Tearing/cutting.... FREAKING OUT!!!

I am shocked at how common it is to either tear or get cut during birth...

This scares the cr@p out of me if I'm honest, and I can also tell you that it is the ONE thing of birth that gives me sleepless nights (I've even had a nightmare about it!!!!)

What I would like to know (if you don't mind sharing), is if you tore/were cut how long did it take you to heal and how painful was it? Does it influence your sex life at all?

Do you think I'm making a too big a deal out of it? I.e. it's bad, but not that bad and being able to birth naturally is worth it?

Hope I make sense!

I'm going to be completely honest. Tearing myself a new one was what terrified me most about having a baby naturally. I even had a c-section first up to prevent myself from having to go through that pain.

The reason I was so terrified was because I tear during sex. Always have. Doesn't matter how big or small the guy is, I tear. So of course, if I tear with even the smallest, how the heck could I not tear having a baby! Plus everyone was so free with their horror stories ya know.

But - as someone said to me (for my last baby) - the sex vagina and the birthing vagina are very different. It mainly comes down to management of the birth that determines if you will tear or not.

I had a 8 pound 10 baby, with two minor tears (definitely didn't feel myself tear) and that didn't need stitching. My birth was very well managed by my midwife to help prevent tearing.

I would say that only one of the tears hurt for about a week afterwards, and that was only when going to the toilet (stings!!) but can be managed as well (by leaning over towards the floor, the pee doesn't hit it so it doesn't sting).

Try not to be too scared about something that may not ever happen. You'll be fine xxx

Awwww hun, please do not freak out about this, it was something I was so worried about too. I did EVERYTHING imaginable to prevent this and I sustained a 3rd degree tear. Others may completely disagree with me on this but I honestly do not even remember feeling it happen! Admittedly healing took a while but if I had the choice again over a C-section, I would tear in a heart beat iykwim. It is worth it to be able to birth naturally I think but have never had a c-section. I do take a while to heal at the best of times so that might contribute to taking so long to. Took 3 months to DTD again but I think that had a lot more to do with 'fear' of pain so much as not being healed properly and it has not effected it at all.
Trust your body hun birthing bubbas is what its made to do. Good luck with it and do heaps of reading as there are ways that are believed to assist in reducing tearing.

I don't know that it's *that* comon and there are things that your midwife can do during the birth to reduce the likelihood.
I had an episiotomy due to a forceps delivery. It healed up ok within a few weeks, but for me the scar tissue was very sensitive for a long time. Generally, natural tears heal up quicker and better than cuts, so I wouldn't opt for a cut 'just in case'. And, most tears are relatively minor, like Arimeh's.
I've been cut and definitely want a natural birth (with risk of tearing) - I reckon having my abdomen cut open would be worse.

Try to relax. Have you spoken to any midwives about your fears - they can probably put your mind at ease, talking about likelihoods, management plans etc. Or even a good private ante-natal class could be helpful.
All the best for your upcoming birth

I didn't feel or notice the tearing either. I don't know how many stiches I had either. My tear was caused by a fast labour but I still prefered a natural labour and a tear to a c sect, then you have cut skin, muscles etc to have heal and no driving or lifting.

I healed in two weeks, I couldn't sit on a hard seat for the first two days or so and going to the loo stung at first but u could move around or lift without any problems.

I am going to talk to my Ob about this tomorrow. I'm just worried that as this is what she deals wit day in, day out she might be desensitised to my fears if that makes any sense?

I know how it would scare you hun but to be honest when I gave birth to DS I didn't even know (i sustained a 3c tear) because your in pain anyway and you dont really notice.

I was up walking around the next day (even though I did feel faint) and I was pretty sore for a couple of weeks. Mine healed pretty well and even though it took me a while to get the courage to do the deed again it was totally fine.

I never found my contractions painful, so I was aware of tearing with all my births. It really wasn't that bad, kinda like a stinging sensation as you are so stretched at the point of birth it's not like a thick cut. Afterwards with my first the stitches were awful but I found out a week or so later I had been so busy trying to do everything that I burst them open. With my second I rested after the birth and I healed up very fast. I tore again with the twins but needed no stitches that time and again healed very fast. Honestly it has made no difference to my sex life.

I never feared this when going into labour with DD I tried not to let things bother me because fear is what can make it all seem much more painful iykwim? However YES I did tear, pretty badly too, i tore internally and had a 3rd degree tear. I needed quite a few stitches down there and YES it hurt really badly because I didn't have any drugs or gas or anything, all natural but that's what I chose to do and wanted so to me, it's all part of the 'birth' experience :) YES it REALLY hurt tearing and was the most painful part of the entire labour for me (made the contractions seem easy!) however my contractions had slowed right down at that stage and DD seemed to just crown for aaaaages until she came out so that stage wasn't fast for me!! :lol: Some people tear and it's not that bad for them....... everyone is different. Lots of women don't tear either so you may not at all!!!

Please don't be scared or worried about something that may NEVER happen :hug: go in with an open mind..... trust me, once they place bub on your chest, it's TOTALLY WORTH IT.

(it did take a few weeks for my vagina to feel somewhat normal down there but after a few months, sex and everything felt same as always ;) )

All the best with it all please remember birth is something that is totally normal and natural and you CAN do it :) Don't be frightened of it.

Best advice with EVERYTHING about labour.........every womans is different!!!!!

You will always hear the worst parts :rolleyes: typical! I never teared or got cut. I must admit I did think about it a lot while pg as mum and dad (of all the ppl) would tell me it was just part of labour and it happens to everyone :rolleyes: bs!

Please dont stress about labour. Better yet, educate yourself on it all and go in there brased for what ever will come your way. In the end what will be, will be and trust me.......it'll be totally differnt to how you imagine;)
I was terrified! But I ended up having two empowering, wonderful births:)

I was also pretty scared of this pre birth. I ended up with a pretty bad 2nd degree tear & it felt okay but still tender by the time we came home, so day 5. After a few weeks it felt alot better, but I could still feel for a few months - feel as in not painful or anything just know it was there. At my 7wk check up my ob said I was healed well & I had a pap test and it was fine - I was absolutley dreading it before the appt and was surprised it felt no different from any previous pap test i'd had.
As far as sex goes we didnt dtd until dd was about 6 months and then veryyyy slowly increased, for me it did take a while for it to feel ok again, but it did.
It has in no way effected me not wanting to give birth again, I very much look forward to being able to give birth again

I had an episiotomy during the birth of my first child (forceps delivery). It was quite painful for a couple of weeks. It hurt to sit down and would sting when I wee'd (Ural was my best friend!). I had an area of granulation tissue about the size of a 5 cent piece - that's an area that didn't heal and had to be cauterised with silver nitrate six weeks post delivery. (OOOOOWWWWWW!). It should have been cauterised earlier but I didn't realise it was abnormal being my first baby! All up it was probably 2 months before I could sit down without thinking about the discomfort. Sex was a little uncomfortable until about 3 months post delivery, but soon felt pretty normal.

With my second delivery I tore, not very badly I don't think but I did need stitches. I healed quickly and could sit comfortably after 2 weeks or so. Sex after 6 weeks was fine, not uncomfortable at all.

I would definitely choose the recovery from a vaginal delivery (even an episiotomy!) over the recovery from a CS delivery. I have not had a CS myself but I have watched quite a few in theatre and I have observed the recovery of friends and family.

I also know women Zinnia, who have delivered vaginally with no tearing at all. I think that's what we all hope for, but even if it's not to be... the baby at the end makes it all worthwhile!

It was the least of my worries. I honestly didn't feel it. I had a small tear that needed about 3 stitches and i didn't feel those either. If you weren't in labour and tore your vagina it would hurt like hell, but when you're in labour with all the hormones rushing about and the pain of contractions going on you don't really notice a small tear. But your fear of tearing could inhibit your progression of labour, the mind is a powerful thing. So do whatever you can and talk about it a lot until you are comfortable with the idea that you might get a small tear. As for sex post vaginal birth with a tear, i haven't had too many complaints. ;) It was certainly painful for a few months, but all is fine now.

:hug: When it came to the time I didn't even think about it, my mind was on so many other things, and I didn't even notice or feel the two tears that I had before the Episiotomy, but I had a very quick progressing preterm birth, and the episiotomy was undertaken because they had lot DD's HR, so I didn't care. I actually think the needle they use to numb it for the episiotomy hurt more :rofl:

Like others have said, fear can slow labour, and it can be a matter of trying to shift your focus away from the potential you may tear because you may not, and focus on bringing your baby earthside, perhaps in your birth plan list things you would like to be done to prevent tearing, ie warm flannel on the perineum, perineum support, labouring positions.

Mine did hurt after wards, but it was worth every bit of pain to have my baby arrive safely :hug:

I had a slight graze, no stitches required and it healed up within a couple of weeks, maybe less? I can't remember. Lol but it definately didn't take long. I didn't notice it tearing at the time and afterwards, yes it was a little ouchy but it wasn't unbearable. They have special ice packs for afterwards to put "down there" to reduce the swelling and numb it. Which worked wonders, at home you can just wet a pad and put it in the freezer for the same effect.

Anyway my point is; It does hurt a little but it's managable and not as horrible as people make out. As others have said, everyone is so different.

Personally I believe the more you stress about it the worse it is may be. The mind is a powerful thing. Try to relax and take things as they come. Chances are you wont tear at all.

Dont you just love people that think just because they had a bad experience you will too and that telling you about it will be constructive? :rolleyes:

:hug:'s you will be fine. Dont let people's horror stories bring you down. Your body was made for this. You can do this and you will do this.

I HTH and all the best :)

I got cut up and down (I have lost sensation to one side of my clitoris as they had to cut through it) but I did not feel them cutting me (my poor friend will never forget the sound though). It was needed as my DS was prosterior and because of the epi (I have a bad back and could not stand the pain) they had to do a VE. I felt them stitching me back up but it didn't really hurt. I have torn during sex along my bottom cut but other than that it hasn't done anything bad to my sex life, I still have great sensation in the other side of my clit :)

I had an episiotomy too for a forceps birth. For me, I was petrified of forceps, couldn't have been anything worse when I was leading up to labour. But during all of those contractions, and being so very tired by the end, I was thankful when they got them out! My ob gave me a quick injection for the episiotomy so I didn't feel a thing, and afterwards I could feel the stitches as the injection wore off, but I couldn't have cared less, because I had a beautiful baby girl in my arms.

Afterwards, the cut site or the stitches didn't bother me in the least. Went to the toilet fine, managed on panadol for the first day and then nothing after that. It's all good.

Corelly x

Perhaps consider doing perineum massage - I did it for my first preg and only tore a teeny teeny tiny bit, didn't need stitching and I can't remember it hurting a whole lot. I remember that I used a hair dryer to dry my v for a few weeks after the birth as the towel was a bit rough, and when I went to the loo I'd use a squirty bottle with warm water and drip it down between my legs so it diluted my wee so it wouldn't sting. And I think I used ural too which took the acidity out of my urine anyway. We DTD 6 days after the birth :) With happy results :) :)


Try not to stress about it - like others have said, fear will influence how relaxed or tight you are during labour so get educated on the best birthing positions and how we women have bodies made for labour.

one of my closest friends has birthed 3 bubs...all over 8 pounds and has never had a tear or a cut...my best friend had an episiotomy due to forceps delivery and was all healed up within 2 weeks and started DTD at 4 weeks post-birth - her DH cannot detect any difference to her genitals and she tells me sex is a lot better than prior to birth :) I've read lots of things about ways to avoid tearing, e.g. active birth, breathing your baby out rather than pushing as the baby is crowning, perineum massage, hot compresses and not being on your back to give birth. HTH!!

Just want to say that although the whole unknown factor of labour & birth is scary, please don't worry about something that probably won't happen. I birthed a 9 lb posterior baby with a not so small head & I did not tear at all. So it's definitely not a given.
Even if you do tear, you may not even know at the time. There is just so much going on!
Educate yourself on birthing positions & active birthing - our bodies are amazing! Good luck!

My first was a second degree tear - about 5 stitches on the perineum and one long labial stitch (by FAR the most painful)

My first was an induction with an epidural and my baby was only 6lb 14oz - by rights I NEVER should have torn BUT I couldn't feel a thing pushing and the midwives didn't direct me at all so went from crowning to out in less than a minute.

My second was nothing. Not even a graze. She was a completely unmedicated water birth and I pushed when I felt like it and I supported her head as she was coming out and slowing guided her shoulders and body - I didn't let the midwife lay one hand on me - I did what I felt needed doing and I am stoked I did.

This might sound dumb, but if you have a natural birth (completely drug free) you will feel what needs to be done. Get in a position that is positive to supporting your birth (I got on my knees in the bath) rather than flat on your back (which is where I was with my first) and your body will naturally do what it needs to.

IF you do tear - my saving grace was the water bottle when I pee'd - about 4 showers per day - and I was good to DTD 3 weeks after with minimal pain. Trust me, you forget it again in time for the next LOL

I know exactly how you feel....this is the one thing that bothered me the most about childbirth too!

I had an episiotomy and a forceps delivery. I initally refused the episiotomy but then realised my perenium probably hadn't had much of a chance to stretch during labour so changed my mind. I could have been a lot worse off had I chosen to tear. I ended up with quite a long J shaped incision but no extra tearing. Half of it healed within a few days but had a bit of a hiccup with the other half. 2 of the stiches dissolved to early but the gape wasn't quite large enough to bother restitching, that was pretty painful and it took about 4 months to completely heal.

It definitely did affect our sex life as I didn't let DH near there until DS was about 4 months old...I commend his patience! I still have some scar tissue which can be a little painful when we first start DTD or putting in a tampon etc but it only lasts a few seconds. So it definitely wasn't how I wanted things to go but I came out the otherside! Had my I birthed my baby naturally I would have opted to tear, but given the situation I think I made the right decision. Yeah the recovery was pretty uncomfortable but nothing I couldn't overcome. Next time round I know I won't be so scared.

Hope that's helpful :)