Feeling overwhelmed (first time parents!)

Wow!!! I am soooooooooo happy to be pregnant (we had some fertility issues as well as two miscarriages but six years in the trying and here we are).

I was reading a book last night about the natural way to pregnancy and all of a sudden I feel like I am not doing a good job. I was so sick for the first four months I couldn't drink water (it just came straight back up) so lived on between one & two glasses of lemonade a day...all I could stomach in terms of fluids plus some food but limited. Now I am feeling better but still being sick I can drink water & manage about four or so pieces of fruit a day plus most days I have salad, wholegrain breads, cereal, protien and am must doing the very best I can for my beautiful miracle baby. It seems I eat too much fruit...the sugar is not good & then chocolate on top of that is even worse, then there is the mineral water..high in sodium....it feels like nothing I am doing is right. The sparkling mineral water I drink because until the last week the regular type doesn't stay down and I had past the lemonade phase & the few pieces of dark chocolate I have a day are all jeopardising the current and future health of my baby. I feel like I am doing my best but still it is not good enough.


The book also says you are infertile and also get sick in pregancy because you don't take care of yourself (my fault even though I am a generally healthy person who exercises and eats well). Then, today we went to a garage sale because they had 'baby items'. I left in tears, I have no idea what so many of the things are. We have been to baby shops & asked lots of questions, I read this forum & others, we have books & I have a friend who has just had a baby so I am trying to learn but it just seems there is so much I don't know and sometimes it gets the better of me.

I know that I will make mistakes, just like any other part of life but it seems so important to get it right. I waver from all our child needs is love and stability - we know we can give it that (I have he most wonderful DH and he is so in love with my round tummy and the baby) but all of the practical things are so overwhelming.

I am also aware that this stress is not good for baby so go back to the 'not a good Mum' thing. I don't want to feel like this and try not to, I guess that is part of my writing this..trying to get it out rather than holding it all in.

Thanks for listening!

I had to reply!

Feeling overwhelmed is completely normal! You are embarking on something you don't know anything about.

But the thing I want to say the most is......PUT THAT BOOK AWAY! If you do that, I'll stop eating my fun size Flakes!

Hugs

I would throw the book out! lol.... I'm having my fourth soon, and I still don't know what half the baby things that are out are for!!

I agree, get rid of that book! It is completely natural to be feeling anxious and overwhelmed. If you're worried about your nutriticion, see a gp or a health specialist if you want.
There are so many things on the market for babies, a lot of it is a waste of time and money. Start off with the necessities like clothing (00000, 0000, 000 sizes to begin with), wraps, sheets, blankets, nappies, wipes singlets and socks. You may want to invest in a bouncer/rocker, or even maybe a sling/wrap, but that's totally up to you. Prams you can get cheap from Ebay, garage sales, private sales etc. Babies don't need much.
Huge :hug:

Renee - you poor chook ! :hug:

My first piece of advice would be to put that stupid book in the rubbish bin! unless you have particular medical issues that would normally require a particular type of diet, your baby will be really good at getting exactly what it needs to thrive, and frankly, your diet sounds pretty darn good, wish I could say the same. Not being able to drink water is really common - I couldn't stand the stuff for most of this prg, and like you, have had quite a bit of lemonade (and cordial), to get through. You're definitely not alone on this issue.

And re all the baby things - it can be totally overwhelming all the stuff out there, but so much of it is designed to cater to your Mummy guilt -in terms of stuff, my view is that bubs will need a safe place to sleep and a cot will do the trick just fine for this, unless you choose to co-sleep, in which case you probably won't even need a cot. A car seat is a necessity, and a pram is also useful (which is a pretty obvious one). And then clothes & nappies. I personally loved the change table, as it saved my back, but at the end of the day, the task can be done on the floor just as well. And for me, most other things are just nice to haves, although there is a chance that my preggie brain has forgotten something :). And if you don't have everything that you need from day 1, you'll still find a way to survive until you get a chance to go shopping.

So, aside from a handful of "things", you're absolutely right - bubs will benefit most from your love & stability, this is the stuff that is immeasurably valuable, so dish it out in spades.

And seriously - get rid of that book!

:yeahthat:

Yes, it is important to eat well and take your vitamins during pregnancy BUT for many women they just can't stomach certain foods and crave others. I could only drink cordial or lemonade with DD2 and for the first trimester only wanted starchy white food like rice, pasta and potatoes. I also ate chocolate every day :redface: And guess what? She's perfectly fine!

As the others have said, babies really don't need that much and with baby showers and newborn gifts you are likely to be inundated with things you didn't even know existed! Many of the things can wait until after the baby is born so I wouldn't stress about that. We didn't even finish the nursery for DD1 until she was 4 months as she was in the room with us until she 5m old.

:hug: babe, just thought I'd share what I think (and correct me if I'm wrong anyone)..

Your body knows what your baby needs...and your body will nourish him/her using the stores that are already in your body...one of the big reasons they say to eat certain stuff...like prenatal vitamin's, and for example milk for it's calcium...is not to make your baby's bones (your body is already seeing to that)...it's so your own body can bounce back after he/she is born...

..ie. calcium rich foods so your own teeth stay strong..

you're doing a great job.. just breathe

:hug: It is a lot to take in the first time hey. What book are you reading? It doesn't sound particularly reassuring, perhaps as the others have said put it aside for now.

As for what you need? Nothing you can't buy once you realise you need it. xo Think of babies in third world countries - obviously that's not our standard, but it helps you realise that lots of 'necessities' are actually just conveniences.

There are plenty of lists around BB (try searching), and maybe check out the articles section too - and if you can't find what you're after, then ask away!

The book sounds like it is really stressing you out..I would put it away :hug:

Eat what you feel like..that's what I have always done and have 3 happy healthy children.
I have not been the most conventional in eating during pregnancy..love black pudding ate it, love Ice cream Sundaes..ate it. Coffe :wall: Can't live without it.
Just go with your instincts.

Your baby just needs somewhere to sleep ,something to carry them in (if you wish), something to bath them in and clothes. The rest you can get as you need and you will find alot of people will buy you things anyway (whether you want them to or not :lol:).

Tust in your Instincts they will kick in...you will be the best mother ever, I can tell this as you wouldn't be in here asking advice from these amazing people in Belly Belly Land.
And yes..lot's of different lists in Belly Belly, pick out the things you like the sound of.

x Heather

:hug: I get where you're coming from - I had literally never held a baby in my life until I held DS. And he's just fine, growing and being his own little person. Water would make me sick, so it was milk or slushies (which aren't recommended, but hey, I was over milk!) I ate chocolate and peanuts and he's just fine, no allergies or defects (unless you count cute-ness as a defect).

Do the best you can with what you've got. Indulge yourself, if you see something you *really* want, be it a fluffy toy or a rattle or a furniture item or clothing, buy it! Spoil yourself, enjoy your pregnancy - cause you'll only be pregnant with this little person once!

Have you started your ante-natal classes yet? If so, they usually have heaps of advice about what you need - in fact, everything on the list the hospital gave us to bring in was what we needed most of (except the car seat/capsule - one's just fine ;) And if you have people offering to buy you stuff, ask for vouchers so you can buy your own when you've an idea what you need - although gorgeous heirloom clothing is always wonderful.

:hug: kaz

I have a ten year old and was still cr*pping myself during my pregnancy with Archie as i thought i wouldn't be able to remember how to look after a baby or that i wouldn't cope! You'll be fine! And they really don't need that much stuff, just clothing, nappies and blankets really! All the other things are optional extras...
Congratulations on your miracle bub! :hug:
x x x

Hahahaha! I remember reading a book that suggested putting a sink in the nursery! Oh hell yeah NOT.
Half the crap for sale is exactly that - crap. Don't panic about having everything ready. You can always go out and buy something later if you think you will need it. If you have boobs and warm arms that is all you really, truly need xoxoxoxxo

Thank you everyone so much - your thoughts & advice mean a lot and really help to relieve the stress I have been feeling. It makes my pregnancy feel much more human!

I am so happy & in love with this baby I just want everything to be perfect :loveshower:

I'm glad you're feeling better. Your bub will be perfect, no matter what things you have...until they draw on your walls, and then you start to question the perfection...:think: But by then it's too late, you're already sucked in and are too in love to give them away! :lol:

I just wanted to add:

When we started TTC, I read a book about natural fertility which basically told me that if we couldn't fall pregnant naturally after implementing the book's recommendations, then we weren't doing it properly, and that IVF was only for those who failed at natural fertility (which is technically true, but way to make me feel like cr*p). I beat myself up for months because we followed the book to a tee, and each month AF would arrive and remind me how much of a failure I was. Nevermind that we had male factor infertility issues and that technically, there was nothing else we could do but turn to IVF. You can't argue with 98% abnormal sperm, with a count of less than 5 million.

Since falling pregnant, I've found a few books that basically tell me that if I don't live like an absolute saint, eat only organic, purified, wholegrain, healthy food ALL THE TIME then I'm doing harm to my baby. Nevermind that I can hardly look at red meat without retching, or that hot chips with gravy are all that I can stomach sometimes. I've put those books away now and repeat to myself, daily, "I'm doing the best that I can." I cannot do any better than that, and there's no point beating myself up for not being a saint. My baby will be born to a happy, well-adjusted mother, not a freakish saint woman who never touches sugar or fatty food.

Do the best that you can, and pat yourself on the back for doing it.

i just read this and could not, not reply!
dont just throw the book out, BURN IT! that sounds like the stupidest book. if you want a good preg book Kaz Cookes Up The Duff - very realistic (plus who doesn't love cartoons?) its the kind of book where "she" (the main lady) eats magnoms almost every day :lol: your doing the best for your baby and your body will take what it needs from you! i have a think ATM for Ribina & lemmonaid. as for the baby stuff, i have no idea why they sell half of it. becuase im fairly sure my DS wouldnt really care if i had a bucket with a rubber thingy to pour water over his head or not!
you're doing a brilliant job, your growing a human after all!

Lol another one who says - throw away the book! My independent MW was over the other day, she went through my pile of 20+ pregnancy booksm and chucked most of them in a box and told me not to open them!

Re. food and diet - HAHAHA! Before we got pregnant, during the 8 months trying to conceive, I researched the Perfect Diet, planned meals, did checklists etc., so I could be the perfect pregnant mumma and nourish my baby with 4 serves of yellow vegetables and 3 serves of red vegetables and 4 serves of green leafy veggies... Now that I think about it, I nearly fall off my chair laughing! I was soooo sick for a few months, I ate what I could. For over a week that was ONLY deep fried food. Often I couldn't even eat the fish, and just ate the batter off it. Hey. It was that or nothing! Now my diet is pretty good, I'm eating as many raw veggies as I can, drinking lots of milk... But it's still not perfect.

My MW said, 'your bloods were great at the start, you obviously have loads of vitamins in store, and your body is so efficient when you are pregnant, so don't worry about it!'. She would not even have a discussion about diet with me - she said I look healthy, I obviously care about what I eat, no point stressing in any way! LOL last week a friend, who is a GP, said 'your body knows what you need when pregnant, listen to your body' and I replied, 'if I listened to my body I'd be eating instant noodles, milk and raw capsicum and nothing else!'. She shrugged and said maybe that's what I need this week! Carbs, dairy and vitamin C!

Re. all the Junk. Hmm well despite having a room heaving with Stuff like rattles and 20+ bibs and enough singlets and socks to clothe an army (a very small army), plus waaaaay too many onesies (every time I see my mum she has another onesie in a bag!).... Well the truth is, all they need is a couple of blankets, some suits, some nappies, some boobs and a carrier!

You will be SO fine! At least you are asking and wondering and thinking!

The book has been returned to the person who lent it to me - she lent it to me in good faith but has actually never read it so didn't realise how it might affect me. She said she would read it before lending it out again!

I really was upset by it because I am doing the best I can do, as I can see so many people are doing, and I just didn't understand how it could be so wrong.

I can see by your stories that it is not wrong, it is human and I am not harming my baby but giving it every bit of love and strength that I have...I made a deal with him early on that he could take whatever he needed....it didn't matter how sick I got as long as he was okay I was good with that. So that is how it has gone.

Funny thing is that no matter how many times I was sick in a day & how poor my diet may have been (in amount of food rather than content) our baby grew but so did my hair (that no longer splits at the ends) and my nails are growing out of control....I don't think hair & nails would grow so healthily & baby didn't have what he needs.

I will keep eating as many pieces of fruit a day as I want without worrying about the sugar content and if I feel like sparkling water then I will drink it without guilt. As for my few pieces of dark chocolate each day....surely Mum being happy is only good for baby!!!!:pray:

Kat's pregnancy diet:
3 main meals of the good stuff - museli, yoghurt, salad, lean meat, fruit....
+ a potato-cake almost every day for the entire pregnancy (to the point that my work colleagues called the baby 'potato cake')
+ more than 'a few' squares of dark chocolate (LOTS more!)
+ several glasses of milo a day
+ about 600 apricots in third trimester (I don't know why, I just got obsessed with them!!)

= happy slightly chubbier Mummy and healthy happy baby girl.

Just reading your posts I have no doubt that you are %1000 devoted to the health and wellbeing of your little one. You're doing a wonderful, wonderful job and your bubba will be healthy and strong for all the love and nurture you are already giving. It sounds to me like you could be a bit gentler on his/her Mummy though. Just give yourself a pat on the back, book yourself in for a massage and soak up every last minute of the wonderful experience of growing a bubba.

As for baby stuff... well, like the others said. Babies don't need that much and honestly if you discover there's something you do need it's not that hard to send someone down to the shops (or go yourself) after bubs is born. I freaked out about what we 'needed' too but just kept reminding myself that babies are raised pretty successfully in igloos and in the African outback and it's surprising how well they manage without a monitor with a camera in it and a singing, dancing, flashing bath seat!!!

All the best hun.

Totally agree with Dansta! Up The Duff all the way, practical information and it makes you laugh. I lived on ginger beer and double chocolate muffins because even bread made me gag and my DD is so healthy she puts me to shame.

Haha Kat. I remember Shellbell3 was convinced my #1's amniotic fluid was just all melted Frosty Fruits. :lol:

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Haha Kat. I remember Shellbell3 was convinced my #1's amniotic fluid was just all melted Frosty Fruits. :lol:

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Fantastic! :p ever since I learnt that amniotic fluid changes flavour daily, depending on what you eat, I call it 'soup', and when I eat things, I say "hey little baby girl, mumma is making you some satay chicken soup!"


Santosha - well the 600 apricots make sense! Apricots are REALLY high in iron and fibre, both wonderful things for 3rd tri!

Great!! I haven't heard that about the amniotic fluid...baby is having a berry smoothie this morning...I hope he likes berries! :D