My first baby shower didn't happen... Second time lucky?

EDIT: Thanks everyone for your help with my initial problem, mind helping me with some more planning? :)

Okay, yes, before you all say anything, I know my baby shower is ages away and it's too early to think about. Well, tough, I'm thinking about it because I'm bored and I like planning parties :nahnah:

The baby shower when I was pregnant with Ianto was meant to be on the 13th of March - obviously that didn't go ahead. I'm kinda aiming to have Cookie's shower around the end of January (it feels like all of February should be kept away for Ianto) so I'll be about 33 weeks. Oh geez, I didn't think of that - 33 weeks... I never got to 33 with him...

In my weird, round about way, what I'm trying to say is, how should I word the invitations? I would like to acknowledge that my first didn't go ahead, and why, but would that be too morbid? The black humourist in me wants to say something along the lines of "Teni's baby shower, Take Two..." but the logical part of me knows my extended family would kill me for it :redface:

On the other hand, I don't want the invitations to be too happy either - They'll all think I've lost my mind and forgotten about Ianto... UGH! I hate having to think about what my stupid aunties think of me! If it wasn't for the fact they'll all be bringing me wonderful presents I wouldn't freaking invite them at all! (Yes, I know, I am a horrible person. But the only women I actually 100% like in my family are my Mum and my Nan... and as I typed that I remembered my Nan died two months ago so now I feel even more horrible :cry:)

Wow, this post did not start off as a rant. I just wanted someone to help with the invitations :rofl:

Hugs Teni
It all sucks doesnt it.. Personally i think you should not worry about saying anything about Ianto's Baby shower not going ahead. This baby shower is about Cookie..
arghh i have been sitting here trying to get the right words but nothing sounds right. I do know how much you want people to know that you still Think about Ianto and you still love him.
wow this post is not exactly what i wanted it to be.. i hope i dont upset you xx

This is a tricky one.
Firstly I think 33 weeks is quite a good time to have it.
Your second question is harder! I really don't know how to word it, TBH I had a baby shower for DS and there wasn't mention of his sisters on the invite, I know they are here but I guess what I am trying to say is that you wouldn't acknowledge Ianto on the invite if things had turned out differently. On the other hand i do understand that you want to acknowledge him and the fact that Cookie is not your first baby.
OK so really I haven't helped you at all sorry and I hope to goodness I haven't offended you either.
If I think of something I'll be back.

No offence taken whatsoever, lovely ladies :) You haven't said anything I didn't already have swirling around my mind anyway :)

Maybe rather than acknowledge Ianto in the actual invitation, I could ask that people donate to Bonnie Babes or something in lieu of gifts? Some people will most likely still bring gifts (maybe even the ones they originally bought for Ianto) but it's probably better than ending up with a house full of stuff I won't use... Then again, I would like to receive some gifts I actually would use... Maybe I'll say "any gifts given that won't be used will be sold on eBay so the money wasted can be given to charity" :rofl:

Nobody is ever going to think you have forgotten Ianto. From never having met you, and only having peeked at your blog, it is abundantly clear to even this doe-eyed bimbo that you will not ever live a day without rmembering him. So don't worry about that.

It does not matter a skerrick what your aunties think of you. If their opinions are anything less than glowing, they're not worth worrying about anyway.

mrsmac makes an awesome point - if Ianto were earthside, you probably wouldn't mention him on the invite. Baby shower invites are hard enough to word without putting siblings in! On the plus side, you have ooooodles of time to think about it and get it right.

I think it would okay to mention Ianto on the invites if it is something that is important to you. I have been thinking about how to word it and I am coming up blank. You could always add a little poem to the invite that reminds you of your angel.

sorry that I couldn't be more help. I couldn't even think about the idea of a shower for Grayson until after he was earthside.

Teni mine is 30th January. Ask Marlene (in our belly buddy group) to help you out she does this for a living.

I will have people from Interstate here for the wedding so im doing it while they are here so they DONT HAVE TO COME BACK. Yes once will be enough then i dont have to stress about them visiting again lol

Teni i think that if its important to you u should put Ianto on the invite you could always put something like inviting people to Ianto's baby brother or sister shower.

just an idea probaly doesn't help that much.

Hope you don't mind me responding as I haven't been through what you are going through but I have been thinking about you all day! So I hope what I am going to suggest isn't inappropriate but I thought I would just put it out there as I do know what it feels like when you lose someone and you want them included in big events.

I was wondering whether rather than having a baby shower with all your female relatives (seeing you are not that keen on them) if you made it a couples event so your DH could be there and have a celebration of Cookie in that way with people you enjoy hanging out with. Then if things do get awkward with relatives saying inappropriate/stupid things at least you have each others support to get through it. After the year you have had you both deserve to be celebrated.

Then on the invitation you could write something like "We invite you to celebrate us becoming a family of 4". And in that way Ianto is included in the invite.

Again hope this is ok. :hug:

I have no idea's for the wording but I honestly think you should say/include whatever you feel comfortable with, it's your day and you can celebrate how ever you want and what is going to make you happiest.

:hug:

Hi Teni,

Why not keep the invite fairly simple, ours read "A baby girl is on the way, so let's celebrate before the big day". It is a celebration of your bub, and that in no way is forgetting about Ianto, I think keep the invite simple and do something special on the day to celebrate Ianto too. What about maybe having a wishing well at your shower with some info about Bonnie babes and a personal note about Ianto with all donations going to them etc. That way ppl can still bring gifts for cookie, you've included your little man Ianto in the day and ppl can donate to Bonnie babes as well. You could even say a little something about your special boy and his new baby brother or sister on the day if you like.
Do whatever is going to make you happy hun, that's what's important!!!!

i agree with babyluv, to ME a baby shower is about celebrating the baby you're soon to bring into the world. and usually siblings arent mentioned in the invitation.
I do like ur idea of donations to bonnie babes in luei of gifts, its an indirect way of bringing Ianto's memory into the celebration.

Hey Teni,

I hope you don't mind me adding my 2 cents worth......... but I just thought of a possible suggestion. What about if you keep the baby shower invite for Cookie, but at the actual party, have a blue helium balloon, one for each of your guests to release? Perhaps they could write their own special 'phrase' or secret to Ianto & have them released at the baby shower? That way, Ianto is still included?

Or maybe even have some blue & pink balloons to be released & they all get released together?

Just a thought..........HTH!

Love Jayne x

siblings arent normally mentioned on babyshower invites at all....its all about the mama and the baby coming..IF you wanted to include him in some sort of way...maybe put alittle rainbow on the invite somewere...his stamp KWIM
OR
Maybe you could have a blessingway instead...OMG they are so spirital and amazing.

i really dont know what to say but *big hugs n kisses* as this must be a hard thing to have to decide n handle also...
i TOTALLY agree with JAYNE.. it is such a beautiful thought n suggestion n i think that is such a lovely sentiment to ur ianto n for the bubs coming...
its hsows everyone that u r keeping his memory alive n also celebrating this ones beginning iykwim??
gl hun wat ever u decide... xoxo

Still not sure of what I'm going to do for the invitations (I just sat down to start designing them, and I've drawn a blank) but can I run some ideas past you all for the actual day? :) Here's a couple of things I'm thinking might be fun:

• The day/night before, I'll do a belly cast (if I have a big enough belly by then) and get everyone to write a message to either me or the baby on it. It'd be nice to have, I reckon.

...sigh... I've completely forgotten what my other big idea was. I'll come and edit if/when I remember... It was really good, I'm sure!

That sounds like a lovely idea.

i agree it sounds wonderful :)

Would it be rude to ask people to bring a plate of food? It's going to be the middle of summer, and I'll be big and pregnant by then, so I won't be in the mood to cook then clean up after everyone :hide:

Still can't remember that second idea!

:

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Maybe you could have a blessingway instead...OMG they are so spirital and amazing.

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:yeahthat:

blessingways are a beautiful process that is all about inclusiveness and acknowlegement off all that are here, to come and passed. (this could also be a way to include Ianto in the celebration of his little brother or sister). I LOVE blessingways they are so gorgeous and really allow everyone to share their stories of their births, children etc. and you'd be surprised...even those that i thought wouldnt be 'into' it, came along to my friends and really got into it....

anyway, just a thought.

Also, maybe for the invite, you could say something like: "...please join us in celebrating the imminent arrival of our baby 'cookie', the day will be full of fun, laughter, happiness and rainbows...".

And maybe on the invite you could have like a PP mentioned a rainbow motif...and maybe something special for Cookie? see when i think 'rainbows' i also think 'blue birds' (thank you wizard of oz!)...kinda like two peas in a pod...exactly what siblings are!

HTH!

I hope you find the wording you would like. I haven't congratulated you on your princess huni...I'm so happy for you. I think of you daily huni. I hope your ok xox

Hi
The belly cast sounds like a beautiful idea! I had my belly cast 2 days before I gave birth to DD and I have it hanging in her room, waiting to be decorated by her when she gets older but I wish I had thought of having it done earlier for my baby shower.

In regards to food, I don't think its rude to ask people to bring a plate of food at all, especially as I am presuming those getting invited are your nearest and dearest who will probably be happy to help out. For mine, I had all the mums/aunties asking what they could bring and as it was an afternoon thing, we just had plates of cakes/slices and little quiches etc that my mum took charge of in regards to the oven and distribution.

I'm sure your day will be beautiful - all the best!

What happens at a blessingway, anyway? I don't really know much about them...

Okay, taking a couple of ideas from here, how about this at the top of the invitation?

:

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The babe dubbed Cookie is on the way, so please join us in celebrating their imminent arrival with a day full of fun, laughter, happiness and rainbows!

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I'd like to add in a couple more things, like an instruction to bring an apron and/or wear casual clothes (one of the game things I might want to do might get a little messy) and the like...

I hope you don't mind me butting in (cause we don't know eachother) but you really sound as though you have your heart set on including Ianto in your invitations & it has reminded me of an invitation my mum has had on her fridge for a few years now....
It is basically worded as though the angel baby was inviting everyone itms? off the top of my head it says something along the lines of "Please come along & help me celibrate my mummy & baby sister who I watch over every day." It also askes everyone to bring a plate of food & small candle to light to "help my presence be felt on the day"

Have a wonderful day at your baby shower! No matter the wording of your invites, or the activities you chose to partake in, Ianto will be remembered by all on this special day & everyother day. xx

You're not butting in at all DM! I wouldn't have asked for help on a public forum if I wanted to keep it close to my chest :D I love that idea, might try to find a way to incorporate it...

i reckon the instructions for the activities could be a separate piece of paper, either stapled or paperclipped on...that way the invite doesnt have to be huge lol.

I think suggesting a donation to bonnie babes is a great idea.. That way you are kinda mentioning Ianto.

Or even with the invites send out a little brochure from Bonnie Babies and don't worry about suggesting a donation.. kwim?

Okay, here's the "dry" wording, I'd like a way to make it a little more fun...

:

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The babe dubbed Cookie is on the way, so please join us in celebrating his or her imminent arrival with a day full of fun, laughter, happiness and rainbows!
Tenielle’s baby shower will be held on the 29th of January at [address].
Please arrive by 12:30 pm so you don’t miss the start of the fun, and RSVP by the 8th of January so we make sure there’s enough fun to go around!
It would be appreciated if guests could bring a plate of food and/or drinks to share.
Each guest should also bring an apron and wear casual clothes, as there are a couple of activities planned that may become messy.

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:)

I think it sounds fine the way it is :)

Okies, I've stuck to that wording, and put a few baby cartoon characters on them :D Now to write a guest list... Anyone from here want to come? I feel silly asking, but I really would like it if some BB ladies could come keep me sane amongst my family :lol:

Okay, I've had another idea for people who can't come :) I was looking up what kind of thing you do at a blessingway, and there was something about everyone being asked to bring a bead along for the making of a birthing necklace - I might ask people to do that, and if they can't come, then they can send me one instead... I was thinking I'll take all the bits I like about "traditional" baby showers (the tacky games - yeah, I love 'em!) and combine them with some blessingway things as well (the beads, belly painting...) so it's both baby- and me-focussed. Does that make sense? Anyone have any good ideas for me?

ETA: :rofl: I just realised almost all my posts start with "okay..."

I love the idea of the beads Teni - i think that i might use that :)

My initial thought was just to put something like "in memory of Ianto" or something to that effect on the invite? Just what came into my head.

I'd say something along the lines of
'please join me to celebrate the impending birth of our second child Cookie'