are the things she happily says to my face and she truly doesn't think she is being rude. If I tell her that she is upsetting me she says how sensitive I am and that I really am a drama queen.

She can be a truly kind and generous person, but she saves this sort of behaviour for those who are closest to her.

None of this is helped by my DD being a good sleeper and her son being a frequent waker, but that is a whole other story!

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Well, you could point out to her that induced labour is generally accepted to be more painful than spontaneous labour.... but then you'd just be buying into her whole competitive bs.

I have to say, it doesn't seem like very kind & thoughtful behaviour to me. I know she's your sister & we tend to defend those we love, but it might be better for you if you accept that she has this ability to be a bit of a nit.

It is a pity that she can't understand how upsetting it is for you though :hug:

Accept it as a character flaw on her part, don't take it personally & move on. I have had to do this with my mum & it HAS made it easier, she still irks me but not as much.

pffftt to your sister - clearly she has NO Fn idea about C-secs. I just wish there was a way for you to get her to look into it. I have a copy of Silent Knife and seriously when the book talks about the way the surgery is actually performed all I could do was cry that I went through that.

C-Secs are not an easy option they are a major surgery and should not be gone into lightly for those considering elective, while I am pro choice, I really think that kind of surgery should be left for emergency or medically necessary situations.

Good on you for trying for a VBAC, if you wanted to retaliate to your sister you could always say back "if its so easy why don't you have one?!!"

Sorry but she sounds like she needs a whack in the back of the head to knock some sense into her.

Nae x

Giving my sister Silent Knife to read probably wouldn't be a good idea Nae. She is very proud of never reading any books about birth or babies and she ridicules me for doing so. She must sound like such a pleasant person?

I hadn't really intended to bring up vb versus c/s. My personal opinion is that vb surely is the way babies were intended to enter the world and c/s is for when that can't happen for whatever reason.

Not that that is really the core of the issue. It is about being subjected to rude and inappropriate comments. Unfortunately it seems to be something that we have to deal with all to often when we are pregnant. It hurts a bit more coming from my sister, from whom I'd expect a bit more.

Holly disregard her, or maybe better still ask her if she would prefer a CS sounds like it to me!!!
I have had both and would agree that neither is fun.. having said that I have choosen to labour everytime, because the recovery from a natural birth is quicker and easier with other kids at home, CS out of action for weeks etc.. i think in general people look at it very black and white they think that going under the knife is quick and you get out of the pain, they have'nt thought about the pain afterwards and for me the control of even simple tasks taken away from me :doh:
Next time she says something ask her if she would like to take the EASY CS option up, cause it sounds like it to me... and remember karma can be a B!TCH. You just never know what she has in store for her???

VBAC and C/S both have their pro's and con's (I've had one of each) but I really don't understand why people have these misconceived ideas that a c/s is easy. Sure you don't have all those hours of labour to contend with but it's major surgery and recovery takes much longer.

'Easy' and 'birth' don't go together as words.... either way is bloomin hard work.

I would politely ask your sister to BUTT OUT - you don't need stress.

Good luck with it all.

Aw gee- people and their comments!! And family sometimes seem to be the worst!!

Perhaps its worth reminding your sister that a c-section cut and subsequent discomfort and recovery time is far greater than any cut a VB will incur. Then there is the greater risk of miscarriage & uterine rupture with successive c-sections.
Also she is probably not taking into account that many people wish to VB so they can avoid drugs that are necessary with a C-section (ie anesthetic, epidural etc), but which increase the risk of side effects for the mother and baby (nausea and breathing difficulties etc).
Then there are factors such as increased feeding difficulties in babies exposed to anesthetic and antibiotics (routine for c-section), and the flood of endorphins (happy hormones) which often are not triggered after a c-section as the body does not register that birth has occurred- hence increasing the risk of PND (something I doubt she'd be aware of given that she is too proud to read birth books!).
So yeah - I think it may be worth reminding her that wanting a VB it is about more than just the actual avenue that the baby comes out of!!!

Best of luck with your VB!! With the right kind of support I'm sure you will get the birth you are after.

XX

Holly- big hugs to you.

It sounds like the issue is that your sister has some serious problems with either self esteem or tact (or both) and is taking it out on you. Her comments are obviously not founded on facts and must be infuriating to listen to. I have found that the only way to deal with this type of behaviour when it comes to family members is to set clear boundaries so that they know it is not ok to talk to you about it. It is ok for them to think it, just not to tell you what they think. When i was pregnant and had a series of unhelpful comments from a family member I tried the following:

Next time she says he unhelpful remark, I would be extremely direct and say something along the lines of "your comments regarding......are not helpful and I feel that you are being judgemental. Please keep your opinions about this to yourself in future." I guarantee she wont be impressed but if she wants to be involved she will talk to you again, and if she is concerned about looking better than you she will not bring it up again for fear of another rather direct comment from yourself. You may need to be prepared for her to not talk to you for a few days tho. I really hope you figure it out, as it is so much harder listening to the comments when you are pregnant and already have enough on your plate.

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Maybe you could ask her why her self esteem is so low she feels the need to "compete" with you about your birth choices!

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:yeahthat: My ex friend used to be like that. I had an extremely traumatic c/s for my 1st birth, and rather than supporting me, she told me how lucky I was to have a c/s because vb's were so much worse. I did point out to her that she hadn't actually had a c/s so how would she know? Her reply was that having a needle in your back and a little scar was far less painful that 8 hours of the back labour she had :rolleyes:

It was almost like a competition that she was more of a woman and mother because she had a natural birth. *yawns*

Sounds to me like you really need this place to vent. Sounds like your sister is a PITA, but she's family so you can't shoot her, LOL!
If she is rude and then tells you you are oversensitive for calling her on it, it just sounds like she's got her own issues and they have nothing to do with you, Holly. Keep your head about you, mate. Try to just detach yourself from what she says: make the competition one-sided. May not make it less fun for you (she sounds quite self-absorbed so I imagine she'll still enjoy belittling you) but might make it less hurtful to you. :hug: