A year ago.

I love reading birth stories, but have never really felt the desire to type my own. This is not just a birth story but also life in last year. I typed it today for my own records and in a brief moment of madness decided to share!

At 36 weeks pregnant our house was badly damaged in the Black Saturday fires. We lost 2 dogs and the house had to be demolished. We were fortunate enough not to be there, but the weeks that followed were pretty tough. I moved in with mum and Dad and DH had to keep working. There were 100’s of cattle roaming free in the national park that he had to muster, treat for burns and truck at as soon as possible.

We were able to get to the house a week after the fires, so I went up with some friends and salvaged what we could. The outside storage room and garage were burnt and the side of the house. The house kind of looked like there had been an explosion on one side. The bedrooms were in tact but everything was covered in ash and smoke. We found out a week later that the house had been condemned, as there was asbestos in the roof. :redface: I felt terrible that I had my friends there in such a dangerous situation, and had endangered my baby and myself. I still have trouble talking about it. Anyway, we ended up throwing anything that was material or porous or to do with the babies out as I didn’t want to take any risks.

The following weeks were a bit of a blur. People were phoning, emailing, dropping in, all wanting to help. It was amazing the kindness that was extended to us. I feel bad because at the time I was in self preservation mode I think, I had a baby due any day , I was away from my husband, living with my parents and was struggling to keep it all together. I wanted to focus on my birth and make it a wonderful positive experience. I was avoiding the phone, ignoring calls, emails and texts, i went into hiding to survive. :redface: I feel a bit bad about it, but it was the best i could manage at the time.

I had DD1 at 39 weeks, I was induced with PE, birth didn’t go to plan, i was well prepared, but PE put a spanner in the works. I had to have an epidural to lower my BP as I was at risk of having a stroke. Ended up with a forceps delivery. I was a little disappointed but mostly just thankful she had arrived safely. I wasn’t upset about the birth but hoped for it to be different next time.

40 weeks came and went, so did 41. A lady donated her holiday house near Kinglake for us to live in for as long as we wanted. So we moved in. She phoned the next week to say the builders were ready to do the renovations and she couldn’t put them off. We could live in the garage if we liked. So we had to find somewhere else to live.

So there I was 42 weeks preg, homeless, living with mum and dad, an almost 2 year old who was feeling the stress, and 2 hours away from hubby. I just kept think well, at least I’m alive, so many others were not so lucky.

On March the 18th I started having Cx, just mild ones every hour or so.
At 2am, I put my tens on as I started having regular niggles, not really painful but 8 mins apart. I phoned DH and he jumped in the car and drove down. He got a speeding ticket but was there about 4.30am
At 7 am they were 6 min apart and I had to breathe/walk through them. I phoned the hossy at 7.30 and said
"oh hi, I think I am in labor and I have kinda forgotten what I am supposed to do. Do I wait until the cx are 5 min apart before coming in? Am I supposed to call you?" (i didn't even have a bag properly packed. Brain clearly not functioning! )

She asked a few qn's. And told me I should come in now, as I had been having regular cx for a while and if my waters break things might happen pretty quickly and I was an hour from the hossy, with peak hour traffic fast approaching!
I told her I wanted a natural labor with no intervention and should I still come in now. She said yes, no problems, we’ll make a note of that.

So we drove to hossy with cx 3-4 min apart the whole way. Glenn loved driving up the emergency lane of the freeway! I was telling him to slow down between contractions and to hurry up during them. :lol:
Arrived at hospital, got two lovely midwives who were amazing, they confirmed that I didn’t want to be offered any pain relief and were so supportive. I labored for a while, my lovely OB came in about 10 am. Asked me if I wanted an internal, I said yep. 2-3cm. He asked if I wanted ARM, I said no, I was happy poking along. He was happy with that and left me to it.

I was wandering around bouncing on fit ball, walking a bit to keep cx going. They were consistent but not really progressing.

OB came back at 12ish. Did I want another internal? sure. 4-5cm. did I want ARM? No thanks, still good. He was fine with that.

New midwives, they were fantastic as well. At about 2pm the cx were slowing down, I was walking, bouncing, walking, rocking, stairs, walking, not really helping things. Midwives and I talked about it and decided that ARM might be a good idea at this stage.

OB back at 4pm, internal, still 4-5cm. So he ruptured membranes.

WELL..... things got interesting pretty quickly. Everything suddenly got a lot more intense and painful. CX started coming 2 min apart and were painful.
After an hour I told them I had changed my mind and I wanted an epidural. lmao. Midwife and Glenn were awesome, helped me breathe through. With each cx I was saying "ok,ok i'll just have a bit of gas" then after the cx Glenn would say "Are you sure?" The I’d say "no, no, I’m fine!" lol

Then I suddenly needed to push, my body was pushing and I couldn’t stop it. I was up on bed leaning over beanbag, Midwife checked and I was only 9cm. I couldn't stop the pushing though, my body was just doing it. She called OB and he came straight up and did another internal. He discovered she was posterior with her head flexed so was not putting the right pressure on my cervix to make it dilate that last cm. I kept saying "****, ****, ****......oh sorry, **** ****, ****, oh I’m so sorry." OB laughed and said "No point saying that, that’s how you ended up here in the first place" He suggested I roll over. I told him I thought it would hurt more, especially if she was posterior. He said give it a go, amd he promised to help me back onto all fours if that's what i wanted.

I turned over into a semi reclined position, it was SO much better!!! I had in my head that you should never be on your back so was really fighting it, but it REALLY helped and was much more comfortable.

OB had to help turn her during 2 consecutive Cx. When he was doing this I said to him " I wish you had a ****ing vagina"(LMAO) That had them all laughing.
Anyway, 10 min of pushing and her head pops out, OB was fantastic at guiding the head out, and coaching me how to push to stop tearing. The cord was wrapped around her neck twice and was reasonably tight. It needed to be cut before she came out. I told OB to ‘Just do it, DH doesn’t need to!” :lol: Geez I’m bossy. DH still got to cut it though. ;)

Another couple of pushes and OB said to me to reach down and grab her. "I can't" I pathetically replied! "Of course you can" he said. So I reached down grabbed her under her arms and lifted her out and onto my chest. It was AMAZING! Lifting her onto my chest myself was just about the most incredible thing ever, I love my OB, he was fantastic though both pregnancies and births, and for him to suggest I do that just blew me away. She was struggling a bit and needed a little oxygen (i probably would too if you tied a rope around my neck! ;) ) but she managed to find a nipple and was having a good feed within half an hour.

I was very happy with how the birth went and happy to have two beautiful girls.

While I was in labor we also discovered we had a rental house to move into. :cheer:

We stayed in the hospital overnight and then were lucky enough to be transferred to the Park Hyatt for 4 nights. DH had to go back the next day to work and to move us into our new house. Lots of friends pitched in and helped, it was fantastic. I must admit though, I was a little lonely in hospital, as everyone was running around helping us I didn’t have many visitors. But the hotel was really lovely and the midwives were again amazing,

We went home 5 days later to our new house. It was a nice enough house but it was in the middle of nowhere. It was 40 minutes from Kinglake and 20 minutes from the nearest town. I was lonely and pretty miserable for a few months. I was used to our weekly mothers group catch-ups and missed my friends. They were all displaced and it was almost a 2 hour round trip to see any of them. There were lots of nice girls in the next town, but I wasn’t up for making new friends and I felt a bit like a freak show. You know ‘oh……. You’re from Kinglake’ I’m sure most of it was just my down mood, but I didn’t really like it there. DH worked day and night so I was home alone a lot of the time. Some lovely girls from BB came to visit though. Thanks chicks!

Things were not going well for DH at work, they were *****s and he was miserable. So, without another job or any plans he asked if it was ok if he quit. I said “SURE! As long as you are happy to live with my parents if we can’t find a job’. He wasn’t too impressed with that notion but it was better than being miserable at work. So he quit and we started looking for jobs. He got offered a few, nothing really took his fancy but at least we had some options. Then he came across a great job in Papua New Guinea. It was a pretty big job, he thought he was capable of it, but thought perhaps they might think he was a bit young. He applied anyway and was stoked to be offered the job. We flew over for 4 days and checked it out. It is in the country (well the jungle hence my new name. ), about and hour and a half from the nearest city. It will be a massive change and bring about many challenges I am sure. But we are looking forward to it. DH has been there working since about November and he is loving it. After a few delays with visa’s we will be heading over as a family in March.
For now I am living with Mum and Dad AGAIN! Lucky they have a big house.

So this year has been a massive one for us, but if it wasn’t for the fires, I am pretty sure we wouldn’t be setting out on this next adventure. I love the saying ‘every cloud has a silver lining’, because it’s true.

I feel a bit bad sometimes for deserting my friends and the community at Kinglake. I go up and visit a few friends and i find it still so sad. i think i am fine with it all, until i find myself shedding a tear driving through the bush. I don't think i could happily live there iykwim? There is so much sadness. We are going up for a BBQ on Sunday, 6 of us that have now moved away are going both to support friends that are still there and to find a bit of closure.

I don’t expect anyone to read the whole thing, i'm sorry to bang on so much. What a novel! :o I haven't really re read this or corrected my bad grammar, it kind of just spewed out. So thanks for reading, sorry it wasn't more coherent.

Thanks to all of you who offered their help and support over the past year. I honestly wouldn’t have made it through all the hiccups without the help of my friends.

xxx

Oh hun you have moved me to tears. What a beautiful story. I hope yuur new adventure brings lots of happy memories!
:hug: :hug: Just a couple of them thrown in for you xxxx

Thanks so much for sharing.

What a beautiful story :hug:

:clap::clap: It is a fantastic story junglemum, I didnt realise who you were with the new name till reading that! I am so glad that things have worked out, you were on my mind a lot during those times, wondering how you were going.
So happy for you, and a belated congratulations on your little girl! xx

gorgeous story, i'll miss you when you're gone but am so happy for you to have this wonderful adventure ahead of you. see you tomorrow :)

awww hun, you did such an awesome effort given your circumstances, your an amazing chick and we all love you

Hugs Hun so well written, you have me in tears. You are a gorgeous, strong, caring positive person, I wish you well in your trip to PNG and hope to catch up with you for dinner again one day!!!!

Awesome work! (and now I know who you are!!)

Great story Ange!

Challenges schmallenges, PNG is going to be a great experience.

I still shed tears too, but I know the pain for you will lessen over time :hug:

So....will you have decent access to the net over there??

I can't believe you all read that novel! :p Thanks for reading and your comments. It is hard putting your feelings out there for the world to see. I'd never make a writer. :redface:

I changed my name and my Av so i could be a bit more inconspicuous, hahaha so much for that. I don't really care, i just felt a bit exposed after the fires and all. But i don't really have anything to hide i guess.

One of the conditions of accepting the job was that was had satellite internet lulu. :lol:

I was so touched reading your story, it was beutiful :cry:, I am glad that you had a better birth and that your OB was so supportive for what you wanted. And pulling out the baby yourself, what an awesome moment, I am glad you had the courage to do so :)

Even though it has taken you until now to write this story, I hope that it helps you have some closure on the events of last year, although I am sure they will remain etched in your memory for life.

We went near the Kinglake area last year for dinner, and if we had more time we were going to go up and visit, but the eeriness that came with just seeing the signange for all the towns really surprised me. I can understand why you couldn't live there happily again, it msut be so difficult to rebuild a community around such a painful even where there was so much devistation and loss.

Wishing you all the very best in your jungle adventure and I am so happy that your DH has found a job he is happy in, it really does make a huge difference, mentally and emotionally to be in a job where you are happy :hug:
Take care and have a safe journey in March
xxoo

pfft to not being a writer! some of the best reading is what comes from the heart

you did fantastically hun - your journey has been hard but you've come through it gracefully. you have nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of. you did what you had to do for your family (re withdrawing a bit) and you should be proud of that! your family came first and that is what is most important

good luck in PNG - can't wait to hear about your new adventures in the jungle

You are such an awesome & amazing chick JG. You are someone who left an impact on me as soon as we met (online and IRL :)) I loved reading your story, thanks so much for sharing it :hug:.

Wishing you all the best with your big move, I hope we'll still see you around BB and FB :D

Thanks so much for sharing.

Reading that your first labour sounded exactly like my first labour, i was induced because of PE too. And your second labour had similarities to my #6 with the delivering my own baby, how awesome is that to reach down and deliver the rest of the body and put them on ur chest.

I wish you all the best for your upcoming adventure :D

Oh I don't have enough time to read it now! Gosh you do ramble on don't you :p, just kidding... I will be back :D.

I cannot believe it has almost been one year already.

Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sure we sometimes wonder why we get these bumps along the way thrown at us (sometimes one after the other with no break inbetween) but isn't it such an accomplishment to look back and say 'we made it through!!' or 'we're making it through!!'?? You got through the only way you knew how and don't be ashamed of anything you did to survive. Will be thinking of you this weekendxox All the best for the furture and the life you will live with your beautiful family no matter where you find yourself in the world.

:comfort: ;) :D :hug:

Wow what an amazing story!!!
I am so sorry to hear you lost your house this time last year, but everything seems to have worked out just great.
You brought tears to my eyes when you explained how it fekt to catch your little bubba. Your OB sounds fantastic!
Thank you for sharing your story.

Thank you so much for sharing your amazing story, I hung on every word. I think it is beautifully written, so heartfelt. :hug:

Happy Birthday to your DD#2 coming up. :cheer:

All the very, very best for your new jungle adventures. :goodluck:

Thank you so much for sharing your story - another teary reader here. All the best with the move!

:redface: Thanks for reading and special thanks to all of you that took the time to comment.

:hug: Thanks for sharing that with us JM.

You have an amazing spirit and you personality really shines through in your writing even though it was spewed out ;) Glad I wasn't the only one swearing and apologising when in labour lol.

Hope your day tomorrow with your friends is special and supportive :hug: WIll be thinking of you.

Thankyou so much for sharing your story :hug:.

How amazing that you were able to lift your little girl onto your chest, such a precious moment.

I know so much how you felt when you were lonely in hospital while everyone was working on moving you into your new house, I too was left alone as my baby was sick so no-one visited :( if I had known and you were up to it I would have kept you company.

Best of luck for your new adventure in PNG, I cannot wait to hear what it is like. I would love to have the guts to do it myself, DH has been there and loves it. I am so glad you have good internet access too :D.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow, I hope that the day brings the support and closure you need.

thank you for sharing your story

I too will be thinking of you, and all those affected tomorrow

Good Luck with the move to PNG!

Wow, what an amazing story. You have been through so much in the last year and it sounds like you have more adventures just over the horizon! Good on you for getting through such a difficult time and having such an empowering birth - you are an inspiration!

Ange I can't believe I've only just figured out who you are :doh:
You are amazing and I can't believe what you had to go through .... I remember following your story last year and how worried we all were about you.
Great to see you made it through everything and are embarking on new adventures! Beautifully written story too :hug:

I really loved reading your story, you're a special woman xo

What a wonderful story. Thank you for sharing.