Can't deal with my 4yo anymore

Gosh, where do I start? This will be a bit rambling, as I just have to get it out.

Well yesterday DD1 (who is 4), sent me off the rails. It all started with her not wanting the food that was on offer for an afternoon snack. She was hungry (well she is always hungry, but barely eats), but did not want anything. The rule here is, if you are hungry grab and apple or banana. But no, she wanted something else. So it went on from there, she followed me around the house screaming and crying that she was hungry. Would not let me go anywhere, started to hit me, all the while I was explaining to her that she should eat what she is given and if she is still hungry she can have fruit. It just kept on going, I turned the TV off, so that just made it worse. She was going off wanting the TV back on. I told her to go to her room, but she refused. In the end I spanked her :redface: she still did not stop. I picked her up and put her in her room. She still screamed. I ended up holding her tight in an effort for me not to hit her again. By that time I was also screaming at her. I could not get through to her that if she is quiet, stops screaming, she can come back out. She was hysterical, so I just had to walk out.

Sorry trying to type this with difficulting as she is behind me screaming that wants something else to eat. She refused her lunch, so followed me around the house and yard screaming for chocolate instead. She has since had some food (yoghurt and a rice cake with cream cheese), but is now carrying on that she wants something else.

I can't deal with it anymore. If we say no to anything, it results in a tantrum. She does not want to go home straight from playgroup, so the screaming starts in the car. She wants KFC on the way home from playgroup (there is one across the road), so the screaming starts before we even leave. She does not want lunch at home, does not want to go home etc. When we do get home, she refuses to help pick up, screams when ever the TV is off, or just not on a channel she wants to watch. Wont come outside with us, or if she does she wants out attention the whole time. Her current trick is to go out when we are coming in and wants us to watch her swing.

She has gotten so bad with her defiance, that even when we do say yes, she does not hear it and goes straight into screaming.

You are probably wondering why we say no a lot, well she demands a lot. Just a trip home from town will either have her asking to visit someone, eat somewhere, go look at toys etc. It is just a stream, you no to one and the next demand is just fired at you. I would love to surprise her, or just reward her for not demanding, but never get that chance. I have days where I have planned to take her somewhere, but she has ruined it by demanding it. I do try to explain to her why we always do what she wants, but it does not seem to sink in.

She was terrible at the shops, always wanting toys, so we implemented a coin system. At the end of the day DH will talk to her about all the good and bad things she has done and give her a few coins accordingly. She is saving up for a toy that she really wants. We have found that this helps with the demands at the shops and she looks forward to her coints at night. The downside is if there a no coins (like yesterday), it results in a mega tantrum.

It is now like the boy who cried wolf around here. Her screaming and carrying on about the slightest thing, now has us ignoring them. So if she does actually hurt herself, we can't tell and often work it out later. I had one day where she was in her room, so I changed the tv channel, I heard this almighty holler from her room, I rushed in as I really thought she was badly hurt, but not it was just due to me changing the channel on a tv that she was not even watching.

Any advice? I can't do this anymore :cry:

No advice but god she sounds exactly like Aricyn :( Lots of sympathetic hugs to you - we should swap one day I think, although I'm sure he would drive you just as batty as he does me!

Oh darl, big :hug:'s to you.

Your doing a wonderful job, it's so hard not to loose it at times they just push and push and push until finally we snap and the do get a smack, as a last resort.
I know you are doing the coin thing which is fantastic and its great that she looks forward to getting her coin at night-provided she has behaved. Have you though about doing a rewards chart to coincide with the coin giving at the end of the day....so she can stick stickers on here chart throughout the day to reward the good behaviour then at the end of the day she can count up her stickers and you can give her the coins based on our many stickers she has, if she is naughty then take a sticker off...ykwim?
I really hope DD starts to understand soon what she is doing is wrong and not only that her behaviour is unsetting you too.

Thinking of you x

Ohh hun, sending loads of hugs, I dont have much to offer in way of help, unless maybe you devise a new system that you can stick on the wall or something and give her a gold star everytime she listens, and then say to her that at the end of the week if she has done really well with being good she will get a reward, such as the money your DH is giving her at night, but only at the end of the week.
When my kids are naughty at the shops, I tell them before hand, when we get to the shops if you are naughty we will go straight back home. I have had to do that with my DS1 when he was little and just walked back out of the shopping centre and back home.
Not sure if will be of any help, but goodluck anyway on finding a solution that works. hugs

Miss 3.5 - drives me bonkers here. I still have no idea why people call them the terrible twos as it seems like everything since then has been very challenging. I have tried to keep things focused on the positives and try to expect her to behave as I wish - so moving on pretty briskly with a simple 'Let's go' -however it is virtually impossible some days!
You sound like you are doing a fab job - it can seem like it is a relentless and often thankless task. Take care. xxx

Just wait until they become teenagers. I am continuously banging my head over here with mine. Its funny they seem to go through stages. As for the terrible twos, it seemed to happen after the age of two for me and my 4, but the good news is it gets better, as I said until they hit teenage hood, then it feels like your back at square one.

I have no advice either but my Ds3 is the same when it comes to the tv. If it isn't on his channel he carries on and whines and screams..

I end up turning the tv off and putting him in his room which bugs me more because I wanted to watch something. I have given him a good smack for it as well but it makes no difference so I try not to smack (don't always succeed) Yelling is something I really need to work on but sometimes I get so frustrated.

Thanks ladies!

I have been thinking a bit more about her behaviour. My heart really does break for her at times, I wish we were in the position to always give her what she wants, but we just can't. She is also missing out on being part of this family.

For example, with her refusual to go outside. Well she misses out on family time, a time when I am happy to push her on the swing, she can collect the eggs, pick flowers etc. She won't come out though, then as we are packing up to go in and start dinner, she strides out. She has changes clothes, put on a jacket and shoes, already to go. She is then so upset as she wanted to collect eggs and do other things. She was also doing this as playgroup, refusing to be part of the signing as she was playing, then as we were going she would cry as she wanted to sing. We had a hard time then of getting her to understand that if she does not go when asked she misses out. The old supervisior used to give in and do a quick song with her, so every week we got the same tantrum. The new one is much tougher, so now she does singing when told to. Pity we can't get the message through to her at home. She just wants it all.

The silly thing is, she is not even that happy when she does get what she wants. If I play with her, she watches the TV whilst I build with the blocks. If she gets a happy meal, she wants what we are eating. Whilst she is doing something fun, she is going on about what are we going to do tomorrow. She just can't enjoy the moment for what it is. Birthday parties are no fun, as of course she does not want to leave, or she is sulking about something that did not go her way.

I understand part of it is just that she is young and still learning, but she is just so extreme compared to other kids. She needs to learn that no means no, and not keep on going.

BTW, she is still hungry :rolleyes:

I have had an idea Astrid, why dont you get her to make a face or something with the fruit, before she eats it. What I mean is get her to help create a face, or create a fruit kebab or something so she looks forward to eating it. Just a thought, it might have her more interested in eating her creation. Maybe get her to choose the fruit she likes to do the creating.
Sending more hugs.

all i can think of is giving her choices(but it appears you probably are) snack she has a choice of friut or a cracker with cheese, playgroup we sit and sing or we go home(if singing is at the end)

i find DS gets upset when really tired or hungry so i try and pre empt those times. not sure if your DD still will have a sleep in the afternoons but on our big days i convince DS to have a nap. wealso dont limit food access (unless something is low )so if they are hungry they can have food be it sandwiches yoghurt fruit or crackers, im happy for them to eat when their bodies say thay are hungry rather then when i tell them they are..

maybe going back to some toddler type parenting will help with the tantys(although you can talk normally)

highly recommend you get a flower remede from lulu for you!!

My heart goes out to you, I can just imagine how frustrated you must be.
Itsounds like she is testing boundaries and trying to figure out how much control she has, but from what you've said it's not what she really wants. Sounds like she's so focussed on the battle, but possibly what she really needs is the consistency you're trying to give her. She is just struggling against it for now. Or has this been going on for a long time?
Do you have set routine?
Maybe if you tell dd "in half an hour we are going to go outside (when the timer goes off, when the big hand is on the 12, whatever) but we can only stay out for an hour (again, I find "when the timer goes off" to be a brilliant tool, makes it indisputable) and then we have to come inside. lets put your jacket and shoes on now so that you are ready to collect the eggs. If she only comes out with 5 minutes to spare you still go in when the timer on your phone or whatever goes off, and she'll know for tomorrow.
It's hard when they make you so tense, it becomes impossible to enjoy them.
I'm guessing consistency is the key, and making sure she understands what is coming next at all times, but I don't know from experience. I hope someone else has words of wisdom for you.
Hugs and luck to you. Not looking forward to dd hitting this stage,

I'm sorry but I'm no help at all but after having a shocking day yesterday too I just wanted to send you a massive :hug:. This mothering is so incredibly hard. You are doing an amazing job. I truely hope one of the ladies will be able to give you a tip to help you.

I have been where you are.... it does get better she will start to understand... it does normally take, a very strong teacher type person to knock it into them... Kindy will help next year, and even better school the year after... ATM she is testing the bounderys and waiting for a weak spot...

your sweet little girl will come back to you, soon, until til then keep doing what your doing, as its the only thing you can do... if there is ever a small little ' good ' thing even if it is very small, be very quick to notice and reward it...

I hope you manage to get though all this...

My DD2 is very similar. Only she is a very loud child in every way. It is hard..darn near impossible to do the right thing. You can't just give in whenever she asks. You know that.
I also feel bad for DD, but she is sooo demanding. I have started to wait til she calms down (& I do) & explain to her that when I say no, its no. That simple. Crying won't change it. Of course it goes in one ear & out the other, but hopefully one day it'll sink in.
Not only is she loud & demanding, but so rowdy. She is constantly holding onto the little boys, who are all walking, or picking them up, or just getting right up in their faces. She is clumsy, especially around DS & she also just gets louder & louder til you give in just to shut her up!
The only advise I have is patience. But I don't have much of it myself, so I'm pretty sure you are having trouble with it.
Just know that you are not alone. I too smack on occasion (usually when she refuses to stop annoying the little kids) & yell & scream (thinking it will make her hear me :rolleyes:...maybe even listen).
:hug: This too shall pass... If it doesn't we can go cry & rock in a corner together :)

My DS1 does this kind of thing too: 'I want cheese. No, not that cheese, that one' and then when I get the other one; 'No NOT that one, THAT one' (pointing to the original cheese). 'No not cut like that' etc etc. When I realise that he is being difficult for the sake of it I say, nope, that's it, I'm not having this conversation anymore, you can have this peice of cheese that I already cut, or no cheese at all. If he doesn't take the cheese, I pack it all away in the fridge and walk away. He will usually have a meltdown and come running after me, crying for these cheese that got put away. I say firmly but calmly, 'I'll get these cheese back out (or whatever it is he wants) when you stop crying'. I'll repeat myself once, and then ignore him until he calms down. When he calms down I offer him the original piece of cheese and a cuddle. I will also usually stop whatever I'm doing at that point and spend some time with him (ONLY if he calms down, and NEVER before or he will think he can get attention by starting to be difficult) because I have found that the trigger for this kind of behaviour is usually that he's needing some attention and some one-on-one time or a quiet cuddle with mum at the end of a hectic day.

At first his meltdowns would go on and on, but now that he knows the drill - that he gets no cheese (or whatever he's on about) and no attention if he carries on, his being-difficult-on-purpose episodes are much fewer and they are also much quicker and easier to nip in the bud.

What do you think your daughter is trying to get or achieve? Is it possible to give her whatever that is? I mean, without waiting until you can give it as a reward for being good, just give it and see if that helps make her easier to live with. I don't mean give in to one of her demands at the time she's carrying on, because that would reinforce her negative behaviour; what I mean is, figure out what it is that is beneath her behaviour (eg you might figure out it's more one-on-one time with you) and give her some of that.

It sounds to me like she needs to feel like she has more control over some things. We're often scared as parents of letting our kids run the show, but when everything in your life is determined by someone/something else, it can be very frustrating for young children. I don't think it's a bad thing to let kids exercise some control over the day's proceedings, as long as they learn to ask for what they want in a socially acceptable manner (ie, not by kicking and screaming), and can accept that their requests won't always be met. I like the recommendation of around 1/3 of the day determined by the parent, 1/3 determined by the child, and the other 1/3 is negotiated. This way kids learn 4 things: 1. sometimes they don't have a choice & must do as their parents direct; 2. what they want is important and will be listened to if they ask in an appropriate way; 3. how to present a convincing argument for what they want when there is conflict (an important life skill) and 4, how to negotiate, win small concessions, and accept another person 's point of view (another important life skill). I do this with my son and now he's become: very co-operative and accepting that things don't always go his way (98% of the time lol); very good at asking for what he wants; and a skilled negotiator (I love watching him do this.. half the time I'm so I'm happy to give him what he's asked for because he's impressed me with his creativity and ability to think about what I would like in return for giving him what he wants).

If she sees that you're prepared to negotiate with her, but only when she does so in an appropriate way, she might start to be a) more pleasant in her approach, and b) more content in general and less demanding.

HTH.. sorry for such a long post or if it's not on the right track. Best of luck.

The only thing I can think of is looking up Alfie Kohn's website - lots of articles and references to his book that I've also read ( and really helped me sort out my own childhood as well as consolidate my approach to dealing with my own kids).
:hug:

Thanks ladies. That has given me a lot to think about. Hopefully I can come up with a plan.

Another thing I've found that works really well to increase positive behaviour & decrease the negative stuff is to be quick with positive and negative reinforcement. Eg - she leaves kinda without a fuss, say right away, 'I think we'll go to KFC because I'm so happy that you were a good girl and didn't cry about going home today'. Or another example with my son: he tried to bring play doh into the loungerrom when he knows it's a kitchen toy 'right, I'm packing the play-doh away because you brought it into the loungeroom.' Then 2 mins later I asked if he wanted to play with the play-doh in the kitchen. When he brought it back into the loungeroom, I repeated the same process (and maybe a third time? can't remember). When he finally started to play with it in the kitchen & didn't bring it into the loungeroom, I gave him a square of chocolate & told him how happy I am that he's being a good boy & playing with the play-doh in the kitchen. Doing these small but immediate responses to his behaviour seems to help him learn the appropriate behavioiur pretty quickly & stamp out the negative stuff.

Maybe next time she asks for something you can say 'ok, because you did X (no matter how small initially) and I'm very happy with you for that', or 'no, because you did X and girls who do X don't get Y'. But try to do the former more so than the latter.. you want her to catch on that she gets what she wants when she behaves well, and she won't figure that out until she actually does get things she wants by behaving well. Once she starts to understand the way it works you can bring in the 'no, because you did X and girls who do X don't get Y' in response to negative behaviour. I think it's always good to try to keep it positive, even when responding to the negative behaviour. So when I say no, at the end I'll say something like, 'but we're going shopping this afternoon, so if you're good when we go shopping, then you can have <whatever has been requested>. Then before we arrive at the shops i'll reinforce it: 'remember you didn't get to do X because you did Y this morning?' (wait for acknowledgement), 'ok, but we're going shopping now and if you're a good boy and stay with me without running away while we shop, then afterwards we can do X. How does that sound?'

Sorry.. another long & rambling post. I hope something in there is useful. Keep us posted.

O gots me one a dem!

The tanties are hard to deal with - especially when its about anything and everything :doh:

I made a pact with dp that we had to jump on each and every tanty or screaming demand (a 'shock and awe' campaign if you will). When he starts up - off to his room. Each and every time - no 2nd chances. Because he knows that not the way to do things.
It was/is very tiring but it gets the point across and he will pull himself in.
He has sensory issues so I can see a meltdown on the way and deal with that in a different way, but the fact remains he must still learn to be a member of the family and society in general...

You know how we were talking about fighting with our brains to stay where we shouldn't be? :lol: I think DD does the same (I know ds did), because it's sort of her 'natural' state and even though she doesn't get what she wants or seem happier when she does, she feels more comfortable in that state.
I will send you something to remedy that - it worked for ds, broke the cycle. I nearly cried one day when he skipped past and said "hey mummy - I'm happy!"

I really really like Lara's idea of the timer. You might even do some sort of chart with the routine on it and maybe hands of the clock pointing the time out of when the activity etc starts.

Something else that is working around here recently is asking ds to be a good example, cos he is a BIG boy now, and dd is LITTLE. Lately both kids have been taking pleasure in singing "poos, wees, gina and doodles" or inserting any of those words into normal conversation. Now I just ignore it but it drives dp nuts and he made a big issue of it, therefore cementing the action :rolleyes:.
I took ds aside and said I hope he would be a gentleman and ignore it when dd started, to show her how to be grown up like he is. It's working! It also give me a chance to praise him each time he does it.

will get some remedy in the mail to you soon xoxoxo

Ok, time to update.

Have not had much of a chance to implement much due to illness. DD1 was ill, bubs has been ill, now I am ill. The weekend after I posted, we took her to the shop with her coins and she got to buy what she wanted. So she finally got to see the reward of all her good behaviour. Also started with telling her a lot more about what was going to be happening over the following days, thankfully it was a busy time, it seemed to help her, but was offset by constant questions about the things were were doing. There is only so many times you can be asked the same question about a party before you crack it and tell her to be quiet. So now I remember why we stopped telling her about things, even the constants in life like playgroup and childcare require 20 questions in the days leading up to them. Really need to find coping strategies with all the questions or a way to get through to her that so many questions is not needed.

From a life coping point of view I just cannot have the days or the weeks too planned out. This is for many reasons. Main one is that the universe has a way of biting me in the arse when I try to be more organised, guaranteed some disaster big or small will thrown in the way (this really needs its own thread). It just creates more stress for me, which gets me cranky and less able to deal with the demands of DD1. DD2 has her needs, she cannot deal with a full on organised day. Basically we can do one major thing a day, so whether that is playgroup, supermarket shopping, visiting etc, that is it. The rest of the day needs to be spent at home. To much in one day = pure hell.

So I can be organised as such to have one thing a day, then minor things for the rest of the day, but no guarantee they will be done. EG playgroup in morning, then baking in arvo followed by cooking dinner. If I try to throw in some cleaning or gardening, then it will just crash and burn.

Now the food stuff. Just a bit of background. I do basically believe in feeding a child when they are hungry, but the reality of it, especially with DD1, makes if difficult. I used to feed DD1 when she asked and often what she was asking for. I found myself constantly in the kitchen, the food was barely being touched, there was so much wastage and the rest of the house was a disaster along with the kitchen as I had little time for anything else. Also the more I gave her what she wanted the more unhappy she became. So that is why I have become stricter about what she can eat and when. I am not an ala carte restaurant, nor do I have the unlimited budget in order to feed her what ever her heart desires, also I doubt the planet could continue to cope with the amount of waste generated. Currently she does get a certain amount of choice with her food, she can choose her breakfast, often does have a choice of snacks. The rule of fruit generally kicks in when she has had 3 or 4 snacks already, after barely touching her breakfast of choice. I am not ignoring her needs, it is just that I don't believe anymore that she really is that hungry, I think there is something else going on that is causing this. Part of it could be thirst, I often have to remind her to drink. I am an emotional snacker, so I suspect she is too. I have done the whole fruit stick/faces thing, really is just a bandaid, works one or twice, but does not help with the overall issue.

DD1 copes fine at childcare with their structured eating times and limited choices, so I am thinking that I may need to be more organised with food, rather than just thinking up of what to have for lunch on the spot.

Thankfully this month there is an extra playgroup session which is a drop off one, so that will give her more activites to do and fills in a blank in that day.

Oh, I have tried stickers in the past. She just wants them all to stick around the house or on herself, so they just create another tantrum in themselves. It is her usual thing, she gets one, so she wants another. What she gets it is never enough.

So I have a delicate balancing act to work out. It may just be a matter of surviving till next year when kinder starts, as that will mean 3 half days will be filled for her

When DS starts behaving like your DD is atm, I revert straight back to toddler parenting. I give him simple choices between 2 things, if he cracks it he goes straight to his room til he is ready to be nice. When he is being nice again he gets to choose between the 2 things.

Breakfast is always a bowl of whichever cereal is open at the time, no choice, its that or nothing. If he eats it all and is still hungry he gets a piece of fruit, if he eats that and is still hungry he gets a glass of milk. If he is still hungry after all that, I tell him he is not having food til later and I try and divert his attention.

Any tanties are dealt with promptly. DS is told it is his choice, either he does it my way or he goes to his bedroom. If he chooses to tanty still he goes to his bedroom and is not allowed out til he is ready to be nice. He goes through stages where he just feels plain angry. We deal with this by telling him to go to his room and punch his pillows and his bed, when he has finished feeling angry he is welcome to join us again. We have had days when he spends most of his day in his bedroom cracking it, that is his choice, I dont have guilt about it. He is at the point now where if he knows he is gonna crack it, he will just disappear to his from for a few minutes (sometimes we hear him swear quietly to himself, or tell himself its not fair, mum is horrible)but when he comes back out again he is happy, so he is learning what behaviour is acceptable.

Basically any time he is being difficult and starts going into a tanty he goes in his room and we ignore him til he comes out happy again. We have had to be VERY consistent. If he plays up when we are out somewhere, we take him straight home no matter what.

It is easy for me to say all this, but I dont have a baby to deal with as well, so our situations are very different.

Hope you find a way to work things out for your household x

Ok, I officially give up. :wall: If not for DD2 I would just put her in fulltime childcare and go back to work.

This afternoon was the final straw. Made her lunch, egg sandwiches, something she is happy to eat. She even helped to make them. Well she got through 2/3's, which was pretty good, said she did not want any more. Fine, so I got her to put the plate in the kitchen, as she walked back in the lounge room she said "I'm hungry, I want something else to eat". I could have throttled her right then. I promptly told her that is she is still hungry to have more of the sandwich. She said no, she wants chocolate or an icy pole. I told her no, it is either her sandwich or an apple. Her response was "no, an apple is too cold" WTF??? An apple is too cold, but an icy pole is not? She just wants her own way, either that or she is having genuine trouble working out full and hungry feelings (mine are pretty skewed). She already had an icy pole earlier and I said she may have one later, so of course she is wanting another now. After a heap of drama, she finally blames it on missing our dog, so I explain to her that we all miss him, but it is not an excuse to be hungry all the time.

Oh she sounds like fun.
My DD2 is exactly the same. 'But I'm not hungry for that. I'm hungry for this'. I rarely have any unhealthy food in the house because of this & when I do its up where they can't see it.
Almost every night mine won't eat their dinner & will be hungry just on bed time. Almost every night i fight about how they should've eaten their dinner, but I almost always give in & let them a sandwich, or apple so they'll go to bed :rolleyes:
We have rules. If i have icy poles or something here, its one a day. Thats it.

Mine have been annoyingly hungry all the time lately too. Its finally settling down the last few days!

Sounds like you and her are just not getting along atm. Is there any way you can have a bit of a break from each other? Like, can DH take her away for the weekend, or you and bub go away for the weekend and leave DD1 and DH at home? Maybe DH could take her to stay over at his parents or something?? Maybe just some time away from her for 24 hours or so will help you cool down and take a step back from the situation and when she comes home you will be feeling a bit refreshed from her and you can feel stronger and try a new approach with her?

Ds here is a eataholic so we never have issues with trying to get him to eat. Thatmust eb so hard. you did the right thing leaving here and wlaking out:clap::clap:

:

---

I would love to surprise her, or just reward her for not demanding, but never get that chance. I have days where I have planned to take her somewhere, but she has ruined it by demanding it.

---

ds is the same asking for FOOD FOOD FOOD but we just say no and stick to it, its a shame when they rutine a great planned day been there many times, whats frustrating is in our case either everyone misses out or he gets to come anyhow.. i think it must be an age thing. We have had to do a NO TREAT ban in the house so all bland food till he sorted hims elf out a bit it worked.

:

---

She has gotten so bad with her defiance, that even when we do say yes, she does not hear it and goes straight into screaming.

---

Ds is 4 and does the same thing or if ya send him to his room he will scream and scream if we say you can come out now he keeps screaming let me out.. just doesn't hear anything so i can sympathies on this note.

:

---

She was terrible at the shops, always wanting toys, so we implemented a coin system. At the end of the day DH will talk to her about all the good and bad things she has done and give her a few coins accordingly. She is saving up for a toy that she really wants. We have found that this helps with the demands at the shops and she looks forward to her coints at night. The downside is if there a no coins (like yesterday), it results in a mega tantrum.

---

im wondering if your me and writing my story sounds so alike.... we have started the same thing we are saving for a football.. Our bribes are for not hurting his little brother by ristricting his movement and NOT helping himself to food or eating from bins or out of handbags (i keep shop treats:redface:) or eating of floor or licking flyscreans or anything else all before we wake up in morning.

:

---

It is now like the boy who cried wolf around here. Her screaming and carrying on about the slightest thing, now has us ignoring them. So if she does actually hurt herself, we can't tell and often work it out later. I had one day where she was in her room, so I changed the tv channel, I heard this almighty holler from her room, I rushed in as I really thought she was badly hurt, but not it was just due to me changing the channel on a tv that she was not even watching.

Any advice? I can't do this anymore :cry:

---

When ds does the whole screaming thing we put him on the back porch and let him scream till his hearts content and i continue on with my day or so he thinks really i am spying from the kitchen window.. actually the lady next door does the same thing with her little girl till she calms down. When he has calmed down he can come in and talk about whats happened.

I do trully sympathize with you as we to are going through the same thing:hug: and support wishes sending your way happy to talk more if you want :hug:

Mr H is the same in some ways. He won't eat dinner. Point blank refuses to eat the food in his bowl or on his plate - but god forbid I don't actually serve any for him. Hell fire and brimstone kind of reaction to not serving him the dinner he wont eat! I serve it because one day he will. But I don't give options. I am not a restaurant, a cafe or a bistro. However, she actually sounds like one child treating you to what I go through every day with 5 kids.

I don't make different food for all of them, if they cant agree on a tv channel then I choose it and they were stuck with lifestyle. She is arguing with herself! I don't think that info is going to help a great deal really but it just sounds so familiar. Don't give an inch. Treat it like you do have 5 kids arguing. You can't give into any one demand because thats unfair on the other four, so take the choice away and make the decision. Definitely do not give into the tantrum of one because you know that if you do she'll change the goal posts on you. She does this because you have already given ground on the first demand so she can make the next bigger one until she reaches her ultimate goal. Its wearing you down so by the time she gets to what she really wants, you are likely to give in just to shut her up. Been there, done that.

Always poke your head in when she is howling and ask whats wrong. If its something silly like you changed the channel, just say - is that all, I thought you hurt yourself - and walk away. Make sure she hasn't hurt herself, and it will let her know that you are only going really respond to crying when it is for a reason.

Stop playing the game, stop letting it get to you, and definitely don't let her see it get to you. Even at the shops. When Haz is on the deck chucking a tanty I just say "I'm going now, see ya". He gets up and runs after me. Sometimes still crying but it makes shopping more bearable when I control my response to him rather than worrying about his response to my no and every nosy biddy bodies response to his tantrum. It eventually starts lessening off and now we are at the point where I can give Harry a $2 coin before we go shopping for him to put in his pocket and he loves buying his own thing coz he knows he is only getting one thing and only on shopping day.