Circumcision

I would like to take a more gentle parenting approch this time around but i would also like for my son to be circumcised. Does this disagree with the gentle parenting rule?

Tegan,

Can i ask why you want him circumcised ?

I never had Alex done and will only get him done if it's is a health reason.

Personally i would say yes, cause you are doing something that doesn't "have" to be done iykwim.

Love

I would definately agree. I dont feel circumcision is a gentle welcome to the world.

Jo

I agree with the others, but if you have strong reasons for doing it then i guess you will do it anyway. I didn't get Lindsay done either.

I'm with Jillian. Just because you choose circumcision does not mean that you are no longer a "gentle" parent. I was not aware that "gentle" parenting had a strict set of rules regarding this matter.

The reason we want to is because we don't feel it is very hygenic not to have it done. I also feel that when older he may not be responsible enough to clean it properly. Jacob had it done and he even admitted he wouldn't want to continually clean it the way you should and feels appalled by it.

So i really don't see why it is such a bad thing? Now i feel like a bad mother for even suggesting it.

Gosh Tegan, don't feel like that, you are not a bad mother for wanting to get it done. You do have your reasons for wanting it done and so be it. All we were trying to say is that it doesn't generally go hand in hand with gentle parenting, but you can still do it and still be a gentle parenter IYKWIM?

You're not a bad mother for suggesting it Tegan, you have your reasons and are perfectly entitled to them. I guess its a decision that you and Jacob have to reach together.

I honestly dont think cleaning it is such a hard thing though, because all they need to do is pull back the foreskin to clean it properly (from about 4 or 5 years of age?), maybe Jacob isn't aware of how simple it still is to clean with a foreskin, because he has been circumsized himself?
But then again I am not a male LOL, so my POV probably isnt worth much either!

You are certainly not a bad mother, if thats the case then we aren't gentle parents either ;) Seth was circumcised, and he is fine :D We are still gentle parents as far as I am concerned and I don't really care what anyone else says LOL! You do whats right for you and your family!

*hugs*
Cailin

Tegan you are not a bad mother.
It is up to you and Jacob what you want to do and no one can tell you otherwise.

I must admit we have never really spoken about it. I think we did once because DH is and he has no idea why.

Tegan, none of my boys are circ. Just a personal thing. I originally wanted it do ne too when I was pg with DS #1,that was until I watched a video on it. The procedure has probably changed these days though.

I don't think that the "hygiene" reason is really valid though. Alot of people use that excuse. What makes it any less clean than an uncircumsised penis?

Not having an attack at you so please don't take it personally. I have never had any problems with my boys keeping it clean. Teach them young and you don't have a problem. Besides that at a young age you should not be retracting their foreskin to clean under it anyway.

At the end of the day, go with what you are comfortable in. Do your research and know the pro's and con's before doing anything.

Goodluck in making your decision.

YAY, congrats on having a little boy too:)

Hi Tegan, just felt compelled to write something on the topic. There are no 'rules' about whether your parenting is good/bad depending on your decision on circumcision, so don't worry about if it fits in with gentle parenting.

Just have to say that hygiene is really not a reason to get it done (unless it is medically necessary eg if the foreskin never retracts). Remember, boys are born with it for a reason! And of all the reasons to get it done, 'being like daddy' seems to be one of least compelling IMHO (my DS is not circ but my DH is and DH's father isn't!). Religious grounds are something else entirely.

But like others have said, if you choose to or not, remember you'll be just as good a mother to your DS and don't worry about others judging you! :)

Isn't there already a discussion on circumcision where all these arguments have been aired before. I thought original question was whether it was part of "gentle" parenting or not.

Here is a link to a thread Kelly started
https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...t=circumcision

I don't think cleaning under the foreskin is really a difficult task!!

Tanya

i know im not a mother, and im not a male.

but tegan i am wise enough to know that you are entitled to do whatever you want with your baby. You and jacob ar the sole decision makers and please dont let anyone tell you what you should and should not do with your children.

i hope you have enough information on hand to make up your own educated decision :) :hug:

I think there is confusion with the name of these forums - we are all loving and caring parents, there is no question, but circumsicion is not generally associated with gentle parenting. You can adapt other gentle techniques from pregnancy to parenthood though, just because you don't do one that goes against the grain, it doesn't exclue you. It doesn't mean you are not a loving and caring parent if you make that choice. These forums are support for a variety of gentle techniques, you don't need to do them all.

Tegan,

This is obviously a very sensitive subject and everyone seems to have strong opinions on it!

I was very saddened to read that you've been made to feel like you're a bad mother for wanting to get it done. You are the mother of your child and you will know what's best for him.

That having been said, my DH and I are likely to have our baby circumsised if we have a boy. DH is not circumcised but always wished that he had been. It's something that we've discussed often and he's even made enquiries into having it done sometime in the near future (he's 30 this year)...that's how strongly he feels about it. He doesn't want our boy to go through the same troubles he's had so it's easier to have it done at an early age rather than in later years. It's our decision and we don't care what anyone else thinks about it.

And as to gentle parenting, what does having your child circumcised have anything to do with not being a gentle parent? Is there a book of rules which states what you can and cannot do?

BTW, congratulations on finding out you're having a little boy. How lovely for you to have one of each :D

Love
Goldilocks
-xxxooo-

Tegan, we got both our boys done and I don't think that it precludes us from being gentle parents. As one of the other girls has said gentle parenting doesn't have a set of rules.
We got it done for religious reasons but even if we didn't have religious obligations I would have got it done.
My sister had her son circumcised and one of her midwives gave her lecture about how easy it was to teach her son to pull the foreskin back. My sister's answer; "its even easier not to have to bother teaching him" LOL.
I'm sure that you will make the right desicion for yourself and your bubba.

I'm with you Chloe. We had all our boys done for religious reasons, but would have had it done regardless.

Tegan you are not a bad mother! I personally haven't, and wouldn't, circumcise my son but that is my choice and I certainly do not have anything against people who do choose to have their son circumcised. Of course you can circumcise your baby and still be a gentle parent. IMO gentle parenting is a philosophy not a set of hard and fast rules that we have to live by. Do what you feel is right.

tegan i have 3 boys 2 are 11 and 8. they are not circumcised. regarding hygiene. we taught them to retract their foreskins as soon as they could and wash under there. they do this automatically now without even thinking about it. we told them it is very important. are you aware that it is very rare to be circumcised now? i know at swimming when the whole class is naked there is maybe 1-2 circumcised penis' amongst them that are 'done'. i am wondering if they feel abit different and how that sits with them.
i don't agree with circumcision and obviously it is not a gentle entrace to the world and the risks of haemorrhage and other probs are there but in saying that whether you circ or not will not exclude you from some 'club'. of course you can still parent gently.
good luck with this decision hugs
beckles

Tegan - Your certainly not a bad mother, you and Jacob have to weigh up the pros and cons and if YOU both feel it`s the right thing to do then that`s your decision as parents, no one else can decide for you but we can let you know the reasons for and against and then you both make the final decision.

Michael, Alister, Matthew and baby boy #4 are not circumsided, I did leave it up to DH as I had no idea what was right and what was wrong (mainly because I`d never even thought about it) but as he says it`s there for a reason and since having Matthew I`ve realised how easy it is to look after once he`s older, it`ll just become habit forming like brushing your teeth.

Nowdays you`ll find majority of little boys are not circumsed, off course you still get some but most aren`t - I have never been asked by any Dr/Midwife/Clinic Nurse if we wanted Matthew done, I think they all assume most don`t so they go along with it, I`m not sure, but they just don`t seem to ask what our intentions are.

Good Luck with your decision.

Take Care

Dee

Tegan, :hug: to matey. you are not a bad mother at all.

We never got Nicholas or Declan done. When Nicholas was born we thought we would get him done but once talking to our OB, we decided against it, we did weigh up the pros and cons though. It is trully a personal decision and only you and Jacob can make together. It is not up to anyone else to say you should or shouldn't get it done for one reason or another.

Whatever way you decide to go it was the right decision for you and your little man.

Good luck matey.

Hi Tegan,

It is certainly your decision and there is no such thing as a wrong decision when made for the right reasons. I researched this issue a lot before DS was done as I knew nothing about it. In the end I decided to have DS "done" for these reasons:
- it is no longer a surgical procedure so the pain etc is not there. The area is anaesethised with local aneasethetic cream and a "plastibell" (like a plasic ring) is put on which drops off in a couple of days.
- there are a lot of health reasons to have it done - there is a whole list of conditions that are less likely in a circumsied male, including UTIs which can be fatal to infants and later penile and testicular cancer.
- it is becoming far more common now so a circ child is unlikely to stand out
If you are not sure, research this more - there are great articles on the web to help.

Shouldn't the definition of "gentle parenting" include making informed decisions and doing as you believe best with your child's best interest at heart? Not strict rules about what you can and can't do??

Good luck with your decision and enjoy your little boy!
Melanie.

:

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it is becoming far more common now so a circ child is unlikely to stand out

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Sorry Melanie, but I find that reason to be ridiculous. That would be like saying my son has bright red hair and will stand out so maybe I should dye his hair so that way he is less obtrusive. No trying to start anything of course, just my opinion :)

As I said earlier, each to their own, but it's not something you get done just to "fit in" with the crowd.

Any reason you have to want to get it done, is valid - whether it's hygiene, history, medical, appearance ... I don't know about the 'rules' for gentle parenting, but he's your baby and a lot of parenting is instinct, and if thats the way you want to go, do it.

The most recommended doctor to us (Melb) was booked ahead a month and didn't do them on babies over seven weeks. Also, a good doctor will go though everything and will understand if you don't want to go thru with it.

Can circumcision prevent UTIs in infants?

Some research suggests that circumcised infants may have a lower incidence of urinary tract infections (UTIs). Approximately 0.188% of circumcised infants and 0.702% of intact infants develop a UTI. However, this difference is slight, and female infants have a far higher incidence of UTI than circumcised or intact boys (5%). Mothers will be happy to know that immediate breastfeeding protects male and female infants from such infections. If a UTI does occur, the most conservative treatment is with antibiotics and more rigorous follow-up in rare cases of recurrent infections. Chronic UTIs are often the result of abnormalities in the urethra or bladder which will usually require surgery.

Can circumcision prevent penile or cervical cancer?

The risk factors for penile and cervical cancer are cigarette smoking and exposure to various strains of the human papilloma or wart virus (HPV), through unprotected sex with multiple partners. Penile cancer is an extremely rare disease with less than 1 case per 100,000 men and a median age of diagnosis of 64 years. Circumcised men do develop penile cancer, which can develop on the circumcision scar.

Tegan,

We had our son circumcised at the age of two, as he was operated on for an undescended testicle and the specialist decided this was the best idea and the least painful way to do things. He healed up very quickly and we didnt have any problems. All I can say is it's a personal thing and you need to do what's best for your son.

Maybe I can create a thread for those who choose not to circumsize and those who do. Yes it is a personal choice and one at which you can only make for yourselves, but I guess I need to create a place where those who choose to parent 'naturally' for a better word, can get support and avoid any debates? There are many things that fall under
'gentle' and we all have our own interpretations of what is gentle, and we don't need to do them all, but for those that choose a certain way, it's unfair to only have an area open to all against what they believe. That way we can all feel at home and have support, because I feel it's all fuzzy. We all love our children, we are all *gentle* at heart, but I wouldn't probably consider circumcision something that would fall under a natural approach. I hope you all get me. Everything just gets so fuzzy in here and when a topic of controversial status comes up, it's on for one and all no matter what they have chosen and if they would normally post in this area. I am sure all of us find it a litle frustrating. I am also concerned at the way it's so easy to say something in a forum, e.g. circumcision and penile cancer risks, but without facts. It's very, very low - as is the chances of being hit by a car.

Thats a great idea Kel. I for one am feeling more and more reluctant to post on some issues and I am finding it quite upsetting. I know we all have parenting styles but when these gentle forums first popped up I was thrilled to feel more 'at home' and was keen to discuss issues that werent really up for debate.

Jo

Tegan, there is no right or wrong...

My partner had problems with his foreskin retracting to the point where it would break away and bleed and would be very painful..so he decided at 24 to have the op..and he said it was the worst pain he ever endured...

I will be Circumcising my son....so that at he doesn't have to go through the pain when his older....And I don't care what other's may think, I am doing what is best for my son.....given what my other half went through...

So do what's best for you..and your little man

I had my first, a son, 14 years ago... i elected not to have him circumsized... the reason i chose not to is because i couldnt take him to get it done... felt bad and also because i thought circumized vs uncircumsized is a much of a muchness and either way it doesnt really matter, i was also 17 years old and lackin 'penile' knowledge and experience.

But now...

We have discussed it and if this bub is a boy we are DEFINATELY gettin him circumsized and Matt has agreed to be the one there... the reasons bein... owners and operators of uncircumsized penis' that havent been taught how to correctly clean under the foreskin can result in the foreskin bein unable to retract.

[post edited by BellyBelly]

Hey Silvi!
Just saw ur post... u must have put it up as i was typing... sorry to hear ur husbands was painful... my ex's wasnt always tight but did tear occassionally... he didnt feel pain but did notice 'some kind' of feeling the moment it tore, definately not pain, which is why we had trouble workin out where the blood had come from... i had to teach him how to operate a foreskin as his parents had NEVER told him anything in relation to hygiene and the foreskin and he was 24yo then!

As parents it is our responsibility to teach our sons how to look after their foreskins and clean under them. Simple.
Hygeine issues and problems with the foreskin not retracting properly are avoidable.
My husband isn't circumcised and either is his brothers, the oldest is 40. They were shown what to do from an early age and my husband is teaching our boys the fine art of foreskin maintenance.

Hey Fletch!
Thats cool, i was meanin when the foreskin cannot be pulled back the sperm ejaculated cannot get out and is stuck under/in there... i do agree, not all men but it definately happens
xxx

Sash,

He had no other option but to have the op, it became so tight he was unable to clean it, have sex without having it tear and bleed...And from that point on when I saw how much pain he was in, we both decided to have our boys "cut"...

I don't follow crowds because it's the in thing to do...

I mean in the long run, you have to do what's best for you and your family...regardless of what people might think...It doesn't make you any less bad...

Hey Silvi!

"I don't follow crowds because it's the in thing to do...
I mean in the long run, you have to do what's best for you and your family...regardless of what people might think...It doesn't make you any less bad..."

i absolutely agree with u there

xxx
sasha

I'm going to make one last post here then lock it.

I'm at a loss what to do, because the word gentle seems to cause so much grief to everyone, as to what is gentle. We are all loving and caring and would do anything for our children. So this is not the issue. I have thought maybe I should rename this as Natural Parenting forums instead, because I want there to be a place where there can be a discussion of natural methods without debate.

I don't see the point in having a separate gentle forum if anyone can just come and post in here anyway, we may as well have it combined if that is the case... so I have to make some distinction between the general forums and these ones for it to exist.

SO, if you wish to discuss circumcision, pros and cons etc then feel free to do that in the General Baby & Toddler Discussion threads, but still be careful with your choice of words or we'll need to edit your post. If you have a genuine interest in natural / gentle parenting then feel free to continue posting in here. This is not the place to come and put your two cents in whenever you see something emotive and you don't usually post in here.

I'm not making a stance pro/anti anything, but I feel like I am repeating myself having to draw the line all the time. You wont see me posting in Controlled Crying posts, because it's not my thing! So if something isn't your thing, please don't post or take it to heart - heck don't even read it if you don't want to. We all make different choices based on different experiences etc. It's life.