how do you refocus when you're strrrruggling?

i'm not sure that refocus is exactly the right word but basically i feel like i have nothing left in the tank at the moment.

DS isn't a great sleeper (argh, i dunno how many times i've written that in here :lol:) - he wakes every 40m to 2hrs through the night. probably my fault because he usually feeds to sleep & feeds back to sleep when he wakes. DP used to be able to resettle him but these days DS just screams louder & louder until i go to him.

i've been trying so hard to be good about the sleep thing & i try not to talk or whinge about how tired i am. i don't believe in CIO or CC methods (and don't think they'd work for DS anyways) & so i try to focus on believe that DS will sleep longer when he's ready to. we co-sleep so i get as much sleep as poss.

but now he's been sick since saturday (just a nasty cold) & his sleeping has been waaay worse. not such a big deal in itself because it's temporary but my energy reserves were craptastic before & now they're just non-existant. how do i get my mojo (for want of a better word!) back? i'm losing all hope that he will ever sleep better & while i could try & have a 40 min nap while he does this afternoon, there's no way for me to get what i really need - and that's more than 2 hours of sleep at a time at night!

sorry for the pity party here - i really shouldn't complain, it all feels so trivial :redface:

I'm with you hon....
Big hugs...

as we all know it will pass and get better... but that doesnt help now...
i think you should ensure you get a little break each day or every few days. go for a walk or a coffee by yourself and leave him with DH. it makes it more manageable... even if you have to go in the morning b4 work or after DS is in bed (for the first time) that little bit of time out reallyhelps. ifyu are klucky enough to a yoga class/swim/ something you enjoy on a weekend for an hour also helps...
personally the little cat naps int he day do nothng for me, i find it hard to get to sleep and then it is time ot get up.. i find it better to use that time to just chill out, in silence and havea cuppa if i can or do some cooking (which is time out for me). having time out is more 'refreshing' iykwim.

I think it's a matter of surviving when they are sick and you don't get much sleep. Try and find some joy in the day, even if it's just watching your lo play or laugh. It does get better, but it doesn't help when you are in the middle of it all.

Can DH take DS for you for a few hours this afternoon so you can nap? I wish I had the answers for you but my DS was just the same at your DS's age. I know a 40 mins nap isn't enough but if we had a rough night I would sleep with him for both sleeps and just take it easy that day.

I find that I have to get a few hrs a week/fortnight to myself and that really helps... is that an option for you?

:hug: thanks guys

MP - i do love yoga & hadn't thought about going. doing that or even a walk by myself would be great! i think you're a super mum to be going through the same with your DS2 & working & looking after your DS1 as well! i don't know how you do it!

BR - thank you. the days are so rewarding with the laughter & amazing amount they learn in such a short time :) it's too easy to get caught up in the negative sometimes.

kelebek - i think a few hours to myself might be a good thing. i'm sure DP would be up for that. my parents could prob take DS for a few hours but he's a bit of a velcro baby & i feel a bit guilty cos my parents are in their 70's & my mum has bad arthritis so can't pick him up easily. i did leave him for an hour yesterday so he didn't have to be dragged round the supermarket!

i feel so silly having a whinge when things really aren't that bad, i just needed to share with people i knew would understand!

:hug: as the others have said a bit of "me time" will work wonders. During the day if you can't get a break can you just pop him in the pram and go for a walk, I know if you're tired you may not feel like doing that but it may re-energise you a little and you can always take a picnic blanket, go to a park and just let him crawl around a bit while you sit and chill.

Also letting him play with toys/books on your bed while you lie down and have a bit of a rest, or sometimes I let DD play with the toys in her room and lie down on the floor with my head on one of her big stuffed toys (quite comfy!)

Have you got a teething necklace for him? Don't know if it's something you would be interested in, but I got one for DD, she has been wearing it since Saturday and the last 2 nights she has slept really well and had quite good day sleeps too (in that she has gone to sleep straight away instead of an hour or so trying to get her to go to sleep). I don't know if it's the necklace or if she's just decided it's time to sleep, but I'm thinking it's a fairly big coincidence!

Hope he starts sleeping better soon.

Oh hun, you sound burnt out. I know that feeling......does not matter what happened to get you to a state of being burnt out. The ONLY way that works for me is ME TIME! Do not underestimate it. I used too........until i started having Me time every few weeks and it is amazing how it recharges the batteries, clears the mind and strengthens those shoulders. Sometimes it is just a BIG sleep in or as much as a child free night when DH bundles the kids off to his Mums. I know your little one is a bit young for sleep overs and I am not sure if you have that kind of support near by.

I have not read it myself but have heard Pinky Mckay has a book called 'Sleeping Like A Baby'.....maybe it is worth checking it out or maybe someone on hear has read it and can tell you more about it.

Hang in there.......it won't be like this forever!

xxxx

:hug: You sounds like you are in need some "me" time. Take out even an hour or so, when DP can look after bubs to just have some time on your own to recharge.

Dont do the shopping, or chores.. Do something for yourself and dont feel guilty about it!. Sleep, or go out and have a coffee somewhere nice, and read the paper or a trashy mag, if you have the time, maybe a massage or pedicure.

Your doing a great job.. but just remember you need to look after yourself as well :)

:hug: precious girl :hug:
I have a DS exactly the same. He is with me and me alone 24/7. He doesn't sleep well at all (very similar to your DS in fact), added to the mix is my very loud and very active DD.
Like all the PPs have said I find down time helps - doesn't fix it, but it helps. Even ten minutes to have a shower on my own/read a magazine/surf the net/scrapbook/sew/whatever. Naps really don't help me unless I am so tired I can't keep my eyes open, so I like to just chill out and be quiet. I used to tru and be productive when DH was doing incidental child minding - like in the bath or taking them for a swim, but if you don't be selfish some of the time, you and up with very little time leftover for you.klko
I used to feel selfish and 'ask' DH if he could watch the kids, but I've realised that I shouldn't have to ask - they're his kids too - it isn't babysitting, it's his responsibility.

Crying in the shower helped me!

how are you today honey???
we are all say9ng the same thing - me time all the way!

ss_storm - :hug: thank you. we do have a teething necklace - he's been wearing it for a couple of months now. i think he may be the only baby where it's had no effect on their sleeping! :lol: i have noticed his teething symptoms have been better since he's been wearing it though.

vixstar - burnt out is exactly how i feel! i hate this feeling - i was so proud of myself for getting through until now & i detest feeling like i am on the edge of falling into a heap. we do have lots of good support - which makes me feel like a bit of a fraud really - DP's mum would take him any time she could. in fact, i think she'd keep him for herself if she thought she could get away with it :lol: i don't feel like i can leave him with anyone when he sleeps like this, if that makes sense? we do go to the footy & leave him with DP's mum for night games & the little terror usually sleeps for 4 hours when she puts him down. grrrrr!

mummato1 - :hug: thank you. a coffee & a trashy mag sounds like heaven!!

kim - :hug: i hope your DS is sleeping better soon - i remember reading a thread you posted & feeling your pain!

lulu - :lol: i had a good sook last night when it took an hour & a half to resettle DS. i feel a bit better for it today!

thank you again everyone :hug: i think the last couple of days was rock bottom for me, so the only way is up now :) not sure why it happened now - maybe just a combo of the sickness & closing in on DS turning 1 - i did have a little bump in the road at 6 months so that might just be it.

ETA - MP, much better today thank you! corey seems to be on the mend & getting back to his usual self!

nope SLoane...my DS got zero benefit from the amber either.
Glad you're feeling a bit better.

Just wanna give you a hug babe. Have you had C's ears checked? Only asking because Eva was improving with sleep, then got a cold and all of a sudden reverted back to being clingy during the night and just being so upset. Turns out she had an ear infection..well 3 now.

When C gets better get some time for yourself, it will make all the world seem ok again. Even if you stay at home and sleep

I hear ya! I've been living on hmmm somewhere between 4ish hours and on a good night 6ish hours of sleep a night for oh a year... well more if you add in preg sleeping! BUT I call DH and whinge and I get REAL coffee... GJ for me lol. It's seriously sometimes the only way I can stay awake during the day! It wasn't as bad when Oskar still had day sleeps cos I would just sit, even if it was bfing Elijah but I just didn't do washing or house stuff. Now, I don't get that respite cos Oskar doesn't sleep now ugh. Anyway, that's what I do lol.. whinge to DH, ask when he's coming home and I get me a real coffee! :hug: hope he starts to sleep better... oh and for the record, Elijah has an amber necklace also but it doesn't seem to do anything about his sleeping times!!

Big :hug: honey.

It's awful when you're feeling this way, it makes it so hard to enjoy motherhood doesn't it.

I think any 'you' time you can get is really important. I make a point of taking at least an hour every weekend to go out by myself and leave DS with DH, even if it is just to walk up the street to grab a coffee, sometimes I treat myself to a pedicure, or head out for a spot of shopping (or at least window shopping). I find it makes a real difference and when I come home I'm itching to give DS a cuddle.

Oh :hug:
10 months was the absolute worst time for us! Teething and unsettledness - awake every 1-2 hours and cosleeping with a thrashing bed-hog. I was workign then too, so no time to catch up during the week, but i always got sleepins on the weekend.
Hoep your little man is well soon - that always makes it so much worse.

It's not trivial, reading your post brought back all sorts of flash backs for me.

It feels like dominoes falling down and one thing after another keeps happening.

I struggle with re-grouping, but eventually the one thing that always dawns on me is to just take one step at a time, focus on one issue, and move on to the next.

Eg, get over the cold first, and then tackle the sleeping & feeding, try a sleep expert to assist.

The one constant i have noticed, is that if they eat & sleep well, the rest improves too

:hug: Hugs Sloane. Ya know I think you are doing such an amazing job :hug: all I can say to you is it WILL get better, it WILL change, it will not always be like this, believe me ;) Hang in there sweet :hug:

thank you again everyone for the support :hug:

i took your advice this morning & went for a walk by myself when DS went down for his morning nap. it was just 45 mins but i felt quite free & it's a windy kind of day so i felt like all the cobwebs & negativity was being blown away :)

YAY for you!! :) Yesterday arvo I went to Woolies on my own hehe. Nice to not having someone hanging off me :) Glad you feel better and I like what you said about the wind blowing it all away. I'm always here if you want to send me a pm to vent or anything. :hug: