Asked to be at the birth

I was contacted a few wks ago by my midwife that delivered Emmanuel telling me about another lady pregnant with a Trisomy 13 baby. We had spoken on the phone twice and yesterday we met. She is so courageous and strong, anyway she has asked me if I would be at the birth with her and her DH if she should go into labour. Of course I will do that. I really want to talk about what's been going on, I need to get things out but I can't at the moment, it has been so so hard, I've been having awful dreams again, I'm so angry, it's just not fair.

Regards,
Dianne

Hugs how how special are you to do this for a stranger, its obviously stirring a lot of emotions up for you make sure you talk to DH for support for yourself.

xoxo

:hug:
you truelly are an amzing and caring person to do such an amazing thing for a stranger!!!
xxx

Its a very important and special thing to do esp since it has brought up all those emotions for you. Amazing Dianne!

Dianne you are such a precious soul, inspirational in so many ways, one in a million and this lovely lady must truely see how special you are to ask you to be there for them at the birth :hug: :comfort:

Take care xxoo

oh Dianne you are amazing. To do that for a stranger, is inspirational, especially after what you have been through.

Hun, can I just ask if this is helping you? I know you feel like you should help this lady & because you've been through it with Emmanuel, you can provide unique support & understanding, but sweetness, you sound so distressed in your post. I'm worried about you. Please, please look after yourself. It's okay if you can't do this (be at the birth) for her, really it is, you can give yourself permission to not have to be the strong one if you need to. Lots of :hug: lovely Dianne. :comfort:

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Hun, can I just ask if this is helping you? I know you feel like you should help this lady & because you've been through it with Emmanuel, you can provide unique support & understanding, but sweetness, you sound so distressed in your post. I'm worried about you. Please, please look after yourself. It's okay if you can't do this (be at the birth) for her, really it is, you can give yourself permission to not have to be the strong one if you need to. Lots of :hug: lovely Dianne. :comfort:

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I agree!

Even if you perhaps provide support before and after? Ask yourself if being there will stir up too many emotions that you don't need stirred up.

You are a beautiful soul, but I would say you need to think of yourself first and make sure you are at peace with Emmanuel before you give yourself to someone else

xxx

Dianne, praying for peaceful dreams, memories and strength for you as you do this, you are amazing.

Hugs Dianne.
Winter said it beautifully, it's a wonderful thing for you to do if you are able, you are so generous and warm hearted , but don't do this at the expense of your own peace at heart.
On the other hand if you think you are able to do it or that it might be good for you to do it, then of course you of all people know what it will mean to this woman.

Either way it is just wonderful of you, to be providing support for her in whatever way you can . Just make sure you look after you, too :hug:

:hug: Winter's made a good point. Also, don't hesitate to sit down with a counsellor to work through what you're feeling. xo

I agree with Winter. I can't even imagine being where you are, so I apologise if I'm off the mark, but,
I think it would be good to think carefully about how this will affect you. Being at the birth will stir up a lot of memories and emotions, some you probably can't imagine or prepare for. It might be incrediblly healing but it might also be incredibly traumatic and heart-breaking (or both). I'll just say this, from a place of love, - your being there will be a great support to her, but ultimately it can't save her from experiencing the agony you experienced :hug: :hug: While is is wonderful that you can offer this lady support, you also have the right to do what's best for you. And that's something only you can decide.

I have read some other posts where you've offered support to other mothers of angel babies. You're truly so giving, and such an amazing person Dianne.

its such an amazing thing you are doing for this total stranger! like winter said, you dont always have to be the strong support person! it must be so had to have to go through it all again!! but i hope that helping her in turn helps you in some way!! even if your not there for the actuall birth, im sure yo have already helped her beyond words!! Big hugs to you and lots of love!!!!

Hun I actually think that once I've finished having kids, I want to be a doula for families going through stillbirth. The reason I want to do this is because it would have meant the world to me to have someone there with me when giving birth to my angel baby who knew exactly what I was going through. I actually think I would have avoided getting post traumatic stress if I'd had a Mum of an angel there with me.

I agree you need to consider the effect on you and if being at the birth is going to be too much then just say no, but if you do go I guarantee you will make such a huge difference to her.

Holding your hand from afar.

Luv Spring xx

Thank you all for your words of support, I honestly don't think I can be there for the birth, I really want to for her but maybe I could be there before and after the birth. I thought I would have been able to cope better than this, today I have been so angry, it's just not me and taking it out on DH and the kids and they don't deserve that. I don't know why I'm feeling so angry, I wasn't even like this when I lost Emmanuel. I feel like a real failure at the moment and I don't want any more dreams and how can I be helping this poor women when I feel like this. I want to cry but I'm too angry. I'm mad at myself too because I should be stronger it's been 4yrs and I've been feeling so strong for a long time now. I don't know what to do anymore.

Regards,
Dianne

Sweet Dianne, please don't be angry at yourself.... You are so amazingly strong, even if you don't feel like it right now. I don't think you can put a time limit on your feelings, but I understand you just want to be happy again. I really wish I could be more helpful, but I couldn't read and not post you massive :hug:. I think you have made the right choice and need to think about your own mental health first. Sending you love and wishing you peaceful dreams Rach xx

Dianne you are such a sweet sweet woman do whatever you need to but you must know how selfless and beautiful you are my friend :hug:

Massive squishy hugs :hug:

:hug: Dianne.

Judt an ideas babe. Could you call Sids and Kids or the stillbirth foundation and see if they have any women who have birthed angels who could attend to support her? Obviously it is totally up to the mother but it might be worth asking.

Dianne, no matter what you choose to do, plz be proud of yourself for helping this total stranger. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it would be to talk to a complete stranger about how you felt and to tell them what they are about to go thru, meanwhile you relive the whole thing again.

Don't be angry, you don't have to try and be strong right now, because you already are. You gave birth to a beautiful angel baby and now you are helping a complete stranger do the same. Can't get any stronger than that hun!

I just wanted to say, this lady would surely appreciate any help you have already given her and her dh and I am so sure she would understand completely why you can't attend the actual birth of her angel, so please don't feel bad.

I'm sending big hugs to you, as I can only imagine what you are going thru.

Oh darling Dianne, my heart goes out to you, sending you calm and warmth. :comfort: Please allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel, but please don't be so hard on yourself. You are an amazing, loving person, please know that. Thinking of you and your angel Emmanuel. More hugs. :hug:

Rachel.

lots of hugs hun :hug: it is a lovely thing you want to do but you need to look after yourself and family as well.

more big :hug:

Spring Angel thank you, I have for a while been wanting to be able to support women going through a stillbirth and actually wanted to contact the hospital to see if something like this could be possible. I think that is why I'm so angry because now that I have the chance I'm not sure if I could go through with it and if I don't do this for her I honestly think I would feel even worse. It's just so hard when you feel someone else's pain and know there is nothing you can do to take it away. As skeetaboat said I can't save her from her agony, that is so true, she needs to feel the pain and grieve to be able to heal. So as Nelle suggested I think I might have some counselling and deal with these emotions and just maybe I can be there for the birth too because that is what I really want to do. You girls gave me so much to think about and I actually feel better, your support means so much, thanks.

Regards,
Dianne

Ahhh Dianne, to say that you aren't coping is so hard on yourself ... please remember that it takes each person a different way to grieve. I think for you or anyone else to wonder if they'll be "over this" is so hard. You're a strong woman to even take the phone call from the midwife to support this lady, and to go ahead even more so. Please be kind to yourself. I think that seeing a counsellor is a great step, and if being present at the birth helps you, then that's great if it also helps the other lady.

Be kind to yourself *hug* ... and may Emmanuel help you from his place of peace.

:hug: Dianne

Anger is part of grief Dianne. Please let yourself feel whatever it is you need to feel. Do what you feel you can but no more. The most important person right now is you. I'm sorry that you are in this position but I also see how it can be helpful. But please let yourself deal with this how you feel is the best for you xx

Maybe this was sent your way to let you know the things you need to deal with/process in order to get to a place where you are able to help other mummas birthing angels. It really hasn't been long for you. Give yourself time and don't put unreasonable expectations on yourself. Whatever support you can offer this mumma will be very greatly appreciated and make a world of difference to her, I'm sure. :hug:

:hug: hun xxx

Oh Hun, it's such an internal struggle.

Big understanding cuddles :comfort:

Thinking of you Dianne.
:hug: