So...I'm having a homebirth...need some support!

Hi guys!

well, after a rather tumultuous week last week after entering into the Mercy birth centre for an information session that was soon followed by a MASSIVE panic attack (birth trauma last time), it has been advised (and i wholly support!) that i try for a homebirth for this baby...

I am very content with this decision and big weight has been lifted off my shoulders, but i guess what i am after is some support, maybe people that have done this and can offer me the hope that this is an opportunity to bring healing ITMS.
And also, maybe some insight into just HOW different the experience can be to a hospital/birth centre experience (i have strong association fears so am trying to make it as different as possible to last time).

I understand that this is rambled, but it all seems like ALOT to organise...as compared to last time where i just rang and OB and was taken for a ride lol.

TIA guys xx

Just wanted to wish you well with taking the homebirth path- and i'm also interested in what people have to say because I'm going to have a homebirth aswell.

Cassius - well done on making the decision that is best for you. I have no previous experience of birth, home or hospital, but am planning a homebirth for this bub. Do you have an IM organised?

Cassius I just wanted to wish you all the best with your homebirth. I had a bad experience with DD1 and went on to have a wonderful birth and recovery with DD2 (even tho it was in a Hospital, lol), after a whole lot of soul searching, endless reading and research.
xx

Hey hon, congratulations :) One to one midwifery care is the BEST! I would suggest as first thing to do is call a few midwives, interview them and see who you click with. Many of them have a way of making you feel safe and important, but of course people look for different things in their carers - nurturing approach, confident approach, trusting... so whats right for you might not be right for others. Check out the IM recommendations forum, FYI: I know Kylie Shaw Wallace is lovely but is taking a break from work at the moment.

Here's some info from the Maternity Coalition site:

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Midwives In Private Practice
For centuries midwives have worked among their communities providing care to women. Historically midwives have held a philosophy of care based on the belief that pregnancy is, basically, a healthy process and a normal part of life, growth and development. It is this belief that guides the way in which midwives in private practice work. Midwives choosing to work privately, rather than being employed by hospitals and other institutions, do so because it allows them to be flexible about the care they provide. That is, the care offered will be in partnership, directed primarily by the wishes of the women and their families.
The private practitioner midwife is able to provide continuity of care to the families who have chosen to use her services. During the pregnancy, the woman and her family develop a friendly supportive relationship with their midwife (in some cases eg homebirth, the care is shared by two midwives). On the day the baby is born the midwife remains with the woman throughout the entire labour. There are no shift changes that require the midwife to leave. During the first week of the baby's life the same midwife visits each day until the baby has settled into a feeding pattern and the parents feel confident in caring for their new baby.

Some midwives in private practice choose to work in specific areas. For example, some may offer postnatal care, or advice with difficult breastfeeding problems (Lactation Consultants) or Maternal and Child Health (M&CHN). In addition, some midwives are skilled and have qualifications in complementary areas such as acupuncture, counselling, naturopathy, chiropractic, massage or homeopathy.

The range of services provided:
Pre-pregnancy advice
Advice about birth options
Childbirth education classes
Sibling preparation classes
Continuous midwifery care during pregnancy
Preparation for and attendance at births in an appropriate environment of the parents' choice
Postnatal care following birth at home, birth centre or hospital
Separate postnatal care for women who want private midwifery care for this period only or who are discharged home early from hospital
Lactation consultancy
Acupuncture and Chiropractic
Referral to and advice about other health professionals such as medical and natural health practitioners, eg obstetricians, paediatricians, GPs, chiropractors, osteopaths, naturopaths, homeopaths
Some midwives have a special interest and expertise in supporting women in special areas such as vaginal birth after caesarean section (VBAC), breech births, water births and postnatal depression.
The private practitioner midwives listed are fully qualified midwives who work in consultation with medical practitioners when appropriate. All are members of Midwives in Private Practice (MIPP), which is based in Victoria. To apply to become a member of MIPP or to renew your membership see here For information on services elsewhere, see the links page.
For more information please contact:

Andrea Bilcliff
Email: mipps@maternitycoalition.org.au
Ph: 9704 2386 or
Midwives in Private Practice (MIPP)
8 Raleigh Drive, Narre Warren South, VIC 3805

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Congratulations on your choice!

I am planning our HB in Vic too. Everything has been smooth sailing - there is SO much great reading, books etc. out there. Have you chosen a MW? I really recommend chatting to Jan Ireland, she is fantastic and, importantly, I think you will feel really safe and supported with her.

Meet with a few though!

A good IMW will advise you on EVERYTHING you need, so a HB isn't always 'DIY'!

*mwah* thanks guys! you're support means a whole lot, i really mean it!

kelly: thanks for the link! i read what you posted in about 3 seconds...just gobbling up every bit of info like the cookie monster lol!

I have been given a list of IMs by a good friend of mine who is a midwife and has offered to be birth support, so i guess i will just have to go through the list. my main aim is to have someone that we feel comfortable with (obviously), but it would be ideal to have someone that has some understanding of birth trauma and healing and/or postnatal depression. having suffered with it last time i am needing to surround myself with understanding ITMS. she will not need to be a in a counsellor role (i have those networks in action already), but just someone that 'gets it' and will be able to understand some of my responses if they fall outside of 'normal'...ITMS...i might be asking too much though :redface:

Also, i am almost certain that i will need postnatal support. DH and I have no family around and last time i felt the loneliness in those first few weeks to be crippling. so it would be nice to have someone come around every now and then for a cuppa and a chat

argh, i feel silly, as i think i am asking for too much LOL! eeeppp! i dont wanna be seen as crazy pregnant lady lol!

You are close to Rhea Dempsey who is my teacher, she is a counsellor and does birth debriefing - she'd be awesome :)

Birthing Wisdom ::: Rhea Dempsey, Child Birth Educator

I had a HB with my 2nd after a terrible birth of my 1st.
It was Incredible!

will Pm you some other dets

It's not crazy to know what you want Cass! Go for it :hug:

Forgot to add: I have two copies of Homebirth by Nicky Wesson in the online store if you want to get into some good reading :) I know what it's like to be in that info frenzy stage :)

BellyBelly Pty Ltd - Homebirth: A Practical Guide by Nicki Wesson

A perfect balance of practical information, compelling personal stories and research evidence, Home Birth is essential reading for all couples considering the alternative to a hospital birth. Leading childbirth educator Nicky Wesson dispels many common myths about home birth and shows how giving birth to your baby in your own home can be the most exciting and fulfilling thing you'll ever do.

Just saw Kelly post this on Facebook so have just dropped in so i can find it later, not when i have 3 little helpers around me LOL...


But just for a start, homebirth will feel so totally different as there will be no one at your birth that is wearing a uniform! This will be a lovely visual reminder to you that you are somewhere safe. There will be no one at your birth that you dont know! You will be treated with kindness and respect and things will happen on your timeline not some hospitals p & p manual!

Will be happy to write HEAPS more later.

I had two hospital births then a homebirth. The homebirth was the most magical time in my life and i feel so lucky to have been given the support and self belief to be able to experience it!

You have made the right decision and one that you will need a lot of support in the comming months because there are a lot of people out there that will feel it within their right to comment on what a dangerous thing you are doing!

See you all later!

Quote (Also, i am almost certain that i will need postnatal support. DH and I have no family around and last time i felt the loneliness in those first few weeks to be crippling. so it would be nice to have someone come around every now and then for a cuppa and a chat )


i'll come around and have a cuppa with you!

IM's are often LC's also, and if they are or aren't, they do their post natal visits with you - cuppas, chats and check-ups :) The postnatal care is more extensive than hospital care, more personal and you bond more with your midwife than you would an Ob :)

Homebirth was the best thing I have ever done.

Need to go now but adding a note to subscribe, will be back!!

Tegam: thanks! in fact, it is midwives in uniform that really set me off! so in all honesty it would be sooooo good just to eliminate even that!

starting to feel...EXCITED!

Kelly: ahhhh. so this could be the norm for many IMs to provide some postnatal care then? goodo, something to add to my list of questions...better start on that list lol!

another question...sorry...

but are there questions that i should be asking? i mean, people do it with OBs so are there any really important 'must have' questions that you guys recommend? So far, i will want to know that the IM can do back up bookings for a hospy (just for peace of mind as DD had breathing issues in the post birth hours), and for me, if she/he has experience in dealing with women with birth trauma. But is there like an 'essentials list'? or things that you wish you had of asked?

thanks again guys, you are all giving me the grounding i need xx

I understand Fiona Hallinan is very good. She's near you.

I just had a homebirth yesterday after having had a traumatic hospital birth with my first DD. The experience was soooo different. In hospital I felt trapped, terrified, paralyzed by fear and pain, and unable to cope or help myself. Everything was being done TO me and I was completely at the mercy of the several people "assisting". The trauma of the experience didn't affect me at first as I dismissed it thinking "this is just what giving birth" but let me say, it's NOT!
The second time around, I was able to cope with the pain easily. Despite having an epi, narcotic AND gas the first time and nothing the second time, I was physically waaay more comfortable the second time. So much so in fact I was totally surprised when the urge to push came, I didn't even realize I'd transitioned lol. I don't want to play down how intense it was but just that it wasn't scary, I was able to cope because I was relaxed and comfortable and cared for. I never felt cared for in hospital.

HTH :D

Cassius you SHOULD be excited!!! It will be the best experience of your life! I too had a hospital birth and then a homebirth, what a difference!!!

I was so sad to have the final visit with my beautiful midwife, so much so that i want to have another baby so i can go through the amazing journey again! On that final visit she stayed for about 4 hours and we talked heaps about the birth. We went through everything and it was great to "de-brief". After my hospital birth, i didn't have the opportunity to ask questions and talk about my feelings about the birth with someone who was there and it was so great to be able to do it this time.

I wish you the best of luck and i can't wait to read your birth story and hear how you went.

x x x

hi guys!

Neenee: oh wow! congratulations!!! thank you so much for sharing your experience. in fact, it was just like that for me too at the hospital. they were just doing things to me and i had no voice. so not what i was after!

kymmy: yeah the de-brief is soo important. i really truly missed that after the birth of DD. i just wanted someone to go through it with me. i had no idea of apgar scores, times of labour (not that i was mega interested in that side of things, but just to give insight into how much they didnt tell me...i even had to ask what she weighed!). de-brief is sooo important and so so underplayed in mainstream maternity care it aint funny.

I am having a VBAC homebirth in May, to avoid all of the debacle that went with my hospital birth last time and I am so excited too. I think the more you read the more you will be excited, it is a wonderful journey to be on and by the sounds of it, much better than what you would be going through if you were having to go down the hospital route again.

WRT your desire to have postnatal support, yes, the midwife is definitely there for that. (I have had 2 appointments with my Midwife so far, both at home and both going for over an hour as we chatted though everything! - So much more than I ever got at the hospital) You may want to also consider getting a doula for more of that support. I am looking for one at the moment to work with my DH, friend and midwife. Many hands make light work ;). A doula is a great support for you before during and after the birth and you may really like knowing you have all that back up.

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but are there questions that i should be asking? i mean, people do it with OBs so are there any really important 'must have' questions that you guys recommend? So far, i will want to know that the IM can do back up bookings for a hospy (just for peace of mind as DD had breathing issues in the post birth hours), and for me, if she/he has experience in dealing with women with birth trauma. But is there like an 'essentials list'? or things that you wish you had of asked?

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There are some good questions to ask listed in the home birth sections of great birth reference books like "The thinking woman's guide to a better birth" (Henci Goer) - I really really recommend this one I loved it - it helped my understand so much of what went wrong for me last time and made me excited about this birth and all the things which are lined up to go right this time. Also, Ina May's guide to childbirth has a list of questions such as

• Do you maintain statistics from your practice? May I see them?
• What is your plan if you cannot attend?
• What methods do you suggest to alleviate pain?
• What hospital do you transport to if necessary, and what is your relationship like with them?
• How often do you make postpartum visits?
• So you participate in regular peer review?

And one of my own, What suggestions/solutions do you have for a labour that has stalled?

I am happy to post more of them if you are interested, but otherwise, how exciting and good luck!!!

Hi cassius- YAY!! I'm sos happy for you :D. i think you've read my birth stories- that's how different a home and hospital birth can be (even an unplanned home one- imagine how good it would have been had it been planned!). And I promise it makes all the difference after the birth, having agood one and feeling like you have a say in what is going on.

I'm excited for you, and super proud of you for choosing a hb. I hope it is a truly awesome expereince :hug:

Jackrose mentioned "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth"..... If you haven't already I suggest you read it! I read it, honestly, about 20 times during my pregnancy and it helped me so so so much!
Also i forgot to say that on the final visit my midwife gave me my birth notes.. it is like a diary! Everything that happened during the labour is written down (with times), even things that were said! It is so good to have this as it is so easy to forget what happened. I cried when i read mine.. it is so beautiful. Ask your midwife if they do this too.
x x x x

I can also recommend 'Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth' as well as Shiela Kitzinger's 'Birth Your Way'. Both of these books really helped me learn a lot about the mechanics of birth, and how to prepare my mind and body the best way possible. I also really enjoyed watching the film 'Orgasmic Birth' (strange title, great film). 'Birth Your Way' has a list of questions to ask a potential midwife that you might be interviewing.

My best advice is to meet a few midwives and find one who makes you feel very comfortable, both in their approach to your medical care, and also in the way you relate to that person. It is important to find someone who can nurture you through the process of your pregnancy, labour, birth and afterwards.

Best of luck! And enjoy!

Woo hoo! How did I miss this thread? All the advice is awesome...just coming in to say I am here if you have any questions or want to chat.

I second Rhea's course. Both my dh and sister did it with me and it made sure we were all on the same page. It also taught me not to be afraid of my body...trust in the process and embrace the pain.

It's an amazing journey and one I want to repeat again and again! :hug

Hi girls!

i have some updates (ie progress lol!). FINALLY managed to find a midwife that looks like 'the one'! i didnt realise how tricky it could be to find the perfect one that suits our needs on such a holistic level IYKWIM.

Anna: i am hoping to get to the maternity coalitions 'movie night' on the 18th of march where rhea is giving a talk...i look forward to it!

i will be going to a calmbirth class that is run by a good friend (and my second midwife for the birth!). we have a strong connection and thankfully she knows my story from last time and all the trauma that was involved so i feel comfortable that she will be able to guide both myself and DH through this process of healing...

i am wanting to have a waterbirth and was wondering if you guys know where to hire from? i know that my midwife will have options, but i though to also ask you wise women/men if you know of any secret squirrel places available here in melb!

feeling so happy to be out of the hospital system and away from midwives in uniform lol!

Yay! So glad you have a midwife! Sounds fantastic! And Rhea will absolutely impress.

I just did one of Di Diddle's childbirth classes, even though I was the only 2nd time mum there it was fantastic, informative and inspiring. Rhea did a section of the course and I was blown away by her knowledge, confidence, passion and strength. She is absolutely the sort of person you want around you when planning a birth. (Having said that Di was pretty fantastic too!)

If you are still considering a debrief about the last birth, you should make an appointment to see Rhea. I can imagine it would be very beneficial and very cleansing. I am talking with my DH about going to see her, I still feel there may be some things about the last birth I need to go through regarding his role and his involvement... I get the impression it will be very healing and very important.

I hope you enjoy the film night!

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The second time around, I was able to cope with the pain easily. Despite having an epi, narcotic AND gas the first time and nothing the second time, I was physically waaay more comfortable the second time. So much so in fact I was totally surprised when the urge to push came, I didn't even realize I'd transitioned lol. I don't want to play down how intense it was but just that it wasn't scary, I was able to cope because I was relaxed and comfortable and cared for. I never felt cared for in hospital.

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Your experience second time around sounds like mine.

I had a horrible birth experience first time around. Second time I went through a Birthing Centre that offered Govt funded home births - we had that as an option, but I ended up going through the Birth Centre because they had beautiful, homely rooms and everything I could want.

I didn't realise I was in labour until almost 1 hour before my daughter was born and I can't say it hurt until 15 minutes before she arrived - even then it was more pressure and an overwhelming pushing feeling.

Good for you honey for making this decision - I promise you'll love it!!

well, i had my first M/W appt yesterday!! Nic came to our home and an hours appt went for 2 hours!!!!!! soooo different to the 10 minute in-out OB situation lol!

DH was there as was DD and we just chatted and ate lollipops.

I love that DD is such a big part of this experience too, and Nic was supportive of her being there and was not shocked at the prospect that even the dog might wanna have a squiz LOL!

most of all i just loved the freedom of it and ease. feel sooo excited...couldnt sleep all night LOL!

Sounds fantastic! You deserve to be this happy and excited :)

Can I ask which IM you have chosen?

Meow: i am going with Nicola Dutton from Midwives Naturally...HTH!

Excellent! So happy to hear you are having excited positive experiences!

Midwives Naturally are great, I am with them too, although I am not with Nicola. I have friends who birthed with her last time and are using her again and speak very highly of her.

The long appointments are just wonderful aren't they?!

yeah i just loved that i didnt feel 'on the clock' that she was just happy to hang out and get to know us. gosh, such a big difference in care and support!

are you going to be at the 'meet the midwives' thingy in april? DH and I are going along!

Oh how I miss my midwife! One on one midwifery care is the best. So happy you are on this journey :hug:

Yeah! I have been to all this year and will be along to April and May before this baby comes! I am doing and reading everything to give me the best chance of a VBAC!! Might see you there!

woot woo! :dance: hope we see you there!

Anna: yeah i also have a feeling that it is going to be strange to have to say goodbye after such a journey as this...weird almost IYKWIM?

Don't worry, I still text my midwife and she has dropped over a few times, so I like to think we're just on a break until the next bub! ;)

I think partners benefit so much from the midwife care too... I know my dh had a special relationship with my midwife and felt so involved iykwim?

Can't wait to hear your thoughts on Rhea!

Oh Cass, i knew you would be happy with a MW in your own home. What only 2 hours, i bet thats one of your shortest visits LOL!