13 Yr old Niece being secretly VIDEO TAPED.

I've just discovered that my brother and his girlfriend have been secretly filming my 13 year old niece while she's home alone after school & I'm disgusted ~ The reasoning they give (get this!) is because they don't trust her not to mess with the other (younger) children's toys (whatever the hell that means) & to moniter if she lies about what she's eating! They have one camera in the kitchen & one hidden near the TV monitering the lounge. I found out about it after my mother told me she was video taped making home-made Playdough & Grounded because she cleaned up after herself and neglected to mention she'd made it. (Yeah, Wtf?)

I have been mortified since i found out ~ Is this some sort of new thing parents of teenagers do? Am i over-reacting? Really... if making playdough and cleaning the kitchen is the biggest worry, is this necessary? I think if my niece ever realises she'll be emotionally scarred, I remember being a 13 year old girl & It would have been the end of my world to discover something like this.

I know i'm not her parent but she & her sister (not my brother's girlfriend's children) lived with DP and i for almost a year 2 years ago because my brother's girlfriend refused to have them (after thier own mother also refused to keep them) and they couldn't financially cope as they have 3 other children (the girlfriend and my brother's), Since this time the younger girl has gone back to live with her birth mother and is doing well. My brother was 17 when the eldest was born and ever since (I was 10 years old) she was being left with me to look after -The girls have had such an up and down life and sometimes it feels like i'm the only one left actually looking out for them.

I'm finding it hard to figure out what (if anything?) i should do about it, I don't know if my perspective is comprimised because we had a falling out a few months ago after the girlfriend posted "I'm sick of this f*&^ing brat, I wish she'd %$^& off back to her mother" on facebook where my niece is listed as her friend and commented "do you mean me? :(" so i am no longer on speaking terms with my brother & said girlfriend.

I would really like some input from parents of teenagers, Is this un-acceptable or what?

I can; A) Shut my mouth and be here when my niece needs me.

B) open a massive can of worms & tell the birth mother what is going on

C) Yep, Those are pretty much my only options.. Idea?

Thanks for reading.

Grounded for making herself playdough and cleaning up????????
I think it's a breech of trust - filming her, sounds like a nasty situation really. Is the poor girl left alone all the time?
I don't like the sound of it at all, I think the other two will be looking for any reason to get her in trouble and get rid of her.

Oh wow what a strange thning to do...imangine being grounded for making playdough and cleaning it up...was she snorting it?????????...sorry :0

That poor girl being in a house where there is no trust and seems no love :( i have no advice sorry! Hopefully the girls will have some!

:hug: x

Umm.... WOW.
Yeah, I'd say that's pretty much unacceptable behaviour on your brother's (and his gf's) part. Poor kid!
I'm sorry, I have no idea what you should do, I really hope some of the wiser BB ladies will be along presently to help... Just wanted you to know you're not alone in thinking that is some seriously whacked-out behaviour!

What a tough situation... all I can say is to make sure your niece knows you are there for her :hug:

Thank you! ~ Atleast i know i'm not just crazy over-protective Aunty & it IS not normal.

Far out!! That is just wrong on so many levels.

What an invasion. Would they like a camera secretly filming them in their private time?

I'd tell your brother that you have set up a camera in his house to watch anything he does in case he does something out of line.

That poor girl :hug: to both of you.

it doesnt seem right.

I think whats worse is that the girlfriend posted that comment on facebook! What a tragic thing to read about yourself. Teenagers want nothing more then to be accepted...imagine how damaging that comment must be for her self esteem. Thats a form of emotional abuse right there...and bullying.

Why is your neice not liviing with her birth mother? I certainly wouldnt want her in a place where she is not wanted.

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Why is your neice not liviing with her birth mother? I certainly wouldnt want her in a place where she is not wanted.

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Unfortunately her home life with her mother was just as disturbing, in a different way - She went on to have other children with different partner's.. Boyfriend's in and out all the time ect ~ She just up and decided she didn't want the girls anymore so gave my brother the choice of take them or DOCs will, My brother couldn't handle the financial (and obviously other) responsibity, So initially i took them in while he sorted himself out (made room, sorted finances out ect) - Like i said their lives have been all over the place, I can't say it was the easiest time of my life, I was 22 and had just had my own daughter but i so wish i'd have kept them with me - We remodelled the house so they'd have uber cool bedrooms, they settled in school, made friends, life was 110% better for them IMO.

I should also add that she is not an angel, she slams doors, throws tantrums & is a typical teenage drama queen but she is far from a teenage rebel - No drugs, drinking, boys, tattoo's ect.

geeze, I think that's a bit rough. Ummm out of curiousity, what would they have done if she *hadn't* cleaned up after making playdough?

And what does your mum say about all this, does she think it's OK as well? Maybe you can both present a united front to your brother, but be very careful. What are his concerns that he feels the need to videotape her? As it may be better to address those concerns rather than attack the whole privacy issue.

I hope you aren't offended when I say this...but when I read that all I could think was 'what the F$#&K are they THINKING!?!!?'. I'd almost go as far as saying that is emotional abuse...you poor niece...do they WANT her to go off the rails? I dont know what to suggest but I just feel so sad for your niece and really hope your brother and his girlfriend wake up to themselves and actually think about the consequences of what they are doing.

was she grounded because she cleaned up after herself? Sorry, that is amusing.

I agree with Kelebek and support your niece. I have had baaaaaaaaaaaad experiences with cans of worms :hug:

thats just really bizarre.
Is it even legal?

I've got really bad goose bumps & baaaaaadddddd vibes from reading that. I'm not happy with that situation at all. I think you need to do something about it, like DOCS or something because secretly filming young girls is ringing great big alarm bells in my head.

:hug: thank goodness you're looking out for these girls :hug:

OMG the poor thing! :shakehead: I am sorry but all that is sooo wrong on so many levels..

I think all you can do is be there for her, she needs to know that you are always there for her and that she does have a safe place to go for when the s*&t does hit the fan.

So I wonder how they told her they knew about the play-doh... thats just weird

eek sounds like a horrible situation...
I don't get the whole grounded for making playdough thing? Is it because she didn't tell them? cause that sounds like a big fat control issue, along with video taping :o
I've just been through a horrid 18 months with my teenage DD... I can only wish making playdough was an issue here :p

The first thing that some to mind is do you have any contact with your neice? Can you have a chat to her & see how she is doing. And I am wondering is it's possible for her to stay with you for a bit? Tell me if I'm out of line there ;) I know it may not be that easy; it just sounds like things aren't real nice there for her.

Hugs to you :hug: it must be hard to see this happening.

Yeh i reckon id go DOCS before the birth mother.

OMG...maybe you should offer for her to live with you again? (If thats an option of course)
There is no way I'd ever, ever consider doing this to my children!
The poor child should not have to live like that & it makes me so sad to think that she is :(

LP :hug: Gosh this is a tricky one...everything about it screams WRONG! There sounds like there's a real "you vs us" dynamic going on which is a really hostile and unnurturing place for someone of that age. My DD is nearly 12 and yeah we have our dramatic moments (fully understand with the slamming doors etc, sounds pretty normal to me) so I'm pretty perplexed as to why the toys and eating would warrant such a level of scrutiny. Are there any concerns re eating disorders that they are trying to catch her out on, or is a just a general distrust of how she's spending her time and whether she's telling the truth? Really, if they're that uncomfortable leaving her at home by herself after school, then perhaps they should make another arrangement so she has some company and/or supervision. That is IMO a much better solution than video monitoring!!!

I really don't know what advice to give...perhaps start by discussing it with your bro and mum...try to use non-confronting language but say how horrified you yourself would have been, then maybe suggest some creative alternatives, in terms of managing her time after school (ie can some other family members or friends share that role, or maybe some of her friends have a parent at home in the afternoon).

I wrote a huge post as to why my mum can't help which got eaten but the short of it is, after the facebook fiasco the girlfriend barred my mum, along with anyone else (including her own family and friends) who read the comment and said something about it from seeing the (her, other 3) children, Mum has only just been allowed to see them again, To babysitt.. & of course to give them easter gifts, With us all grown up the grandchildren mean the world to mum so whilst she also thinks it's horrible she's stuck either way.

I still have some contact with her, even though she's technically not meant to see me as she walks to and from school past my house every day and she's still allowed to go to my sister's house (for as long as my sister can keep quiet - which probably wont be as long as me in the end) The problem is by seeing me it's actually making her have to lie and i hate to think what will happen if she's caught on that one.. So it's difficult.

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I don't get the whole grounded for making playdough thing? Is it because she didn't tell them?

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As far as i can figure it's because she was asked what she'd done that day & never mentioned making it so therefore was punished for omitting it? I don't understand it either - The again, I don't understand the whole hidden video in the first place..

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secretly filming young girls is ringing great big alarm bells in my head.

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I felt the same but now i really do think it's a control thing, a really awful, strange, bizzare and horrible thing, but not that sort of (perverted - for lack of a better word) thing IYKWIM.

I really am interested to know if it's legal if anyone can shed some light?..
I'm guessing it is as she's *their* child in *their* home?

How odd is that...... regarding it being legal, unless you had a snapshot of the fb post they can just say it's surveilance/security, so I just don't know how that would go.

Sounds like something my kids stepmother would do. My kids are pretty sure they are being taped when they are talking to me on the phone. Their stepmum goes through all of their things including their phones and computers and I know they don't feel so good about that at all, so I could only imagine how they would feel if they found out they were being taped.

I'd probably call doc's like the other posters have suggested considering the past events.

Good luck, I can't imagine how much stress this is causing you.

I wish i could have her back to live with me but i really don't think it's possible where they're concerned, I know as soon as she's 16 she'll most definately decide to live with me but until then it's not her decision.

MD! Xo ~ Long time!

I believe they see her as "the bad influence" on the younger kids, She (and her sister) are treated so differently it hurts to watch, There are no eating disorder concerns - it's a rule that she isn't to eat after school until she's done her homework ~ Something else i think it's extreme and ridiculous because "homework" is sometimes entire assignments but have kept hushed about to keep the peace.

I want to thank everyone for your advice and opinions, It really has helped..

although i still really don't know what to do, It's so difficult - I don't want to make things even worse for her & more of a mess even though every single part of me is screaming "Tell someone, do something, help!.. Now."

DOCs won't tell them who reported it.
And the first thing they do (in VIC at least) is talk to the kid(s) in a safe place, like at school. Then they'll interview the parents. Then they'll make a decision and follow it up.

Yes, I think in will phone DOCs and just see what they say ~ Does anyone know if DOCs will keep me anonymous? I'm also worried about her actually finding out she's being taped as i think that will be worse, Atleast while she's oblivious to it she wont feel untrustworthy - on the other hand i want to tell her so she doesn't do anything that could get her in trouble.. I can only imagine if she by chance DID do something worse then making playdough or sneaking a snack.

they should keep you anonymous. I know in Vic you can make anonymous reports to DHS..

ETA this from the DOCS website

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can I make an anonymous report?

Yes you can. But it does mean we won't be able to contact you again to discuss what you've told us and we can't give you any feedback on your report.
The identity of all reporters, mandatory or not, is confidential.
Your identity, or any information which might reveal your identity (such as your address or workplace), can't be disclosed by anyone without your consent, except on rare occasions, where information about the report is crucial to court proceedings.

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Thankyou for that - I'd like to tell them who i am so they take it more seriously (?) as i'm on record of having the girls live with me before but i just would prefer no one else know.

Oh after thought.. DOCs would also inform the birth mother too i would think? although she hasn't been mother of the year i do doubt that will go down peacefully.

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As far as i can figure it's because she was asked what she'd done that day & never mentioned making it so therefore was punished for omitting it? I don't understand it either - The again, I don't understand the whole hidden video in the first place..

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Sounds even more like a control thing to me.
So, ok, maybe it's not 'perverted' but control plays a big part in abusive relationships. I'm not suggesting that your niece is being abused but I think there is definitely something 'off' about it.

The fact that she has banned your mum from seeing the kids is alarming.. another control thing? I know your mum is seeing them again, but she's too scared to voice her opinion... the whole thing stinks.

I'd give DOCS a call & see what they say.. you can stay anonymous & you'll feel better about it I think.
:hug: Best of luck

ETA - just read your last post - I'd just ask them. I don't think they would automatically contact the birth mother unless they felt there was a need?

That does make me feel more at ease, Thankyou Molly.

Sounds like your brother definitely has some control issues, filming a 13 yo girl is wrong on so many levels!

I just wanted to pop in and say that your niece is so lucky to have an aunty like you. Sounds like she's had a very tough time being shunted from one place to another so it's good to hear at least one person is on her side.

I would most def call docs in! Not only are they being controlling its seems to me its a case of mental abuse as well. Not letting a child eat until whole assessments are done......WTF...dont they know kids need food to fuel their brains if there tummies are empty their work will not be at their best. Are the other children allowed to eat before homework??

Filming for security is ok BUT the filming of a person without their CONSENT is illegal!!!!! It does not matter what the reason is. How is she going to feel if she happens to stumble across one of the cams one day??? I can pretty much guarantee she will flip out!

As for doc they wont contact the birth mother untill they are sure of whats going on the first steps are talking to the child and the childs school ect. If they think something is not right then they will do a surprise visit to her home.

I hope they get their act together before they mess this child up

Hate to see what they do if she was doing something really bad. She is 13 after all.... :(

If it was me, I'd be asking her to come and stay with me and sell it to your brother as giving him a break and some time alone with his "delightful" girlfriend.

Sorry, not much help but she's a lucky girl to have you looking out for her.

Corelly x

Wow I am just flabbergasted at their behaviour. I agree that it rings alarm bells for me and I would contact the birth mother or DOCS too.
There is so much about this that is wrong - and talking about emotional abuse of that poor girl. Playdough for crying out loud?!?

w.t.f?!

That's just stupid! Sorry, but I have no advice, but just wanted to give you hugs :hug:

Hmm can you apply to have her live with you? They obvisouly do not care about her?
Hope things get better xoxoxo

I have just read your post and ****. I would immediately inform DOCS and I would also be asking the police is it legal for them to video tape her. If they have cams in 2 rooms how easy would it be to put one in her bedroom (just to check she is not sneaking food!!!!!!) If you can, get your mum to call DOCS to and make sure you tell her it is anonymous so she can still see them. This poor girl needs help to get out of that house now.

Please let us know how you went and any outcomes.

We are all outraged for her and you

Hope things are working out, you've been given such great advice


You are one wonderful Aunty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you are a fab aunty. in the uk if she was over the age of 12 the courts take the childs wishes quite seriously. i really hope it all works out well. huge hugs hun xxx

Holly Molly that is just horrible and insanely CREEPY! :( I wouldn't dare film a 13 year child, apart from the obvious 'wrongs' of the whole thing I dont' even what to think about what I could catch them doing when a member of the opposite sex drops by :o the parents could capture more than they bargained for and end up on petaphilia charges. I don't want to sound sinister and or even presume that your neice would be up to that sort of thing at 13 years of age (I wasn't) but heck times have changed and teenagers aren't as shy as they used to be! I would speak to her mother.