How would you have answered in this situation

We went out for mothers day to lunch, firstly the restaurant lost our booking but kindly got a table for us and a high chair for Tara as we requested (mum bought the old booster seat just in case we couldnt get one, however Tara is too big for it now so doesnt fit so we were lucky to get a high chair the restaurant has 3 of them.

We were sitting down and enjoying our entree and Tara was so happy in the high chair enjoying food. The waitress comes up to us and says can I ask you a question, you dont have to say yes, but another mother wanted me to ask you. Im like umm sure? She said the mother asks if she can have the high chair you are using im like huh?? my child is in it and using it and happy? she said her child is older and uncontrollable running a muck in the restaurant and wants to restain him. The only other children I see in the restaurant are Julia's age ie, 3 1/2 or so, Tara is 1 1/2, the high chairs are so small there is no way Julia would fit in one. Im like no sorry. She went away and I said to my family, I dont want to interupt Tara having a good time, if I change her seat which she wont fit into anyway and fall off she will be crying for the rest of our outing and we are only onto entree, and I think how rude of this mother to ask, and her child wouldnt fit anyway?, I couldnt believe the lack of ettiquite. She wanted my child to get upset so she could restrain her child? he had a normal seat and fitted into that. Its not my issue she is having issues controling her child, I am dealing with that too with Julia but in no way would I want to restrain her? we keep her occupied.

So my question is what would you have done? Im interested in hearing your responses.

Thanks girls!

I woudl have said exactly what you did. How rude and selfish of the other mother!

I would have done the same thing, if the other mother wanted to restrain her child she should have brought along her own booster seat that her child would fit into. Restraining her child isn't your responsibility at the detriment to your own child and dining experience, especially on mothers day.

I would have said no as well. I would never mess with a happy child. If at some stage later my DD wanted out of the high chair and refused to go back in, then I will tell the waitress that she could take it.

Really though, if I had a completely uncontrollable child, I would just leave the restaurant. It would be no fun for me, the child, my family or anyone else.

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How rude and selfish of the other mother!

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I don't think she is neccesarily rude or selfish for asking the question. You were asked if you were willing to give her the highchair, and they said you could say no.

If the mother came over and demanded the highchair, beat you up, or moved your child from the highchair, it's a different story but asking you politely (whilst i wouldn't do it) is acceptable.

We need to support each other. It's not a battle.

I have seen this happen in a restaurant before. A mother had an uncontrollable toddler, and another mother had a happy toddler in a highchair. That was the only highchair. The mother of the uncontrollable toddler asked if she could use the highchair, and the other mother happily agreed.
What would I have done? If I was happy for my child to stay in the highchair, I would have answered no as well. However I don't necessarily think it's rude to ask at all. You won't know unless you ask.

It's a bit silly of her to ask, when your dd was obviously in need of the high chair. I agree that the mother needs to be responsible for keeping her child happy. Squishing your child into a chair won't make them happy it would only restrain them and make them even more upset.

I would have said no too. :hug:

xox

I would have done/said the same as you. It's not up to you to control her child.

I think I would have said no too.
But the other mother was probably in desperate need and didnt know what you were going to say so probably thought she'd have a try.
If she 'demanded' it, then that would have been totally unacceptable.

Thinking of my own children, I would have said no too. My DS is great in a highchair when out, he will sit and eat and be cooperative, but take him out of the chair and put him on a normal seat and he is feral.
But in saying that I don't think the other mother is rude or inconsiderate. Maybe she just saw that your DD was sitting happily and quietly eating and wanted some of that with her own kid! Maybe she though your DD would be ok in a chair rather than the highchair. I can understand that if her child was being a terror and all she wanted was a peaceful meal that she would ask for the chair.

Had it been my daughter who was a very easy child and very cafe friendly I would have said yes. Had it been my son aka Houdini I would have said no, no matter how happy he would be if sitting at a table.

I think it's all relative. I don't necessarily think she was being rude, just desperate by the sounds of it. I would have though, suggested the restaurant perhaps look into second hand high chairs to cater for all their clientele. That is who I would have been most disgruntled with.

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I think I would have said no too.
But the other mother was probably in desperate need and didnt know what you were going to say so probably thought she'd have a try.
If she 'demanded' it, then that would have been totally unacceptable.

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I agree with this. And saying no was probably the right thing to do anyway, because if he was already running amok, then he'd really crack the sads if he was restrained in a highchair after having the freedom!

Unhappy child in a highchair in a busy restaurant = unpleasant dining experience :)

Corelly x

Given my girls are a bit wild/spirited at times, if they were happily sitting and eating in a highchair i most likely i would have said, "sure you can have it, just as soon as we're finished" :D Or if i knew my child would sit happily elsewhere, like the pram or on a chair, then i would have handed it over as i too have been in the situation many times when i wished i had a highchair to sit my kids in to stop them running wild. ;) I guess restrain is a word with negative connotations, but sitting my girls in a highchair with a pencil and paper or some food is keeping them occupied in my mind, i don't see the problem in that. It's not restraining them in the sense of a straightjacket, although...... that has crossed my mind before. :p

Personally I would never have the nerve to ask another parent to give up their high-chair in the first place. I think you made the best decision.

I would have said no as well, but if we had out P and T one I would have given them the HC and used that if it was in the car or pram.

We did ask a waiter at a cafe when we were staying in Melbourne if we could use a highchair when the other family was finished with it, another family had an approximate 3-4 year old in it, and DD was only just 1, in the end we had food all over us and the chairs because DD wasn't very good at sitting on our laps or the seat and eating. Maybe it made them think to go and buy another! ;)

I think it depends on the situation, your right I should have said as soon as we finish sure, I guess I was stunned, but like you guys say she may have been in desperate need. Her child wouldnt have fit in it anyway which baffles me. We didnt have a pram with us and Tara is not good sitting on the chair alone and even with the little booster seat we had it wouldnt have been high enough, which would have caused her to be unhappy anyway which is why I said no.

I take it as my responsibility to make sure my child is distracted when upset or even take them out for some air to cheer them up. I hope she had an ok time though after we left and all was ok.

i hope you don't feel criticised for your decision, what you did was totally reasonable, you don't have to justify it further. :) I probably would have been a bit stumped when it happened too.

Good on you for sticking up for your child. Making sure she is happy, comfy and safe is so important as she cant speak for her self.

I would have to agree with Nick... I mean other posters here, it's not rude to ask. Strange maybe, but not rude.

DS doesn't sit still in restaurants. I take him to cafes with short waits or restaurants where he can go for a walk outside while we wait. Once he played in the little entrance bit for about 20 minutes - the staff loved it and said it was the most fun anyone had ever had with their glass door before! If DS wants to run around, I encourage him to go outside or somewhere out the way and we take it in turns to go with him. We don't restrain him due to the screaming fit that would occur, which is less pleasant for other diners.

We do take colouring and stories and toys, but that's not as fun as exploring sometimes! I wish other parents would agree with this though, just so I didn't look like the bad mother with the uncontrollable child.

LZ - who is Nick im confused? I dont think you would look like a bad mum at all, different things entertain different kids and I understand kids like to explore. In my situation this restaurant was on a main road and lots of cars outside so not good to explore outside really, but inside lots to explore but they werent loud or screaming as far as I could tell but the restaurant was noisy from all the customers.


I personallly would never ask another mother whose child was happy in their highchair at the time if I could have the highchair but thats just me. I wouldnt want to put the mother out as I said before if my kids are misbehaving its my responsibility to calm them down or take them outside. Granted it was Mothers day so the restaurant is busy. The thing I find weird as the kid wouldnt have fitted into the highchair anyway.

Its interesting to hear what other people would do. Thanks for your thoughts girls.

Thanks junglemum :hug: