Have decided to wean our toddler - could use a little moral support
DS, who will be three in November, has always had an affinity with the boob. He still is fed to sleep most sleeps, although he'll self settle consistently at daycare, mostly for my mum and occasionally for DP, but never for me.
Since DD arrived six weeks ago, this has presented a few problems, especially as DD has the habit of cluster feeding at night, and DS will sometimes take over an hour to feed to sleep. It's rare that he'll be asleep before DD wants feeding again, at which point DP will settle DS down. This can take hours, and he'll usually be quite distressed (understatement: read screaming hysterics) when I have to stop feeding him. I've tried feeding both at once, but it doesn't really work as an extended 'feed to sleep' thing for a number of reasons, mostly because DS needs to be put into bed asleep but still attached otherwise he'll wake.
It's getting to the point that the distress that not being able to fully demand feed DS is causing him seems to be outweighing the benefits extended and tandem feeding otherwise give him. He's not jealous of his sister feeding, but doesn't understand why he can't feed when and for however long he wants. We had got him down to a feed before sleeps only, but lately he's been asking more and more frequently, and becoming more and more distressed when refused. He also has a habit of clamping with his teeth as he feeds, and it's entirely subconscious - he's not aware he's doing it and despite my efforts, does not know how to stop doing it. It's not painful and it doesn't cause damage, but it is very uncomfortable, especially during a long feed.
On Sunday I asked DP if he thought that perhaps DS would be better off without any BF at all, as it seems to just be confusing things for him and we agreed that we would wean him. Not doing things lightly, from that point there were no more feeds.
That first day was um, difficult to say the least. DS is autistic and has quite pronounced communication delays so we're not sure exactly how best to explain it to him - anything too longwinded/abstract and he finds it hard to cope with explanations, but we didn't want to just tell him 'no' without an explanation. So we've decided to go with the 'boobies is just for baby' approach. We had lots of tantrums and much distress as he processed this new change. I tried to avoid feeding DD around him, but knew that on Monday I would have to, as DP was working until after 8:00pm so I was doing bedtime.
Monday was actually OK. I wasn't able to get DS to sleep, but he accepted that there were no more boobies when he asked. We had lots of cuddles, and actually no tantrums. At all. (Which is rare)
This morning he was also good, a little grumpy first thing in the morning, but so far, so good. Today he is with my mum, so we'll see how we go tonight.
I'm feeling ambivalent about this decision. Mostly sad that I cannot continue to share myself with him so fully. I would have liked to let him choose his own weaning date, but I couldn't deny that BFing seemed to be having more of a negative effect than a positive one. I started this post Sunday night - as DP attempted to get him to sleep and I listened to him in distress. But I've been surprised at how easily he seems to have taken it since then. We'll see how it goes, I'm sure there'll be times where it is not so easy, but perhaps this indicates that the decision was the right one.
Anyway, not much point to this post except to share my weaning experience - thanks for reading!
