hospital visitors

so far I'm thinking I want as little visitors as possible to the hospital. I'm planning on breast feeding and as I will be learning I don't want to get stressed, and worry about feeding with visitors there. Also I would like it to be a bonding time for me, the baby and DH. I also don't want the baby being passed around like a doll. But I may change my mind once there! I'm just unsure how I will feel as its my first baby (and first hospital stay)

When I was born, my mum liked having visitors to the hospital. She enjoyed having them.

I'm sort of thinking about saying no visitors for the first day or two (my hospital likes first time mums to stay in for upto 5 days), is it bad to have visitors come when you have the baby blues?. I'm thinking it might be best to have visitors to the hospital rather than have them come to the house when we get home. (I live in a small town and people are likely just to come over without calling first)

what are your views/opinions? how did you go? did you like having visitors to the hospital? or not? did you get to many visitors? or would you have liked more? is it best to have visitors say, the 2nd day, as opposed to the 4th when baby blues is likely.... or does it really not matter!?

Thanks :)

My advice would be too wait and see how you feel, but make sure that you tell everybody before you go into hospital that you will let them know when you are feeling up for visitors. I actualley got a bit bored in hospital so was glad to have visitors- but I had easy births, and found bf quite easy.

When you send out your anoucement SMS I would just add in, something along the lines of "we will let you know when we are up for visitors".

I think the main thing to remember is that it is all about you, your baby and your DH, dont let people pressure you into having visitors until you are ready.

It's really hard to say for sure until bub gets here. Every situation is different & it depends on all sorts of things - what sort of labour / birth you have, is feeding easy or do you have complications etc.

With my first I had loads of visitors & wanted them all, until about day 4 when the baby blues set in & I just wanted my space.
With the boys I was only in for two days, & with AR I was in 5 days - she was in SCN - & I didn't want any visitors at hossie or home for weeks.

I would just warn people that you may or may not feel like loads of visitors & ask if you can let them know when the time comes ;)

i had no 3 visitors the day i had him and there were his godfather and his family then my mum and brothers on day 2 i went home on day 3 i liked not beeing crowded out this bub i want dp and me and birth will be announced via sms family can visit day 2 friends day 3 and home visitors after a week i think that seems fair as my first son has special needs and i want to shower him with all my spare attention and energy while i can

Perhaps just go with how you're feeling after the birth. When you ring/sms people to tell them be sure to say if and when you're up for visitors or you let them know when is a good time.

DS was born at 4:42 in the morning. We rang our parents and immediate family around 8am and told them visiting hours were after 4pm. They weren't really, we just said that so we could have the day to ourselves quietly. Then after our immediate family visited we sms'd everyone else. I found that most people asked when a good time was to come visit so I was able to reply on a case by case basis :)

I only had a couple of visitors to the hospital..But my MIL was over form NZ staying with us and long story short, she was there EVERY DAY ALL DAY - drove me bonkers. By the time I go tot day3 I was beside myself, in tears to hubby and with no patience to speak of, barely speaking to her or acknowledging her presence. It was horrible.

I really would let people know that you dont want visitors to begin with and you will let people know when you are ready. That way there is no confusion and you can invite people to the hospital that you truly want there ;)

GL with the birth!!

wait and see how you feel when the baby arrives. to be honest, having visitors at the hospital helped my sanity levels! i hate being out of my home environment so it was nice to have friendly faces - BUT - apart from my dad, all my visitors were women with children, they'd all BF, i'd known them all forever - and i had no drama feeding my DD with them there. they were really understanding - i basically said "i'm gonna be boob out - there's the door if you don't like it" - i'm not someone that thought i would be comfy feeding in front of people, so that was a huge thoing for me!

For me I preferred the visitors at hospital than at home. That way when I got home, I could jsut get used to being a mum, didnt have to worry about a clean house or being in my pj's and also the other benefit of having them at hospital was that you can say to them, We are going to have to cut this short as we have a bf, physio class, etc to go to.

i knew i didn't really want visitors at the hospital other than close family(for similar reasons to you with bfing etc)...i had DS at 6pm & we didn't send out the sms to friends till lunchtime next day. my parents came during the afternoon of day two & DP's mum, bro & SIL came that evening. then i asked to be discharged on the morning of day 3 so there was no time for anymore visitors!

i did find it tough at home having visitors - i think in hindsight it may have been easier in hospital because they would have had to leave at a set time but we didn't really encourage any visitors other than family at home for the first week and at some point i asked that everyone stay away for a couple of days just to let us settle in.

my advice would be the same as most others - just let people know that you'll tell them if you're up for visitors when the time comes & see how you feel :)

I felt very torn about visitors. It made me feel good that people cared enough to visit, but once they arrived I wanted them gone. I did have emergency c-sections both times though, so was pretty knocked about.

I had ds by c-section at 8am, we also told family that visiting hours didn't start until mid afternoon so we could have the day together as a new family. The first afternoon/evening it was immediate family only.

Day 2 was crazy busy with visitors, the midwives picked up on the fact I wasn't handling it and offered me a sign for the door letting people know that visits were to be kept to 10mins by request of the ob!!! Worked a treat! If it was someone I was very happy to hang out with for ages we just told them to ignore the sign on the door! :lol: Kept the pesky Great Aunts from staying all bloody afternoon! :lol: The midwives actually had the signs made up and laminated so they obviously experience this problem a lot! I wouldn't stress too much about it, be guided day by day how you're feeling and go the sign on the door if/when you've had enough!!!

The good thing with the staff in the maternity ward is if you tell them you don't want any visitors, they won't let anyone in to visit you (so you don't have to be the bad guy).

I personally would've preferred to have no visitors the day DS was born (he was born just after 3pm) but my mum and sister walked straight into the birth suites not even an hour after I'd had him! I still feel like me and DF missed out on that 'special time' with DS just after he was born because of it and I'm adament that next time there will be no visitors at all until I say I'm ready.

Like the other girls have said, its hard to tell how you're going to feel until it happens and will probably depend on the time of day and length of labour too as to when you're ready for visitors.

GL in making the right decision for you :)

Good idea to prepare now. Some ppl love visitors, but I'm like you; I prefer some space and privacy in those first few weeks.

I agree with others, let ppl know ahead of time what you want in regards to visitors. You can always invite people to the hosp if you change your mind. I did find I wanted the space when my milk was coming in, and also in the first day. Days 2 & 3 were good for visitors. I pretty much just had family & my best friend, I didn't want any more than that.

It's a good idea to plan for visitors once you get home too, especially if your partner only has a short time off. You might not want to spend his whole paternity leave entertaining guests and have no time left for him to bond with bubs. I found that we hardly had one or two visitor free days for the first 4 weeks, and in hindsight I wish I'd done something to stop that because I'll never get that time back and now that DH is back to work I'm all on my own.

I've heard of ppl having a 'meet the baby' afternoon tea. It kinda gets everyone over and done with and then you can have your house and your space back to bond with bubs, sit around in your pjs, and have your boobs out. Also heard of ppl sticking a sign on the door: 'mum & bub resting, please leave a message' or 'mum & bub recovering, short and sweet visits are appreciated'.

Goodluck with it all. Don't be afraid to mark out whatever space you need. Those who matter wont mind, and those who mind, don't matter :)

I was too the same and didnt want anyone there but once i had DS, i was desperate for vistors so pretty much most my friends came in & family.which was good as DH worked most of the time i was in hospital then when i got out he took 2 weeks off.

Good luck in making the right decision. if anyone asks just tell them that if you are wanting visitors you'll let them know.

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I felt very torn about visitors. It made me feel good that people cared enough to visit, but once they arrived I wanted them gone.

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Me too! I think visits should be timed 10 to mins per person. Buzzer goes off and they are forcibly removed ;)


Hospital visiting hours are pretty limited so unless you get the type that don't leave, the chance of someone being there when you need to feed bub is pretty rare (well it was in my experience). And if they are don't be too afraid to ask them to leave if that is what makes you feel more comfortable.

Good luck :hug:

Jen - I am in two minds as well hun.

When we have bubs DH and I have discussed having the first 24hrs all to ourselves and he will have no problems letting people know that. My hossy has two sets of visiting hours 2-4 then 6-8 (I think) and we will be requesting that people organise a time with DH to visit us during those hours because I will probably feel aggitated and tired by those who hang around. I am normally a bit of a "needs my own space" kind of person anyway so most people I know, know that about me.

When we're at home (we do this now anyway) we will be locking the doors and drawing the blinds if people come over unannounced we will not answer the door or DH will (he will be on holidays) and tell them to come back at a better time.

GL hun - I am sure once you get there you will find your own way of dealing with things. I think the hardest thing will be disappointing people and telling them no or to leave but I will be thinking of it like parenting practice :lol:

Nae x

You might change your mind once you're actually in the hospital. I had to stay in the hospital for 5 days and I got a bit bored and lonely and was very grateful for visitors. I didn't know a lot of people here at the time though so I didn't really get that many. I found it a nice distraction though and helped me not feel so overwhelmed.

I did have other limits though. I didn't want anyone to know when I went into labour as I didn't want anyone calling to check up on me and to ask me if the baby had come yet (which my dad did daily anyways, like I would have it and not tell him or something). I just wanted to call everyone once the baby had arrived.

When I finally went home from the hospital I wanted DH and I to be alone with DS that first day/night and then I was up for visitors the next day, but only those that lived in town. I told out-of town family that we didn't want guest for 3 weeks as I wanted it to be just the three if us until I had more-or-less got the hang of things. Guests I could not escape would have driven me mad.

It's ok to not want visitors in the hospital or at home for a bit, and it's ok to change your mind later too.

It is very wise to think about visitors before the baby comes. I only planned to be in the hospital for a very short stay as I don't enjoy being in hospital so i told people to visit me at home (apart from my family and DH family who came briefly the same day that DS was born). I found that I wanted to see visitors, but needed to space them out so that I didn't get too overwhelmed due to sleep deprivation and the baby blues.

If you put in the SMS that people should call your partner before visiting, it means that you can limit the visitors and he can tell them to make it quick if you aren't feeling up to a longer visit. Also, when people ask if there is anything they can do to help just ask them to bring a meal. I didn't feel cooking for about a month and DS was really unsettled during dinner time for the 1st 6 weeks. People brought us meals and it was the biggest lifesaver cos we barely had the energy to heat them in the microwave. 10 weeks later it is much easier tho, but you really need to be kind to yourself in the first few weeks.

Good luck!

I just wanted my parents (one out of two wasn't bad in the end!) and DP's mum (his dad passed away 6 months prior) to visit when DS was born, but got a bit more and DP totally let me down on the baby holding front - something we had discussed beforehand, too! People were good when we got home and called to see when a good time was to come. In the end, visitors came towards the end of that first week, after the baby blues had come and gone.
With DD we had to revisit the discussion again and DP still didn't want to be my advocate (pretty much bailing to leave me advocate for myself if the midwife wasn't here...and she only came to visit for about an hour for the first 3 days when no-one else was here!) cos he didn't want to be 'the bad guy' (instead of thinking of it as being my 'good guy'!!) to his family (wasn't going to be an issue with my parents this time as they live in the country now).
I didn't change my mind once I'd given birth either time - I just got railroaded when I was at my most vulnerable the first time round, and this time round keep DD close to my chest...in a sling! And it was up to me to have to say no to a couple of requests to hold her :(
I'm glad for it - it's been 9 days and we've got a really good communication going on - which was a bit interrupted with DS and he was more unsettled in the first couple of weeks when visitors and 'baby holding' were most frequent. DP reckons it's 'just' personality difference, and I say that can't be it and that it has to be a combination of birth, no baby passing and a bit of personality. But definitely no baby passing has to be credited with how safe and secure she feels!
It's YOUR time, YOUR newborn and you only get it once (as my wonderful friend, Bathsheba keeps telling me!!). You won't regret keeping your baby to yourself, and you're more likely to regret folding and letting people into your space too early.
Don't tell yourself that you're 'only' a first time mum - your instincts are gold, trust them, go with them and defend them. I'm defending mine as a SECOND time mum!

I really enjoyed having visitors at the hospital. I found it so much easier. There were lovely ladies who came in and cleaned every morning, all my meals were provided, a bin to put dirty baby linen in and all the usual stuff. So all I needed to do was shower and get dressed and feed my baby. I was a bit overwhelmed when I got home and found visitors more difficult.

I also found that people didn't tend to stay long and didn't arrive until afternoon. There were only a couple of extra chairs in my room. Maybe that would be a good way to keep visits short? Get rid of extra chairs!

On the day that the blues kicked in I only had one visitor. Everyone had gone away as it was the sunday of a long weekend. I think the lack of visitors got me down even more.

As a few people have said, include in the announcement SMS or phone call that everyone is to call before visiting.

I would have to agree with everyone else in saying to see how you feel when the time comes. I wouldn't say I was bored with being in there with ds, (had to stay 4 days ) but I was feeling really closed in and trapped by not being at home in my own space. I pretty much told everyone I wasn't feeling well enough for visitors (more like ones I didn't want to put up with while feeling trapped already) and only asked a few close friends up for visits to keep my sanity as DS's father left straight after the birth before DS was even cleaned up and didn't come back for 2 days when he sobered up! :redface:

Then once I got home, 2 weeks later, I had a Sat afternoon BBQ kind of thing and had all the visitors in 1 go. They stayed for about 3-4 hours but DS went down in his bed only about an hour after they arrived and anyone that wanted to see him after that had to just quietly look but not touch IYKWIM? expartner was VERY firm on no-one holding him but for him it was just another power trip to boost his ego.
This time, I'm hoping to only stay for the min time then go home and I'm not worried about visitors, Everyone knows to call first so if we don't want any, will just tell them it's not a good time and when it would be better. Will do the BBQ thing again though and lots of cuddles over and done with in 1 go, on 1 day! Cause this time I have a VERY proud DH eager to show her off !

I would personally say from my own experience to have people come to the hospital. I had an emergency c-section and just wanted to rest and take care of my beautiful DD who just cried from the time she woke to the time she fell asleep in the first month after she was born. After I had my DD I was filled with pure love and on a high but also sore so I much preferred having everyone come to the hospital than come to the house after a week or two when the sleep deprivation really kicked in and I was in no mood to make coffee's for myself let alone for anyone else. DH ended up running around making coffee and putting out biscuits when people came over. To be honest, even though people meant well and came after a week or two because they wanted us to "get settled first", I kind of resented the people that came over because this was the hardest time for me.
In the hospital you don't have that pressure, if people are hungry or thirsty they can help themselves to the snack machine or go the cafeteria. After everyone leaves you have the nurses on hand to help you with baby if she/he gets overstimulated. Luckily DD slept he whole time I had visitors in hospital, but not when they came over to the house though. Next time I'll ask that if people prefer to visit me at home after we have "settled in" that they come after 3 months because it's only just now that some sort of normality has started to resume.
Good luck with whatever decision you make xx

Oh, no, you're doing it wrong if you're getting drinks for visitors!!
I've been changing from bed PJ's to fancier PJ's and plonking myself on my recliner chair with a basket of essentials near me (wipes, phones, remote control for DVD player, book, breast pads)...visitors know that I'm not in hostess mode ;)

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Oh, no, you're doing it wrong if you're getting drinks for visitors!!
I've been changing from bed PJ's to fancier PJ's and plonking myself on my recliner chair with a basket of essentials near me (wipes, phones, remote control for DVD player, book, breast pads)...visitors know that I'm not in hostess mode ;)

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:lol: I like it !

I'm actually a bit stressed out by this issue, mainly because of MIL. She's become quite intrusive and pushy recently and I'm finding it difficult to deal with. I think she presumed that we would allow her at the hospital during the birth and then she would come home from the hospital with us! Several times she's said "Don't forget to call us as soon as you go into labour" - not likely!! When DP said we'd prefer not to have them stay for the first couple of weeks because we'd like to get settled she got really cross and said sarcastically "Well, you get yourselves settled then". She's even tried to organise the baby's christening even though DP and I are not religious. Anyone want to swap MILs?

Oh, Ali, how hideous! My mum also has issues differentiating what's about her and what's about her...eek! Luckily, this time round my parents live 3 hours' drive away...small mercies...