Major Mummy Meltdown

There are definitely no mother of the year awards on the way at my place. I LOST IT at DD today. I guess this is more a vent than anything else... I just need to let it out.

I took her and DS to library story time today for something fun for us to do. DD is VERY clingy, and hangs onto my leg constantly when we go out and do things, and I am finding this very challenging now that I have DS - it is impossible to even feed him when she insists on being in my lap all the time, even though she is nearly 2 1/2 now. Anyway, she was doing her usual and whinging and clinging to me and DS had been screaming, and I mean SCREAMING all morning (I have no idea why) and it was time to do the craft activity. Again, she whinged and carried on and clung to me and I couldn't get down on the floor to do it with her as I was busy with DS. She cracked in and I decided we would leave. On the way out we saw someone we knew and they said hello to DD. I told her to say hello and I took her dummy out as she knows you can't talk with a dummy in her mouth. Now, I have had it with her dummy, it has to go everywhere and if you get caught out without one, she loses it. I have tried everything to get rid of it, but DD is one persistent kid and DH and I have just not managed to get rid of it. BUT, for some reason, I decided I had had enough and I refused to give the dummy back. Why I decided to do this in a public place, I have no idea!!! She LOST IT, kicking and screaming on the floor, everyone in the place could hear her, meanwhile DS was still at it too. I left, but then had to pay a bill on the way back to the car, and again, both kids cracked it and screamed the place down.

As soon as I left the building, I lost my cool. I grabbed DD by the arm REALLY hard, screamed at her, threw her in the car, sped home, screamed again and threw her in her room. Then I got DS out of the car (who I was also getting impatient with), sorted him out, and sat down and cried. DD continued to scream in her room until she went hoarse.

I now feel like the worst mummy in the world. I know we all lose it sometimes, but I REALLY lost it at her, and in public!! I have no idea how many people saw my little meltdown as I was too busy losing it, but now I feel awful.She didn't deserve that extreme a reaction from me, but I am just all out of patience. She is a challenging child at the best of times, everything with her is an issue, and I have had too little sleep to put up with it today. She still doesn't sleep through the night and I am up at least twice a night with her and at least 2-3 times a night with the baby. Not to mention the cat that has had me up twice a night the last few nights, and the builders next door who thwart any opportunity of a sleep in or a day nap should the kids make it possible.

You deserve a medal if you got through that. Sorry, just needed to get it out there to vent a little.

Oh, and I am sticking to my guns and only letting her have the dummy at bedtime, so I think I am for a challenging few days too...

I was a screaming banshee with dd1 yesterday, I am sick and she knows it so she got into all kinds of mischief. I felt so bad thinking about it. It happens to all of us. Just a thought on the dummy, getting rid of it all together maybe better than letting her have it at night as it might just confuse her.

:hug:

Corelly x

Thanks for reading guys.

black rose - we thought about losing the dummy for good, but my DD is soooo persistent and I reckon she would spend a long long time screaming at nights, refusing to sleep or waking more during the night if we took it away, and I am too sleep deprived as it is to put myself through that. Now that I have pulled myself together I have had a talk to her about only having her dummy at bedtime, and she put it under her pillow when I asked her to, so I think she does understand. It will be hard though, as any time she gets upset or angry about something, she wants her dummy, so I think we may have some trouble with it. I will see how we go though.

:hug::hug: Bun, it really is tough with a extra little one and toddler.
I have been where you are and no matter how much we try and gentle parent, it is just soo hard sometimes.
That is great that she understands about the dummy now.
It will only get better, I can assure of you that.

Oh hun I feel for you :hug: Don't beat yourself up about it (hard I know), it sounds like a really challenging time. My DD is very full on and I really struggle some days with her - and I don't have a newborn as well! You sound like you've been doing an amazing job - yes you had a bad day, but I'm sure your DD won't even remember it tomorrow. More :hug: I hope tomorrow is a better day for you!

Oh Hun, BTDT and I'm ashamed to say it's happened a few times lately. O has been not himself of late and pushing the boundaries at every turn. I totally understand the sleep deprivation and the effect it has on tollerance, I'm still up 3-4 hourly with B and those days that O wakes up whinging and doesn't stop until the sun go down does my head in.

Just know that you aren't a bad Mum. You are only human and most importantly you realise it wasn't how you want to react. My latest hissy fit at O was yesterday and I was certain the neighbours were going to call the police on the mad woman screaming like a banchee (sp?)

tomorrow is a new day.

:hug:

spring xx

:hug: what a tough day - bet there's not many people who could say they haven't had a mummy meltdown after one of those. hope tomorrow is a better one (with no screaming!!)

Ooh yes, been there done that!!! :hug:

Don't lose heart about the dummy - your DD sounds about the same as my DS (wouldn't happen to be a capricorn would she? Stubborn little buggers) and I couldn't get the dummy off him until he was about 3 months off being 3 - before then it was just too bloody hard. When he was closer to 3 he could understand more and I could reason with him (and I suppose bribe the little poo head.. lol)

Its super hard with sleep deprivation and a whingy toddler - and another screaming baby! I dunno, as soon as the kids start screaming my patience levels expires realllll quick.

:comfort: You are a GOOD mum.

xx

:hug: It's not that bad.... you could have done soooooooo much worse, mate!

She will recover. The dummy will go, eventually. Try not to let it stress you out too much.

Hugs Bun. I could have written your post a few times over. You are a wonderful mum and you are a human. You know some times a mummy tanty works wonders. Next time you go to the library you can gently remind DD what happened last time. Your DD is very similar age to my DD2 and I am starting to be able to explain to her why I acted in a certain why and I also tell her how I am feeling. If you get a chance maybe have a chat with her about why you acted this way. Hugs babe

Hey sweetheart... huge :hug: for you. I've been in that place also. I think most of us have at one time or another. I wasn't proud of myself either and then melted down at myself for my meltdown! Being a mum is VERY tough and even tougher when we're very sleep deprived. Vent whenever you need to hun. :hug: you're not the worst mother by any means. You care... and you have shown that, the fact that you feel bad about it proves what a fantastic mother you really are. Oh and for what it's worth, I've also left the library story time cos of a tantrum from Oskar, followed by me REALLY telling him off and he's NEVER done it again!

I will also own up and say I've been the same lately...

DD pushing the limits alongside DS who has like 8 teeth coming thru at once, add that onto the stress of my work, flu, losing Mum, moving house yadda yadda - I've been losing it at the kids too. They just know the buttons to press eh?

I've always made a point of apologising afterwards and getting a kiss and cuddle afterwards. Although she probably has no idea what I'm dribbling about lol!

Another mummy here who has had a few melt downs lately!!

Nappy time and bed time with DS has been horrendous lately and i am guilty of trying to pin him down while i get a nappy on him- and yelling and telling him to LAY THERE AND BE STILL FOR F'S SAKE!!!!!

Dont feel bad- you are a good mummy, and we all have bad days :hug:

:hug:

:hug:

sorry but I had to giggle at the images you were painting. I am such a hot head and I felt you were foreseeing my future!

Parenting is tough! It sounds like you were trying to achieve a lot today. Go easy on yourself...can you get someone to help with your older child so you can get some rest? I hope the long weekend means another pair of hands to help. :hug:

I just want you to know that you're not the only mother to have had a public meltdown.
We ALL have our moments, including me.
I remember losing it at DD when i was heavily pregnant, in public, as she had a toilet training accident :shakehead:

I can tell just by reading your post that your love you kids, and that you're a great mum (fantastic mum! i mean, story time WITH A NEWBORN! bravo!)
Try not to worry about it, you're doing such a fantastic job :hug:
xx

Thank you all so so much for your replies, it really helps to have your support and to know that I am not alone! I really felt terrible yesterday and was also angry at myself for acting the way I did, as well as feeling angry towards DD. She just really knows how to push my buttons when I am already at the end of my tether. I did have a little chat with her last night and I said sorry for getting so angry. She also said sorry Mummy and gave me a big kiss and cuddle. We then spent lots of one on one time together last night after DS was in bed, just drawing and playing with stickers, so hopefully she knows I still love her!

My lovely DH (who was home studying for an exam he sat last night) was home yesterday luckily and he took time out of his study to watch the kids so I could go out for an hour and get a coffee ON MY OWN! (I think that is the first time I have been on my own all year!) and that helped to calm me down. I was shaking I was so angry and frustrated!

I am hoping today will be better, although I am anticipating a rough time when we go out in public as she will want the dummy, so I will just have to try and be strong. I can be as stubborn as she can be (bad combo hey!). I was up 2 hourly with the baby last night so we'll see how my patience withstands today....

Im glad your feeling a little better today :hug: Sometiems we have t get to rock bottom before we realise that we really need some ME time!!

Maybe see if you can try and do the coffee thing once a week or fortnight or SOMETHING like that- that is just an hour of you- or try and catch up with a friend baby free for an hour. I know its not always easy to do and worse if you have to plan with someone else- so maybe just on your own would be nice- a walk or a coffee or just a break!!!

Good luck and i hope today is a better day :hug:

Hey hun, you know I have much empathy ;). As for the public tanties ie. without the dummy, I find it best to get in a 'zone'. I just chill out, like I am super-serene. When he's doing his block I acknowledge that I'm hearing him, and what he's saying.......but as we have talked about earlier you're not having a juice/ride/chocolate (or dummy in your case ;)) today, so there's no point carrying on about it. He will still carry on, but every now and then I calmly remind him that I can hear him, but I'm not changing my mind. It seems that when I'm like that he KNOWS that I mean it, and he gives up a lot faster. If I'm quick-tempered he can tell that I'm more likely to give in, simply because I'm so frustrated, if that makes sense? Have you had a chat with her about how her dummy is not going to be around during the day anymore?

Might not help you guys, but I thought I'd put it out there. Now, if only I was able to practice it myself a little more often......;)

ETA (and yes, Friday next week sounds good, and I've checked with Kelly, she's free too!)

Big big :hug:

I think that most mothers would have been struggled to not lose it after going through what you did :hug:
I am glad that your DH gave you some time out as well, it can really help to have that break and just refocus.

I am not sure about the dummy, DD has her just in bed and we don't let her out of bed until she hands it over and it is stored away during the day where she can't get to it. She was weaning herself off it, but has gone back to it :rolleyes: but as it is isolated to bed it isn't so bad. It took a bit, but she had to give it up, if we took it, all hell would break lose, but once she was happy to give it up is was good. She now gets up int he morning and gives it to us, if she doesn't want her day sleep she will give us the dummy and point to the door saying up/out. And if she asks for it at all, we would jsut say, so do you want to go to bed do you, and after saying it a few time sshe realises that she doesn't want to go to bed and will find another way for comfort, a cuddle or go and play.

I hope today is a much better day for you :hug: :hug: :hug:

Oh Bun.. I'm glad you're feeling a bit better today!! I think you're doing an amazing job... you're a wonderful Mummy who acted completely NORMAL!! I struggle with just the one of them so god help me with this little one comes along!!!! LOL. Luke sounds just as stubborn as your DS so I completely understand what you're dealing with and have totallly lost the plot a few times myself... usually at home though, so apart from what the neighbours must be thinking.. it's a bit easier!

As for the dummy... we got rid of Luke's when he was 2 and a half and it was SOOOOO much easier than I thought it would be. He was VERY reliant on it too... and we managed to cut it down to just at sleep times (and sometimes in the car)... then I just kept talking to him about how dummy's were for the babies and they needed them more. He was a big boy now, so whenever he was ready, all he had to do was throw them in the big rubbish bin and the 'dummy fairy' would leave him a wonderful present to say thank you! But I kept reminding him that when he did that they would be gone.. but he'd have a present and he really didn't need the dummy anymore anyway. Took a lot of talking... every single day... until one day he turned around and said "I want to throw my dummy's in the bin now". So I gathered them all up... he threw them in the big green bin (so I wouldn't be tempted to get them back out) and he got a train set!! He was so excited about the train set and really only asked for the dummy a couple of times... and all I did was remind him that he got the train set. I thought it was going to be a disaster but it was great.. he was sooo amazing. Only problem was that we lost our day sleeps when the dummy went!! And Luke has a teddy bear and blanket.. so that helped too! Good luck with it... it's not easy but if you just keep it to sleep times, then wait till she's ready to give it up altogether.

Definitely keen to catch up next Friday too... so keep us informed!!! I'm desperate to get out of the house!! Luke has been a nightmare this morning, I almost lost it again and these are the days I wish I had my Mum nearby to just drive on over and chill out!! Oh well.

Kel xxx

No advice hun, just lots of hugs :hug:

hope today has been a better one for you :hug:

Thank you so much for all your replies again. Thankfully today has been a much better day! She seems to have accepted that she is not going to get the dummy and is not even bothering to whinge after the initial request is well and truly denied!!

Beema - what you are doing sounds exactly like what we are doing. It seems to help having DD hand it over herself and she seems to understand and give up on whinging if she doesn't feel like a sleep too. We were also going really well with weaning her off it a little while ago but then right when we though we were getting somewhere, she regressed! Difficult little things...

Janie - I love your idea about the ZONE! I think that is similar to what I do when I am really stubborn about something and DD seems to know it. She will often just whinge and whinge until I eventually give in, but when I am REALLY set on something, she must sense it in my tone of voice or something, because she seems to understand that no matter what she does, she is not going to get her own way!! It really has been much easier than I anticipated today, but I suppose we will see how things go over the next few days...

Kelly - that's funny, I just bought DD a train set and thought I would give it to her at Christmas (she loves train sets!), but now I am thinking that is a very good idea to give it to her when she gets rid of the dummy for good. For the moment I will let her have it at nights until she is a little older, and then hopefully she will understand if I try the same thing you did with Luke and I can wean her off it for good. We have also been doing the 'dummies are for babies' thing and 'you don't need that anymore' but although it worked for a while, it doesn't anymore! I reckon the dummy fairy line will definitely work, will start trying that too I think. Thank you!

Kel & Janie - we are still finalising where we will be staying next week, I will PM you both to try and arrange something when I know where we will be. Most likely in the city at this stage, and DH is busy all Fri am so would love to catch up then if we can!