4 month old at wedding reception

Just looking for some feedback/advice.

We have been invited to a cousin's wedding interstate and DS will be 4 months at the time. He's both a breast and bottle fed baby (supply issues, but breast feeding is very important to us). I just assumed that he would be coming with us to the ceremony and reception and so i RSVPed for us. :redface: But now I've heard through the bride's mother that DS isn't welcome at the reception. I'm not willing to leave DS with anyone except closest family and given that it's interstate that's not an option. So I assume that I will have to not go the reception and sit in a hotel room somewhere, while DH and his family go to the reception.

Was I wrong to assume that 4 month old could come with us? :redface: Does the bride think that I would just leave a 4 month old with a hired babysitter?

Now DH and I are kinda thinking, why are we travelling interstate for this wedding if I can only go to half of it and will miss out on some of the fun and some of the catching up with rellies? We will still probably go, but I'll now have to un-RSVP for me to the reception. :doh:

I don't see a problem with a 4 mth old at a wedding reception.

Some brides seem to get caught up with making the day 'perfect' that they can't see reason. Perhaps you could speak directly to the bride and tell ehr your reasoning behind taking your DS?

I had a similar issue earlier this year - was invited to a friends wedding interstate, DD#2 was only 5mths old and coming with me as she was exclusively bf (I left DD#1 & DH at home!)
After Id booked etc I find out that they had told everyone "no children". I spoke to my friend (the bride) and told her that DD would have to come with me, simple as that - and she was fine with it. I did feel really awkward though!
I would never put a baby under the age of 6mths in the "child" category! I would always assume them to be welcome, but thats me :dunno:
I hope things get worked out for you :hug:

That's just silly that she would have a problem, we didn't have children at our wedding reception....but that's children that take up a seat etc. If someone had a little baby then no prob at all, what trouble is a 4month old going to cause?!?!
I would speak to her about it, really I can't see the problem & I must say you are a being very good about it.........I wouldn't travel for it if that was the case.

There is no issue with a 4 month old being at a wedding reception. I would speak to the bride directly, it could have been said in passing at a "bridezilla" moment, especially since you are making the effort and travelling interstate.

When we got married earlier this year it was a definate no children for us at the reception but we considered that from about 2 years & up.

My DH's rellies had to travel from interstate one with an 18 month old and the other with a 12 week old and there was no way that I would have even considered saying they had to pay a sitter or couldn't bring them to the reception.

We had two weddings DD was 6 1/2 months at the time (4 1/2 corrected), we were BF'ing and both weddings she went to, one, we didn't take her to the Ceremony and when we got there they asked where she was :lol:

But we were worried she might cry during the ceremony and after a cousins baby did it at our wedding and for half the ceremony on the video you can hear DA DA DA DA....:doh: we didn't want to do it to someone else. The other wedding she came to both and was perfect :D I BF'ed her in the church minutes before the Ceremony, so I knew she had a full belly :D

When they at that age they usually feed play sleep, DD slept well at both ceremonies and we just made sure she wasn't overstimulated with too much attention ;)

I would explain your situation, we did to one wedding as she wasn't on the invite but they were like oh no that is wonderful, no problems :D
I hope it works out and you all get to go
xxoo

I'd speak to the bride herself. & I personally don't think I'd go if they're going to be like that.
When DD1 was 5 months old I took her too my uncles wedding & reception even though children weren't invited.
His poor wife got a shock at my wedding, lol...bring the kids! The more the merrier! Let them all be feral together!!
To say we'd prefer no kids is one thing, but 'not welcome'? They should be taking into account the age of your DS & the fact that you have to travel so far. He's not exactly a toddler whose going to be running around sticking his fingers in the cake & skolling everyones drinks!!

I would speak to the bride or groom (whoever is your cousin) and tell them that travelling interstate, you won't be able to have DS babysat, and that he will have to come with you. If they can't accept that, then honestly, I wouldn't be going at all. No matter how old the child, if they want you to travel from another state, what do they expect you to do with the child?

the same thing happened to me at my cousins wedding...Ds was fully bf and all of my family was at the wedding so I didnt have a babysitter anyway..i just rang the bride and she said it would be fine...they didnt want kids there as the church part was important and they didnt want screaming kids around...not that any of the kids screamed. Ds was soo quiet you wouldnt have evcen known he was there and he slept the longest he ever had at the reception so it didnt matter.

If you dont feel comfortable going then dont i am sure the family would understand..plus 4 months is still a tiny bubba aho needs his mummy :hug:

Good luck hun xx

I hate to be the negative one in all this... but we did this at our wedding - which was not interstate. We didnt invite children, and we had friends that RSVPed with their child's name. We told them that we would prefer they didnt bring the baby.
This had nothing to do with cost... it was simply because we hadnt invited kids that were a lot closer to us than them and their child, and we didnt want others to get offended when they saw their child there. They told us they werent comfortable leaving their 5 month old with a babysitter so they came to the church only and not the reception.

P.s. A few weekends earlier we found out they went to the AFL grand final together and left the baby with their grandmother...

I would talk to the bride, like the others have said. We've actually got a wedding next weekend and our DS is 4 months old. I asked the bride before we rsvp'd if i could bring him (I wouldn't have gone if we couldn't) and she was fine with it. It could just be that the message has been lost in translation iykwim? Personally, I can't see why she would be okay with the ceremony but not the reception - if anything it is the ceremony where a baby could cause a bit of disruption rather than the reception. Anyway, hope it all works out for you.

I dont see an issue with BF babies, I actually had 3 babies at my wedding 1 was 2 months old, another was 8 months and another 9 months. I made it clear to my friends that there babies were very welcome to be at the wedding.

However we had issues with someone cracking it as we wouldnt let there 5 year old come to the wedding!!!

Speak to the bride I cant see it being an issue at all, at our wedding we actually had a private room that they could BF in if they wanted (my MOH had 9 month old and no way could she BF in reception as needed to half undress to get boobies out of dress!!)

Usually it's the other way around! No babies/kids at the ceremony in case the make a racket... In saying that though, I have been to weddings with kids, and had kids at my own (albient ranging from 1 to about 14) and they generally get the idea that it's a big occassion and keep quiet.

I would definately go straight to the source! If the bride/groom says yes it's true then just let them know there and then you'll only be attending the ceremony...

I had heaps of kids and babies at my wedding and it didn't phase me in the slightest, actually at the ceremony my not even 2yr old nephew was going nanannana bat man LOL it was so cute made me laugh. And all the babies and kids were great at the reception. I think some people take the whole getting married thing a bit far and have to have this sterile unatural environment, but thats just my opinion. I wanted a realxed environment not one where people were to afraid to even talk. Oh and I think when you have kids at a reception everyone else seems to be more well behaved. Our reception venue actually told us we were the most well behaved group they've ever had.

It's different for everyone. The main thing is to not make assumptions either way. I'd talk to the bride. If they're adamant that there be no babies, then I'd not go, unless you have a family member who can look after bub. They should be able to accept that.

Whilst planning our wedding, I took into account there would be small children. We had a flower girl and page boy (brother's kids, 4 & 8) and teenagers. 2 friends would only be able to come (from interstate) if they brought their small children. Only 1 could make it, so we had an 18 month there. I just asked the parents to take him out during the ceremony if he started crying. The poor lamb was tired from flying down the morning of the wedding, but he was very good. We also provided bags with toys/colouring books for the younger kids to play with. We thought about hiring a babysitter, but then found we wouldn't need to - the parents were happy to look after them. The venue even had a highchair for the toddler and his meal was free. We didn't invite older children of friends, just family. We didn't have the room.

Whilst many bride's try to accommodate their guests, it is their day (& the groom's :)), so their rules. As a bride, you can't please everyone and the whole thing is very stressful. It's up to you what you choose to do, but if they don't want kids on their day, then work around that to what suits you the best. And try not to take it to heart.

Generally if a baby is BF then I wouldn't expect the parents to leave them.

DD1 came to a wedding with us at 3 months and she slept in her pram the entire time - hardly anyone even knew she was there. It was interstate and we also had no babysitters available so there was no option.

We went to wedding recently where DD2 was invited but not DD1 which was fine with us. However, there was accommodation on site and the babies had someone looking after them who got us if they cried while we were able to enjoy the reception.

I would explain to the bride that you won't be able to attend if you can't bringthe baby. If the bride doesn't have children she may not be aware of why this would even be a problem.

For our wedding we had no children.... but that did not include the 2 BF babies that were under 6 months. I was happy for them to be there and both their mothers spoke to me to explain the situation. Most of the time you wouldn't have even known they were there. It is different to a squirmy mobile 2 year old.

I also had to take my DS to a wedding when he was just a month old. Just something I had to do - he was exclusively BF so he had to come. I spoke to the bride and she was fine. There were 2 other babies at the ceremony, one 4 weeks older and 1 a week younger and both were palmed off for the night. The mother with the 2 month old had to express a couple of times during the night which made her miss out on some of the party and the parents with the 3 week old had dinner and left. They didn't even consider that their babies could just sleep in the pram in the corner.

So I think you should talk to the bride or your cousin and just explain that your baby is not going to need food, or a seat at the table and he isn't at the age where he will run around interrupting everyone having a good time. If they don't accept it as a reasonable request then I would consider not going. It isn't fair of them to expect you to leave DS with a stranger for babysitting and it isn't fair to expect you to travel all that way to not go to the reception because they don't want your child there. But it is their day, and if they really don't want your DS there, then I guess you have to respect their wishes.

We had this issue after flying to NZ in Uagust for my BILs wedding....it was a PITA

We ended up getting a hotel room (it was at a hotel) and we and the family took turns babysitting the 2 girls upstairs in shifts after teh reception.
Worked out well, but it was a pain and quite frankly, had we known the children werent welcome before we spent $4000 flying to another freaking country I and Charlotte would not have gone in the first place... *grumble*

Anyway, I would speak with the bride directly and work out where to go form there.
If bubs isnt welcome, then perhaps both of you stay home

I should have mentioned, that the initial reason for not having children, was that our reception didnt allow children... possibly because it was right next to a lake and could be dangerous. If you say no to 1 person having their child, you have to say no to all otherwise people start getting offended.

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If you say no to 1 person having their child, you have to say no to all otherwise people start getting offended.

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See this is where I slightly disagree. I agree about children as opposed to babies under 6 months where milk is their only source of nutrition. If they are under 6 months and not on any solids and especially if they are BF (relying on Mum). If they are able to be fed in another way, then sure, asking them not to come is a reasonable request.

I know Ruth is doing both BF and bottle feeding, but this is due to supply issues, not for convenience. And of course the best way to get your supply up and keep it up is BF, BF, BF.

I just want to add that this isn't an attack on you Connie, you do make a valid point. :)

Hehe absolutely, I dont take it as an attack! Everyone has their own opinions and is different...

I guess the reason I was most frustrated is because the week before the wedding, they were happy to leave the baby with someone else to go to the footy grand final all day, but they weren't willing to do it for our wedding...

I also know for a fact that she was not BFing.

Personally I wouldn't have an issue being asked not to take my child no matter what age if there known and trusted babysitters on hand e.g grandparents/aunt/uncle.

But travelling interstate or overseas it is different. There is no way I would trust someone else to find a babysitter for my kids, so asking someone to travel that far and not include the kids is a bit rough. If it is a case of not being allowed due to venue, then I am sure people would be respectful of this, but I would want to know that is the reason, and I am sure the bride/groom would also respect my decision not to go.

But also as someone else already mentioned, it is possible the bride isn't aware of the full needs of a child if she doesn't have any. I know my perspective changed when I couldn't give the baby back :p..

Thanks for your input everyone. I spoke with the groom and he said that there was a blanket rule no children at all allowed. I said that DS is very quiet and wouldn't create a disturbance but he needed to be with his mum. He said that he's asked his sister not to bring her children (not sure of their ages or if they have local sitters) so I therefore can't bring my DS. The groom offered to find a baby sitter for DS - and I was like NO WAY! He didn't seem to understand that I wasn't happy to leave a 4 month old with someone I'd never met before...

So it was a choice between DS AND me or neither, and they chose neither. It's their wedding so ultimately it's up to them, but it's not a decision I would have made... Still, at least I won't have to sit through the speeches! LOL.

OMG Ruth I'm so sorry they haven't been more understanding. I went to a wedding on the weekend with my 4 month old and it was fine. We had him the pram the whole time and he was happy as. I think it's hard for people who don't have children to understand what they need and why they need it. :hug:

Oh that SUCKS! That would make me so friggen mad! Especially when you are already booked to go down there!

Oh grrrrrrrrrrrr!

Im shocked! Wow. Shame youre booked already!

Gosh :o I cant believe the reaction really :(

That sucks that you have already booked as well, I would leave my DD with someone I didn't know either and at 4 months old... I think NOT!!
:comfort:

What a bugger!! :rolleyes:

I do feel sorry for those having to make the judgement calls though... maybe his sister's kids are TOTAL nightmares and in order to keep them away and keep family harmony he has to take a hardline approach.

Stupid formal weddings! My first wedding reception was in my then woolshed, kids welcome... and if I walk down the aisle again with DP I will remember this thread :shakehead: