Is this unreasonable??

Background... My mum always wanted to name her son Daniel James. She loves the name Daniel and James would be after her father. Problem is she had two girls - me and my sister. We're all very close and my sister and I always said that whoever had a boy first would use Daniel James, as we both liked it too.

Cut to present day... we both got married and realised that hey, the husband gets a say in naming bubs as well! :lol: My sister had the first boy and her DH didn't like the name Daniel or James. So I spoke to my DH who said he didn't mind James but we couldn't use Daniel as his best mate has a son, Daniel. Fair enough.

So I said to my sister and mum "well if I have a boy, maybe I'll use James at least!"

Then my sister had her DS, and she has used James as a middle name. Now that I am expecting a boy, I had struck James off the list as she has used it already.

Last night my mum picked up a baby name book at my house and said "What are you looking for - a middle name?" Turns out she thought we're still using James. I said we weren't, as my sister had used it, so that ship had sailed.

Then she cried :rolleyes:

Am I being unreasonable? These two little boys will see a lot of each other - its not like they will be some sort of distant relatives and no one will remember what my nephew's middle name is. They are also going to be very close in age.

Would you use someone else's middle name as first name for your bubs? Someone really close to you?? When there is going to be only 4 months between the two babies???

Middle names i don't mind - there is meaning behind why you wanted to use it, so if you want to use it, use it. don't NOT use it because your sister has

my bro used my grandfathers name (robert) as a middle name for his son. we would potentially use it too. not that it's a fantastic, unique name - but because it has emotional attachment for me.

James is a throwback to your grandfather - if you want to use it, use it

really, how often are the middles names going to be used? it's not like you're going to use them all them time!

i dont think its a issue hun!~! if you like it go for it!

Thanks for your opinions ladies!

BG - I hadn't thought about the fact that it has emotional significance too.

Now I am confused :lol: I had just assumed it was a no, I might need to reconsider!

I would use it. My cousin's son has DS's middle name as his first name because it's a 'family name'.

BTW I love the name James.

I don't think it's an issue either, but I also wouldn't use a name I wasn't 100% sure on either.
If you love it use it.
BUT (and please not being rude or trying to offend) I wouldn't feel like I had to name my baby just so someone else wouldn't be upset.

Its only your nephews middle name so I cant see why you cant use it as middle names are very rarely used day to day.

It is also significant for both of you.

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Middle names i don't mind - there is meaning behind why you wanted to use it, so if you want to use it, use it. don't NOT use it because your sister has

James is a throwback to your grandfather - if you want to use it, use it

really, how often are the middles names going to be used?

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Couldn't have said it better myself x

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BUT (and please not being rude or trying to offend) I wouldn't feel like I had to name my baby just so someone else wouldn't be upset.

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Yeah that's part of it now too... I feel like if we went back to James it'd be to appease my mum (in part!) and DH won't be happy about that...

Sigh, why do baby names get so political with families???

I think... its your son, you name him what ever you like :)

It could be a nice connection between the 2 boys.

I agree with Kim also. Don't go back to James just because your mum got upset (not that you should disregard her feelings either, it's such a fine line!). But I agree with the others too, you can know someone very well for years and not know their middle name! If you want to use James, I can't see how it would be a problem. Is your sister okay with it?

Funnily enough, I love both those names, and if this baby is a boy, would have loved to call him Daniel as that is my Dad's name. But my DF doesn't like it because it reminds him of someone he really disliked from his childhood. But we are going to use it as a middle name. I would have loved James Daniel, but unfortunately DF doesn't like the name James either. He's so hard to please! :rolleyes:

If you love it then use it. My next door neighbour who is a good friend named her second girl Claudia which is DD1's middle name. She asked if I minded which I didn't so it wasn't an issue.

Also my friend has a daughter called Sophie - Sophie has 2 cousins Sofia and Sophie-Beth on the same side of the family and nobody had an issue with that.

I think it's fine. I had a similair situation where my DS' first name is the same as my nephew's middle name. My nephew is 10 years old & he was quite honoured that we used this name. This name also has family significance as it was my late father's name.
My sister didn't care - I don't think I would mind either if it was reversed.

I love being able to get other opinions like this. I had just discounted it without really thinking about it... you girls are encouraging me to question my own opinions and thoughts and preconceptions... maybe I need to think about it further...

:think:

So complex!

Yep, I think it's fine :)

We named our boy with a family name that had been used as a second name for one of his cousins.

If your sister wanted to use James as a first name they would have used it.

To me, middle names are really just a formality. :)

i think seeings its a middle name and nor first name it would be ok for both boys to have James.

I used to have a bf who was Ben and his first cousin was Benjamin (but also Ben), i always wondered why his aunty would have named her son Ben after having already had a nephew Ben, but they lived in 2 diff states and guess she just loved the name!

But unless you actually like the name James for middle i wouldnt use it just cause someone else wants you to, both u and dh have the total say in names i think

I actually really love the idea! I love names that tie people together. We have a lot of repeat names both first and second in our family and I love the personal connections. My siblings and I all have ties in our names to uncles and aunties and it really has fostered lovely relationships.

On the cousin front, my cousin (related through her father) is Kate-Louise, she has an auntie (on her mother's side) Kate and a cousin Kate with her sister named Louise! It works for them :) I also know a girl who is one of 5 Olivias in her family :o So it can get crazier than simply having the same name as the middle name of a cousin.

WRT the similarity, people really do grow into their names and so similarities in the name become less as time goes on.

Another consideration - sometimes similar names are something you can't control. I have married a man with a name which pops up in my family a lot and my friend also has a husband by the same name... can't predict that!

Good luck with the decision, keep your options open and go with what feels right on lots of levels!

Start asking around you male friends what their middle names are. Lots (LOTS) of them will have James as a middle name. In the 1980s it was the most popular middle name, along with John, and both were used twice as much as the next name. It is SOOOO common as a mn that I don't think anyone would really notice.

If the two little boys are seeing a lot of each other, it might be like a special bond between them, KWIM?

My cousin is Erin and so is my DD, neither of them mind in fact I think my cousin was flattered that I liked the name so much!!

DDs middle name is Kate and she was over the moon when SIL and brother called their 1st DD Natalie Kate, she adores that she has the same middle name as her cousin cause her older sister has mine and mum's middle name so now she feels connected to someone.

I have seven sisters and one brother, Matthew James (aged 7). My second eldest sister named her son James and my younger sister used James as the middle name for her son too. No probs at all..

Up to you...DS's name is Liam and DN's middle name is William...didn't really think about it to be honest ;)

I don't think it's a problem for your son to have the same middle name, or even first name, as your nephew. But then I'm Greek, and it's Greek tradition to name the children after their grandparents, so I have a lot of cousins with the same/similar name - Alexander/Alexandra (Lexie), Evelyn/Evgenia, Christopher/Christopher... my dad even has the exact same name as his cousin as they were both named after the same paternal grandfather and unfortunately descended through his male children :D

Overall I think it's a mark of respect for your mother that both you and your sister are heeding. It could be worse; she could've loved a name you really disliked, and then you'd really be in trouble! :)

Have you thought about using it as a middle name as well? My DS and my nephew are only 2 weeks apart in age and they both have James as a middle name as it is my Dad's middle name and it my brothers middle name and it was my Grandad's middle name also.

Also DD and DH's cousin are about 4 months in age and both have Rose as a middle name as it was DH's Grannys name so had real significant meaning for both him and his uncle. I really dont mind, I think there are going to be many thousands of people out there with the same names, but if you love it then go with it.

i would use it. xox

hun my cousin and I have the same middle names- that of my great- grandmas
it was never an issue! Actually a nice connection to each other!!

but seriously hun - although you want to do the right thing by your mum- your first piority is you and your DH! So it is whatever suits your and DH!

hugs and yell out if you wanna talk more!!

If you want to use it... use it.
If you don't, then don't. It's your child, you go through the conception, pregnancy and birthing of them, so YOU get to make the ultimate decision ( oh and I mean hubby included).

Definitely if you like it go for it - And congrats on the lil boy :)

My DS is named after DH's grandfather. One of DH's cousin's has mentioned that they were planning on using it as a middle name if they were to have another boy, which is just fine since we would most likely use their girl middle name if we had another daughter because it is a family name too.

I would hesitate if your nephew had it as a first name, but since it is his middle name I think it would be fine to use it and it is another family link for them to share.

I think its fine to use it. Its like a family name. My grandfather is James, my Dad is Christopher James and his brother is James - so thats using James in the same family. Plus it is a really nice name

One of my brother's middle names is the same as........ one of my other brothers' middle names (we all have 2 middle names), my brother's first name is the same as my grandfather's first name and my uncle's middle name but my Grandad went by his middle name which is the same as the middle name my brothers have. My Dad has the same middle name as his cousin which is also my great-grandfather's name and my nephew's name. My younger brother's middle name is the same as my father's first name which is a different nephew's middle name.
Confused yet?
:p :p

Anyways if you like the name I think you may as well use it.

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Am I being unreasonable? These two little boys will see a lot of each other - its not like they will be some sort of distant relatives and no one will remember what my nephew's middle name is. They are also going to be very close in age.

Would you use someone else's middle name as first name for your bubs? Someone really close to you?? When there is going to be only 4 months between the two babies???

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Firstly, if the name Daniel is just a name she liked (without say a family connection or meaning) then I don't know whether I'd be giving her naming rights. It's sort of like my MIL - she had 3 boys - desperately wanted a little girl and wanted to name her Louise. The amount of suggesting for my daughter (first granddaughter) to be Louise was huge!

But at the end of the day it's my child, I have to LOVE the name I give them.

As for whether I'd use someone else's middle name - that sort of thing never bothered me. They will be individual boys, sharing a middle name wouldn't be that big a deal.