how to decide what to call grandparents

How did you decided what your parents would be called as grandparents?
This baby isn't even close to entering the world and DP and I are already arguing over what our parents are going to be known as. :rolleyes:

We had a big blow up this afternoon about it. My mother and MIL are sorted, MIL wants to be known as Grandma, my mother wants Nan/ny/na. Easy! The problem lies in what we want our fathers to be known as. DP wants his father to be Pa. "Grandma, Grandpa, its traditional. So your dad must be Pop, as your mum is Nan. Traditional."

The thing is, my father has for years and years said he wants to be a Pa. He and my mother divorced when I was younger, and he became a step-father to his partners 3 daughters. He's been their main & close father figure for the past 15-16 years, they are so close the daughters call him Dad. Which I have no problems with at all, I never have. I am very close to my step-sisters and step-mother. One of dad's step-daughters has had a baby, his now 15months or so. And he knows my father as Pa. Even though Dad's not technically his grandfather. I have no probs with that at all either, as I know I will still be giving Dad his first "real" grandchild. DP though thinks thats just plain wrong and weird for this little boy to call my father Pa as they are not related. No amount of explaining the situation has him understand it at all.

DP refuses to have FIL known as Pop, as "thats not traditional! He WILL be Pa". I have a Nan & Pop, and a Nan & Pa, so told him I've never known "traditional" and dont have a problem with having two Nans or two Pa's or a Nan & Pa or a Gran & Pop. I never got my two nans confused (LOL) growing up. But he wont budge. He got pretty annoyed at me tonight about it and snapped "Whatever just have it any way YOU want then!".

Idk, I'm so confused. I dont know how to work this out. I wouldn't even know how to approach my dad and say "FIL wants to be Pa, so I'm afraid your going to have to be Pop. DP doesnt care that your already known as Pa because the baby isn't even your real grandchild so you shouldn't have any problems with this."

Any outside thoughts? It's ok if you think I'm approaching this wrong and should agree with DP :lol: If you do think that though, any advice on how I can speak to my father about it?

And sorry this is so long!! Kudos if you get all the way through it :p

I let all those involve choose their own names!! Its not my decision at all or my DH's. We have Grandma and Grandad and Gran and Pop- their choice.



ETA- I had 2 grandmas and 2 grandads growing up and I seem to have turned out OK!!

I agree it's their choice not anyone elses LOL! ;)

I don't see why you can't have two Pa's.

DD's grandparents chose what they wanted to be called. MIL is Nanna...and I'm still not totally sure what my parents want to be called as they've never actually said :rolleyes:

i don't think there's anything wrong with having two Pa's. to avoid confusion you could always call them Pa [surname].

Huge :hug:'s We left the grandparents to decide. My Dad has decided he wants to be called "Grumps" until he's "old enough to be a Grandad" lol, my step- mum is "Nanna Ann", my Biological mum, MIL and FIL still cant decide what they want to be called "because they are not old enough" to be any of the traditional names :rolleyes: so have been labeled "Gran" 's and "Grandpa". They've had 20months to decide and still haven't come up with anything so they can just suck it up. Lol

I would suggest making your DH tell your Dad he cant be "Pa" or ask him how you should do it, make him see it's not as easy as he's making it out to be. Would that make a difference or would he not really care?

Other than that hun I have no idea. He sounds like he's being a bit childish IMO. :hug: I hope you can sort something out.

I'm sure bubby will decide!! haha!

We always called my dad, 'grandad'. But DD has always called him 'dewey'. NO IDEA where it came from! LOL
But it's stuck!

Let the parents argue over it, i agree!

This is something that really irratated me!!

When preg with DS1 my mum said she was going to be Nanna and Dad said Grandpa cool all good.
Mil and Fil were going to Oma and Opa (FIL is dutch) but a few weeks after DS1 born she decides she wants to be Nanna as a friend told her she should be grr and FIL decides grandpa!!! I wanted different from each other grrrr. MIL wants to be nanna first name where as I dont like kids using first names, I would be prefer nanna surname!!

Why not suggest G-Pa?

I had 2 granddads, a nanny and an oma

My kids have Nanny, Nanny T, Granddad and Granddad Rabbi....the mil wanted to be called her nickname but i said no way, as i wanted that level of respect to be there iykwim

good luck with it all....dont let it be a big thing between you and your dh

I agree, don't let it be a big thing for you and DH. You may well find that your kids decide this for themselves anyway.

I call my parents, who DS sees regularly, granma and grandad. DS calls them "gee-gee" and "do-do". And DH's parents are "gee-gee bok-bok" and "do-do bok-bok" (the bok-bok is for the chickens at the place we were staying when we visited DH's family last year)
My parents wanted to be called OB1 and OB2. I will leave it to your imagination to figure out what the OB stands for... I was not impressed.

So anyway, the moral of this story is, you never quite know what you might end up with.

We let them decide, and we ended up with quite an assortment! DS has a Mormor, a Poppa, a Nin and a Grandad.

For a while there I had Oma and Opa (Oma died this year), Nanna and her longterm partner <firstname>, and my parents ended up Little Grandma and Grandpa without any planning. My partner's mother has picked her own title for herself and her husband, and his father hasn't picked one for him and his wife. We don't see them often enough for them to be called anything other than their firstnames, although I know their other grandchild uses their proper grandparent titles. We see grandma and grandpa quite a lot though - the DDs think Grandpa is the Best Thing In The Universe :)

I don't know if DD#1 sees her grandmother on my ex's side, I certainly never hear about it. Last time I checked my ex was very much estranged from his mother and stepfather, which does increase the available pool of grandparent titles ...

:rofl: marcellus, your DS is a crack-up!

We are going through this too - DH's parents are already Nanny and Poppy, so they get to hang on to those. Maybe not "traditional" but I really want this baby to be close to its cousins, and part of that is calling the grandparents the same name.

The issue? My mum can't handle anything that makes any recognisable connection to the word grandmother. Nanna, Nanny, Gran, Grandma, they're all out. I think she might be pushing for "Ma" but I think it's silly.

I don't know whether that really contributes much! I would tell your DH to stick "tradition" as it's a flimsy tradition anyway.

My mum and dad were already Nan and Pop to my sisters kids so theirs stayed the same - can't have different grandkids calling them different stuff. Even though i am a let them shoos their own I have to say I really disliked my ILs wanting to be called the same thing as my parents :redface: (cos I really don't like them) so we insisted on Grandma and Grandpa so DD would know the difference. She has two Nans though that are DH's Nans too though.

Your step sister's little guy is related to your dad, families are made of always love not always blood. DH is my family and we aren't blood relatives. DF is your family and he isn't your blood relative. Yes I agree he's being silly. :hug: sweetie. Try not to get stressed over it now. It will often sought itself out without you realising. Perhaps you could bring up some cool grandparent names in a discussion one day and they (the ILs) take a fancy to them all by themselves.
I do however get why your DH is senitmental about those names. When I was a little girl I was quite sentimental about my Nana and Pop and I got quite agressive when DHs parents wanted to be that to my little girl - not that I'm saying DH doesn't like your family, but i get why he's hanging onto his train of thought too.

we have a Nanny and Pop (DH parents) and a Nangee and Gramps (my parents). My mum wanted to be called nanny as well but she decided it was going to be too confusing for our DD so she decided on Nan the G for the start of her surname. My Step dad always wanted to be a Gramps.

I think it's best to let them decide what they want to be know as. And FWIW I totally get that your Dad is already Pa, my families a bit like yours. My sister had a different father to me (he died when she was young) and her kids call my Dad Pa. Then we both have a step-father, who our kids call Grand-dad. My Dad's partner didn't want a grand parent name so she goes by her name. Our mum died when my sister was pregnant with her first and wanted to be known as Nona, so that's how we refer to her. DH's mum is Mimi, her husband is Opa. DH's dad is Grandpa and his wife is Grammie. You confused yet?

I guess I'm just trying to make the point that there is no normal or traditional these days. Becoming a grandparent is a very special thing (whether it is through blood or love), I think it is only fair to let them as individuals decide how they want their grandchild to relate to them.

Hi, I think bubs will decide - they usually have a mind of their owns anyway! I think it is unfair of your partner to want your dad to change his name....but I really dont think it will happen even if you try to call him poppy it is likely your child will call him what his other grandchild calls him. Got to have the same name for all grandkiddies I think.

Really, I agree with everyone else it isnt really up to you to chose but the actual grandparents. I remember when my mum first become a grandmother and she told everyone she would be known as Sharyn not nanna or grandma (as she was too young - at 39 - which could have been true) - but the moment my neice arrived and mum was holding her her first words were 'nannas here bubba' - very cute.

You probably couldnt get many more grandparents than my family but my DS has 7 nannas and one aunty who thinks she is a nanna who refers to herself as grammy lol! All are referred to as nanna ......! Same with poppys - although only 4 of those! And I have found my neices/nephews never get them confused! Go figure....they will be talking and saying nanna said such and such and I will be like what nanna and they respond with nanna such and such silly! lol

Both of the grandads wanted to be grandad.The Nan's didn't mind.
DS learnt to say Nan really quickly so my kids have 2 Nans and 2 grandads. They know exactly who is who all of the time and have no worries with any of it.
It can get confusing to others though.

I say Grandparents' choice. I had three grandads and four grandmas growing up (great-grandparents, we never bothered with the great all the time). Easy: use the last names. Grandma and Grandad N, Grandma B, Grandma and Grandad H, and Grandma and Grandad M.

Mum decided to be Grandma B, as we knew Dad's Grandma B well, even though she admitted a year later she wanted to be Nanna. PiL were Grandma and Grandad anyway, but DS calls my parents Ninna (short for Nanna Ninni - Ninny being a pet name from her little bother) and Lan-Lan (I don't understand that one either). We just use last names when talking about grandparents (or unusual pet names). I was never confused and DS doesn't seem to be either. I'm going to be Granny when I have grandchildren, stuff what DS/DiL/DS's PiLs want.

If your DH is confused by it, suggest he grows up and gets the mentality of a toddler.

I mean, what on earth will he do if there's another child in the school with the same first name as your child?

Thank you so so so much ladies for all your wonderful advice. I'm glad you all say it doesnt matter and to let them decide, honestly hadn't thought of letting them decide as DP came out guns blazing lol. I admittedly I'm glad to read some of you think DP was being a bit silly, LOL, just good to know I'm not the only one thinking it :lol:

I spoke to him last night after reading all these wonderful replies and tried to sell him the let them decide idea LOL. "DP, you wont BELIEVE the AWESOME advice and help I've had about our earlier argument!!!!! Like, it's solves the problem once and for all!!!! We let THEM decide what they want to be called, it's their right to seeing as they are becoming grandparents for the first time." Lol it sounded like a sales pitch. He went all quiet and then muttered "Well, I really dont mind what they are called. But thats a good idea, lets just do that." :rolleyes: I didn't bother mentioning what a child he'd been earlier about it, not worth the fight lol.

And I also told him bubs would find his/her own name for them, they could all end up something different! I also explained why my dad is a pa, Kim I used your brilliant line "families are made of always love not always blood". DP really understood after that, so I think I've been able to knock some silliness out of him and replaced it with sense lol.

I really cant thank everyone enough for taking the time to reply and sharing your own stories. I could have let this go and not bother about it for a while yet, but it was one of those things that was niggling away at the back of my mind driving me nuts :lol:

I don't see why you can't have 2 pa's both my granparents were nanna and pop.

My poor girls are going to be so confused, my parents are seperate so we have Nanny & Poppy (mum & step dad), Poppy & Oma (dad & stepmum) and Nanna & Grandpa (pa).
Each of mine got to choose what they were called and it was based around what my nieces and nephews already called them.
My stepmum is dutch and my brothers daughter does not call her nan or oma. i did not think this was appropraite as my stepmum raised us and although she is not MUM to us she is a major part of our lives... i gave her the choice, you pick an aussie version (ie nanna, nanny etc) or Oma.. she picked Oma.

I say you let them pick their own, if there are two Pa's it means 2 people get to be excited when they say there name rather than your child having to learn more :)

GL with it hun...

My mum is Grammy to my nephew cause she thought she was to young to be Grandma and my nan is Nan. DP parents have 2 grankids already and i think they are Grandma and Pa. Im not sure. I guess we will find out when we get there to spring this wonderful surprise on them in 2 weeks.

My Dad and my brothers FIL both were called Poppy when his children were born. One was Poppy John (my dad) and one was Poppy Morrie (in-law). Worked OK for us.

My mum wants to be called Glamma as she says she is too young to be a grangma! although she is very much looking forward to it LOL

I agree with a few of the other posters that it's the grandparents choice.

That said, I really wanted my MIL to me Oma and I said things like "Oh, you'll be Oma now!" so I didn't really let it her be choice. But she was thrilled to be Oma so there was no issue anyway.

With my Dad he was already Grandpa out of a discussion with my sister who had his first grandchild. I wasn't sure if he really wanted to be Grandpa so I told him he could choose something else for our son if he wanted but he was happy to go with it. He would much prefer just his first name I think so he doesn't care about what title he gets.

i agree... it's up to the grandparents to be to decide what they like to be called, and not the parents unfortunately! I can't see why there can't be two "pa's" tho

I have a nana and pop and both sides and we tell the difference by calling them their nick name with it... eg, my mums mum is nana merilla XD
Maybe you could suggest the same? You could have a Pa John or something...

Jackson has the same. Then my parents are Nan (or Nan-G XD) and Gop (Grumpy Old Pop - it's a bit of a running joke... because my dad thought he was too young to be a pop, however he adores DS now!)
DH's side, his great grandad is "pop pop" and DH's parents are just nana and pop...

good luck! but I'd say just leave it to the grandparents! ;)

i had two grandmas and two grandads growing up - differentation was by surname when necessary.

we now have two grandads a grandma and a nanna (who hates nanny cause it makes her think the kids are calling her a goat - which is amusing cause guess what all mine have called her initially (due to speech ability) - nanny. No confusions even from a young age although sometimes they don't use the surname for the grandads they just say nannas grandad or grandmas grandad if they need to differentiate

its not something I was precious about it so it didn't worry me all that much. it is obviously important to both of you for different (rightly or wrongly) reasons so some more calm discussion is probably in order. Ours were chosen by the grandparents themselves (and in turn the children in their ability to say them) and I'm of the opinion unless there are really good reasons this is appropriate. Obviously two of the same name (in your case Pa) I don't see a problem or that they need to "match" We do have all the same names throughout each family though so they are all called the smae thing by each grandchild.

MIL & FIL are grandma & papa (same as with their other grandkids)
my mum is nanna (because she couldnt make up her mind & thats what stuck) & her partner is Da (he isnt related to our kids but we wanted him to have something)
My father is nothing, he doesnt make an effort, has only seen DD twice & I dont think he even knows about DS, so he isnt known as anything

We asked our parents what they would like to be called :D

I had two "Nan and Pa"s growing up.

My kids, as much as I hate it myself, are going to be calling Scott's father "Granddad" because that's what he called his pa. I think anything other than "Nan & Pa" just sounds weird! :rofl:

On your point - I don't understand how "Pa" is more formal/respectful than "Pop" in your case. Shouldn't your hubby be pushing for "Grandpa" if he wants that? They're two different things to me... Or did I read it wrong? :redface:

Even though my mum was Grandma DD1 used to call her Mum-ma and DD2 said mum-mum. I don't know if she would've stayed those names because she died when DD2 was only 2 but it was lovely.

Yeah I'd go with letting the grandparents decide!! That way, no arguments ;)

My mum and my brothers MIL are both nanny for my brother's kids - but one is lolly nanny.. and the other (my mum) is tractor nanny.. bahahaha... guess you can tell which one gives them lollies and which one has a tractor!!! LOL

But for my kids, we let DH's parents pick what they wanted to be called, so they preferred grandma and grandad.. and my mum is nanny, stepfather is poppy - and my dad is poppy as well. if the kids get confused, we just say mummy's daddy when we are being specific about which poppy we are talking about.

DH's parents (who are separated) are Pa and Nanna, mainly because both of their parents were known as Pa & Nanna to my DH & BIL. My parents are Grumpy & Gran. My mum decided very early on (like when my sister and I got our own pets) that she was going to be Gran. When my sister was pregnant with DD1 we all joked that dad should be called "Grumpy" because he has a bit of a grumpy personality and he loved the idea and it stuck.

I think letting them decide is best, or going with family tradition. I've never like the idea of both sets of grandparents being called the same thing, but now that I'm older I've discovered that it's very common.

Can they both be pa?

As a kid, both of my grandmothers were gran-ma. It was never a problem.

My MIL once told me when we have kids, she wants her and her husband to be coco and pop. OMG... I think I will have something to say about being called coco haha

I agree, let the grandparents decide! However, If your husband is still unhappy, his parents can be called Grandma & Grandpa and yours Nana & Pa (not Grandpa). That way the kids (and you) will know exactly who you are talking about. Otherwise it's gonna have to be Grandpa Fritz (haha, just making up names here to make a point) and Grandpa Bill. We do that back in Germany with no issues. I have an Oma Meta and an Oma Anni (Annemarie), as well as an Opa Wolf (Wolfgang) and an Opa Theo (Theodor). We just shorten the firstname if it's too long lol. Most languages only use one description for the grandparents, and they all manage fine. Maybe explain that to your husband. Tell him to stop being so Aussie :rofl: If he wants to be sooooo traditional then they should be called Grandfather and Grandmother anyway, right ;).

DD has resolved this issue for us now by making up her own names for them.
FIL is Dad-dad, MIL is Pippa, my Mum is Hummy (no idea where that came from) and my dad is Papa. My stepmum hasn't really been given a name as we haven't been seeing them that often.
Mum is pretty stoked about being Hummy :rofl:

When my girls were born their grandparents were already named so it was never an issue.
When we became grandparents it took us ages to decide but in the end we are Oma & Opa and the others are Grandma & Grandpa.
We talked it over with the other grandparents, came up with some great names between us, but when the time came the names sort of just happened.

I let all decide their own names :)
my mum wanted granny, but ds1 calls her nanny, my dad is pop , ils are nunna and nunnu.
My gps are poppa, mummynanny ( as I call her nanny) and poppa. And Nanna and pop.
My step gp was always Oma...
But I had another Nan and a gran too....

I think it's up to the Grandparents. My FIL and his wife are Pops and Gran Rose.
My mum is Ma Ma, her partner is Ba and my Dad is Poppy. My MIL is Nana.
Woah, thats alot of grandparents when I read it all back. why be "traditional" today's society is most definatly not.

My in-laws were already decided 19 years before my DS lol so MIL is Nunu and FIL is Pa. DS is my fathers first grandchild and he avoided answering my questions of what he wanted to be called....he had no name til my DS's first Xmas and he signed the card "love Grandad" so that was that!! I always wanted DS to have a "Nana" cos I remember mine as a child being such a warm cuddly loving woman.....so I asked stepMIL if she would like to be Nana or NanaPam, her response "just Pam is fine" huh ok!!! Makes me sad because my mother passed away many years ago and has no grandparent name and my MIL has recently passed.....so my DS has Grandad, Pa and "just Pam" hmmm :(