Printable View
I know this is really up to DH and I but I would love to hear experiences regarding age gaps between your kids. We are trying to figure out a good time to start trying for a second. I am very clucky but my head keeps saying wait. DD is 14 months old, do we go now or wait till she is older??? Its so hard!!!
we have 22 months between DS and DD.. it has been hard for us...
DD is 2.5 and unles something happens soon i doubt the next one will be until 2012...
I think you will get someone telling you good things about every size age gap there is because we all adjust to whatever gap we have.
Some people (like me!) would be horrified at 2 children under 2 but others would love that and hate the age gaps my kids have so its really each to his own.
DD was 19 months when we conceived, 2yrs 3 months when DD2 was born and i love the gap! DD1 TT a few months later, shes mature, loves to help, i dont have two babies, i have 1 baby and i little girl!
My boys are 17 months apart and I have loved the age gap. There were no jealousy issues and they play together well now that ds2 is 13months old. I actually found that it was harder being pregnant and looking after a little one than actually having 2.
im wondering the same thing atm. DD is 15 months, but i think we will wait a few more months till TTC.
My reason is that i want to enjoy DD on her own for a while longer and then be able to enjoy #2 when 'it' comes, and i feel that if i had them too close together i wouldnt be able to do this.
Also i think it depends on the way you parent to a degree, i feed DD to sleep, couldnt imagine having two that needed to be fed to sleep!! how would that work??
I think you adapt to what ever happens though, im sure if i got pregnant now it would be just fine!!
Its hard to ignore that little voice in your head that wispers 'go on....try now!" lol :)
its interesting reading everyones comments re: having them closer! making me think twice lol....dont tell DH :)
I have 19 months between the boys and it definitely has good and bad points. On the good side, DS1 was never jealous, the boys mostly are happy to play with/watch/read the same things as they are similar in age, they play together nearly all the time which makes life easier, and DS2 has learnt things early and easily as he wants to be just like his brother (he even TTd himself!). On the downside, 2 under 2 was very tough, and they have started to fight over things now (although this well might have happened whatever the age gap ;) ). If I knew then what I know now, I'd probably still have them close in age, but I'd have organised some extra support for the first year!!
Its such a difficult decision to make i think. We always said we would try for a second when ds was 1 but now that the occasion is upon us (less than a month eek) I am not ready at all for another. I really want to be settled in a bigger house and i just want to enjoy ds and being able to give him all my attention. We have also had a few issues with ds in the last couple months which has made having another a very unattractive idea. Plus im enjoying new parts of my life such as exercise that i would need to give up if i got pregnant again. As a result we are going to wait till he is 18 months now and think about it then. I worry though that we will take a long time to conceive and then there will be a big age gap and then some days i think why not just put caution to the wind and let fate decide when bub #2 comes along. For now i am pretty happy to wait for another 6 months and reassess but in the mean time every time i see a newborn baby my ovaries hurt lol. Hope the decision is easier for you that it has been for us!
I had 2.5 years between the first two, then 4.5 years, then 7.....
If I'd had my way with DD2, I would have had her sooner, I thought 2.5 was pretty good - but I looove the gap we have now! for so many reasons.
I think mrsmac is right, we adjust to what we have. So I guess just start trying when you feel ready to do it all again ;)
Growing up i was the youngest of 6. When i was born my siblings were 22, 21, 20, 16 and 3.5. I am closest to my sister (was 16 when i was born) and the youngest of the oldest 3 brothers (was 20 when i was born).
After i had DD i'd have theoretically liked to have another and would have aimed for the 3-year age gap (because i feel a baby is a baby for at least 2 years, and wouldn't want to tandem BF or be dealing with a pregnancy while still trying to look after a baby already) but because XP and i split there was no choice but to wait until now really. DH and i are really excited to have another littly but both feel that ONE toddler at a time is probably enough for us.
Even though i know DD probably won't "play" with her new sibling, because the age gap will be so big (she'll be 4 a few months before the baby is born) i AM glad that the baby won't be "taking" of me in the same way she is. A new baby needs so much time-consuming care, i baby wear, co-sleep part time and BF on-demand. DD is already able to play happily with little or even no input, is too big to want to be in the meitai, and has been sleeping happily in her own bed/room and weaned for a long time. She will be at nursery and beginning school and in a different life phase to her younger sibling, and so the direct competition will be far less (though obviously any child might crave or miss attention). Equally i know she will suffer the initial shock of having a new sibling who splits our focus, but i embrace that as an opportunity to help her find her self-worth more strongly (eventually we all need to learn that perceived competition doesn't devalue us as individuals) and help her learn that she is not just a lovely person and fun to be around, but also a capable, helpful and important part of the machinery of our family. We already refer to the baby as hers or ours as a family not mine, or mine and DH's. She has her own pet name for the baby and is thoroughly excited about it all just now.
I know lots of people who got PG when #1 was 12-18months and so many of them have said it was because the baby seemed so big and it seemed so much easier (in that lovely lull between intensive little-babycare ending and toddlerhood kicking in) but then late prgnancy and the terrible two's tend to collide and make things less fun than they could have been. To be fair most of them cope wth a toddler and a baby incredibly, but i don't think i'd enjoy parenting as much if i did that, and selfish as it probably sounds, if i'm spending my entire life doing something (i'm a SAHM) then i want to be enjoying it as much as possible, so i would be planning at least 2.5-3 years between #2 and #3 too.
3 year age gap here and although we were initially hoping for slightly closer, have to say it has worked brilliantly for us so far. DS is very secure and understands his importance in the family and I am able to communicate things to him such as "Mummy is feeding bubby, I can do that puzzle with you when she's finished" etc. I love that DS is very independant, was TT before dd arrived, can for the most part get his own snacks etc if I'm BF, can get in the pool for his swimming lessons with teacher but without me (yay!) and that he and I can enjoy a coffee, babycino and a chat while his baby sister sleeps in the pram!
Pretty much the only drawback has been that DS had well and truly stopped napping during the day by the time DD arrived - would have been lovely having a tiny bit of time to myself during the day.
While other mums in my mothers group were ready to go again at around the 12 month mark I can remember feeling very unready! Like others have said, I was so enjoying my time with DS as he went from baby to toddler
Pos and neg about every age gap I guess...
HTH!
Like Mrsmac says, many people have good things to say about their age gap. Which says to me that there are pros and cons of every gap! We have ours 18 months apart and it's lovely, they play so well together, but they are hard work in terms of not being able to reason very well with either of them. :p
My DS is going to be 2.5 when #2 is born and although I haven't experienced the gap yet....my reason behind leaving it that long was that I wanted to spend as much quality time with DS as possible and have him be as independant as he could possibly be. For him to be able to communicate what he wants rather than have me guessing what he's talking about and having him get frustrated that I don't know what he's on about. I also have 4 years age gap between my little sister and I and I don't feel as close to her as I'd like to be sometimes, so that was another reason I didn't want the gap to be TOO big.
I am sure there will be pro's and cons and I'll know soon enough what the cons will be. But like most others have said, I think we all just adapt to what we get, when we get it. Mothers are resiliant :)
Agreed with MrsMac....you'll adjust to whatever life throws at you!
We have 18 mths between DD and DS, and we're looking at a bigger gap for number 3, mainly so I can re-establish myself at work for a bit before taking maternity leave again. Two under two has its good points and bad like everyone else has mentioned, but I am a fan of the close age gap.
We are thinking of having number 3 in about two or so years...still a small gap but not as small as it could be ;).
I honestly think there is no 'perfect' age gap, as whatever gap you choose, you will make work.
I have friends with age gaps ranging from 8 months - 16 years and they all work...
Good luck
DS was 2 years 7 months when i fell pregnant and i had been trying since he was 16months old. he will be 3 years 3 months when this baby is born, so im hoping its a good age gap
Wow thank you everyone so much for your replies!!! Its really hard!! We have a lot to talk and think about. DH is in the Army so ideally I would like him to be home for a decent stretch of time and in his current job that's possible so now would be a good time to try for no 2....but he's not sure he wants to stay in his current job! I'm worried then we'll have another baby and have have to pack up and move somewhere and I'll be alone. :dunno:
I really don't know right now except I don't want it to be longer than 3 years (if we can help it of course) Whatever will be will be right :)
We have 3 years and 8 days difference :lol:
It is a good gap for us. I have my big girl and my baby. DD1 is very independant and loves helping out with DD2. She looks after her, plays with her and really adores her. However she is old enough to do things for herself and can understand why she needs to be quiet when DD2 is going to sleep etc. They are sharing a room now and they are very cute together - DD1 makes DD2 laugh all the time.
We have the same discussions about when we should try for numberr 2 as well. We couldn't decide so we are OTL... not trying but not preventing.
We've still got a while before #2 is here, so can't offer any opinions on the age gap yet, but I think as others have said, you adjust and you cope at whatever age gap you end up with because that's all you know. I've never heard someone saying that they wish they had waited longer (even the girl I was talking to last night who said that when #3 was born she had 3 under 3.5!). I think it also depends on your circumstances. Because we've decided that I'll be at home until they're all in school, it made sense not to have too big a gap (and we've worked out that if we go for #3, its going to be a good 8 years till I'm back at work!).
The early stage of my pg was hard work - DD has one sleep a day and is so active that I would be exhausted by the time it was her bed time! But now the 2nd trimester has hit, my energy levels have made a comeback and its fine. I'm also lucky in that I have relatively breezy pg's (well, fingers crossed, so far with this one!)
I am PG with #2 and DD will be 15mths when she is born. ARGH!
I think everyone is right, you will get some that love having them very close and others that prefer a bigger age gap, depends on you guys in the long run!
#2 wasn't planned so not much choice but i think it will work out nicely... DD might get a little jealous at the start but then she wont know any different after that!
21 months in between my 2 and I don't think I could have planned the gap any better. It's been so much easier than I ever expected.
...may sound silly, but i reckon this is a great reason to have them later....my biggest gap is 29 mths. Found that much easier than 19 mth gap i have b/w #2 and #3 and #3 and #4. I feel like i am forever, and ever, and ever telling my 26mth old to be quiet whilst H sleeps.....she doesnt understand, why should she.....but yeah, i feel i get really frustrated and angry when she squeals at the top of her voice just coz she likes the sound of it....meanwhile H wakes up after only 30 mins sleeping. That, for me, has been the hardest...and prob the reason why im all for the 2.5 yr age gap.....:):
can understand why she needs to be quiet when DD2 is going to sleep etc