Does it ever sink in?

I'm 27 weeks pregnant tomorrow after 5.5 years of TTC and IVF number 1 resulting in this pregnancy.

Baby is moving around a lot and I feel really good.

But it just hasn't properly sunk in that this is happening. Is this normal?

I haven't bought a thing for baby yet - mainly because we are moving house next month and I don't want to buy stuff that we have to move - but also because it just doesn't feel like it's happening.

I have friends who are at around the same stage as me and have the nurseries all set up!! (which I find a bit weird anyway but that is just my superstitious mind).

When will it sink in? Or will it ever? Am I a fruit loop?

Sue x

Sue - I have no idea I have not gotten to your stage yet...but I love to hear that it has happened for you :happyforyou: and I hope it does sink in so you can enjoy every minute of it!!!! I bet once you move house and start on that nursery it will all feel super real for you! xxx

Sue, I sympathise and understand.

I feel like the whole baby thing didn't kick in until 4 weeks after he arrived! That surreal feeling was made worse for me by looking at my beautiful baby but not recognising him as my son. It was quite strange; I thought he was adorable but couldn't quite grasp that he was mine, even though I was doing everything for him and felt very protective etc. I had an emergency caesarian too, so to find him suddenly in my arms was odd.

Then one day it all just kicked in and it sure feels real now!

Maybe subconsciously you are protecting yourself after all the trauma of getting to this point in one piece. You will get there, so just go with the flow until it happens for you.

Sue, if it helps, I think you're perfectly normal ;)

After over 7yrs TTC & 6 stim cycles of IVF, I'm in exactly the same position as you emotionally at 19 weeks.

We didn't buy anything for baby up until last week when we bought the cot & changetable... DH has put them together, but thats it so far - I've opened the door into what will be the nursery & I just keep thinking to myself, 'Are you serious?!' :lol:

I think the scars of a LTTTCer run deep - and I know its hard to get your head around.
My DS was conceived without any issues - I got secondary infertility due to complications with his birth.
I remember deciding to try for him, it happened straight away, I was pregnant & buying things as soon as AF didn't show up :o
I was blissfully ignorant to all of the things I know & have been through over the past 7-8yrs.

People are saying to me surely you're starting to be confident now that you've had a couple of scans, your tummy is growing & your baby is moving.... erm no, actually - it just feels like I'm getting fat & any day I'm expecting to wake up to the reality of what the last 7yrs has been about.
Perhaps when I'm holding my baby in my arms & actually taking it home with me from hospital it might start to sink in..... maybe ;)

Somebody asked me also if we try again for more after this one, will it be any easier... no, I don't think so either.
I have a little more faith in the science now (of assisted conception) - but I don't think I'll be any more confident for me personally even if we did another 10 cycles with another 10 positive results :rolleyes:

The scars of a long timer run deep I think.... so I think you're perfectly normal ;)

Although as soon as you move house, I'd be spending up big on baby, because that last trimester will fly by :D

Best of luck & congratulations on your pregnancy xxxxx

Thanks so much for your responses guys, it means a lot.

HB, you've struck a chord with me, I think that you're totally right - the scars of LTTTC do run very deep and we had an early miscarriage in 2008 which was very traumatic and I was scared of the same thing happening again.
Neptune, I have a feeling that it will be the same for me - sinking in long after she is here!

Lots of my friends just assume that I am ok with all of this (which I am) but I am still terrified of something going wrong - another product of a long time of disappointments and heartache.

I'm slowly coming round and today I am going to buy our little cherub a very cute outfit to wear to come home from the hospital in. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but a huge deal for me.

I'll get there, I'm sure. I just so want to meet this little one that we've been waiting on. I know that some women love being pregnant but to be honest, the pregnancy is a means to an end for me - I want that little bundle at the end of it all!!
Thanks for your thoughtful input guys.
Sue xx

Short answer ...no!!! A couple of weeks ago I started having period cramps and my boobs were sore and the first thing I thought was 'OH NO my period is coming!' Mind you I could also feel my baby kicking at the same time!! LTTC never really goes away.

I also found it hard (and still do) to get things ready because it aways seems too early. Even though I am 38 weeks now and could go into labour any minute I still think people are thinking I am not really that pregnant yet and I have ages to go. I first joined up my local children's centre's bellybuddies group when I was about 13 weeks and felt like a fraud being there. I felt everyone was 'more pregnant' than me and I didn't go back until I was at least 25 weeks!! Even my antenatal class I was one of the 'least' pregnant. I had been booked on it because they don't have many in my area and i just fell into that timeslot. I could have let the earth swallow me up when we all had to give our due dates!! Everyone was at least 32 weeks pregnant and I was 25 weeks. Embarrassingly I almost punched the air and jumped for joy when the lady after me said she was due a week after me!!! LOL!

I honestly believe it will only sink in for me when I have the baby in my arms and then I will probably be looking around for his mother!!!;)

I think though it is probably harder for you at the moment because you are not yet settled where you are going to live. Once that happens then you can begin to nest.

Good luck!

Oh just remembered something a friend told me about anxiety for LTTCers when pregnant. She was told by a doctor that of course she will find pregnancy an anxious time, she was wishing for and trying for a baby not a pregnancy. I found that really resonated with me. We always imagine a baby when we are LTTC or the two lines on an HPT. We never actually imagine or envision 9 months of pregnancy. We sometimes can barely imagine how we will react to the two lines let alone the stresses and strains of actually being pregnant and being that way for 9 months!

Sue, I just wanted to give you a :hug: and second everything HB has said and reassure you again that what you're going through is completely normal given what you have been through.

I had an early miscarriage during our IVF treatment and then a bleeding scare 7 weeks into my pregnancy with DD, so everything felt so tenuous the whole time, no matter what reassurances there were (like movement, scans etc., and I even had many additional scans and h/b monitoring sessions late in the pregnancy). It still felt like a dream until I looked at DD in the face for the very first time, and then I realised that it was real :) I promise you that the moment you look at your child for the first time everything you have gone through - all the anxieties and difficulties during LTTTC and your pregnancy will feel very distant at the moment and it will be wonderful.

I took it in baby steps myself with my pregnancy - the first thing I allowed myself to get was a book about pregnancy about 13 weeks in, and then I allowed DH to buy me a pregnancy journal not long after that, and I'm so glad I did use it, and I can really recommend it. After that, slowly over the course of the second half I started to feel comfortable to get little things like some clothes and later on the bigger stuff, all with DH doing most of the shopping and guiding and preparation (he's a bit of a shopper, though lol) but I only took it at the pace that I felt like on any given day - if I didn't want to think about things I needed to get for the baby, I didn't. It all worked out in the end - we had everything we needed in time, and I did not feel rushed or pressured in my given emotional state.

Allow yourself to take as long as you need to purchase the things you want, and use that as little moments in time where you feel ready to open yourself a little more to the idea that your baby is real and is coming - you can't force that, but you can do these little things when you feel you're having a good day :)

I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes really smoothly, with the minimum of anxiety and the maximum of enjoying your baby growing (even though it doesn't feel quite real!) before they come to join you in this world, in your arms :)

:hug:

Just wanted to say what a great post full of sensible advice from Acacia :clap:

I wanted to show my appreciation but I have to share the love ;)

Hi Sue

Just wanted to say we TTC for 5 years and when we finally did get our little miracle, it never sunk it, even now I wonder if this little girl is really mine! In labour I still never dreamed I was going to bring home my own child. DH dragged me shopping for baby stuff at about 24 weeks, I even asked the saleperson could we return it if something happened! I distinctively remember standing in the middle of the shop in tears thinking it was too soon to buy anything just in case.... :redface:

I agree that LTTTC affects you in ways you dont even realise until a long time down the track. I think its very normal hun and I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes for you :hug:

Lily Dust

You guys are fantastic.

I haven't posted here before because I felt like a fraud. But today I just knew that if I posted something, you guys would know how I was feeling.

Thank you again, your words mean more to me than you'll know.
Suexx

Hi Sue

I have seen your ticker a few times, and see that you are due the day after me. If you feel like chatting with others who are due at a similar time, feel free to join in with our bellybuddies group.

https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...-2010-3-a.html

We come from varied backgrounds, but everyone is really nice.

Kate

Hi Sue

The whole experience is so surreal as it is something we have all probably mentally prepared ourselves for a pregnancy to never happen that when it does we feel detached from the whole experience.

I know that I always felt that I was looking in from the outside and never really resonated that it was actually ME having a baby.

Even now DD is 12 weeks old and I still have the feeling that I am only looking after her and that "they" will come and get her soon... Don't get me wrong I love my little one to bits and wouldn't give her up for the world, but I still can't quite believe that I am actually her mummy.

Hi Sue,

I'll second what Kelly has said. After the whole experience of IVF and all its ups and downs, I still look at Trent and cant believe I am a mother.

I know I didnt relax my whole pregnancy until he was born and I actually held him for the first time. And even now that he is here, Im still worried that something may go wrong.

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy :D I know I miss my preggy belly LOTS now. Its such an amazing experience feeling your little bubs moving around, one that I will always cherish.

Take care,
Tania

Sue, you definately shouldn't feel like a fraud... everyone is right, we try so hard for so long to have these little people in our lives, that we are almost waiting for the next speed bump in the road to take our dream away from us :hug:

I don't think pregnancy really kicked in for me until the day after DS was born! I got up out of bed for the 1st time after the c/s and while in there I thought "I have a real bubba out there" and actually had a little cry... probably due to the relief that he was physically here in our lives??

I didn't want to buy anything, then I would have moments when that was all I wanted to do.. I felt like I had spent years looking at little clothes in passing, toys, prams being pushed past me, and I think it was hard to get out of that frame of thought that it was actually going to happen. DH was the one who picked up the box with our change table and told me we were going to put it on layby...if he hadn't, I'd probably still be standing there umming and ahhing about it pmsl.

YAY for going out to buy a going home outfit too :) That is a big step, don't be hard on yourself about that one..

Thanks guys, your responses have helped me a lot. There isn't a lot of people in my life who knows exactly how this feels - everyone just thinks I should be happy that I'm pregnant and just get over it. I actually just smile and don't bother telling some people how I am really feeling, it's too awkward for some people to understand I think. Kind of like the infertility. No-one wants to hear the negative parts. People just don't know what to say.

This week has been a real kind of breakthrough for me and I am starting to plan stuff too. I had to let my work know of my maternity leave intentions today as it's only 6 weeks till I finish up - I'd kind of been in denial about that too as my work has been my other thing (other than DH) that has got me through some tough times. It's been good to have a career to focus on when the baby making wasn't going so well. So it will be weird to finish up there!!!

Thanks again and congrats to you all who have your long awaited little babies!
I really can hardly wait to meet mine!
S X

I am glad that I am not the only one who feels like this!

I am 13 weeks after falling from our 3 ART attempt and I am still feeling like something bad should happen. I have had 4 scans and it still doesn't seem really real.

I have been like someone else in here mentioned - I want to get organised and layby some things so that we can pay them off (we are financially stretched after IVF) and one of my questions will be if something goes wrong can we get our money back :redface: I have bought a few little outfits only cause DH suggested that we really should start getting organised. We have bought a portable cot only because it was the one that we wanted, was drastically reduced at xmas sales and because DH had to pick it up and put it in the trolley - all the way to the check out I was umming and arrhing about it. I keep thinking that we can always see the few things we have bought if anything happens.

We have still not told people and when we go to a family outing with cousins and uncles and aunties I still haven't said anything - DH keeps asking when I am going to say something and I keep putting it off. I guess I keep thinking that if we tell to many people I will jinx myself, something will happen and I will be embarrassed to have to tell peopel that no its not happening anymore. When people do ask if I am excited I feel sad and so no not really. I will just be happy when it arrives and its safe and healthy.

Glad I stumbled across this thread - glad it isn't just me!

I was worried I was the only one.

I'm in week 26, and still worried. Have only bought a cot, becasue DH forced me too, and now a stuffed toy... Not even started to decorate the baby's room, or set up the cot. Too early still. I didn't tell friends and family until week 16, when I was forced by DH. I have problems with the pregancy and will have to go for another US in 3 weeks. When SIL (who is having her 3rd - they started trying at the same time as us...) heard that, she told me to go and get the 3D US at a private x-ray "because they are so cute", not even listning to me when I told her that I had to go to a specialist ("with a referal you can go any where you want, and they are cute..."). It seem to be such a big difference between people who get pregnant staright away, and have no complications or health worries. SIL even posted on facebook as soon as the test was positive. I wish I could feel like that, but I'm just worried. I don't want to "jinx" it... I hope it will be different when bub is here.

this is a really interesting thread - I am only new on this site (only joining after becoming PG) but it's reassuring to read that others after LTTTC have these feelings and worries. I have been feeling guilty about being so detached from the reality of being pregnant even now with bubs performing the rumba in there.

We were so grateful our first IVF cycle was successfull and I thought the worrying and waiting would be over once we got that BFP but I am not sure my FS helped by saying she would really celebrate when the 7 week scan showed a heartbeat which gave me whole new set of deadlines (7wk, 12wk, 20wk) to think about. Now I concern myself with whether she is moving enough!

Anyway at 23 weeks I strive to keep my worries a bay and enjoy this journey but thanks very much for starting up this discussion

x archigirl

It is good to hear that I am not alone in the way that I am thinking - although I'm a little sad to hear that after all of our struggles to get pregnant, there are so many of us unable to fully enjoy our pregnancies.

Thanks for everyone's responses.
Sue xxx

This is exactly how I'm feeling as of late. I'm terrified of everything, and constantly doubt the success of this pregnancy :(

Hopefully the fear will ease and I can begin to enjoy it