Just looking for some support...

Hi there guys, my name is Lacey and I'm 21 years old. I am only 8 weeks pregnant, but I'm finding that it's difficult for me to speak to anyone in my life about what I'm going through as I don't know many mum's in general, let alone single mum's. I was with the father of my baby for a year and he broke up with me about a month ago, just before I found out I was pregnant. We lived together and I loved our little home. I still love him more than words can express and I'm really scared that my being so heartbroken is harming my baby. I know that others have been through a very similar situation, so I'm just looking to find out if it ever gets any better. I was studying to be a midwife up until recently and I would give anything to feel as excited as I should about being pregnant, but it is so hard when my ex seems so determined to convince me to abort. I have the support of my family thank goodness, but I just know that they can't truly understand how I feel. My ex messaged me today and told me that I need to get over it and if I'm not going to terminate then I have to do this on my own. Which is very saddening because two days ago he said that he would be a good Dad eventually. I'm so confused. Can anyone tell me if this gets better with time?

Some support from people that believe I can get through this would be asolutely incredible right now. I would love some advice on...well any advice on anything at all right now would be amazing :pray:

I have no advice sorry, just a big :hug: and congratulations on your pregnancy.
You'll find lots of support in BellyBuddies during your pregnancy and wonderful Ladies who have had similar experiences.

Take Care

Hi and welcome to BB, I don't have any advice but want to share a :hug: as what you are going through must be so hard.

There are heaps of great single mums on here that will be able to share their experiences and be able to give advice.

Thanks so much ladies, I've been wandering around the forum a little more and it's really cheered me up alot. I will definitely be posting regularly from now on :D I'm excited to be on here!

I have only been a single mum when DD was a toddler but you can and will survive it!!
It can be hard, motherhood is, but its so incredibly rewarding too and you develop such an amazing bond with your child.

Absolutely you can do this! Congratulations on your pregnancy!!

Can I ask why you have stopped studying? Don't feel like you have to completely can this if it is your dream.

I'm not and have never been a single mum so I can't speak from experience but I know that there are many single mums on here that inspire me with their tenacity and attitudes and hardwork, they will be able to hep you with advice at all parts of your journey to becoming a mum.

It is ok to be excited about this and scared and everything else you are feeling, t is normal!

As far as your ex saying you will have to do this on your own, he is legally responsible to pay child support and this is something the child support agency will help you with once your baby is born, you won't have to worry about chasing him yourself. He may also change his mind, as you have already seen happen, as time progresses

:hug:

it will all work out. trust me

i was with ex fell pregnant was using contraception and all, i left him due to him being abusive, and in 3 months i met my now husband.
so i was never a single parent as such, but i had alot of uncertainty in the begining of my pregnancy and heart ache wondering how would i cope or do this alone. i had great support from my family but never felt they truely understood my feelings and emotions. and to make it worse i still had 2 months of uni to finish and i got through it all and came out with my registration for nursing and alot more understanding of just who i was as a person and the feeling that i could cope with anything.

i have just had bub number 2 with my husband and life is great.

i know it feels kinda dark and like nothing is going to work out and how can you feel happy about this baby when so much heartache surrounds the pregnancy and your life. but focus on the great experience that is pregnancy and the beautiful baby growing inside you and teh miricale that life is and there will be a better future ahead.

let your ex make up his mind, dont dwell on his decisions because they are just that HIS decisions.
my ex has nothing to do with me or DD1 and its perfect for us.

Your post sounds almost identical to my situation when I was 8 weeks pregnant. I was engaged and over the moon to be pregnant, but my XP broke it off and I was totally heartbroken. I too was really scared that being so upset would be harming my baby.

I'm now 39+2 weeks pregnant and am doing much better. The heartbreak of the relationship ending gets better, and as you start to feel your baby move, hear the heartbeat etc you will fall in love with your precious child and it will get you through. His/her heart beating will help mend yours.

I still have tough days, but I have to say, I no longer doubt that I can do this on my own, and more importantly, do it well.

Allow yourself to grieve, but always try to focus on the positives. Life is too short and too precious to let others dictate how you feel. You and your baby will do just fine :)

Thanks so much for the support :) I'm feeling much better and I think I'm in the very beginning stages of realising that I shouldn't have my ex in my life anymore, it just hurts and makes things so much worse.

Jas, I stopped studying so that I could go and work for a little while and make some money, unfortunately I was supposed to go back in February of this year, but after a lengthy discussion with my family I decided to let myself rest and take care of myself instead of studying. I will be going back when bub is maybe a year old, however as I am going to be living at my parents house out in Tooowomba I will have to do a B of Nursing instead of the B of Midwifery. But that's okay because I can specialise and still become a Midwife, which is my dream. But on the other hand having children has always been a dream of mine so I'm not disappointed at all.

I know I can do this on my own now, I'm highly capable and it will help me to be a better and stronger person. If I can finish uni while raising a good child, I feel so much more rewarded :) yay!

career wise having your B of nursing first can be handy as you will do a small stint in midwifery with it, well i did anyway and it gave me a good insight into midwifery.

im very glad your being mroe positive about it all :D

Kawazuki you are an inspiration :heartbeat:

thanx
but dont ever think anything to hard to achieve.. it may just take you on a steeper path than you first thought.

there is always a way to get where you want it life sometime syou have to take the scenic route.. lol well thats how im looking at it anyway.
i only have 5 years left till my kids are all in school so i can do my paramedics or midwery, so i am doing everything now that im able to to give me a leg up in that time. im currently working in a drs surgery as a practice nurse and getting into courses like immunisation and womens health and childrens health checks etc so i have a better understanding of things and keep my ability to learn up..

I think it's wonderful that you've done so much to get to where you want to be.
Although I'm not studying at the moment I read textbooks on things like bio ethics and the practice of Midwifery as much as possible in order to make things easier for me when I do start studying again. I'm absolutely excited about gaining first hand experience when the baby is born. When I think about it I think my life may have needed this bub to give it purpose. I was pretty lost, but now I feel like everything can and will fall into place. It's a very reassuring thought :clap: Quite excited currently!

It's great that you're feeling much more positive!! I am too just from reading all these nice posts, and the support and encouragement really does do wonders eh! Sometimes I think we just need a little reminding that we're strong and capable women and will be fine :)

Lacey- I don't have any advice just here to remind you it will all work out the way its supposed to:)
you will make a wonderful mummy, with or without your ex! sure it will be alot harder but you have all the support from the great mummies on bb!

Im 21 also, my dp is 24 and although i am not a single mummy ( although it sometimes feels like it) i just know you will be fine, although having a baby wont mend your heart or make your ex come back to you, it will make your reason for living each day totally change!
if you ever need a chat just yell out!
goodluck and stay strong :)

:

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although having a baby wont mend your heart or make your ex come back to you, it will make your reason for living each day totally change!

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:yeahthat:
well said!!
Sweetness, i know your days seem dark atm, but everything will work out the way its ment to. I know its easy enough for me to say "stay strong" but you you really have come to the right place to start, this plac and these ladies have helped me and many other women with all kinds of problems.
If you ever need to talk, im here
xxx

I am sorry to hear your pregnancy and path to parenthood isnt going very well.

I was never pregnant (my DD is adopted) but I am and have always been a single mum. It can be tough, I have lots of days where I wish I had an extra pair of hands or to be able to go out on my own. But as tough as it gets IT IS WORTH IT! who knows by the time bubs is born the dad may have accepted it and if not you will be a wonderful mum.

Also, studying with children is possible. You may need to take a little bit of time off when bubs is first born and maybe only take on a half study load, but it is manageable. There is a lot of single mums in my course, we all provide heaps of support to each other because we know what each other is going through. There is also a section on this forum about studying where you can get support as well.

Good luck
Sjl

No advice, just wanna send lots of hugs

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I won't repeat everything the others have said but rest assured, when you are feeling along BB will cheer you up. You are just embarking on an amazing journey, so as hard as it is, try to embrace the positive things in life rather than dwelling on the negatives - easier said than done, I know.

I have a fave quote, read it slowly
"Things turn out the best, for those who make the best, out of the way things turn out"

Wishing you a very healthy pregnancy :hug:

Lacey, I have to say after reading this...you are going to be juuuuust fiiiine :lol:

Really - you clearly are a smart girl, you have family support....and although things might get hairy here and there, it's the same for any new parent.

Hang in there and welcome to BB!

Congratulations on your pregnancy believe me I know EXACTLY what you're going through.
Especially being a nurse, knowing whats going on inside and how amazing it all is. It is so hard because theres this beautiful little miracle and some idiot who doesnt know how special it all is. It really is a privaledge to be pregnant. I had so many friends who either lost babies or couldnt have them so when I fell pregnant even inspite of the circumstance I didnt feel like it was my right to take that babies life away from him.
No matter what happens there will be plenty of people around who will absolutely love your baby to bits. Its tough doing it on your own but trust me it wont be hard to love it.
Again theres tonnes of support there like the family relationships advice like and family relationship centre - they even run courses on making single parenting easier.
All the best with everything and congratulations on your little miracle
Mel
xox

Lacey, firstly welcome to BB. Great forum, love it here. Hope you do too.

Secondly, and most importantly.... We don't need men anywhere near as much as they would have us believe. That whole "you'll have to do it on your own" line is a gigantic load of self important bullcrap. Women did it on their own for a millennia. Many women still do. Do not let that self esteem flattening statement ever let you doubt your own abilities to raise your child.

Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, he is an absolute treasure... but if anything happened and he wasn't here tomorrow, I know I am capable of being their mum. I love him to bits, but I am not an invalid without him.

I truly despise when men pop that old chestnut out. Its purpose is to make you doubt yourself and walk your own backside to the nearest abortion clinic - and no doubt 99% of the time so he doesnt have to pay child support. If he ever pulls it again just tell him that he will be the one missing out - you and your baby will be just fine!

It's does get easier with time, most definitely! All grief goes in stages and you are gonna feel sad for a while. REpressing the sadness is probably goingto be more harmful to your body and your baby. Just feel sad, it's ok. Lots of love to you, you'll get through it I promise xxx