Day Care Drop-Off Help Needed!!

Hoping some of you lovely ladies (and gents) can help a slightly guilt ridden mummy! I just started an awesome new job, 3 days a week, so DD has had her first full week of day care. Drop offs have been awful, she wails like its the end of the world when I leave, I can still hear her crying as I'm going down the stairs to leave. It has got worse every day this week! Even worse she gets confused and cries when I pick her up too - just for a minute, not like in the morning but it would be nice if she was at least happy to see me! I have been spending 10-15 minutes there in the morning, helping her settle in but it doesn't seem to help and I can't stay longer, because its a long commute and it just means that I will be later to pick her up IYKWIM. It's an hour each way in reasonable traffic so it is a really long day for her (appx 10 hours).
Has anyone got any tips? or can you at least tell me it will get better? :pray:
I should probably add that I have a lot of confidence in the staff at the CCC, they are kind and gentle, very engaged with the kids, give lots of cuddles and always assure me when I ring later that she is having a wonderful time.
The strange part is that when I'm with her she is very independent, will run off, or go to anyone, or play happily by herself for long periods. I love my job but the mornings are so hard because it's breaking my heart to leave her there.

firstly hun

Huge Hugs

and secondly It will pass. She will settle in eventually and it wont be long before she is too busy to even give you a kiss goodbye.
All 3 of my kids were very similar for about a month of care and now well they couldnt care less if i was there or not and my youngest says bye to me before i have even signed the sign in book,

my best advice would be to limit the time spent in the morning. The longer you stay the harder it is for her.

Im sorry its so hard for you though and hope it gets better soon

Have you asked the staff how long it takes for her to settle down after you leave? My DD used to get very upset when I dropped her off at CC but she settled down within a 5 minutes of me leaving. I used to arrive earlier at CC so I could give try to settle her but it never worked, it just made things worse.

If the carers say that she settles quickly after you leave, then as hard as it will be for you to do this, the best thing to do is probably make the goodbye quick and just walk out. Compose yourself on the way to work. Don't let her see you getting upset or stressed. Try to remain calm while you drop her off. She'll sense if you're upset and stressed.

BIG hugs Pixie it is such a hard thing to go thru.

I work in childcare and i second was beatrix said, the longer u stay the harder it will be for her, try and make it as quick as possible, sign her in put her bag away give the staff any info u need and say goodbye giving her a big kiss and a cuddle saying you'll be back after work. I know this sounds really hard to do, but it will better for your DD in the long term. Always say goodbye and tell her your are going, I've seen some parents sneak off when their child is playing and when the child realises mum or dad has gone their reaction is usually a lot worse than if mum or dad had said goodbye.

When i drop my DS off at FDC i try and do exactly the same thing and most mornings we have no tears occasionally we do and it is heartbreaking to leave hearing them so upset.

Also crying when u return to pick up is completely normal lots of children do that, it like they are so relieved and happy to see you that their first response is to cry, my DS went through that initially but it didn't last long. Once she gets in a routine and realises that daycare is a regular thing I'm sure she will be fine.

make sure you ring and check on her as often as u want, as a parent that is your right, and don't ever feel like you are burdening the staff it's their job to reassure you and let you know how your DD is going. thats a common thing i hear among parents, they say they feel silly ringing but u ring as often as u want.
HTH and good luck hun, i hope it gets better quickly for you. xxxx

Thanks for the responses guys
Ness :hug: thanks for the reassurance
Daniella they always say that she settled down reasonably quickly but they don't give me an actual time IYKWIM. Maybe I should ask.
Kimmy since it is her first week I thought I should spend some time with her trying to get her settled but I think you're right it doesn't help, I would be better to just take her in, give her a kiss and cuddle and then go. I usually ring once in the morning to make sure she settled down OK, and after that I just try to concentrate on work. I know the Bear rings in the afternoon to check on her and if something was wrong they would contact me.
It will be nice when she is happy to go there, it will just make the day a lot more pleasant.
Thanks again girls :hug:

Pixie, I am an early childhood teacher. Your daughter sounds completely normal to me! Actually she sounds like she's doing well if she settles after a short time. She is right in the middle of the time that children experience separation anxiety so it is noraml that she's upset. Plus being her first week, she is doing well! I know it most likely feel terrible having her crying as you leave, but it is normal.
I agree with the previous posters in that it would probably be best for you to give her a hug and kiss tell her you love her and will be back later. Tehn hand her over to her primary carers and leave. Also have a predictable routine for her from when she wakes. So wake up, have breaky, dress, brush teeth, pack bag....yada yada! But do mostly the same thing each time you go to day care. Be supportive of your child's feelings. Don't get upset or angry that she's upset. Let her know that you understand how scary it is to be separated from mum/dad without dwelling on the negative.
Above all else don't, DON'T sneak out of the room. She will wonder where you are and not know what happened or if you're coming back.
HTH. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask!! And good luck. Rmember it is only her first few weeks. It will take time for her to settle. And if they have a break over the chrissy holidays, expect that she will have the same anxiety when you go back there.

Hi pixie, just wanted to commiserate- my ds is still a bit teary every time I drop him of to DC, and it's so sad :( But I have found he is better if I 'drop and go' without hanging around too long. And this might sound silly, but don't look back as you're walking out- that really sets my ds off for some reason.

Big :hug: It will get better xo

Hi pixie,

I am in the same boat dd is going 2 days aweek and cries every drop off, but has slowly got less and less it has been 4 weeks for her. As I am still bf I actually sit and feed her then hand her over crying, she usually now stop bye the time I get to the car park so it does get better. And the afternoons I try to sneak up and peak without her seeing me and she is usually happily playing. I then have to sit and feed again or she screams all the way home.

Hope your dd settles soon for you.

I've found that dropping DS off is OK: he is settled either with breakfast or a toy 80% of the time. Takes two minutes. If he's clingy, he's given to a carer to cuddle. He only cries if he's not feeling 100% (ie has a cold or hasn't slept well). He did cry a bit more at first, but within a few days as soon as I left the room (not even the building) he was calm and playing. He did do the "cry when I see Mammy" thing: now he runs up and just claims me and demands a cuddle. That's what he was doing with the cry.

BUT what I've always done is a longer pick-up. If only DS and his bestie are there, I'll chat to the carers while DS plays. Or I'll play with both boys while the carers pack up and get ready to leave (they are only allowed in the building until 6pm, when Nursery closes, and I love playing with the boys). Now, DS has to tell me that we're leaving! You do get a bit involved with people. But it is nice to know the carers and to see DS happy, settled and playing.

Hi Pixie
Just wanted to see how it's going? Hope you're feeling okay about things and your drop offs this week are a little better
xxx

Thanks everyone....
I work Tues/Wed/Thurs so we will see how tomorrow goes. Poor little mite was sick on Thursday night so maybe she was feeling a bit ratty in the morning. :dunno:
I'll let you know how it goes!

Just a warning Pixie, she will most likely pick up everythingthat's going round now she's in daycare (unfortunate, but just the way it is). I like to think of it as helping to build up their little immune systems ;)

i will go out on a limb here, as what i did is the opposite of what the other posters did/advise (also at 16 months mark).

i was one of those mothers who stayed, until my child was settled and happy and would not go until she was happy to be there without me.

i took my child's anxiety about being in a new environment, with new people, as her message to me that she felt unsure. So i stayed there, however long it took, breastfed her there (which makes her feel safe), played with the toys to show her i felt ok there, and spoke to the carers, again to show her i felt ok with them.

I didn't have a deadline of making it to paid work on time like you, so i appreciate it's a different scenario. But perhaps you could take her there on a non-work day, so there is no time pressure on you.

Everyone does what is right for them in their situation.
Just like i did not do "crying it out", i could not ignore my DD's communication to me (crying), when i first put her in childcare. I think her anxiety was to be expected, she had only ever been with me and she felt scared of the unknown. She was too young to understand the concept of time, so i couldn't tell her "i will be back in x hours". so for her, me leaving her there, INITIALLY, was her fear of "i will never see mummy again".

Bilby is happy at childcare now, it did not ruin her, me staying there to acclimatise her.

It did not ruin her experience for me to return at lunchtime to give her a feed, have a play with her, then leave again once she was settled.

Much pressure was put on me, by childcare workers, to ignore my child and walk away quickly, and let her cry. I had to do what was right for us and our parenting style - everything else i do with her, it's about building a secure attachment. i'm not going to do something entirely different, when it comes to outside care. I knew my child better than they did. i think every parent does.


Everyone has their opinion, so i hope i will be allowed to have mine too.

Gigi, just out of curioustiy, how long did it generally take Bilby to settle? I'm guessing you had to do it a few days in a row?

Not disagreeing or being argumentative in any way, just genuinely curious as to how you went about it?

i think it was weeks. (she's three now, this happened at 16 months old).

SHe was in care one day a week, so i didn't have mutliple days in one week, for her to get used to it quickly.

the amounts of time decreased every time we tried it.

It started again, each time she was in a new CCC. She just needed reassurance.

Thanks for answering that Gigi. Have to say, I admire your dedication :)

oh chikki, honestly - when I did FDC the kids would scream at the door until mum was out of sight.

Another minute or two and they were FINE.

She'll be sweet hun. She probably forgets all about you long before you feel better!!!

Hey everyone, thanks for your tips! Today was MUCH better (I was surprised because she was pretty all over the place over the weekend with one thing and another). I passed her to the carer, gave her the dummy and said "Bye sweetie, I love you I'll be back to pick you up this afternoon". And quickly left. They were stuffing her with raisin toast as I went out the door and maybe there was a little squeak, but not proper crying and wailing like last week. My boss was there maybe five minutes after I left (she drove into the carpark as I drove away) and said that DD was absolutely fine by the time she got there. It was such a relief, I had a much better day at work because I didn't feel so terrible about her being upset in the morning.
Gigi, I know what you are saying, and I was thinking the same thing but in our case I think she was just working herself up the longer I stayed, because she knew I would leave. After I went she was just able to get on with her day. This morning there was so little upset that I think its kinder to her for me to just leave quickly.
Thanks again everyone, feeling much better! Hopefully it will continue to improve.

Glad to hear it improved for you, I'm sure your day was much better knowing she calmed down quickly - hope it just gets better and better for you xxx