Ok I really need some solutions

Hi Ladies,

Now I am really at my wits end. I hate to admit it but I am so lost with getting Eva to sleep. I really am a breaking point. I dread sleep times and I am loosing my patience with everyone including Eva. I just want to cry or run away.

Over the last week I've tried pay extra attention to Eva and getting her down and it seems I am failing even more. She is not feeding to sleep anymore either and she absolutely hates being put in the cot. So here is what I have tried:

First sign of tired signs change nappy and offer feed. If she is just playing around with feeding I put her in the cot. This is where is gets fun...not!!. As soon as I attempt to put her down she screams, kicks her legs. SO I pick her up and she continues to kick and scream. I offer more boob, sometimes she takes it others not. I settle her then put her back down...If I am luck she'll lay there for a minute then the protesting starts. I let her go a bit. Then I pat her and say shhhhh, her screaming gets worse. So I pick her up (and she smiles) and bounce her on the fit ball. She may start to go to sleep after 15 to 20 mins. So I put her down then lo and behold she is screaming again. This can go on for an hour until I am so frustrated that I take her out of the room and leave her to play...But then she is cranky and crying out. So I try again,eventually after hours and many feeds she sleeps. Where have I gone wrong? I am not a good mum atm

Did I mention my husband is cranky too and blaming me for not setting up good sleeping habits

:hug: hun. You are not a bad mum - things are tough ATM but that doesn't make you a bad mum.

*can you try wrapping her?
* Do you play any type of calming music in her room at sleep time?

Umm....at the moment that all my baby brain can think of. I'll come back and post other things as i think of them.

Hoping things get better for you. :hug: xxx

:hug: Bek. If I tried to put my DD down before she was fully asleep I would have the same drama. i rock her to sleep and she must be fully asleep when I put her down or she will crack it.

Sorry, I'm no help.

Will she sleep with you on the bed? You could try lying down with her then transferring her to the cot once she's asleep. Or just co-sleep for a while till she's more settled then go back to the cot.

You haven't done anything wrong! Your DD is trying to tell you something right now and you are responding the best way you can. My DS had very similar problems at that age and we ended up giving up on the cot - he sleeps on a mattress on the floor. Sometimes we sleep with him, usually he sleeps alone.

Wrapping could help, too.
Get your DH to put her down - seriously. She may have gotten into a pattern of anxiety and not sleeping with you, sometimes it helps to mix things up and get another person to try.

:hug: Oh hun its so hard isnt..I remember those days all to well.
We started cosleeping when DS1 was about that age...why we didnt do it sooner escapes me...but it helped immensely he just wanted to be near us and sometimes wouldnt even need a feed just a quick glance to see me and off to sleep? DS2 is the same...and I totally get why they want to cause I love being near my DH and not alone :)

I know its not for everyone and its defintiely not a bad habit, maybe you could let bubs fall asleep next you then transfer into the cot?

Your doing a fantasic job :hug: xxx

:hug: bek. you're not a bad mum at all & i think it's way too early to be making a call on bad sleeping habits.

i don't think i can offer any advice cos i'm horrible at getting corey to sleep. only feeding to sleep & putting him on our bed/co-sleeping works here. i leave nappy changes for when he wakes up because i find he wakes up too much if i do it before a nap. it takes me a few goes trying to feed to sleep sometimes & he gets pretty annoyed as well on those times. unfortunately it seems like him getting a bit upset actually makes him want to go back on the breast & he then falls asleep. i hate it, but sometimes it's all that works :doh:

Just an idea but can you try putting her in the cot with a child safe toy and see if she will just play with it and then fall asleep? I know cots aren't for play but when you're desperate it is worth a try. You could just remove the toy once she goes to sleep.

Spring

Marcellus - DH believes in CIO and he has tried this out on her a few times. I can't stand it so after a lot of tears I usually take over. This ends up leaving him cranky because he can't put her down and because he believes that I am too soft. We tried wrapping too but she hates it:wall:

Boomba - With co-sleeping I can't seem to get comfortable and I lye awake all night if she is with me. I do take her to bed with me over night for feeds and I return her to the cot once her feeds are finished I never have an issue with her overnight.

I just laid down with her and feed her to sleep. Thankfully after 6 hours of trying to get her to bed that she says there for a bit. I am scared of creating a big rod for my own back by laying with her and feeding to sleep. It doesn't help that my DH is making reference to this very point all the time.

Spring - Yep we've tried toys, music, singing, dummies (she won't take a dummy) and a blanky.

Sloane - My little miss has done a lot of crying today and she finally feel asleep whilst feeding. She was exhausted as am I. Your experience with Corey sounds very similar..hugs.

Oh. That's tough if you guys don't quite see eye to eye on things. Maybe try talking through it with him?

I don't believe you're making a rod at all. You're building a beautiful, trusting relatinoship with your daughter. You're listening to her needs and responding the way she needs you to.

I can't tell you how tired it makes me when I hear or read of people saying "you just have to xxx or xxx and then they'll sleep..." "Oh I never xxxx and he always slept beautifully.." or whatever. Well yes! Your baby is different to mine!!!

ETA - Have you read No Cry Sleep Solution... might be helpful

Marcellus - I think I need to read that book. I am starting to get a few comments from ppl regarding Eva's sleep habits. Recently one lady told me to refuse to feed her overnight and just let her cry until she gets it!!!! The same lady told me my middle daughter will always feel like the odd one out because she was born 2nd:wall:

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The same lady told me my middle daughter will always feel like the odd one out because she was born 2nd:wall:

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:rofl: that's weird.

It's a good read and she really does have lots of helpful advice - there might be something in there to help. Pink McKay's another good one, or even Sears. They don't just give you a program you have to slavishly follow, but start out by tyring to help parents learn to trust their instincts and build a strong bond with their babies. So your starting point is "This is my baby and this is what my baby needs" Not "This is what your baby should be doing"

Oh Bek :hug: My heart goes out to you because I have been there, I really have. Although I must admit, DS1 never flat out refused to go to sleep like that but it was often a battle to get him to go to sleep. Sounds like you're doing it really tough and I know this has been going on for a while.

I can't offer any solutions that I think you'll like because as you know, we ended up going to sleep school (and no, we didn't CIO with him despite the automatic assumption) and that's the only thing that changed his sleep habits for us.

I am thinking of you though and am here always for a shoulder to cry on. We're going through a bit of a rough patch with DS2 so I am remembering just how hard it is. :hug:

**ETA: Just had a thought...do you have any one like Pinky McKay in QLD that could come to the house? Someone who doesn't use CIO methods? It would probably be expensive but I'm sure you'd agree it'd be worth it!!

Ta Willow. I know I sound really pathetic but Eva's sleep challenges are really taking a toll on me physically and mentally. I am not sure if there is anyone like Pinky in QLD. I so wish I went to her workshop that she held last year!!!

Well tonight went a bit better. I laid down with her for a feed (like we do most nights) then instead of putting her straight to bed I walked around with her in my arms for a bit. I then wrapped her and she has gone down ok.

I thought that was normal for a six-month-old baby?

My DS needed to go to sleep in my arms at 6m. Then I had to try to get him into his bed and keep him asleep. He wouldn't always feed to sleep either: that was when the hours walking up and down the hall meant we needed a new carpet this year LOL.

I tried everything I could - read the Pinky McKay and Elizabeth Pantley stuff. I was doing most of it anyway and the other suggestions didn't work.

You're not wrong - your baby is just wanting you and you're responding to that. It takes it out of you a lot, but you're doing it RIGHT, not wrong!

Solutions... well, with DS he wasn't feeding to sleep, so he would lie on my chest after a feed and I'd pat him to sleep (at about 10m old - didn't work before then). After a while of this, I'd pat him in his bed. He complained about this, but wasn't distressed because I was there patting and singing. He just preferred my arms - which were about to drop off. He still likes being patted, but it isn't always required any more. I can tell him I'm going to the loo and he can go to sleep on his own... and he does!

Stop fighting your daughter. Acknowledge it is hard, but "hard" comes with babies! Do what you can for her. Accept it. Whinge about it. But don't try to force something on her unless you have to.

Awww :comfort:

What else is going on at the time? Is it well-lit? Noisy? Lots going on? We didn't realise how stimulating the environment was for DS until we did the NCSS evaluation...

It's important to have triggers that bubs recognises means sleep. We used wrapping (now grobags), taggie (blanky), certain music (Loreena McKennit) and a darkened room with no eye contact and no talking (except 'sleepytime now' or 'shhhh') - but other things might work ok for your bubs (like the fitball). The most important thing is that it's EXACTLY the same each time. You will need at least 3-5 times before bubs starts recognising the signs.

Now - we have very few issues and he actually helps us by grabbing taggie and the grobag when he's tired! ;)

Good luck! I recommend both books to you - even if it's only one thing in there that helps you...

Can you have a chat to DH? If you're not on the same page about this it makes it really hard for you to be calm and DD may pick up on this?? We went through similar - when I thought DH was frowning on my breastfeeding to sleep it really undermined my confidence and I had a bit of a crisis - really started to doubt myself and stopped enjoying those lovely moments with DS.. DH and I had a talk and we agreed if I am doing the settling then we're doing it my way. DH also wanted to do CIO.

I remember thinking 6 months was supposed to be a fun time but found DS needed a little more love, more cuddles. Theres no way I would be able to put him down not completely asleep! The not feeding to sleep anymore sounds like maybe somethings going on with her too - teeth? In which case I'm hoping for you this will all be over in a few days..

You sound like a fantastic Mum who is sensitive to your DDs needs! Things that work for us (we breastfeed to sleep) are a darkroom and white noise (we have a noisy air cooler) and I don't move a muscle til DS is completely floppy asleep!

:hug: Bek.
We have started co-sleeping more often here. It was getting too stressful. I am also having to lie down with her sometimes to get her to sleep, then moving her. I know what you mean though, I don't sleep so well when she is in with us either, so it's more for when she needs it rather than all the time. She just needs it more lately :p

I also stopped worrying about going straight from bath to bed - now we have quiet time on the bed (with the lights down) if shes not ready to sleep immediately. I rub her feet, sometimes she will drop off to sleep then, other times she gets drowsy enough to go in the cot.

If you can find something, anything that works - don't worry about 'creating a rod for your back' - just do what you have to for a little bit. Once some of the tension & anxiety around going to sleep has eased, maybe start introducing sleep cues like music, toy etc - Arlea has a stuffed duck which is her bedtime duck.

Don't know if any of that is any help, but big hugs to you :hug:

Sorry Bekz, no advice, just wanted to pop in and give you some hugs. It is exhausting and you ARE a good mum. :hug:

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I know I sound really pathetic but Eva's sleep challenges are really taking a toll on me physically and mentally.

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It's not pathetic at all honey, I was there myself and that's why I decided I needed to do something different because after 10 months nothing was working and with other children in the house, it was taking too much of a toll on our family.

I agree with the others that at this age consistency is REALLY important. Choose a going to sleep routine that you're comfortable with and stick with it. Even if it doesn't work the first 5 times, by the 8th time it might - and what do you have to lose?

She may never be the worlds greatest sleeper and you need to accept that at some point, but it can be a lot better than what it is now babe, so don't give up :hug:

Hey Bek,
Oh darl, I feel so upset for you, I have been in your situation (with Jessica) & I know how bad I felt & she was my only, I didn't have another 2 little ladies running around the house.
Just wondering if you could possibly set a chair up in Eva's room & then you can create your own little routine for her sleepy-time ritual?

I did this with Claudia & it didn't work right away, but eventually it really did pay off. I could only get her to sleep on the boob & from about 12 months, I wanted her to go down to only morning & night feedings, so I did this with her. When she was tired, I would take her into her room, draw the curtains & talk crazy mummy babble in the soothing voice (like what plays in day spas hahaha), like 'It's time for Claudia to have a sleep now, & when you wake up you will be really happy & we will play lots of games, or go for a walk - you get the idea), then we would sit down & I would read her a book & if she still had bright eyes I would rock her in the chair & sing through the nursery rhymes until her eyes started to get droopey, then I'd say 'Lets put you into your cot now Claudia, lie down nicely & have a nice rest' still in that sing-songy voice & I had a wind up musical thing, I would wind that up & just walk right out the room & not look back. If ever I hestitated, she was onto it! Cheeky tart!

Perhaps you might like to try something like that, but put the feed in there? Then sing some nursery rhymes or something?? I did the whole process in her room though.

I hope this might give you some ideas?? I know Eva isn't Claudia, or Jessica, but a lot of babies (I"m not saying all), like a familiar routine.

Love Jayne x

Thanks everyone sooo much for your replies and suggestions. I've had a bit of time to re-group and I have a plan. Now all I have to do is stick with it

I don't have any advice for you Bek but just wanted to send you some huge huge :hug:. My DD was a terrible sleeper and i remember how desperate I got. We eventually got there (although she still doesn't sleep through the night), and I can only imagine how hard it must be with 2 other kids as well. Thinking of you sweetie, I hope you can find something that works for you soon.

Hope your plan works Bek - remember we're here to bounce ideas off or just an understanding shoulder to cry on. Good luck!! :hug:

Oh Bek I just want to send you a :hug: hun. The girls have offered some wonderful advice for you too.
We also ended up going to the same place as Willow and her DS1 and I have to say it was my saving grace.

Anyway I just want to let you know that consistency is the key here. Whatever your plan is try and stick with it and hopefully your DH will help with that too.
I'm sorry I haven't offered much help but know we are all here for you no matter what.
You are a wonderful mummy who is trying her absolute best for her little girls ;)

Please know we are all here for you anytime :hug:

BEK _ Maybe can you & DH sit down & discuss the little arrangements you have made with yourself, so that he can also do the same things? That way you are both clear in what is going to happen at sleep time? I know my 2 thrived on consistency - I really hope you get something breakthrough this week. Good luck! xx