Ok my DD self weaned at 14 months but......
It seems from birth everyone says to you "you must feed" Then they suddenly start saying "Oh you are still feeding??!!"
At what age was your child when you started getting to "are you still feeding comments?"
For me it was about 6 months!!
Funny but I only got those comments from my sister and my mum.
And I got them from 3 months with my sister (no kids, no bf experience) and from about 7 months (when she started solids) with mum. I just laughed and said yes.
My sister gave up asking me when I would wean her about 6 months ago. She still raises her eyebrows sometimes, but not as much, and not so much when she is feeding, but when Charlotte talks to the boobs or wants to cuddle them or see them or something lol Sis still can't handle that one!!
To be honest though, they never bothered me...I was convicted in my choice and others' opinions just made me laugh and see how uneducated most people really are.
For the record we have now been feeding for 2 years, 6 months, 2 weeks and 5 days and despite my thoughts she would wean now I am pregnant, she seems to be enjoying the fact my supply seems to be increasing again (which surprised me given it is so early lol)
Another situation to smile, nod and be quietly smug. ;)
We're still proudly BF'ing and DD turned 16mths today :D I can't see us stopping anytime soon either, regardless of people's comments because I enjoy it and DD is obsessed with her 'booby' :lol: and it's good for her and me.
Those questions are so annoying aren't they?!?! I haven't encountered too much of that, luckily, however I have had a friend recently question me about it and I felt very 'judged' by her.... made me question how well I really know her. But in saying that, if she has an issue with me still feeding my DD, then its HER issue not mine ;)
She said to me "please tell me you aren't still going to be feeding A when she's 2yrs old!!!" and I said "actually I'm thinking about it!!!" hahaha
My ILs started at 6months, and even now every time they speak to us they ask...as if hopeful the answer will have changed :wall:
My GFs at home are all pro feeding so it was never an issue, but recently we've moved in a big way and I've had to meet new people. Not one has said anything negative, but they are all surprised he's still feeding - but it's probably more because he ask's and I feed him, wherever we are, not the fact that a toddler is feeding.
Not sure! I haven't had any comments yet but I am ready! Today I was at the Dr and on my form I ticked yes to 'pregnant or breastfeeding' and the Dr said 'so, you've recently had a baby?' and I said 'she's 15 months now' and he said 'Oh, and you're still breastfeeding?' I assumed he thought it was weird and then he came out with 'That's great!! My wife actually BF my son for 2.5 yrs!!'. What a surprise! But how awesome!
yep I got the comments from 6 mnths, 12 mnth, 18mnths and definitely at 24 mnths. My mum use to be the worse and now she doesn't bother :D
I am often asked if I will still be feeding him when he is at school and I often cheekily says probably ;)
Do you know what? I never had that comment, not once. I bf DD for four years and only had two comments that were anything but positive: once at 16 mths when my cousin asked me if I was worried she would get enough calcium still bfing (huh?) and my gf who asked how long I was going to keep bfing for (incredulously, rather than positively) when DD was almost two.
Whenever I said I was still bfing people were overwhelmingly positive (lots of 'good on you's and 'I wish I'd fed for longer'). When I talk about it now and say I fed her until she stopped at four people are pretty much still the same.
I really think my positive attitude and the way I brought it up (because you aren't really seen bfing beyond two - it doesn't happen as often and generally you're always bfing at home) helped the response. I talk about it still, I'd really like to normalise bfing a child beyond babyhood and I think the only way to do this is to make sure it's not in the closet.
I get asked all the time and have since DS was around 6 months! Mostly from my childless or bottle-feeding friends and some ignorant family. No one's ever been intentionally rude, but I can tell they think it's not normal and that it's weird or whatever. Blah to them! DS is only 15 months and the world health org recommends bfing until at least 2 years of age - which I plan to do. DS is a shocking eater so thank goodness for booby to keep him going!
I felt it myself at 6 months. Like I had to say that I was still BFing him at 8 months. & I always made it known he was BFed around new people before I fed him, just in conversation coz I felt they needed the warning for some reason.
It was about 12 months I had the odd reaction to still BFing, but only really from one of dad's mates once. Other than that it was more dad & DH teasing DS about still being a booby boy. Neither really had an issue with it, dad actually stuck up for me with the mate, but I think it'll be a life long thing. Just in good family fun, how DS fed til almost 2 & how much of a mummies boy he was. Only coz he really is such a boy!
Here where I live now is different though. All my friends BFed their bubs beyond 1, & there are 10 or 11 little ones in my group who are under 2.5. So it was is so much easier to not give it a second thought. Out where DS was born, most people my age only bother for the first few months, if at all. So its very much a society thing. Here its acceptable & you feel more part of the crowd if you do BF past whats considered normal, whereas out there, you'd be the odd one out if you were BFing.
Kailani - my DD is a fussy eater also and I often worry shes' not eating enough but I know she gets plenty as we are still BF so I know how you feel ;)
For my friend who asked "oh u wont still be feeding at 2 will you?" I said to her "it's actually very normal.... the world health org recommends BF until the child is 2yrs and beyond if desired" and that shut her up pretty quick!!! She didn't know that!!!! who can argue with stats? LOL
Jen - great post (as usual :D) It's so important we aren't in the closet about it hey..... if someone asks me, I am more than happy to say Yep still feeding!! :D with a big smile.
My husband has had a few ppl at his work ask if I'm still feeding (no idea why it matters to them?!?!?!) and he says "yep she'll probably still be feeding at age 18" haha he loves their reactions......
I'm reading a book at the moment called "Breastfeeding Older Children" and it's FANTASTIC!!!!
It's amazing how many kids are actually BF past the age of 2, 3, 4yrs... more than you'd ever realise. (because they usually do it at home etc)
That didn't happen to me but after my son weaned at 2 I seemed to constantly get people asking me "How long did you feed him for?", assuming he was weaned. I would have still happily been feeding him so I found the assumption that I wasn't, annoying.
The doctor comment reminded me - when DS was 11 months I had to have extensive testing for a thyroid condition. I had to take radioactive isotopes. When I told them I was still feeding, the doctor said - "oh well you fed to 11 months you should wean anyway!!" Needless to say I didn't, but I had to halt feeding for 48 hours
For me I didn't get them til when I fell pg and also when DD was aaround 12mths old (pg around 9mths). People who were slightly educated about BF and pregnancy assumed she would wean and found it odd that she hadn't, then when I said I'd keep it up as long as she wanted it, they assumed I'd stop at 12mths.
Now that I am so heavily pg people find it amazing that she still wants it and I'm actually getting lots of positive commendations - "Good on you!" and all that.
But my childless friends find it odd... they ask me "when" I will wean her, like I'm going to set a date. "You're not going to still be bf when she goes to school are you???"
But she has weaned herself now which is sad :cry:
i have found that most people started asking me after the 12 month mark. my ds2 is 15 months now and my goal is to feed him until 18 months. after that- who knows? i'd love to feed until 2 yo if we can!
with the twins I got asked from 2 weeks, the assumption being it would be too hard so I was struggling. I wasn't struggling and kept going to 22 months:D
Yeah i find the funny looks and 'are you still feeding?" comment started about 12 months. I am loving living in a country where BF'ing until at least 2 is the norm. No one blinks an eye!
three months.
ridiculous.
most medical professionals seem to believe you should wean at six months, never heard of the WHO recommendtations to feeed until two years and beyond.
we're still going at 3.5yrs, because my child is still requesting (we don't do demand feeding, we feed "by request".)
many people are very happy to sound off, about things they know nothing about, or know nothing about YOUR situation, their comments come out of ignorance and often arrogance (that you might know about it, and might know what suits your family).
i found it hard in the beginning, to cope with all the comments (from acquaintances, strangers and medical people). i don't have the MIL or M or relations to cop comments from.
i had to build my own support network to help me thru it (mosting in cyberspace) cos it seems to uncommon to bf where i am (even when i was around other mums with three month old bubs).
i have had a couple of "oh, you're still feeding" comments - more surprised than judgemental though. i still feed her wherever, whenever and don't really intend to change that. she didn't all of a sudden hit 12 months (or whatever other age people seem to think is most appropriate) and stop needing it. i have thought about how long i want to continue, and i can't pluck a date/age from obscurity and expect to end it. i would like to make two years (even if it's just morning/night feeds) but if DD weans before then, so be it. she doesn't seem to ahve any intention of weaning at this stage!
I have been asked from day 1 'am I still feeding DD myself'...I mean seriously????? But after about 4 or 5 months I have been getting 'looks' when people ask and I say 'yes'. People can be so rude and ignorant IMO.
The sad thing is I am not feeding in front of these people and yet they feel they need to ask anyway. I also hate to feed in front of my mother because on the odd occassion I have had to, Im apparently doing it all wrong and I look so uncomfortable :redface:. Ah my favourite is when DD was 12 weeks all the women in my family telling me that DD had probably had enough of boob and wanted to get on the bottle :doh:
Awww Gigi, I just read your 'by request' feeding, that is just beautiful.
:lol: Pre-Natally for me. I haven't even given birth yet and my ILs have already told me that there's "no reason to BF after 6 months" because "your milk won't be good enough after then." All I can say is that it's a good thing that they live interstate, cause I was BF'd until I was three, and I hope and plan to BF my son until he self-weans (all things being equal). Luckily I have a very supportive family on my side, including my Mum who BF'd four children and wouldn't think to question it.
I also remind myself that if people have an issue with my BFing, or any other pre-natal or parenting decision I've made, then it's their issue, not mine. Apparently being a mother allows everyone to have an opinion on what and how you do things - doesn't mean I have to listen or take it on board.
Sadly as others have mentioned, the common thing seems to be 6mths to one year anything more and thats it, youre a freak! LOL!
Ive been getting "so when are going to wean, dont you think its time to wean?" from my mum since DS was on solids, I think shes coming from a selfish stand point in that I dont want him going overnight anywhere while he still feeds overnight.
I still get asked by one particular lady at mums group (when she comes anyway) "are you STILL feeding?" quite incredulously.
any family and friends now that say anything, I just say yep, Iwill still be feediing when he is in primary school, I will just put my boob thru the fence... LOL!
teheheh "boob through fence" tehehehe
i agree there is often motivation behind the asking. i guess well-meaning family think once you wean you're more likely to let bubba stay overnight or whatever - my SIL copped this pressure from my mum - eventually she said to mum "even when she weans, she won't be staying overnight as a young baby - i LIKE being around my daughter and i won't hand her over just cos you want her" - it shut mum up. two more grandkids from bro/SIL and mum got the message! she hasn't said anything about overnight visits with DD yet - she has her a couple of times during the week while i work (if DH isn't home), but knows there isn't a snowballs chance in hell ANYONE will have DD overnight for quite some time unless it's an emergency situation. even if i had to wean right now it wouldn't happen. it's not about feeding overnight, it's about me simply not being ready and not being prepared to make myself ready for anyone else!
as to weaning, i have, on one occassion, been asked the question - i said "yes, she's starting to wean - she has food now and only BF part time instead of full time - i think it will be a very gradual weaning process!" (the guy who asked was 75 and his wife had been unable to BF due to her milk being salty and making her babies sick or something, so it was genuine interest)
I found from 6 months onwards people felt they had the right to ask!
I stopped feeding DD2 when she was 13 months because i felt a lot of societal pressure to stop at 1, as if that was some magic cut off and you must stop then. This was 10 years ago nearly and I had no BB or any other resources sadly. I did manage to keep feeding her while I worked P/T from when she was 4 months old which i was very proud of but a lot of people thought was weird.
When I had DS I had no real plans about when to stop feeding him, he self weaned at 14 months and I really think our trip to Tresillian when he was 12 months hastened that because they were very much of the belief that he should only get 2 BFs a day and I was so insane with sleep deprivation I did it. I really regret it now because I think if I had left him to feed when he wanted he would have BF for longer. He is my last baby so I will never get the chance again :(
Starskky - LOL at the "feeding thru the fence" remark - good on you! I wish i thought of clever comebacks like that!:
Mrs Mac - concentrate on the time you DID bf your child for, he DID get 14 months worth of all that liquid gold, the wonderful immunity you have given him, that's a great start to life. I understand you must feel "cheated" from whatever time he might have chosen to self wean at, but it's done now, so to find something good, in what obviously causes you grief, i encourage you to find solace in the 14 months of bm he DID get.
i went to what must be our state's version of Tresillian with my child at 19 months old, and they basically bullied me into only feeding bilby twice a day (we were previously on about ten feeds per day at that stage) and the medicos were horrified at that. In my state of sleep deprivation, i also bowed to that pressure. I have no idea HOW, cos i was frightened of my supply drying up, but the minute we got out of there (it felt like ESCAPING, the bullying of the staff was so intense, cry it out, weaning - you name it) we went back to "feeding by request" - bilby was SO HAPPY, i felt relieved and i coudl'nt believe it, my supply built up again too. i was mentally prepared for the milk to have dried up (which i was distraught about). I felt like a renegade, like the medico's would pop up out of the wardrobe and tell me off for feeding her (in my own home).
we're still feeding about three times a day (at 3.5yrs old) and i can see it petering out now, but that's quite a recent thing.
it's amazing, how what is such a private thing (between you and your child), is so commented on, so talked about, by people who have nothing to do with how your child's health, in the long run. the paed dietician who told me, there was NOTHING beneficial to my child, (at 19 months) in my milk, was so uninformed. and in the PND clinic, without access to internet or phone, i had no way to prove him wrong. felt so powerless. all the staff were working under a protocol that said "wean at six months", they thought i was a freak, to want to feed at 19 months old. i actually got told that i was doing it for selfish reasons! bilby didn't think so, she LOVED her breastmilk. and was so upset when she was denied the breastmilk.
that two weeks in the PND clinic was the worst two weeks of her life. took us a long time to get over it. and she STILL didn't sleep after all their interventions!
in time, her sleep patterns improved. that's what it took, time, not crying it out (which is what the PND clinic did, except they called it a different name).
in retrospect, i wish i had paid for a lactation consultant to help us with the sleep issues, instead of going to the PND clinic.
hard to think straight when you're sleep deprived, plus being a first time mum.
it sucks that "professionals" don't seem to think that the WHO guidelines are worth considering. i had a fill in MCHN when DD was six months old - she mentioned weaning and formula - i told her to check the WHO guidelines. we had DD's 12 month weigh in and check up last week - and the MCHN (another fill in) was fantastic. she looked at DD's book and asked if i was still BF - i said yes and braced myself for battle - i got "that's fantastic". she then asked about food/play/sleep etc - and was REALLY positive. she said that DD appeared to be in very good health and was thriving off the goodness mummy was giving her - YAY!!
DD is having a lot of feeds through the night at the moment. between teething, starting to walk etc, she's had a LOT going on. it's frustrating for me, not getting enough sleep, but i've stopped mentioning it anywhere (like FB etc) - one day, i mentioned being tired, and a friend (who's youngest child is 14!) DEMANDED i go to sleep school. i said no, i wasn't tired from DD not sleeping (i wasn't at the time!) and that, even if i was, i wouldn't take her to sleep school after hearing the stories i've heard about sleep school. i know she could be sleeping better if i pushed it and tried to "train" her, but i can't bring myself to do it. she is going to get there in her own time. in the meantime, i kinda like the middle of the night snuggles and feeds! wish DH would stop snoring and keeping us awake while we feed though lol