Weddings - whats appropriate and whats not

I have just got back from DP's best mates wedding ceremony, the reception is later this evening but i was appalled at the attire some of the other guests wore. One girl had the shortest dress on, barely covered her bottom and she had what looked like to me to be stripper shoes not to mention the worst hair extensions i have ever seen. The invitation said 'semi formal' but i'm sorry i didn't think that was at all formal, maybe formal enough for clubbing or at a strip joint.

Another guest, she was a larger lady, a bit older too and she had a low cut dress and a quite large chest so she was spilling out everywhere.. :o definitely a sight i never want to see again.

And others didn't make an effort what so ever, one male was in jeans and a shirt. Another girl in jeans and a revealing top.

I'm pregnant, not feeling very great but i made the effort to wear a dress, heels and wear make up and did my hair.

Maybe i am being too judgemental.. :dunno:

What are your thoughts?

I think, regardless of all that information - a wedding is about the MARRIAGE. All it should be about is the MARRIAGE. In the end it should not matter whether the guests are wearing tracksuit pants. Okay so your photos might look shameful and it would be emabrassing for that individual at a dressy reception but a wedding is supposed to be about two people pledging their love to one another for life. So i honestly don't give a toss who turns up to my wedding in jeans or inappropriate clothes, they are only making a fool of themselves if they are in minidresses - I am going to enjoy becoming a MARRIED woman.

And for the record - being a larger lady with large breasts makes reasonably affordable clothing impossible and in the end I would rather someone thast has my figure turn up to my wedding in something that may be inappropriate so they were there to witness it than have a meltdown because to buy something appropriate they would need to spend upwards of $200 and not turn up at all.

I've been to weddings where it's full formal, weddings where guests have been in thongs and sarongs, and weddings where there was a theme.

By far the best weddings I've been to are those where the bride and groom aren't stressed, are enjoying their day and the guests aren't abusing anyone.

How was the bride, was she happy?

Personally, I do my hair, makeup and wear heels - but that's more my personal style. If you felt comfortable, excellent!!! (anyhoows, think of the good gossip you've got going ... )

I agree a wedding is about the Marriage however if the invite said semi formal then I think it is disrespectful of the wishes of the couple to show up in Jeans or a super mini dress. FWIW we were at a family wedding and one of the guests wore jeans and a cap. Dh went up to him and told him to show some respect and take it off.

I think that it is the wishes of the couple that matter.

My wedding last September, I didn't notice what others were wearing. I really thought I would, but I didn't! What got me though, was the photos. I "let" a friend's mum stay for the ceremony, and she just happened to sit right on the aisle - so every photo we have of the bridesmaids and me walking down, there she is in a horrid tracksuit, ratty hair, etc... Like I said, I didn't mind on the day, but I think now that she (or the photographer, who was my only regret for my wedding) could've made an effort to keep her out of the photos. She wasn't even meant to be there :wall:

The bride possibly didn't even notice, and maybe she won't mind at all, even after the photos? Maybe she's dressed like that at other people's weddings and they were getting their own back :lol:

I'm more peeved about my cousin looking like a prostitute at our nan's funeral than I am that she wore the exact same outfit to my wedding...

Don't get me wrong I do think it is important to respect and honour the couple's wishes - but without being in the position of the attendees thay may have had trouble with outfits - let's say the larger lady for example it is really unfair to judge. I do agree that a minidress is inappropriate to wear to a wedding, but again if that is the closest to semi-formal outfit my friend had and could not afford anything else I would rather her wear that than not attend.

I guess this is a topic that will be independent to each person - but to me, I'll be glad to appreciate the company and forgo any style disasters.

I agree that you should dress respectfully at a wedding, and maybe these people think they have? Some people have different ideas of what is acceptable to others. It sounds like they made an effort to look nice anyway!

FWIW I have been to a "bogan" wedding (my uncle's) and it takes the cake for the worst dressed people LOL! One lady wore trackies and moccasins :rofl:, but it was a very casual wedding and everyone was happy, including the bride and groom and that's all that mattered :).

Well if the invite says semi-formal then I think you should make an effort. It doesn't say go out and spend a motza, it says wash your face and wear your Sunday clothes.
True, I doubt the bride noticed, but the couple getting married treated everyone to a nice 'event', is it so hard to scrub up a bit?
Saying that though I have witnessed defendents at court in thongs and stubbies/singlets so I guess image just isn't important to some.....

I'm sorry if i offended anybody. My comment about the larger lady wasn't having a crack at her weight at all, im no size 6. But im sure she could have kept her boobs in her dress rather than having them spilling out thats all i was saying. I have a quite large chest myself, i have to go up a size in clothes to make room for them.

And yes i don't think the bride noticed at all, she was very happy. I cried during the vows and the exchange of rings, i was a blubbering mess.

Again im sorry if i offended anybody.

You've just inspired me to go look at my photos again, so thank you :D Though I looked at the photos I was talking about, and it gets worse... She's in a... a.... COLLINGWOOD TRACKSUIT! I'm so ashamed... :cry:

I agree, ver disrespectful. I think there is no place in weddings for jeans, caps tracksuits. Discusting! If anyone shows up at my wedding like that they can leave. I would find it so disrespectful to DP and I.

For me personally I like to get dressed up for a wedding. As for having your chest spilling over, whether a larger lady or skinny lady it is totally disrespectful. There are clothes for all size people and you don't have to pay the earth, nobody else needs to see these on display.

Regards,
Dianne

No offence taken here :) I think it's a fair post.

I also believe that people should dress respectfully at weddings. Simple and stylish with no chance of wardrobe malfuntion.

I do know that for some men, jeans are actually dressing up for them and living in North Queensland it's pretty common for men to wear jeans to weddings, so in my book it's ok.

I don't think that's reasonable - if you request your guests to make an effort - as in semi-formal, then the guests should comply to your wishes.
I think it is just down right rude to dress inappropriately at a wedding, but then some people seem to have lost the ability to know what's appropriate for most occasions.

DH is a tradie. For him semi-formal is what he would wear to an interview, and in his work, that is jeans and a nice tee shirt. Nice meaning no holes or stains with or without a tasteful print on it.

He does own suit pants but he only wears them on formal occasions, like a formal wedding, a funeral or ANZAC day (he has to on ANZAC day) so thats only maybe 2-3 times per year. So if I am wearing business clothes and he is wearing jeans, that is both of us in our respective semi-formal attire.

In fact the first time i saw him in a suit was my sister's wedding day.

I agree, some people seem to have forgotten the concept of 'appropriate' attire, for any occasion - I see it a lot amongst girls my age, they seem to assume that 'clubwear' is appropriate for things like weddings, days at the races, etc etc. If I see one more girl stumble past my house (I live just up the street from the local racecourse) on race day wearing a crotch-duster with a cowl neck, I will start throwing rocks ;)

I think if the bride and groom specified on the invites what they expected from their guests on the day, then yes, any guest who didn't try hard to meet those expectations was being disrespectful. I still feel awful about going to a friend's wedding in what I describe as 'smart casual' - I was 36 weeks pregnant, but would have made more effort if a dress code had been specified... I wrongly made an assumption (based on the venue, time of day and my knowledge of the couple) that it would be a somewhat casual affair, and was embarrassed upon arrival to find all the other guests dolled up in formal gear... I apologised to my friend but she didn't seem phased at all, I still wanted to go and hide as I felt like the biggest frump in the room :)
So yes, if one asks that guests wear 'semi-formal' stuff, then I would say it's a bit slack to turn up in jeans or 'clubbing' gear - have some decorum, kwim? It's a wedding, a celebration of the binding of two people, not a bikini contest at your local... I always think, 'there are probably going to be some oldies there', and dress accordingly - besides that, you want to blend into the background and let the bride shine, not have everyone staring at you because you're flashing your undies every time you cross your ankles! Dress jeans can pass in some situations, but I think they need dress shoes and a blazer/jacket to 'formal' it up a bit :)

But yeah, I think the problem is that as society moves away from 'class systems' and rejects the formal social events that we used to have - like deb balls etc - we seem to be losing our knowledge of what constitutes appropriate attire at certain events. Maybe I'm just old-fashioned but I think a lot of 'ladies' (lol 'ladettes', actually) need a few etiquette classes on dressing for certain events.

For me personally, what the guests wear isn't the biggest part of the day, it's probably the smallest, kwim?
BUT for some couples it IS a big deal. I think it's just a matter of respect for guests to follow the dress code, or at least make an effort.
It doesn't have to cost a lot or even mean new clothes - you clean yourself up, wear your best, make an effort & it usually shows.

For me, the fact that some family members wore white to my wedding was upsetting. That some people turned up to the evening in jeans (to a ruddy CASTLE!) didn't thrill me. I didn't stress and I was nice to everyone, but it still irks me that people would do that. I had a super-formal wedding, btw. As you may expect from me!

Yes, the day's about me getting married and starting a new life and others witnessing and celebrating that. But they should respect how important it is with their clothes! I have tops I could fall out of: I wear a little singlet underneath to bring the neckline up. Just a plain white vest-top means I look decent. I've been to weddings where the skirt of the dress has been above my knees. But even so, it wasn't a stripper dress! Showing too much flesh or ANY underwear should be an immediate "no-no" to anyone. I've been to weddings in outfits that cost under £50: they looked nice and pretty. You don't have to spend the earth to look decent.

I think many people no longer see weddings as the special, life-long beginning of an incredible journey and partnership of love and commitment. And in all honesty, it is reflected in the way we carry ourselves and in our clothing. unless otherwise specified, weddings are a special dress occasion. even if they are on a beach there is an expectation that effort is placed. and i am not against jeans and clean cut shirts. as long as that person has made an effort itms.

i reckon that if you are going to someone's wedding to share and support their moment of public declaration of love...then i would take that as a great opportunity to show that support not only by rocking up, but by frocking up.

we had some family memebers turn up in thongs and shorts and baseball caps. to me, this just looked as though they got dressed on their way to do some sightseeing and stopped by to say g'day. and it kinda made me feel as i though i wasnt worth the effort itms. and i am by no means a shallow kinda person, but ffs, a wedding is a really special day, and generally not something you do often (elizabeth taylor excepted lol) so for a family member especially to turn up wearing their normal garb without any thought to the setting or the ceremony lacks care.

but these are just my two cents :D

You ladies have all made great points.

Thankfully the reception was alot nicer and everyone made an effort to look nice, still a few trampy girls but all nicely dressed.

The only thing that urked me about the reception was the lack of respect for the couple who got married, i did not hear any of the speeches given as we were at a back table (31 tables, 400 guests) and the tables near us people would not stop talking, even though we had asked them nicely to pipe down.

Then it got worse from there...

Oh each table was a 1 litre bottle of Hennessy to as you can imagine quite a few people got drunk, our table were very good with the bottle, didnt even drink half of it. But then some very drunk guy came up to me grabbed the bottle grabbed my glass and told me to have a drink for him, i kindly declined and he started stumbling over me almost spilling the entire bottle on me.. then he proceeded to go from table to table asking people to have a drink with him, he then started vomitting everywhere. It was a disgusting sight and ruined my night for me.

But all in all was a great day and i am so happy for the couple who got married.

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The only thing that urked me about the reception was the lack of respect for the couple who got married, i did not hear any of the speeches given as we were at a back table (31 tables, 400 guests) and the tables near us people would not stop talking, even though we had asked them nicely to pipe down.

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DH's dad talked all the way through his sister's speech, apparently - my uncles were ready to belt him :lol: Something I would invite if it wasn't my wedding and they could get away with it ;)

And the guy who got drunk - what a tosser! Happy you had a good night though, aside from a couple of hiccups :)

i work at a wedding venue place and some of the clothing we see is crazy. espcially all the little tiny dresses. i seen a few on the weekend wearing shirts as dresses. and i know that it was a shirt cause i was goign to buy it.

Also at my own wedding we had a semi formal a few people wore jeans but i didnt mind because they wore a nice button up shirt with it and it looked respectable. but one of the guys wore jeans and a shirt that made it look liek jsut around the house clothes not even goign out for tea clothes so i was a bit put off by that. it was only because he was the only one so it stood out heaps esp in the photos.

I would be very offended if anybody turned up in a very short dress or just plain clothes. But i will be only having really close friends and family. So i will be able to specify what i want them to wear and what i dont.

This is in fact one of my major irks. I agree people just don't seem to want to get dressed up. I think if you don't get dressed up for a wedding then what do you get dressed up for??? Even if the invitation said casual I would still wear something special that I wouldn't wear everday. We went to a black tie wedding where the ceremony was held at the Melbourne Cathedral so you can imagine it was pretty super-duper, and a guy turned up in jeans and his partner in a singlet top - I give up. Yes, I agree people do seem to have different standards of what is appropriate or not. I would be really peeved if someone had turned up casual to our wedding which was also black tie....everyone was dressed great.

As for the drunk man - what can I say - there is one at every wedding, if it's not a fight that breaks out, there's a drunk to be sure. As soon as people see free booze they think it's all on, puhleese.

:dunno:

Laurin x

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I think if you don't get dressed up for a wedding then what do you get dressed up for???

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Exactly, it makes you wonder what occasion they would class as something you wear your best clothes to.

Well I'm going to admit to being just a little fascinated when someone's got just a bit too much boosie on display, young or old, fat or thin...there's a fine line there as to how much is too much. However, I think that's a lesser crime than people making no effort with their appearance for someone else's special occasion.

I went to a good friends wedding in Bundaberg last year and their was a couple drinking rum and smoking ciggarets while wearing akubra hats during the CEREMONY!!! Thats bad!!!
Definately agree, dress up people! Especially if the dress code is specified on the invite.

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As for the drunk man - what can I say - there is one at every wedding, if it's not a fight that breaks out, there's a drunk to be sure. As soon as people see free booze they think it's all on, puhleese.

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We went to DH's cousin's (who we hardly know) wedding a few months after we got married - 400 guests, 40 degrees on the day, and there was a blackout at the reception venue - so everyone drank and drank and drank to stay cool - some of DH's extended family are quite racist and I am mixed race (anglo-indian...though most people think I look italian) - I was racially abused by a 17 year old friend of the family who was drinking wine straight from the bottle, and later taken away in an ambulance because he passed out. There were people standing on tables drinking and spilling wine all over themselves - the whole event was disgraceful! At the end of the night, the brides mum (DH's aunt) came up to us and started having a dig about how they did their wedding the right way, with all the family there to celebrate and with a mass at their ceremony...having a go at us because we didn't extended family to our wedding and didn't have mass because neither DH or I are catholic. I couldn't believe it...

DH is from a very big irish catholic family, and they have very specific ideas about what is and isn't appropriate behaviour - not just at weddings! Our wedding was 70 people, with the reception in a bar, with finger food - immediate family and close friends, plus an uncle & aunt from each side of DH's family to make sure the grandparents were ok (both sets of grandparents travelled from interstate). DH's mum died of cancer only 6 weeks before our wedding and we nearly postponed it - we decided not to and had a really special, intimate day - we didn't specify a dress code but everyone was dressed semi-formal...I didn't really notice on the day but I am glad that all the people we love made the effort for our wedding :)

I agree with LZ - I do not like ladies in white, or anyone in black at weddings.

I think inappropriate behaviour and attire is indicative of a poorly selected guest list. If they don't know what's appropraite to do/say at said couple's special day, then they clearly don't know the couple well enough to deserve to share in the celebrations.

I am fairly well known for turning up to weddings in <$10. The reason I am known for doing it, is that someone compliments my dress, and I proudly announce that it's second hand. Classy on a budget is easier than most people think.

Our wedding was very low-key. A quote from the night was "This is the best wedding ever - I can wear my sunnies on my head like the groom is, and go barefoot like the bride is!" We specified collars and dresses on our invite though, and left it to imagination. DH did rip a tie off one of our guests before the ceremony!

But, yeah, I also agree that at the end of the day, the couple still end up married, so the purpose of the event is achieved, and let's all stop whingeing! (in theory this works. in practice, I love a good b*tch session about who wore what)

BIL wore jeans and a checked (like flannel but cotton) shirt - open - over a black tshirt to our wedding. That was as dressd up as he had and being unemployed he couldnt afford anything else.
OF course I would rather him to look nice in the photos, but im happy he was there rather than feeling he couldnt come because of clothes.
My parents to this day bring up what he wore (and what MIL wore for that matter - again the nicest htings she could afford) and go on about it.

DH and I really couldt care less we wanted people to come and shared our wedding with us - their presence was the most important thing.

I should be in bed.

But this is one of my pet peeves too. People just don't know how to dress classy anymore. It's sad. What happened to blokes shining their shoes, women putting on lippy and curling their hair, for special events? Although, I must admit there were two or three guys in jeans and collars at our wedding, and I didn't mind one bit. That was 'dressed up' for them, and I'd rather them be comfy and have a good time, then look good in photos.

And don't even get me started on the races. it's the races, ladies. In the day time. Cover yourself. A hat is not a pea**** feather stuck on a bead. And whatever happened to gloves? There is nothing trashier than seeing a previously nicely (if slighlty trashy) dressed girl walking out of the races, champange down the front of her dress, shoes in hand, blind drink (hello, my SIL).