Not knowing Baby's Gender Until Birth?

I have never considered learning the sex of my baby prior his/her birth in the past and now I am TTC again for some reason when I talk to people, lots find this kind of bizzare that I don't want to know until the birth.

It 'seems' the thing to do these days is announce the sex of the baby but not the name/s chosen. Where I have done it the other way around.

Is there many mums that didn't or haven't learnt their babies gender until the birth? What has made you wait? Me, its the surprise and the wondering, I like the mystery.

Hi Cammie,

I have to say, I did find out the gender of my first, but probably wouldnt with my second... It was more in preperation for the first, Wanting to be organised iykwim?

But now that ive been there and done that I know that all the *organised* stuff can wait :)

Saying that, I will probably burst trying to wait and find out but oh well lol

Good Luck with TTC

Colleen

I didn't find out the gender for my first, but did for my 2nd and 3rd.

As they are all boys, my dream-come-true would be a girl this time and I am going to find out.

For a few reasons....firstly because this is my last chance to have a girl and I need to know early so that I have time to "grieve" (yes, strong word but when you've wished and hoped as much as I have, it will be disappointing to have another boy) and then I can put it aside and get on with the rest of my pregnancy and loving and preparing for a new little boy to join my world.

Secondly because due to recent circumstances, I am on my own and need to prepare the nursery on a very very limited income. My other children are much older so I literally have to start again from scratch. Knowing the gender will make things so much easier for me because I can just shop for what I need and not waste money on "what if" purchases. And I won't have to rely on anybody else to go shopping for me afterwards if I just purchase neutral gender items and decide that I really want a little boy or little girl outfit to bring the Peanut home in.

Lastly, because my other children have "issues" which require careful management and they need to know if they are preparing for a brother or a sister. They need to reconcile the new arrival in their own minds and even be able to call him/her by name. That is a huge part of their own individual comfort zones.

I did briefly entertain the thril of the "it's a ....." announcement in the labour ward, but for the reasons above decided to follow my head (and heart to a large extent) and find out.

Lisa

Hi Cammie,

We found out the sex of our baby last week (its a boy YAY).. but only because theres no way i could wait till 40 weeks as im too impatient as it is. But prior to finding out when telling people i was planning to i was critisized quite alot for not waiting. Id say 2 in 3 people i told didnt think it was right and told my i wont get the surprise when its born. Which i thought pehhh its my decision. I dont think i was any less excited than i will be at my baby's birth. We were extatic to learn we were having a little son. We'll just get another surprise when hes born to have him in our lives.

I think there, well from my experience, are still quite alot of people out there who prefer to wait and thats fair enough, but its your decision.

I say do what you want to do.. if you want to wait, then wait.. dont do what everyone else is doing or what everyone else is telling you is best to do.

Best of luck :)

Cammie,

I don't think you've done it the wrong way, it's your way. We don't know the sex and haven;t told a sole the names we picked.

My DH desperately wanted to know originally, but now is looking forward to the surprise. Me - I had excitement issues (like I wasn't in the slightest) and felt I needed something as a surprise at the end. I aslo desperately want a girl (yes I will love it no matter what) and didn't want to feel any hint of disappointment if told otherwise. I will love what I'm given, when it's given to me.

Just goes to show, everyone's different and has their own reasons.cIf they think it's wrong they can have another baby and make their own decision when the time comes.

I didn't find out for my first and really didn't want to - I wanted the surprise. We found out with this one - it was the "will it be a girl"?? thing - it's not and I couldn't be happier but I wanted to know. Given this one will also be a boy IF we had another I probably would want to know again to get over any gender issues I may or maynot have knowing it would be my last - don't think I would but you never know. If this one had been a girl and thus I had one of each I'd go back to any future ones being surprises cause I really do like the surprise element

Didn't find out with my pregnancy. I liked not knowing, looking forward to the surprise and seeing if my gut instinct was correct (it was). I am an impatient person, but to me this was important enough to wait for. I might sneak a look at a Christmas present, but my baby is way more special than any Christmas present and deserves better treatment.

I never went for the whole planning thing, if anything not knowing saved me money as once I had the basics. I knew I couldn't buy that cute outfit in case it was/or wasn't a girl. Also as we had decided that we would probably go for another, then gender neutral items are more easily reusable.

Another thing for me was that I did not want to put an identity/personality on my baby, I wanted her or him to tell me who they were when they arrived.

If we have another I would still choose to not find out.

I have to say I wouldn't find out if I didn't need time to prepare emotionally.

It is so nice to have a surprise. I didn't find out with DD#1&2, I did with DD#3 for a few reasons.

Tanya

I realy wanted to know what I am having partly because I am impatent and because of finances. but our little one likes to keep its legs crossed so I never found out. I was upset by this and I keep coming across people who who say that we knew but just were not telling to other people who were happy as "it should be a surprise for going through it all" I think its a personal decesion.

We found out with our first because like Colleen I wanted to be organised and we really wanted a girl so I wanted to get used to the idea incase we were having a boy, which we did. We didn't care after we found out and we love him to bits and wouldn't swap him for anything. Next time around though I think I'd like to have the surprise, DH didn't really want to find out with the first but I talked him into it, lol. I bet it will be the other way round next time and he'll want to find out and I won't. However I am also VERY impatient and hate waiting so I may cave, but I'd like to try not to. We are hoping for a girl next time too and then we can stop :D

But everyone has their own way of doing things, so I don't think you've done anything the wrong way at all. Just ignore other people, everyone around you seems to go insane around pregnant people.

In all three of my pg's (even though 2 haven't gone to plan) we haven't even considered finding out the gender of our babies.

In fact my DH is dead set against it & I agree with him coz as he says "so few things in life are a real suprise anymore but the gender of a baby can be one of those few", so we never found out & I doubt we ever will should we decide to travel the pg path again.

We didn't find out for my first child. We knew we'd find out soon enough and wanted the thrill of the "It's a ..." - after all, after going through labour I wanted a surprise waiting for me.

With our second child we weren't going to find out and at the 19w u/s told the radiographer not to tell if they could see. It wasn't until we were struggling with boys names and the fact that I had to have another u/s at 33w that we decided to find out. We were still hesitant, but it was so exciting to be told we were expecting a boy (I don't think it would have mattered what sex it was really).

I'm so pleased we found out for #2, and although I'd love the surprise again for #3, I think that due to bedroom logistics, I think I'll be finding out.

ETA: not only did we not tell anyone the sex of #2, we wouldn't share the names we'd been considering for either #1 or #2. We wanted the arrival of our little treasure to be announced and an exciting surprise for everyone.

We wanted to find out desperately being first time parents and excited to hell ... but at our last u/s @ 19 weeks (mainly cos I'm a larger lady O:) ) the sonographer couldn't tell at all ... so we have to wait ... thankfully not for much longer.

We've both had VERY strong feelings since we found out we were pg that we're having a girl and absolutely love the girl's name we have picked (Jovi Lee), however we will also be ecstatic (sp?) if it's a boy as DH is the last boy in his family (Christopher Gordon).

Both our family's think that we're having a boy however, especially DH's mum as I have not been sick or anything during this pregnancy and she wasn't with DH, but was with all his 3 sisters. My mum wants it to be a boy as my brother and wife had a little girl (not so little now! what a little chubba :lol: ) last year. But they're pregnant again and we all think that she's having a boy as this pregnancy is much more like it was with her first boy.

If we had found out, we were more than happy to tell people what we were having but are deadset against telling people names, especially now that we don't know what we're having (though I don't mind sharing with you guys as I don't personally know any of you here and there is no way that my rello's would find out ... plus I NEEDED to tell someone :lol: )

It should be interesting though if it is a girl as we know that a few people in the family will say that the ONLY reason we like Jovi for a name is because we are avid Bon Jovi fans, however I knew this before I agreed to the name and made DH do some research. He actually heard the name on that movie "Elf" except the girls name was spelt Jove (but pronounced Jovi) and I made him find a meaning for it. It's a female form of Jovan and mean's Happy. It can also be a shortened form of names like Jovita. So at least we have some ammo against (especially) his younger sister who we know will harp on it.

But I love it ... and having been watching the reruns of Elf lately on Austar just to hear the name :lol:

But really it's just a personal choice what you want to do ... find out, not find out, tell people, don't tell people ... whatever you decide should be fine by everyone else (though I know it never is ... we almost got into a massive argument with a rellie cos we wouldn't tell them the names we had picked out ... they were so rude about it).

We didn't find out with #1 - didn't want too. I wouldn't have found out with #2 either, but DH REALLY wanted to know, and my dd was walking around telling everyone she was having a 'sisterbrother' so we thought it was probably best to end the confusion for her.

It's been good actually because she got over the whole 'I wanted a sister' thing early on and now she's excited about her baby brother.

I don't think there's anything right or wrong about finding out or not. That said, before this one, I always wondered how people found out early and 'ruined' the surprise. Now I can see both sides....

Good luck with your pregnancy and enjoy your surprise!!

Bel

We didn't find out with number 1, I wanted the thrill of "It's a ....." I loved the suprise & loved calling everyone to let them know.

I am finding out with this baby but will keep it quiet. Only my DH & I will know. I guess this time around we did IVF & I want to feel like I know my baby before he/she arrives. I want a chance to bond with this baby as I have had a few issues about 'not being involved' in the conception iykwim?

Good luck & enjoy the thrill of the suprise!!!

With Kameron I didn't want to know the sex, unforfunately though when the ultrasound started it was right on top of the genital area and I knew straight away what i was looking at. Andrew had no idea, so I asked him if I he wanted to know and he hestitated but said yes. However we didn't tell anyone what we were having.

With Lachlan we wanted to know in case we had to prepare for a girl. Andrew was more disappointed in having another boy than what I was, but he soon got over it.

With this one we will be finding out the sex again, but are unsure atm if we will tell the world ;)

Love

hey, I didn't find out, coz there's no surprises in the world anymore well hardly any, so I thought I'd wait until the DR delivered baby and then said the congratulations part,and when he said you have a girl, we cried.

When i was in Labor with my 2nd I was exactly the same they did an ultrasound and said oh baby's healthy as do you want to no the sex, I almost said yes infact I think I did and DH interjected as quick as saying no no we don't want to know, just as well Im a big blabber mouth and as my Mum says I can't hold my own water, and then he was born and pooed on me straight away I said it's gotta be a boy and YEP, so after that long winded post sorry to steal, I reckon it's nice to have a surprise. O:)

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For a few reasons....firstly because this is my last chance to have a girl and I need to know early so that I have time to "grieve" (yes, strong word but when you've wished and hoped as much as I have, it will be disappointing to have another boy) and then I can put it aside and get on with the rest of my pregnancy and loving and preparing for a new little boy to join my world.

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Same here also. This isn't likely to be my last pg but I do want a girl. I wanted a girl with my second & was disappointed to find it was a boy. It lasted alll of 5 minutes but still. I didn't want to make any negative comments at the birth when it was a boy & not the gilr I hoped for.
We will find out again this time but I am sure its another boy!

We did not find out with either of ours and most likely won't find out if we have another. For me it's not so much the "surprise" thing (I can think of plenty of less physically, emotionally and financially less taxing ways to get a surprise than having a baby!) but more a belief that it doesn't / shouldn't matter. A nice side-effect is that other (mostly older) family members can have the fun of speculating.

Strangely enough, the issue never really arose for us. With ds we had an ultrasound, but they did not offer to tell us the sex (I've since been told that you usually have to ask if you want to know, otherwise they don't say anything, unless of course your little man has a penis down to his knees that you're going to notice anyway). With dd we decided not to have any scans for other reasons, and we weren't going to have one just to find out the sex, so there was no opportunity to find out.

With preparation, we didn't/wouldn't do or buy anything different in any case, as we prefer not to get "girly"/"boyish" clothes, toys etc. A few people mistook my daughter for a boy due to her being dressed in blue (we were given some pastel pink things by people who thought not dressing a girl in pink was tantamount to child abuse, but they really didn't suit her), and recently a lady in the supermarket asked whether my son was a boy or a girl (he happened to have a little ponytail in his hair, as he loves dressing up and preening himself - he's the only 2yo I know who asks for a foundation compact as a present [no I didn't buy him one] and I'm always saying he'll be a "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" presenter when he grows up!).

But as a couple of people have mentioned there are quite a few valid reasons why people could want to know, so it's obviously good that we have the choice.

Thanks for the replies everyone. It is a very individual choice to find out or not to.

I am feeling a little torn at this point whether I will find out with my next pregnancy (if I manage fall preg). Will probably lean towards not finding out. It might be fun to include the other kids in guessing the sex and weight.