Relactation, or possible tandem feeding, by non-bio parent

NO we aren't pregnant with number 2... yet!

Shel is possibley, probably, most likely at this stage, going to be pregnant with the next little bubba. For physical and emotional reasons that I'm not going into right now (and which aren't the topic of this thread ;)), Shel doesn't think she'll be able to breastfeed. She willing to try of course, and go for as long as she possibly can, and I have a huge amount of respect for that, and she wants to at least give bub colostrum, but most likely it won't go much longer than 2-4 weeks (again, just a reminder, not really the topic of this thread). We've seen how good breastmilk is for Jazz, and we don't want to have to use formula so we want to be able to give the next bub this wonderful start in life (which most parents, BFing or FFing, can appreciate I'm sure, so don't get your knickers in a not, I don't mean any offence). So we're discussing me breastfeeding number #2 as well.

Ok so firstly lets assume that Jazz hasn't weaned by the time bub is born.
Can I tandem feed bub? My first answer to myself is no, because I haven't had bub so my body doesn't know that it needs to feed a newborn. Because the constitution of themilk changes over time, so the milk I'm making for Jazz (who will be at least 2.5 years old) would not be ok for a newborn. Is that right?

If Jazz has weaned, and then I relactate, will the milk be ok for a newborn? I have this thing in my head that if Jazz weans, and then I relactate, my body will go back to thinking I am feeding Jazz - a toddler - and not a newborn? Like resuming where we stopped kind of thing?

I need some really thorough resources on relactation and non-biological parents breastfeeding. I know the ABA has some I think, I haven't realy looked yet. Mums who adopt, and even dads (!) can breastfeed so I *KNOW* it's possible but I need to understand the biological process. How does my body make milk for a newborn if I haven't physically had a newborn? Will I need to take hormones? Is it possible to tandem feed if I haven't physically been pregnant or had a newborn?

I can't see why you couldn't Leash - wet-nursing has been around for centuries where non-bio parents would BF :dunno:

Yeah thats what I'm thinking... but how? Isn't that why milk banks don't take milk from mothers feeding older babies/toddlers? Because the milk changes? So how would my milk be ok for a newborn?

i dunno leasha but could be worth talking to the ABA - i'm sure when i rang them in the early days that the counsellor told me that even adoptive parents can BF...i can't remember details (hormonal new mumma crying down the phone moment :redface:) but seems like it could work.

Where there is a will there is a way hun, you have such amazing will so there will be a way :)

TBH I really don't know the answer to your q - hopefully someone can come along with some good resources for you, but somehow I think your body will naturally adjust the milk, possibly according to the way the baby suckles?

Plenty of people tandem BF - I hoped to do so but not sure if I will still be BF'ing Laa by the time we have another....

I'm sure there would have to be a way. I remember reading somewhere (here, maybe :)) that mothers milk contains more antibodies when bub is sick. Kind of like your body knows intuitively what it has to do - I know I'm not saying that as well as I should be :doh: - not enough sleep! - but do you get what I mean?
I'm sure the ABA would know though.

Yeah, your milk is different to that of a new mum, but it is in no way bad.

I dont think toddler breastmilk would be worse than formula. I think the main change would be the colostrum, and if shell can feed for a few weeks before you take over, than bub will still get the best of both worlds!!

Weaning then relacting could be tricky, not everyone relactates, it can be very difficult, so you could run the risk of not having breatsmilk at all. You could also be stuck on the meds for quiet a while too.

Tough call, but personally I would just coninue with current bub, and take over the new bub when partner has finished. I cant find a reason why any breastmilk wouldn't be better than formula, if you can.

One of our BB members BF an adopted child. Hopefully she'll pop in and give you some pointers.
I think that they often give you motulim (sp) to get you started but nature should kick in pretty soon and then it's just a supply and demand thing.
I think that wet-nurses often had babies of the same age.

The ABA has a book called "Relactation and Adoptive breastfeeding".

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I can't see why you couldn't Leash - wet-nursing has been around for centuries where non-bio parents would BF :dunno:

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thats right and i would say what ever breast milk your making is so much better than formula sweet. Personally i think its a fair trade :) shel has bub and you feed hehe lucky you.

HAHAHAHAHA, yet another benefit of having 2 mummies! Leasha that's awesome, I really hope you can BF bub #2.

That's a pretty awesome idea.
my guess - the milk is different; milk for newborn would be better, but toddler breastmilk would probably still be better than formula.

You certainly can! It is much easier if you don;t need to 'relactate' - ie if you have a newborn whilst still BF Jazz, but it can certainly be done and does as a matter of regularity.

There are so many resources on how to go about it, support forums and success stories.
I will get some link together for you, I have a whole bunch here somewhere. Will bbs.

Good on you for wanting to give it a go Leash!

I wonder how the milk changes? I know that breastmilk is a complex product, however I would've thought the changes over time would be very subtle - is a toddler's nutritional needs from their milk really that different to a baby's? Yes, they are on solids and moving about a lot more, but they are having less milk feeds too, so I would've thought it'd balance out?
I (obviously) haven't done any reading on the subject, but I think if you can relactate then your milk will still be perfect for baby #2, whether you birthed him/her or not.

ETA: I also wanted to mention how cool it is to be thinking about this stuff... the whole two-mummy thing and the new range of choices/issues you need to be considering.

Leasha, when Thomas Beatie gave birth, his wife was able to lactate so she breastfed their babies because he had his breast tissue removed remember? So it is definitely possible but I imagine that it might need a bit more work at getting it all working well kwim? But I have no doubt that you'd be able to do it - you know you can lactate. I would say if you can get Shel to do it for those first few weeks while you were working on your own supply if you didn't happen to be feeding Jaz by then then you wouldn't even need to comp with formula. Or if Shel really didn't want to BF herself, do you think she would at least express for a while and you could breasfeed bubs using a supply line? That would also help your own milk to come in too.

I just want to come in & wish you guys luck with this. You are both awesome & I have no doubt you'll make it work one way or the other!
I think its more the iron levels drop after 6 months or something? Thats why the milk banks prefer it in the first 6 months?

Wow what a cool idea!!!

I am intrigued as to how you would go about this, hopefully Barb will have info for you.

Good luck with it girls!!!!

What a great option to have!

I would imagine that one of the reasons that breastmilk changes from when you're feeding a new baby to a toddler is the number and frequency of feeds, also the amount of milk in each feed. So in a toddler, if you're only bfing a couple of times a day, your body is packing all of the antibodies and nutrients into only those bfs, and potentially the volume is a lot less than it was when you bf a baby. But if you built your supply up (by suckling a baby more often) it would quickly adapt to the new requirements. No, you won't have colostrum, and you won't have the hormone boost from giving birth, so you'll have to build your supply up in anticipation. But remember, a new baby doesn't have very much in terms of volume.

I think the reason breast milk banks don't accept mothers' milk from those who are bfing toddlers is logistical?, since they will accept milk from someone who has already been donating once their baby is a bit older. But the issue could be the concentration of antibodies, since that is increased when your toddler feeds less often.

I would think that your close proximity to the bub would cause your body to produce hormones and be in tune with the new bub so you would produce the milk needed... just like when a group of women are regularly in each others company and their cycles end up being the same (hope that made sense)

I have also read (on an ABA website I think) that in some countries where there is a lot of farming work that they pair up women who have babies about the same age and one woman will work one day while the will feed both babies and the next day they swap.


So I definitely agree it is doable, sorry I can only give you anadotal evidence...

Just popping in to say
Excellent idea girls, so many benefits of two Mums!

We had an ABA mum come to Mothers Group who had tandem fed her 2 year old and newborn, and she said the toddler put on a lot more weight because she was making so much more milk and the milk was being made primarily for the newborn to meet their needs as no longer "essential" to the 2 year old. That sounds like your milk would definitely be ok for a newborn and maybe Jazz if still feeding would get an extra boost!

I am intrigued to follow this. I have always wondered if it is possible. I have read of one BB member on here who has done this successfully with an adopted child.

Hi Leasha

I'm not the adopted relactating mum but i did relactate my DS2 when he was around 6wks. You know you can do it but i would think it would be alot easier for you if you were still feeding Jas and maybe when it is getting close to time start expressing too just so you have a smoother transition. I think it was Jennifer who said it is probably just the volume and quanity that would be different and i think that sounded spot on to me anyway!

Not really sure if i helped..

You'll be great :D