Making a "rod"?

Hey guys,

I'm needing some reassurance that I am doing ok here. My baby is 7 weeks old, I am demand feeding and co-sleeping which seems to be working well for us. My baby is a very hungry little thing at the moment and we are feeding every 1.5-2 hours, with her sometimes taking both breasts!!
I'm finding that she doesn't really nap in the day time, she can have a few 20 minute - half hour naps and maybe once every 2-3 days she will have a 3 hour nap in the day. She sleeps really well at night so far - we go to bed at 9pm, feed to sleep and then she is awake at 2.30am for another feed and off to sleep again 15 minutes later.

Does this sound ok to everyone? How can I get her to have a longer nap in the day time? She can be quite cranky at times, and I just know that she is tired. I just feel that I am doing something wrong. Lots of people I know have their babies in these "routines" but to me and our way of life, I just can't bring myself to be that rigid with her. Overall she is a really happy little baby.

Not actually sure what I am asking but just wanted some reassurance.
My mum has just been for a visit and tells me that we are "spoiling" her by picking her up every time she cries but I refuse to let bubby cry. There is no need.

Thanks guys
sue xxxx

it sounds like you're doing a great job, meeting your baby's needs. fantastic!

my ds2 was a really bad day sleeper when he was a newborn and i would find a good way to get him to have a longer sleep would be to put him in a sling and go for a long walk. this worked wonders and really got him used to sleeping for longer periods.

Sue - 7 weeks is waaay to early for a routine. Yes SOME (I still have never met one) babies do fall into a routine quite quickly, but they were going to do that anyway, regardless of what their parents did.

Slings are awesome, walking in the pram can work wonders. Bubs is still so little.

Banish thoughts of "The Rod" from your mind!

i agree with the others - you're doing a fab job! at 7 weeks i was definitely flying by the seat of my pants, going along with whatever worked & letting my DS take the lead. some babies are just hungry - my little man is similar & still feeds every two hours at almost 11 months, plus solids. naps here didn't really settle down until 6mths.

Your dd sounds exactly like my DD1!! I did everything to try and get her to sleep longer, and in the end I was exhausted from trying lol. Like Ginger said, you're meeting your babies' needs, that's all you need to do hun.
All babies are soooo different. My 2 DD's were completely different as babies. One fed every 2 hours around the clock and thought sleep was for the week. The other fed every 3-4 hours, slept like there was no tomorrow and was just a really chilled bub.
And it's not 'spoiling' her by picking her up. It's called being loving and affectionate. Just remind your mum of that ;)

You are doing a great job :hug:

Isn't it funny how just a few words from mum or MIL can take the wind out of our sails? Even when I didn't agree with either of mine it would still make me wonder for a little while. Grrrr!

xoxoxoxo

Sue, you're doing a wonderful job! :hug:

My DD and I are doing exactly the same and she is nearly 5 months! We feed 2 hourly sometimes more, sometimes less, feed to sleep, co-sleep and pick her up when she grizzles. It's working for us.

As long as you are happy with how it's all working, then ner ner to whoever tells you otherwise! After all it's your child, not theirs!

Keep up the great work! Your little one is very lucky to have you for a mummy :)

Ignore them hun! At 7 weeks old she is still just tiny, no way are you creating a 'rod'! She needs all the love and attention you are giving her.
FWIW it probably wasn't until about 12 weeks old that I felt DD & I were in some sort of 'routine' until then I felt like I was all over the place and had no idea what I was doing, but we both survived and DD is a healthy, happy 10 month old so whatever I was doing worked!

DD was only ever a cat napper too and I could never get her to sleep for much longer than 30-40mins during the day. even now I feel pretty special when she sleeps for an hour! Lol.

You'll work it out sweet, so just keep doing what you are doing because if your bub is fed and happy then you are giving her what she needs :)

No such thing a spoiling a little 7week old. That's the best age to enjoy all the cuddles, kisses,holds, and everything else that sounds like heaven for you an your little baby.
You are doing a great job Sue, just enjoy :hug:

Thanks so much guys, I really don't know what I'd do without BB!!

Sue xxx

Ugh, went to my child health clinic today to get Evie weighed and asked about the napping in the day time - she was very judgemental about us co-sleeping and feeding to sleep. Telling me that I needed to put her down in a cot, wrap her and pat her to sleep. She then offered me a referral to some clinic where we go and spend the day and learn how to get baby to sleep properly. AARRGGHHHH!

Evie also gained 110g today - which is low for her other weight gains which haven't been under 350g. The nurse told me that weight gain is "small and she should be gaining more". I reminded her that she has gained over a kilo since she was born and is gaining fine.

Why did I go to that stupid clinic???????
Anyway, I am not taking on board anything that nurse has said and am more confident today that we are doing a good job.
Thanks again people
xxxx

Oh dear. :rolleyes: Sleep clinic for a 7 week old that wakes once in the night? :doh:

Sounds like you're doing ace. You can always call and make an appt with another MCHN if you like, you don't have to stick with this one if you feel she's not a good fit with how you parent. :hug:

Nightmare hey?
Think I'll just muddle along and take her to my GP clinic to be weighed - there are nurses there twice a week to do the weighing and stuff.

If she wasn't sleeping well at night I'd be wanting to do something about her sleep during the day but I am happy to let her do her own thing in the day time - I am sure that she'll sort her sleep out at some point, with a little help from me of course!!

Sue x

Honestly, if you are happy with what you are doing and your little bub is happy and doing well, ignore her advice. I used to lie (well not lie..just omit telling the truth!) to my MCHN because she would kind of start lecturing me about what I should/shouldn't be doing and making me feel like crap (think I did a boo hoo post one day about it). My current one (we moved towns) is quite good, and although she is about 50 seems fairly easy going.

I definitely wouldn't worry about taking her to a sleep clinic just yet! At 7 weeks she is still figuring out how the world works!

double post

sleep clinic for a 7 week old??? eeeek!! And 110g weight gain is fanastic!!! I personally wouldn't be bothering with going there for check ups. If you have a good gp, just go there. I've never been to a health nurse, too many horror stories!

Sounds like you are doing a great job. Unless you are concerned about your baby's weight gain I see no reason for you to drag yourself off to weigh her anywhere, MCHN or GP office. If you are interested in how much she is gaining stand on the scales with her, then without her, and the difference between the two is her weight. I really get annoyed with society's obsession with weighing babies, it just ends up with concerned parents who end up doubting themselves.

Honey, sounds like you are doing a fabulous job!! I'll swap your pretty good 7wk old night sleeper for a very poor 13 month old night sleeper lol. Although he's pretty much always been a shocker! As for day sleeps, slings can work wonders! As for feeding to sleep... ummm well I must be a TERRIBLE mother... I have fed to sleep Oskar and now Elijah. Although, Elijah will let you rock him sometimes but Oskar oh no way it HAD to be boob! I do sometimes (like last night) co-sleep with Elijah cos I need sleep too! You know, in what we call 3rd world countries, feeding to sleep, baby wearing and co-sleeping are NORMAL! It's what you do, it's how you do it. The baby has been fed, nurtured, carried and slept with you for 9 months prior to being brought into our world, so what is so abnormal about it??

I would stay away from that MCHN. I didn't take my boys to one ever! If there is something not right you will know, you have a mother instinct and you'll find that it's right when you learn to trust it! Unfortunately so many of the MCHN's are "by the book" and what they learnt in theory. That'd be nice wouldn't it. If it was like theory then ALL of our babies and kids would sleep, eat and well poo (cos I can't say the other here lol) the same now wouldn't they.

So, like I said, I think you are doing a FANTASTICALLY WONDERFUL job! Like you said, it's working for you guys. Only thing I can suggest for day sleeps is the sling.. or actually Oskar liked sleeping on his tummy in the day - could try that? Just don't tell MCHN pmsl.

I think it sounds like you are doing a fantastic job too, and you know your own bub, what works for you, and that all is going well. I'm sorry you've had so many negative encounters and judgements :hug: I saw a onsie online the other day that had 'My Mum doesn't want your advice" printed across the front of it. Think we could both do with one for our bubs!

You're doing wonderfully!
I think mums find it hard to see their kids doing things differently to how they did - they sometimes take it as a personal attack on their parenting. My mum was the same... early on. She told me to let him cry and not keep picking him up.
Finally, one day, she got "The Look" and said "I should stop, shouldn't I?" And then she did.
Now, she has completely changed her assessment of my parenting style. Why? Because her grandson is so absolutely wonderful and happy. Oh my! We didn't ruin him!

Give the nurse a miss - soem of them really do dreadful things to new mum's confidence. If you ever need reassurance that you're doing well, look to your daughter. The proof is in the pudding.

All 4 of mine have clicked into their own routine and sleeping through at different ages. The oldest being 14 weeks and the youngest being 5. They have all been treated the same ie demand fed so it is my opinion that they will do it when they are ready and it's best to go with the flow and enjoy your baby ;)

Try and ignore the comments as hard as it is sometimes and keep doing what you feel is best for you both :hug: I have to share that I tried to CC my first because I though that was what you had to do. It didn't work so I gave up and 2 weeks later at 8 weeks he was sleeping through anyway. I do wonder, had I persisted, if the CC would have taken the credit ;)

Sorry, this has nothing to do with the original post (you're doing a great job, btw!) but can someone please explain what the phrase "making a rod for your own back" is supposed to mean?
Well, I know what it means, but to me the expression sounds like the opposite of what it's used for - if you're making a rod for your back, doesn't that mean you're being tougher and more rigid, rather than "giving in" and being soft? It's been driving me nuts since I first heard it :lol:

teni - I just googled it, and this is the first thing that popped up:
"to do something that is likely to cause problems for you in the future" People say that if you let your baby sleep in your bed with you for the first few months, you're just making a rod for your own back.
:rolleyes:

The rod that is referred to is like a whip (spare the rod and spoil the child) - making a rod for your own back would be designing an instrument of torture for yourself

I agree wholeheartedly with the other posters, you are doing a fantastic beautiful job with your little one! It made me smile to read your post about how wonderfully she was feeding... until I got to the part about the "routine" Argh!!! What is wrong with some people. And then your MCH!!!!

Honestly, there is nothing wrong with feeding to sleep, in fact there is some evidence to suggest that is what we are designed to do!! There is a hormone in breastmilk which sends babies off to sleep. I am just beginning my second bf journey with my second little one and I was just thinking today that I had forgotten the beautiful feeling that you get when your baby has had their fill, pulls off the breast with a groan and their eyes closed and heads off into a deep sleep. It is so divine!

Check out a great article on the Australian Breastfeeding Association Website for a better explanation than I can give about why it is ok to feed to sleep and ok to pick up a child when they cry. Actaully, more than ok - it is necessary!!! I am not sure if I can link it here so try googling "ABA spoiling" The article came up as the first link when I googled that!

Keep up the good work, enjoy the precious time with your baby and steer clear of those who tell you what you know deep down in your heart to be untrue :)

Thanks so much again people, I feel 100% better about it all now.
Our little miss hasn't had a daytime nap which has lasted longer than 15 minutes for the past 3 days now - I think that she is missing my family (who returned to Scotland on monday night) - but she is currently into her second hour of her nap so I am very happy. Am really glad to get things back to normal for her - our co-sleeping, breastfeeding little cherub!!

Sue xxxx

Sue - the only thing I can think of is that maybe you're missing that tiny little narrow window of when she's tired. Some kids can get overtired within 10 minutes, so if you don't seize the opportunity to get bubs to sleep when shes just getting tired, they can't sleep and get cranky! But you're doing an awesome job! :clap: There ARE good MCHN's out there - I've got one who completely agreed with BLS :o and who has been sooo supportive and kind through my little mans early days.

With the 'Rod for your own back' - I always thought it meant that if you create a rod for your own back, your back will become weak and dependent on the rod... :dunno:

My new MCHN is the same Nettie, she told me at our last appointment (8 months) that there was nothing DD couldn't eat (apart from honey, nuts etc) and she could just eat whatever we were eating, so whilst she didn't exactly talk about BLS I think the idea was there.

Sue are there any other MCHN's you can go back to instead of the one you saw last time? They can be good for some things, so if you can get a different one she may be a little more understanding and "modern"?

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Sorry, this has nothing to do with the original post (you're doing a great job, btw!) but can someone please explain what the phrase "making a rod for your own back" is supposed to mean?
Well, I know what it means, but to me the expression sounds like the opposite of what it's used for - if you're making a rod for your back, doesn't that mean you're being tougher and more rigid, rather than "giving in" and being soft? It's been driving me nuts since I first heard it :lol:

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I think it's more like, you're giving your baby a rod to beat you with, iykwim. You'll be beaten down by what you are doing.

Which is utter cr*p of course.

You are doing a great job.

It took me a while to encourage Tom into good regular day sleeps. I tended to follow his cues, and he has a really good daytime routine now. The fact that your baby is doing so well overnight is just great - and you are doing a great job by listening to what she needs. Good on you! Did the MCHN tell you off about the weight gain before or after the whole feeing to sleep/routine thing? Because she might have been using the "low" (ha!) weight gain as leverage to say, "parenting, ur doing it rong" and convince you to do the sleep clinic thing (double ha!).

My MCHN was orginally pretty good over the breastfeeding thing, but once Tom hit about nine months, she was less helpful, and was downright cross at me that at thirteen months he is still having six or seven breastfeeds a day (except for this week when he's had twenty five kajillion because he's sick and off his tucker). I don't think I'll bother going back.

TBH I have not read the other replies :redface:
but I have two children so I am an exert :p kidding :rofl: anyhoo DD1 I did not make a "rod" I did everything I was "supposed" to, I parented not by heart but by some stupid book, and let me tell you she is/has been the biggest PITA child (love her dearly) but DD2 I parented by heart, by my choice, how I *felt*, I listened to my body telling me what she needed, and she is a very cruisy baby.

Listen to your body, listen to your baby only YOU know what is best :D
Good luck xoxox

ETA CHN are the spawn of evil. I have not seen one with DD2 since she was 5 days old, and she told me I was doing something wrong :rolleye: If things are a problem, then seek help (namely BB:p) but parent by heart! xoxoox

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IMy MCHN was orginally pretty good over the breastfeeding thing, but once Tom hit about nine months, she was less helpful, and was downright cross at me that at thirteen months he is still having six or seven breastfeeds a day (except for this week when he's had twenty five kajillion because he's sick and off his tucker). I don't think I'll bother going back.

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.... oh I hate that TMTM!!! I get the "looks" from people now too, omg 13 months god forbid that I am doing something natural and ummm let me see, FREE and best for bub last time I checked!! Elijah still has mmmm in excess of 5 bf a day, not sure how many though cos they're just the ones that I'm actually aware of haha. My mother just recently told me that the older baby/toddler has no benefit from BFing and I told HER that in fact they do and that furthermore THEY EVEN USE EBM FOR CANCER PATIENTS!! Ahem... so :P *off my soapbox now* and sorry for taking your thread off track! I still think you're doing a brilliant job Sue:D

Have you read 'The Science of Parenting'? I seem to be flogging this book on a couple of threads at the moment but it's a fantastic read. It would arm you with some really great scientific evidence to answer those that try and make you feel like you're doing the wrong thing. I also find it great for when I'm starting to doubt that the decisions I'm making are 'right'. It talks about the amazing life-long benefits of co-sleeping and healthy attachment (to name a couple of things) for your baby. I got my copy from Fishpond and it was really reasonably priced.