What things did you wish you knew about labour after you had been in labour and what things did you wish you knew about those first few days with your baby?
What advice or funny embarrasing stories can you share?
What things did you wish you knew about labour after you had been in labour and what things did you wish you knew about those first few days with your baby?
What advice or funny embarrasing stories can you share?
1 that labour is nothing to be scared of. I remember saying to DH about half way into my first birth that I was really scared because I didn't really know what was going to happen next and I wished I had of just embraced it more kwim?
2 that breastfeeding is natural, but it doesn't come naturally. I really wish someone had of told me that. All the books said that breastfeeding is great, but none of them said that it is bloody hard work making it work. And also that while it is hard at first, that it does get easier. I was a mess for the first two weeks, but once we got to the 4wk mark everything just clicked and I felt more like a Mum then than I did for the first 4 weeks.
Like Trillian I wish I knew not to be scared during labour and also wish I'd known how to work with the pain instead of fighting it
In the first few weeks home I wish I'd known that no one was perfect and I didn't have to be either.
I wasn't afraid and I didn't really think anything would go wrong....but I wish I was a bit more prepared for the 'aftermath'. Even though I had a natural birth , 2nd degree tearing was pretty sore. It was really hard to get out of bed and couldn't sit up at all the first day. Stingy when going to the loo etc. My sis (a nurse) gave me a squeezy bottle and box of table salt. I put on tablespoon of salt in it and dissolved it, then squeeze over sore bits :redface:. I used this in the shower and when going to the toilet. It was like a salt wash and was very relieving. I think it helped a great deal.
Wishing you all the best!
Rach xx
I was just talking about this today with a second time mum.
Labour - I thought that I was tough and if I was calm and relaxed it wouldn't hurt much. So when it hurt I didn't know what on earth to do. For this time I accept that it will hurt and is hard work and I'm preparing for that.
New baby - I was told that with breastfeeding when bub was finished she would pull off. It took me a few days to realise that it didn't work both ways. So pulling off didn't mean she was finished. Does that make sense? DD would pull off after 10min and I thought she was done. But she just needed a break and a burp. I eventually learned to put her back on the same breast and let her finish. I felt so bad that I had been starving her. She lost a fair bit of weight.
Here's hoping second time is easier!
1 - I had c-sects so no help there... But I can say that with my elective sections it was possible for me to have my baby on the breast within an hour, and baby lead attachment is possible and still pretty amazing at that point.
2 - Not be afraid to admit that you need help with things, and to seek help where you can, like with breastfeeding and the baby, that it is OK to bug the nurses and midwives in hospital. Pepper them with questions, and seek help when you can. But to also realise that sometimes their advice is not the be all and end all, and to ask the nurse on the next shift for a different perspective if you feel uncomfortable with the way things are going.
Labour - I was petrified going into labour, about the pain, how I was going to cope, etc. Next time I really want to deal with the pain more calmly. Another thing, next time I would like to push when I have the urge, not when the midwives tell me to.
After birth - I now know that breastfeeding can be a lot of hard work and it requires patience and perseverence, and yes, it does get easier with time (I hated people telling me that at the time, and I honestly couldn't imagine getting easier, but now I know it does...even if it takes 10 weeks!). I'm also prepared for how sore I might be "down there". I was really sore for months, it hurt to walk, to pee, to anything really. Oh yeah, and the baby blues...I didn't think it would happen to me, but I was a blubbering mess for weeks after the birth, hightened because of the breastfeeding issues and how sore I was I'm sure.
Labour....I wish i known it was ok to say NO to some things that MW told me to do....(doh) Id read all the book and thought i had a handle on it....I wish id known that no book can tell you what YOUR body is going to do and you have to just trust YOUR body to do the right thing.
Baby....Wish id known that a baby can feed every ten minutes (or so it seemed) and that my milk wouldnt come in for 5 days and that huge painful swollen boobs was normal and the 'amazing bonding experience' that BFing was ment to be wouldnt happen in the first few weeks!!
When people say 'just do what works for you' to really do that, if that means locking your self away for a week, feeding and sleeping in bed together, never putting baby down or off the boob...do that. And when hearing the 'youl make a rod for your back'....'youl spoil her'...shel learn how to manipulate you' comments, just turn your brain off and smile, while humming a tune!! Pointless advice!!!
Dont have any photos of my belly in the last few weeks. Wish i did!
labour - i wasn't prepared that with the first contraction i would be thinking 'i don't think i can do this'! of course, i could but i just wasn't prepared for how it would totally knock me off balance. i also learnt that despite doing lots of research into which position i would like to labour (i thought on a birthing ball) & not labour (lying on my back) that these things might be totally round the other way!
after birth - that having a long, hot shower would be what kept me sane. and that standing in the shower having a good cry was perfectly normal. i also agree with trillian on bfing. most of all, i wasn't prepared for feelings about my relationship with DP - i actually felt grief & like i'd lost something. it was just a change in our relationship but the strength of the feeling surprised me. i also wish i'd known just how overwhelmed i'd feel by it all - it settled down by about week 5 or 6 but the first two weeks were so intense!
I wish I knew that I had choices about birthing my child. I wish that I had realised that birthing is a natural process in most circumstances that doesn't need medical intervention to speed it up or get the baby out quickly.
I wish I was told that breastfeeding doesn't always come naturally. I wish that I was never told that my baby should be feed 3 hourly and put into a routine pronto!!! This simple bit of knowledge may have saved a lot of tears. I was never told about skin to skin contact or that babies need breast for comfort.
I wish that all my well meaning relos would have stayed away for at least a day so that we could bond with our baby in peace and quiet. It is a bit hard to establish feeding with 10 other adults in the room with you for the whole day:wall:
Labour: That walking around really helps and to keep taking deep deep breaths.. For a c/s ( I had 3) that it hurts like all hell to stand for the first time but if you breathe deeply and keep your shoulders straight then it isn't so bad
First few days: That day 3-5 can be just plain horrible. Baby will cry a lot and want to feed a lot but that is all to do with Bfeeding (was in my case anyways)
that no matter how great you think your newborn is sleeping it will get worse then better then worse again lol..
Not sure if I can think of anything else right now.. for me those were the big things I wished I knew
Labour - that it doesn't matter how much reading and preparing you do, when push comes to pushing your hindbrain takes control and you can't remember all those things. Drill your birth support. Ask them what they will do when XYZ... tell them to ask if you want a drink every 10 minutes... basically, they're your walking brain. They do the higher thinking for you. So get them into the right brainspace! (DH was a bit crap at this, if you can't tell.)
New Baby - Just tell everyone else where to shove it. Your baby, your rules. You CANNOT over-breastfeed and it is NOT spoiling them to have a cuddle. Co-sleeping won't kill your baby and breastfeeding will not kill you. (What other advice did I have... oh yes, sleeping while baby sleeps in the first few weeks means you get bored of sleep for the only time of your parenting life.) You know your child best. If a visitor comes and you're in a salt bath and baby's asleep, even if they're midwives or the like, get your OH to tell them where to go. Just for half a bleeding hour! Also, it's OK not to be all "bond"y and "in love": if you're a more reserved person, as I am, it's very normal and a lot more rewarding to have the love slowly grow over time than it is for a rush of something you aren't sure about then... what? Not sure what happens with bonding, only that it didn't here!
I wish I'd known that not all babies like to be wrapped - I may have been able to get more sleep in hospital if I'd twigged earlier that it was my wrapping him that made him cry, not my putting him down...
I wish I'd slapped the night-shift midcow when it first occurred to me that it would be well-deserved.
I wish I'd insisted that they help me co-sleep safely at the beginning so that I didn't end up so sleep-deprived that it was no longer a safe option anyway.
After the birth - rest rest rest rest rest. and tell everyone to jump if they don't like it. It took till my 2nd to work out how beneficial it is to just stay in bed with your baby for the first few weeks.
For my 3rd I came straight home and jumped back into bed with dd and stayed there till I felt like coming out.
OOOHHHH the hemorrhoids - gosh !!!!! Labour is easy compared to the hemorrids you can sometimes get afterwards!!!!!!
And the little 'scratches' on your labia that burn when you go to toilet afterwards...and what to do and how to sit....
Read all about labour in the first 6 months then read all about baby care in your 7-9 month and just touch up on labour in the last month too.
There is no time to figure out what to do with baby once they are born you have to the wing'it. I was so worried about the birth i never read about baby care and gosh was I in for a shocker cause it doesn't always come naturally.
1st baby labour - sometimes there is no urge at all to push but that you can still push.
1st baby after birth - breastfeeding doesn't come naturally,
within the first 12months - sleep every chance you get and a mother must follow her instincts if she suspects something is wrong with their child.
2nd baby labour - can be a MUCH shorter labour and before you have even thought about calling your MW you could have a sudden huge urge to push!!!
2nd baby after birth - no two babies are the same - I kinda new this but sometimes one can be anxious about certain thing unnecessarily and that breast feeding can be easy and natural. (I was so nervous after my 1st child)
Like many other Ladies have already mentioned I wish I'd been more prepared for the struggles of establishing breastfeeding. I'd expected it to be so easy and was so devastated when it all went south in the days following the birth.
I also wish I was more prepared for the "baby blues", I'd assumed I'd just get a bit teary one day and then it would all be over, I didn't expect to be a total mess for the first 5 days after our birth, I felt absolutely useless and couldn't understand why I wasn't bonding with my baby.
I'd also go back and tell all my family and friends to not expect to visit untill a few weeks after the birth.
Labour - how hard it would be for DH to see me in that pain, and that he needed 'time out', and how exhausting it would be (see next point), no matter how it ends...oh and that barley sugar and staminade would be such a good friend (about the only things of use that I packed in my hospital bag)
First few days
1. how exhausted I would be - I remember the nurses trying to get ds to BF, and I was so tired I could not sit up or keep my eyes open!
2. how hard BF would be and for how long!
3. that it is not always 'love at first sight' - i still remember looking into the cot at DS and thinking 'is he really mine', and wondering if I was meant to kiss him each time I put him down in his cot for a sleep (I did not 'naturally' feel the need/desire to - much different to now)...I was so stressed about if this was normal, but to worried to ask someone as I was afraid that I was 'abnormal' and that they would come and take my baby away from me because I was not going to be a good mother!
4. that no matter how hard people tell you motherhood is, you dont really belive it till you live it!
Labour- I went to all of the classes available while I was pregnant so I would be well prepared. Yet, when my water broke I freaked out and forgot all of the techniques to calm myself down. Being frekaed out slowed my labor by 8 hours. I wish I would have tuned into being more calm.
Birth- Immediately afterwaards I felt bad because I was so tired I wasnt as enthusiastic as I had hoped for when she came out. I just remember being so exhausted. I loved her with every inch of my being and I felt kind of let down. Yet, I cant expect to be jumping for joy after giving birth. I just wanted her to fall asleep in my arms with me.
i wish (like most of these ladies) that i was more prepared for the breastfeeding, and like someone else has said, i know now that it does get easier but boy i hated hearing it.
i wish that id been more prepared for the baby blues, i was one of those women that was convinced that it wouldnt happen to me, im pretty easy going and optomistic about most things so why would this be different? but i really think that the issues that i was having bfing contributed to that. that and i wasn really prepared for when baby comes home iykwim? i hadnt really thought past getting her out and hospital if id known that i wouldve been doing most of the work on my own (DH was useless.. as much as he tried not to be)
I was so focused on the actual birth that I didn't mentally prepare for the sleep deprivation or plan for things like breastfeeding etc.
This time around, I have definitely focused on the birth, but have gotten help from the ABA and my midwife to assist with breastfeeding and supply prior to the birth.
I've also asked my mum to stay for a month or so - so that I can just concentrate on feeding and sleeping with my DD while my DS has my mum to entertain him.
So I guess my advice would be not to get hung up on the birth - it's one day, but start to prepare for after bub comes home.
For me, the baby blues were HUGE and I really didn't think I'd get them. Breastfeeding was way more difficult than I thought and I had no support, so with Coops I lasted one week :cry:
I wish I'd used the shower for pain relief the first time around.
I wish I'd done a bit more research on what my body was doing during labour and concentrating on my breathing.
I wish I'd known that getting an epidural meant I had a 50% chance of vacuum or forceps birth.
I wish I'd known that when I was getting to the point where I was thinking "I can't handle this anymore" that I didn't actually have much longer to go.
I wish I'd spent more time cuddling skin to skin, sniffing him and gazing at him rather than getting him into a routine. I wish I'd been more prepared to go with the flow.
And I wish I'd had more healthy food in the freezer ready to heat and eat for dinner!
Plenty of people have said it, now it my turn :) ... I really wish I knew that breastfeeding wasn't as easy as a boob and a mouth! Maybe for some it is, but not for me! I was told 'natural instinct takes over' blah blah blah. Thinking like that made me feel like a complete failure when I had trouble getting DD to attch and it was so painful that I really didn't enjoy it for the first few weeks which made me feel even worse. I cried to my mum one day (she was here staying with me until BF was established and I felt confident with it all. I have the best mummy!) that I dreaded feeding her which made me a bad mother. She has a no nonsence attitude, just told me I didn't dread feeding my baby, I hated the pain, everyone hates pain and was not a bad mother, so put the baby on the boob and get on with it!!! :lol:
Also I really wish I had prepared myself for the possiblity of tearing. I am the kind of person that really has to get my head prepared for different situations and although it was mentioned in our antenatel classes that there was a possiblity, they mainly linked it to women pushing before they're fully dilated so it was kind of one of the last things I expected, especially a 3rd deg tear! I found it quite disheartening having to have DH there to pull down my underwear so I could go to the toilet or dress/ undress to shower as I could not bend completely and I couldn't stand up complete straight either. Not something that had even crossed my mind previously!
Anyways thats me done!!! :D
birth- not to be so scared and work with the pain (like someone else said). wish i had done more mental preperation before hand etc, yoga, massage, accupuncture etc. (and also watched what i was eating a bit more) and kept up some form of exercise.
Baby- i wish i had thrown away all the baby manuals listing milestones and characteristics of babies week to week! i wish i didnt feel guilty for co-sleeping and breastfeeding to sleep cause they were the only ways any of us could cope, yet it wasnt what 'normal' babies do! i wish i had stopped watching the clock and recording feeding times and sleeping times etc and just gone with the flow more often. wish i had stopped comparing my baby to other peoples babies.
It's been a while since anyone's posted in here but I thought I'd share my experience...
Labour: I wish I'd known that it can't always go to plan. I wanted a really natural birth with no drugs, and possibly even in the bath. But, i went overdue, got induced and had to have a c-section (pelvis too small for bubs head). My advice is even though it's a really scary thought, don't count on having it the way you want it. Read about everything that can happen, because I had no idea what was happening to me.
Baby: Have confidence in yourself, trust your instincts! I could tell something was wrong with DS around 3 weeks before he started showing symptoms and then within a week he started screaming from reflux. And don't stress if you can't tell which cries mean what instantly, or you feel like you don't know what you're doing. Give yourself time and you will learn.
Labour: I wish I had not just left everything up to the medical staff believing they knew best. I wish i had done a little bit more research. My pain threshold was not as high as I thought it was. I wish someone had told me that labour was more like doing a marathon run than trying to push out a watermelon (I had looong labours)... the pushing part was not the hard bit... it was getting there in a positive mindset!
After: I wish i had known about the importance of a Babymoon... i hadn't even heard of that phrase. I wish I hadn't feel pressured to go out to a New Year's Eve party one week after giving birth. I should have babymooned for at least a month!!! I learnt this by the time I had my second and third ;)
I was 18 when i had DS...I knew nothing about labour...I wish some one told me about the feeling of needing a huge poo!!
And its ok to stay in your pjs all day when you have a newborn
Labour: I was very happy with the first time, and felt about right, second time, I wish I hadn't known what to expect, I probably would have been more relaxed. I was more nervouse the second time round!!!
After Birth:
I turned to my hubby and said what do I do with this now?
I felt the immense loss as well, but didn't connect it to a change in relationship with my partner, I felt more like I was mourning my baby bump. thoughts of will I ever get to experience that again, coupled with the overwhelming of what to do with the bubs, 'cause it was easier when it was on the inside. I felt better equiped to deal with this with #2 and have only cried at a moment of sheer exhaustion where the 2yo was really crawling under every inch of my skin and I needed some me time.
with number 2 I didn't expect the after pains to be as bad as they where
Shades: I wish you has slaped the night shift midcow, :lol: it kind of feels like your being targeted when it's first bub, and am right there with you on the wrapping. Everyone tries to tell me babies love being wraped, they just don't know it, Like hell, My babies love their hands. #1 we stoped wrapping at 3 months. #2 stoped wrapping arms at 3 days! still wrap under arms for warmth, but she does not like being restrained, and even gets very upset with mittens!
Pish: it would be nice if they menitoned some of us are smaller and don't have as much stretch so we tear. There was no more room available with me, my babies were coming out if I pushed or not, so i couldn't avoid the tear, without a lot of prep, but then i didn't learn the second time round.
Hollo I wish I had done more yoga etc before #2 my body felt it more, definetly work on the bod before i go back again.
1) I wish, even though I ended up having c-sections, that during my antenatal classes, they had taken the time, esp for first timers like i was, to explain the possibility of a c-section. Don't get me wrong, the classes were brilliant but kinda made me live in a world of expecting to have a natural birth. My gf lives almost the same story to tell that we both now feel like failures and get quite upset when we hear people 'just gave birth naturally'. (both had the same OBGYN, same hospy etc) After my first c-section I was in so much shock I never bonded with my truely amazing and gorgeous little boy and i beelive that led me down the path to PND. I felt I had failed from the moment we had a c-section.
Make sense!?
I could not agree more.:
With DS#1...I felt / thought that because I was a woman, had been pregnant and had a bbay that I should know what to do and basically never asked a question for the whole 7 nights I was in hospital.
With DS#2...I buzzed them for everything, even to adjust my bed! I was making up for it! DS#2 was a darn noisy sleeper and had this squeak which drove me batty so he slept at the nurses station every night! I was the BOSS!!! :lol:;)
I also asked question about bf, even though I bf DS#1. I asked them because i felt I couldn't the first time and wanted to 'make peace within myself' iykwim.
xxxx
Labour - That I had a really high pain threshhold, a body that does birth well, and that there was nothing for me personally to be afraid of. Looking back, I am amazed that I got though the first birth the way I did. I was over 30, a professional career woman, first birth, posterior presentation, in a private hospital with an OB who made me push lying on my back, (which statistically should have lined me up for a c-section!). I ended up with a relatively drug-free birth (gas doesn't count when you are 9cm gone I say!), no forceps or vacuum but with an episiotomy. And I felt fabulous afterwards. The second was even better, with midwives at a birth centre and absolutely no intervention. I am so relaxed about the concept of birth a third time that I am having a this one at home(though privately I think maybe I am too relaxed sometimes?)
First days with a baby - That even though I had read EVERYTHING I could find on childcare and breastfeeding, had meals in the freezer ready to go, found breastfeeding to be really easy, everything went right, etc - it is still really a HUGE adjustment having a child. The simplest things can be insurmountable in those first few weeks. I had an "easy time" and an "easy baby" (early motherhood was like a Huggies commercial for me) but I still found it taxing - I can only imagine what it would be like to have the cards stacked against you.
Labour - breathing techniques for pain relief. I struggled at home but as soon as the midwife at the hospital talked me through it, it became soooo much more bearable, to the point where I had a drug free birth. Had I known beforehand, I could have stayed home a lot longer.
After birth - settling techniques. On the last day of the hospital we were shown "happiest baby on the block" and that made a huge difference. Not that it all worked, DS refused to stop crying unless he was held upright - no side or stomach for him.
It's nice to read this. My little one wants her arms out, and we decided to stop wrapping them in because she always gets them out, and she is so frustrated until she does!:
Labour - didn't really get to experience it as had emergency c/s.
Baby - where do I start??!!
I wish I cuddled him more in hospital, I guess I was scared and didn't really hold him unless I was feeding him.
I wish I had more consistent advice and closer monitoring when it came to breastfeeding - got such conflicting advice, they all said attachment was ok, which I'm now sure it wasn't. I blame the m/w for me only lasting 2 weeks BF.
I wish I spent more time preparing for life with a baby, rather than the birth.
I agree with sloane - I felt real grief about my relationship with DH, about our 'old lives'. It took a long time for me to adjust to my new life. And with the feeling of being overwhelmed - big time!
I wish I was warned that the baby blues can last more than a couple of days,I believe I had it for the first couple of months! I'd cry to DH about how I missed our old lives nearly every day. I got really clingy to my DH too, just telling him I love him a million times and not wanting him to leave me on my own.
Oh, and I WISH I had prepared meals and frozen them. Honestly, this would have been the best advice. I found it so hard to get the energy to make dinner and try to eat healthy.
I wish I knew to hold the baby a lot, instead of letting her just sleep in her cot all the time. See I thought if she slept in my arms this would 'spoil her' or create a habit.. I wish I knew that newborns don't know the difference!!
I wish I knew about gentle parenting! (Everyone I know seems to love strict routines and controlled crying, and I hadn't heard of anything else)
i havnt got to havin our bubs yet but so far the best thing ive been told (by my MIL midwife) is to make a list of the things that need doing as you think of them so that when u get the chance to ask for help or someone offers you dont need to sit down and think about it cos with everything else thats happening you wont be able to think of anything, so the help is pretty much useless.
My wish for both was to learn to RELAX! I learned it during the labour (it made the contractions about 1/4 of the pain!) and if I'd relaxed more when he was a newborn, I think I would have enjoyed it more. Most of the time I felt like I was on a speeding train and couldn't wait for it to stop :redface:
I wish I'd known how much stuff I'd have to do one-handed... and I wish I knew how to do it all that way! (It's even too hard to make a cuppa or change a DVD..) Then we got a sling ;) Wish I'd had THAT sooner too! ;)
For Labour, I wish I had known what transition was like without an internal. I remember saying I wanted to go home and being told that I was doing fine. I just wanted to curl up in my bed to make it all go away. DD1 was born not too long after.
Baby: I wish I had known that I didn't have to have a routine or teach her to sleep. I wish I had known about safe co sleeping and that not all babies liked being wrapped (another non wrapper here, she screamed, and a MCHN tried to tell me they all liked wrapping - Poppyc0ck) And I wish I had taken the advice to sleep as much as possible.
I wish I had known that a long pushing stage in a rotten position would further damage my already dodgy pelvis and lead to 18 months of more pain.
I wish I had given myself a break and not been so determined to breastfeed that I allowed midwife after midwife to shove DD's head on to my boob for up to 90 minutes each time and understood that an odd bottle here and there was probably not going to be the end of the world and that it would have been much better for my sanity AND bonding than allowing my boobs to be manhandled by strangers. And I wish I had known that it would be better to just try a little bit and often than try for a hideously long time every time and to get so het up about the situation that my milk didn't even come in until Day 7.
Just wondering does anyone ever get the feeling that after the birth of a bub your not alowed to feel overwhelmed or miss your previous life because you wanted to have children?
It sometimes feel that becuse I choose this path I'm not allowed to complain, esp when they are innocent little bubs and you are supposed to be the luckiest person in the world.
This is more how #1 felt, #2 so much easier for me.
Labour - Kinda embarrassing - I wasn't breathing properly, using the breaths to push because I was scared that if I used all my breathing to push, I wouldn't have any left for me and I'd pass out. LOL! I was in a GREAT frame of mind during labour!!!!
After - Yep, Mum had warned me about the haemmorids, but I sat, crying, for days at the uncomfortableness of them. They were worse than my stitches! Also, I wish that someone had told me about using lanisol leading up to giving birth to prepare for breastfeeding. Bleeding nipples is NOT fun and I wish that I'd known about it before hand. As it was, it was day four before a nurse told me to go and buy it, when I was just about to give up b/f altogether. Instead, after I got through that, we are still going, 13 months on :dance:
Corelly x