Black tie wedding ettiquette

I am going to be invited to a black tie wedding next year.

But if I can't afford to dress for the occasion, do I not go? I have a beautiful dress to wear, but it isn't a full length gown. DH has a suit, but not black or tux. And I am not sure what the dress ettiquette is for children at these affairs (yes, I know for sure that they are invited cause it is my brother's wedding)

This wedding is interstate, so we are already budgeting for the fuel and accomodation.

I had a thread earlier this year when I couldn't afford to be a bridesmaid (not sure how to link it though), but now I need to know some ettiquette as a guest.

We had a very formal wedding - but tbh, I wouldn't wear a black suit to a wedding. You wear grey to a wedding. Maybe brown or navy, if that suits more, but black = funeral and grey = wedding. Generally. Only the bride and bridesmaids had dresses almost to the floor at mine, and few people wore black.

As for the dress... does it cover your knees and at least part of your shoulders? Should be OK.

My son, for weddings (and yes, four weddings, over a 12-month period), has worn a cute little beige trouser/waistcoat two-piece set with a shirt and a tie. He has one tie, and it's washable. (He will have two ties after Christmas!) You can get gorgeous dresses for girls that aren't too expensive too. I'd say it wouldn't HAVE to be floor-length, especially not for children. (But then, I'm so tall that my only floor-length dress was custom made and I usually pick something below the knee for black tie events now.)

The protocol should cover the wedding party, not the guests as well (although black tie makes it clear not to turn up for the beach, but it shouldn't be over-formal if that's not doable).

Your dress doesn't have to be floor length, it just has to be formal. And as for your dh, as long as he has a suit and tie, he'll be fine. There are heaps different styles of dresses for little girls.

Ohh no, I thought black tie meant tux. I think you may get away without floor length dress though.

Depends on how "black tie" they are making the occasion, I did some googling a couple of months ago when we were invited to a dinner where dress code was strictly black tie.

DH wore a suit he had which is dark grey with a white shirt & black tie. I wore a dressy ****tail length dress (just below knees) and neither of us looked or felt out of place, if anything this was kinda the norm of what everyone else were wearing. There were some in tux & long dresses (mainly older). So what you already have will probably be ok.

I suppose putting black tie on invites discourages jeans/more casual type clothes.

Kids are probably required to be dressed kinda formally boys in pants, shirt and girls in formal party dress - could you possibly hire something for them?

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Ohh no, I thought black tie meant tux. I think you may get away without floor length dress though.

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That's what I thought, and why I am asking. I did a google search, and a few sights said if the invite stated black tie, then the attire is tux and floor length gown. I was talking to my aunty earlier today and she mentioned it as she already has her invite. I am so confused.

LZ - my dress has thin straps, and is mid calf length. I wore it to a friends wedding, also a formal affair, just not black tie. And DH's suit is Navy.

Oops, I didn't mean it to sound like I didn't want to get something nice for my kids to wear, but more not sure what I need for them to wear.

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Ohh no, I thought black tie meant tux. I think you may get away without floor length dress though.

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Except so many different people have different expectations on what it is these days - a lot of people think that black tie means formal when all they really want is a formal wedding (which is what Ladie Zadie described)

If I were you I would wear the dress that you have - so long as it is a little conservative - and at least to the knee and not strapless (the rule is that it can only be strapless if the skirt is full length and full) and if you are stressed about your DH and the suit isn't black (or charcoal at a stretch) I would just put him in black pants, a while shirt and a bowtie (which are quite cheap to buy) so that it just looks like he has taken his jacket off - noone would question it.

As for kids, so long as they are neat and tidy it doesn't really matter at all but I wouldn't put them in denim IYKWIM.

I wish the Brownlow chicks would get some sort of understanding about black tie :rolleyes:

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I wish the Brownlow chicks would get some sort of understanding about black tie :rolleyes:

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I can't immediately think of any rules that the rest of us follow that apply to footballer's wives/girlfriends/both! :ROFL:

I would have a hat/fascinator in my hair too, and take a shawl/pashmina to the wedding JIC you feel you want to cover your shoulders for part of it. I know when I'm in something strappy I can feel a little underdressed at times... but then again, you'll be in the height of summer so it will be less of an issue. I'm in the land of permanent cold and am ALWAYS half-frozen.

:) and I'm sure your children ALWAYS have nice things to wear... but they may need something different for the wedding.

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:) and I'm sure your children ALWAYS have nice things to wear... but they may need something different for the wedding.

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LOL, maybe I should change the wording to suitable.. I was looking at some gorgeous dresses the other day, but was too scared to guess what size she will be in April. So am just waiting till end of Feb for both of them to make sure I get the right size and can pay off over a few weeks if need be.

My advice is to ask your brother. ;)

We put formal on our wedding invites, because DH's side is extremely casual and have been known to turn up to wedding in thongs and shorts. But we explained to my side that suits and ties would do, because they most certainly would have turned up in tux and top hats (I wouldn't have minded that, but it would have been impossible to get DH's side to go to that extent).

generally speaking though, it is completely acceptable nowdays to wear a suit with either tie or bowtie (or some variation), dress that hangs lower then the knee, button up shirt and slacks for boys and party dress for girls, to a black tie event.

Misty. Ta. that is my next plan.

Just waiting on the invite first to see the exact wording. But with little things my Mum has said after spending some time with them, I am under the impression that she wants everyone to go all out.

And I am hoping that I might be jumping the gun and the bride is requesting it so our side of the family doesn't come as the country hillbillies that some of my relos are ;) (and for the record some of my relos think a new pair of jeans and a new flannelette shirt is formal!)

What you have described you have sounds fine, but yeh I would confirm with your bro what they are after :)

We had a pretty casual wedding but wanted something a little more dressy than jeans so put semi-formal on our invites as DH's bro thought a black pair of cargo pants & a new motocross tshirt would cut it and some of my rellies are about the same, so yeh the hillbilly gene seems to run in most families :lol:

Little girls in gorgeous party dresses are just adorable

From what I can gather that black tie/formal often just means "no jeans". The last wedding I went to was like that, the one lady who turned up in a full length gown looked very out of place. There really needs to be a new term to cover "no jeans"

I agree, what you have in mind sounds fine to me. I think if you go all out with a proper floor length gown, you may end up looking like a bridesmaid!

Have you had a look on ebay for the kids dresses/suits? There are some really nice ones you can get cheap. For our wedding, I actually got DS (15 months at the time) a full tux brand new for $40.

Well we have the invites, and the wording is

"black tie affair, black, cream or gold"

So my dress fits in colour wise, and I will be wearing it. But what to wear for DH? (he has a suit, but isn't black)

I have also got my grandmother here, and she has asked the same question.. She has a dress she bought to wear on a cruise last year (and also intended to wear it to the wedding), but doesn't fit the colour scheme. Can they really 'tell' you what to wear? My aunt has also asked me before Xmas, but I asked to talk to my bro, cause if I ask for everyone, it is going to look like I am causing trouble (my mum already thinks I am being a biartch about the wedding :wall:)

Just want a general idea of you lovely ladies.

I am going to ask my bro in about a fortnight or so, as SIL's father passed away from cancer last week.

Oh my, I have never heard of a wedding where they asked the GUESTS to be colour co-ordinated!

I agree with the general gist of this thread that your dress is probably fine.

Your DH is a tricky one- but if you can't afford to get a black suit just for the occassion (perfectly understandable, by the way), I am sure your brother would rather have you there than not, even if the suit is the "wrong" colour. I would probably speak to your bro about it if you can.

Oh dear, I've been to lots of weddings and never once have I been told to colour co-ordinate - the dress code yes but definately not colours.

For your DH is it possible to hire a suit and use own shirt & tie?? I know I've seen ads on TV for some of the major chains like Ferrari (in SA) offering deals from about $50-70 and you generally get it for the weekend, from thurs/friday to the monday.

Black tie 100% means dinner suits for men without question.
just stating formal on the invite means any suit and tie normally but for women the rule is generally knee length and no bare shoulders. At least thats what i was told...

I would say that stating set colours meant they were rude enough that you didn't have to follow their dictates exactly... there is a limit with what I'll do for an invite. Speak to the bride. Honestly. Have EVERY SINGLE famiy unit in your family run their outfits by her. I understand black tie, I understand strictly black tie, but I cannot condone dictating colours. You're not bridesmaids! What next, demanding waistcoats for the men and the height of the heel for women? What about children and their clothes? The fact it has come AFTER many guests have bought clothes would upset me too.

I would just buy a cheapish black suit. And have, for DH - he has relatively inexpensive black and grey suits now after his lovely bespoke suit fell apart in under a decade. Three holes!

My other SIL put a different perspective saying that maybe it was the colour of the mens ties/shirts, so she asked SIL to be...

And she wants all people in those colours so the photos look good :o

So I have tried calling my bro, and left a message asking that if people cannot afford outfits in the correct colours, are they still allowed to go? am awaiting his response.

:jawdrop: thats a weee bit far. i can understand black tie, maybe even suggesting the mens tie/shirt colours (maybe so the goomsmen and bridesmaids stand out?) but telling guests what to wear?!? some one has been watching too much bridezillas.
:hug: i hope your brother tells you to ignore SIL to be...

wow. i really hope your brother responds soon x

Bridezilla! I'd rather have people ENJOYING themselves and THERE rather than in set colours.

(BTW, if I were to do it again, I'd say no-one in white or very pale creams, but then I thought it known bad form to attend a wedding in a white outfit!)

Finally got some answers!

After talking to my Mum this morning and telling her we may not be able to afford to go if we have to adhere to the dress code, she got involved. As her and Dad are going through a separation at moment, they don't have money to spare either.

Anyhow bro finally called me and said do we have stuff almost that colour? I told him that after checking DH's suit, the jacket doesn't fit. And can he wear just pants, shirt and tie.. Yep all good. Kids, I will do my best to get the colours, but if I can't that will be bad luck. And I told him I refuse to put my 2 yr old daughter in a plain black dress for a wedding.

At worst, we won't be in the photos, but I couldn't really care. I have a perfectly good camera and we can take photos. Even if I take them of bro and family before 'bridezilla' turns up ;)

Happy Mummy - I have a gold dress of DD's size 2 to 3 (a generous size - she wore it this Christmas and she was 3 and 3 months - she is average size) that your little one can borrow if you like - my DD has grown out of it now - has only been worn twice - I have no problems in posting it to you - it is lovely - just let me know if I can help you.

Laurin

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Happy Mummy - I have a gold dress of DD's size 2 to 3 (a generous size - she wore it this Christmas and she was 3 and 3 months - she is average size) that your little one can borrow if you like - my DD has grown out of it now - has only been worn twice - I have no problems in posting it to you - it is lovely - just let me know if I can help you.

Laurin

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Laurin, that is so generous of you. It would be great if it fits her!!

Well ***** hit the fan tonight.

Bro kept telling me what we had was ok, and as offending as it was, he offered us money to buy outfits..

And after asking his bride to be after snide remarks on FB, she told me to wear black tie in the colours or don't bother.. Bro rang me, I put him in his place, (he thought his wedding was formal, not black tie), and had it out with her.

Next thing I am being abused by bride to be's brother, and it is over.

I feel bad, but also feel, that if it is over that easily, there is a lot more to it. Will wait till bro is ready to call me.

Women can get away with a nice dress as long as its not a summery print like floral or something. Something black always works well with a nice pair of gold/silver shoes if you have them. It adds a nice contrast to the black dress.

Mens suits can be black, grey or navy and with a shirt and must wear a tie.

Black tie is bascally no open collars, denim, beige pants or sport coats ect. Men have to wear a tie and dress shoes.

:o ok, she needs to be pulled up on this! thats down right rude telling her soon to be SIL that she cant go to HER BROTHERS wedding because of colours! weddings are ment to be fun - not a down to the what people are wearing affair! and for her brother, well..he needs to be melly bashed followed by a thwack upside the head with a :protest: toboot! :hug: i hope she comes down off her thrown! gah, what a way to 'join a family' :shakehead:

Happy Mummy - your brother's wedding is off because Bridezilla couldn't compromise on colours?

Do you reckon she was being so Bridezilla so he'd call it off and she could get sympathy, rather than her call it off over a dress and being considered a right horrid thing?

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Do you reckon she was being so Bridezilla so he'd call it off and she could get sympathy, rather than her call it off over a dress and being considered a right horrid thing?

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Thank you.. Was hoping someone out of the family would say that..

She wanted a reason, she pushed me, I snapped, I say a few home truths and I get blamed. Takes the heat of her.