Velcro/Clingy Babies Anonymous

Ok, so DD is a velcro baby to boot! She won't go to anyone besides DH and my mum. And even then, if she can she me, she wants me. Whilst I love that she loves me so much, I would just like to be able to hand her over every now and then for a break. And I feel bad when people want to give her a cuddle, and she just screams in their face :(

So, how do you handle your velcro baby? Do you manage to leave the house at all without velcro baby?

Now I must add that she wasnt always like this. Prob been the last 2 months where its become an issue. So is this just a stage? Or did I do something to make her like this? Do you think a baby is born clingy, or as parents we turn them that way?

Any advice, tips, insights greatly appreciated :)

:hug: your not alone there DD2 was really good until about 4 weeks ago. She is the same will go to mum or DH but as long as she cant hear or see me :wall:
I have managed to leave her with mum a few short times because mum says she only grizzles when I get home.
I dont think parents make clingy babies because DD2 is my 3rd and the others werent clingy. I think its just they way some are. I just try to see it as loving the extra cuddles because she will be off and independent crawling and walking soon( if I can put her on the floor to learn :lol: ) and then we will miss this I think.

hi, i'm sloane & i have a velcro baby!

i have to say that it has eased a bit - since he started walking. for some reason, crawling didn't do it but walking has. for example, i took him to a playcentre not long ago & he wanted down when we got there & walked off to play himself. previously i would have had to hold him for a while before he'd be ready to do that.

if he can see me & he's tired or not happy, he'll cry. if i'm not there, he's a little angel :lol:

my DS has pretty much always been like that but i'm guessing maybe with your DD it's a stage & comes from them becoming more aware of the world around them?? not sure. i tend to think they're born that way & it's not something we've done as parents - it's all part of their personality. in recent months i've tried not to be frustrated (because as wonderful as it is to be needed, sometimes i need a break) but then had a bit of an epiphany - my DS is sooo loving. he loves to give hugs & kisses etc. so i realised that the big upside of my velcro baby is his wonderfully loving nature. so while the clinging can get a bit much sometimes, i wouldn't change it for the world because it's part of what makes him so loving.

i hope that all makes sense - the big downside of my velcro boy is that he wakes 7 times a night & only wants mum....not much coherent thought comes from me these day :lol:

Its definitely a stage. DD2 went through it from about 6 months to 9 months. She is much better now, doesn't cry when she sees people, and although she is still clingy, she will happily go to other people.

So no - I don't think you have done anything to "make" her this way - I think its just a baby being a normal baby! :D

Thank you all, your reassurance is very comforting :grouphug:

POF - I never thought of it that way, that soon she will be off and moving, and not giving me a second thought. I'll have to start making an extra effort to appreciate her special cuddles.

Sloane - your post was very coherent :) And i agree, it is nice to have a loving baby.

Arimeh - Glad to hear E went through the same thing, and has come out the other side. Ohhh, I just had a thought, maybe L got it from E????;) Lol, at their first meeting! Hopefully DD will come out the other side soonish too.

Thanks again girls x

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Arimeh - Glad to hear E went through the same thing, and has come out the other side. Ohhh, I just had a thought, maybe L got it from E????;) Lol, at their first meeting! Hopefully DD will come out the other side soonish too.

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Haha!! Maybe - you never know ;)

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Arimeh - Glad to hear E went through the same thing, and has come out the other side. Ohhh, I just had a thought, maybe L got it from E????;) Lol, at their first meeting! Hopefully DD will come out the other side soonish too.

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Haha!! Maybe - you never know ;)

It's a stage, which can be repeated. DS was super clingy. Not anymore. (he still demands cuddles with regularity, however)
Best thing is to go with it - you're building her sense of security and from there she will develop independence.

Thanks Marcellus, good to know some good will come of it :)

I thought DS1 was clingy as a bub, until DS2 was about 7 mths & taught me what clingy was! I just cuddle & put him in the sling. When we're home alone he'll crawl off and do his own thing occasionally, but if anyone's around he's a limpet (in my step-Dad's words). Anyone comments I just say "He loves me!" and I don't get further comments.

My name is CheezelMonster and I too have a velcro baby!
Moo has been clingy from the start - even at just a few weeks he just 'knew' if I left the house. As soon as my car left the driveway he would scream and scream until he was in my arms again. My poor DH!
As he has gotten older he hasn't gotten any better exactly, it's just the behaviours have changed. For example before he was mobile he would cry hysterically when I left the room. Now he is walking he still cries but also comes after me, so stops crying once he is back by my side.
He follows me into the loo and into the shower - and being fully dressed doesn't stop him lol! The number of times he has thrown himself at the shower door screaming like he is being dragged away from me...now I just automatically strip him off and take him in too. DH can't contain him!
So I don't often leave him, it has to be for a good reason. The times I do go out without him are planned so that I put him down for a nap and go when he is asleep. It doesn't seem to bother him waking up to only Dad at home but will cry and scream as soon as my car pulls up to the house!
I have to feed him and dress him or he just reaches out to me crying and crying. People tell me he 'needs' to learn but it's just not worth the constant noise and tears in my opinion.
But I love him anyway!

Snowy - I'm the same and say 'she just wants mummy' but you know I cant help but feel bad as though its my fault when obviously its not. Can't wait til she's on the move so she can do her own thing.

Cheezel - Thanks for sharing your experience. I had to laugh at your DS following you into the shower fully clothed :)

*sticks hand in the air* count me/us in!
I feel so sorry for my parents when we visit..DD cries as soon as I put her on the floor and mum & dad can't even give her a cuddle. Poor dad can't even look at/talk to her because she just bursts into tears!
I have to be within eyesight, preferably not more than a metre or so away. Having problems with sleep time atm because she starts crying as soon as i walk out of the room, even if I creep out at the rate of a mm/minute :rolleyes: So resorting to rocking her to sleep, and hopefully she'll go back to going to sleep on her own like she used to do!

A lot of the time she doesn't even want to go to DF, and if he is holding her and she spots me she'll try and leap into my arms. It is tiring and sometimes I just wish she would go to someone else (watch out any strangers that even attempt to touch her! If I'm holding her she will just hide in my shoulder). But the snuggles are also nice, and knowing that I'm the only one that can console her (although that can be trying at times as well!).
I'm hoping that once she eventually starts walking she'll be a bit more independent and less clingy!

My Name is ~ Zarava Flutterby ~ and i have a velcro baby.
DD is nearly 9mths old and she would SCREAM if i left the room without her and i mean scream til she makes herself sick, high pitched come get me screams.
In the last month she has finally started going to DP but if she sees me leave the room.. OMG all hell breaks loose.

I have NEVER had a night without her, actually i have never had time without her at all, when she was younger i went to mothers group dinners with her, if i go to Dr's appts she is with me, you name it.

It does get easier, she is finally happy to be handed to other people as long as i am within arms reach so i am hoping that once she starts crawling or walking it will make life a lot easier.. TBH i think she just wnats to be up and moving and part of the world and she doesn't get that sitting down on the floor... lets hope mobility helps!

Wow, so it would seem that this issue is more widespread than I realised. How is it possible then that I dont see any other velcro babies?? Oh thats right, DD won't let me look :lol:

SS - your DD sounds exactly like mine. I must admit I love when she plays coy and snuggles into my shoulder around strangers.

ZF - I can't wait for the day she will go to someone else, her grandparents are starting to get a complex :)

Yep, another velcro baby here!

DD is gradually getting a little better recently, but it's very similar to what most of you have described already - if I'm in sight she will strain to get me rather than anyone else, and if she sees me leave the room all hell breaks loose! She's almost walking now and her favourite pasttime is to stand next to me/behind me hugging my legs. I have to say 'DD, mummy's going to walk now' or 'DD, mummy's going to stand up now' and she sits straight down, but follows straight after me whinging and moaning. One of her first words was çuddle' too - said with outstretched arms in my direction (I think it's cute, but I don't know that her grandparents agree when 'she refuses to cuddle them....). She also throws herself against the shower door howling, but i don't take her in the shower with me, because the few times I have she just wants to be held the whole time so it's impossible to get clean.

I don't mind her being around me all the time, I don't even mind that I can't go to the toilet in peace, but I do feel bad for DH sometimes. She's getting better with him, and for some reason is absolutely fine with my mum and dad, even though they are on the other side of the world so she's not spent major amounts of time with them. I find myself apologising to other people when she snubs them, but actually i think I probably shouldn't because she can understand an awful lot of what I say now. I do try to reassure her that I'm still there etc and I'm always saying to her 'DD and mummy stick together like glue'.

ok well DS went through that stage from 8 months till even now and hes 16 months :o its only just improving now

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ZF - I can't wait for the day she will go to someone else, her grandparents are starting to get a complex :)

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Don't worry MIL was the same, so was my mum.. we went to Adelaide and Z wouldn't have a bar of her.
she seems a bit better now but is still very wary, some people she wont even look at let alone allow to hold her.
One day i am hoping i can put her in CC or a creche and know she wont be sick or screaming the joint down.

And to be contrary, my velcro bub today spent 5 mins with his 16 yo cousin before needing to come back to me! And a couple of mins with his grandfather!

Lol Snowy..we had the opposite day..starting when I got out of bed to go to the loo this morning, leaving DD with DF in bed and she screamed until I got back...haven't been able to be out of sight of her all day and she barely let me put her on the floor so I could make lunch & dinner! It was a day full of tears :cry:

I'd reply to this thread but the baby won't let me out of his sight ...

Makes showers/toilet/doing the dishes/anything a bit tricky at the moment ...

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I'd reply to this thread but the baby won't let me out of his sight ...

Makes showers/toilet/doing the dishes/anything a bit tricky at the moment ...

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Hehe i'm with you there... i shower when DD is asleep OR i put her on the floor in her elmo thing, and i have to sing to her the entire time i am there, she also sits on the bathroom floor at times while i go to the toilet (away from me obviously), the Jolly jumper is great now when i do the dishes but when she was smaller i used a carrier.. umm until i noticed she was getting longer and dancing in the sink water :redface:

Hope tomorrow is a better day ss_storm :hug:

Hi. Count me in too. I had a clingy baby who is now a clingy toddler. At about 2 months of age DD suddenly didn't want anyone else other than me. Not even her own father. So I was doing everything for her on my own most of the time because she would scream if anyone else tried to do anything for her. It has gotten easier over time thankfully. I think being more mobile helped and when she became more aware of things helped too. Also spending more time with other people. But she is still a very clingy child! And will want me to do most things for her still. But thankfully other people can mind her now without tears. It's just if I am around she'll choose me over anyone else who's there. But when she's ill she becomes super velcro child again and I can't get her off me till she is well again.

TBH I have felt suffocated by her at times, which I know is a terrible thing to say. But I just feel like I don't get enough breaks sometimes. During those times I try to remember that it is just a phase and one day she'll be off on her own in the world and I'll miss all the hugs I used to get.

think I found the answer to her recent super-clinginess! I can't believe I didn't notice before now, but her first molar has just come through and there are also two white dots on either side of her bottom front teeth so they should pop through any day. Probably why she woke up screaming just before I went to bed last night and took ages to calm her down (either that or she had a nightmare..).

SS - Poor little munchkin, her teeth must be giving her hell! Hope the rest pop through quickly so you can both get some relief :hug:

No news from me, DD still up to her old tricks. My poor Dad came over today with a present, and I handed her over for a hug, and on cue she screamed in his face. he couldnt give her back quick enough. I felt so bad :(

Hands up!
I have a velcro baby too, has been ever since she was born (now 14m) - she still won't go to anyone else if I am around, and will cry as soon as someone else picks her up.

I don't have any tips - just sympathy~

Can i just ask how your little velco babies interact with other kids?

I was watching DD today and she's really not a very sociable little thing at all. When there's any more than a couple of other people she sits on me or stands right by me clinging on and doesn't interact with the other kids. She'll play with a toy buy generally if one of the other kids goes to take it she just lets them. Today she cried because one of the other kids in out MG grabbed her sleeve, not at all hard or aggressive or anything, but it freaked her out. She's ok when there's just one other baby/family - she likes giving toys etc to the other baby, but as soon as there's a crowd she's a hundred times more stuck on me! I can't work out whether it's just to do with her clinginess or if she's shy or something too.

Well my Moo spends most of MG trying to crawl all over me! He just wants to be with me and whinges til I pick him up. But sometimes he surprises me and plays very happily next to the others. I find he is better if I arrive early to things. He seems to react badly to walking into a room full of people; can't blame him though as I don't like it either!

Today we all went out to a caravan and camping show in Melbourne. DH had to push the stroller so Moo could see me! God forbid if DH walked into a camper trailer ahead of me.

DD usually bursts into tears if another kid touches her. She might be alright at first but if they hold on then she'll start crying. I think our main problem is that we just don't interact with many other people. Haven't been to playgroup for a while so will be interesting to see what she's like when it starts again after school goes back. she does like watching the other kids play, she is still too young to join in though and might be easier when she can walk on her own, but she doesn't like strangers touching her. Can't really say I blame her, I probably wouldn't like it if a stranger just came up to me and grabbed onto me!

Hmm, well my DD seems to be bucking the trend, she loves other babies. That's one time when she actually doesn't mind go to others. At mothers group she happily sits and plays with the other bubbas, and even gives some of the mums cuddles :dunno:

my DS loves other kids as well. it usually takes him a little while to warm up, but then he's fine. in fact, he loves to hug & kiss the other babies at playgroup - it gets a bit embarrassing as he tackles them to the ground to give them a really good hug.

My DD is very clingy at MG too but she does love some other kids that she sees more regularly.

My DD is more afraid of men than women. Is this the case with other clingy bubs too?

wow, lots of us! its good to know im not alone and havent caused this, as i constantly get told its my fault for bf or being a sahm, or not attending a mg, or not letting anyone touch dd as a newborn or whatever reason each person comes up with thats either not true or utterly ridiculous.
dd has been like this since 11 weeks and has only the last few weeks been happy to go to dh for cuddles, but she will still cry for me after 2 mins. she has never gone to il's and screams like crazy if i hand her over, while koala hugging me.
its frustrating when you want them to have cuddles with someone, but at the same time its nice to be so wanted and needed.

guess we just have to hope it will ease in time

Jen82 - I feel like people blame me too.

I keep getting told that DD is much better when I'm not around. Do others hear this too?

oh yes all the time
I dont know whether ppl mean to blame us or its totally inadvertant... Either way the comments dont help

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I keep getting told that DD is much better when I'm not around. Do others hear this too?

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Yes, constantly. And it always sounds so accusing!

We had a breakthrough this week; we went to the park with a MG friend and her daughter. We had a picnic, and at the end I went to put some rubbish in the bin, leaving DD with the friend on the picnic rug. The bin was about 30 metres away, and I stopped and waved half way - she was fine the whole time I was gone and didn't even clamber on me when I got back. I also left her in the park with DH yesterday when I went home to finish cooking dinner - i told her what was happening, we waved and then she happily went back to playing. Woohoo!!