Having your mum around

Was just on the phone to MIL, she sounded really disappointed that my mum is only coming up right after the birth, pretty much booking her flights when I go into labour. She seems to think I'm "doing it tough" by being far away and not being able to hang out at my mum's house during third tri.

She has offered to come and keep me company if I want it or am feeling lonely. She spent a lot of time at her mum's place when heavily pregnant, and my SIL was at her place nearly every day.

I can't think of anything worse! She gives great foot massages and belly rubs, for sure. But right now, I hate the thought of visitors. I just want to have my days, in my nest, sleeping when I want to, pottering around and getting ready for our new arrival. Visitors just make mess and disrupt my routine. I'm not an anti-social person, I love being around other people, but on my terms. Even if mum and I lived in the same city, I wouldn't be going round to her place a lot.

Is it just a bizarre family phenomenon to spend heaps of time at your mum's place? Or am I the nut job for being a hermit?

Just musing.

Nah you're not a nut job! When you're as pregnant as you are, you just want to relax. Especially when it's your first as you are never going to be such a free agent again lol!

FWIW I couldn't stand being around anyone when I was heavily pregnant, let alone my Mum. All she cared about was if i was in labour or not! She seriously rang me on August 1st asking if anything was happening, ya know seeing it was August. Never mind I wasn't actually due til the 10th!

Enjoy being a hermit, I'm jealous!

I pretty much moved back in with my Mummy, to my first baby, because she lived closer to the hospital... It was noice, but I liked the 2nd time around being in my own surroundings and just been able to chil in my own home...

Nope I spent 0 time with my mum (but to be fair I lived with my grandparents so couldnt get away from them) and I liked it that way (but my mum and I dont really get on too well).

Maternity leave is never the same again as it is for your first one... you never get all this time to yourself again and nesting around by yourself is magic. I loved that too!

My Mum is dead so I wonder how you MIL would take that? :lol: My MIL has made sympathetic comments about me not having my Mum, but she never tries to fill her shoes.

I love my Mum, but didn't feel the need to hang at her place waiting for bub to come. We didn't even tell the folks we were heading to the hospital, just rang them when bub was here. But Mum reckons she knew anyway and was waiting all day. I got in trouble for that one, but only briefly cos then she had a granbubba to check out.

I reckon I'll be similar to you - I can't handle being around my Mum for long periods now, let alone being that pregnant! She'd have to come to our house cos they're two hours away and not near the hospital, and I can just imagine what that would be like - gives me shivers just thinking about it now lol

I'm gonna go against the grain and say I don't think my mum will be able to get rid of me at the end of this pregnancy :lol: We're super close, and we do live next door to each other... When I was pregnant with Ianto, the plan was for me to spend pretty much every day at her place from around 36 weeks when Scott was working - I expect I'll be doing that for this one :)

(plus she's one of my birth partners, so she really will be there are the ery end ;))

My mum lives a 6 hour drive away and the plan was for her to start driving up when i went into labour, i ended up being induced and she drove up the morning i went in. I enjoyed the time with myself towards the end too, youre not alone :)

I did spend a lot of time with my Mum during my third trimester but then again, I'd spent a lot of time with her before and still now, I see her almost daily so I guess that is just our relationship. That sounds really intense but she isn't interfering or anything, more like a good friend and I enjoy talking about our days together plus she helps entertain DD while I get dinner sorted (she drops by on the way home from work) which is really helpful as a single Mum. Anyway, getting way off track but at any rate, I don't think there are any rules -- you just go with how you feel!

I spent some time with mine but didn't just hang out heaps and I appreciated her help after my first was born far more than the time leading up to her birth. That was more boredom alleviation :rofl:

I think it depends on your relationship with your mum like Jellyfish said. I am also really close to my mum and although my parents lived 1,000kms away they both took 3 weeks annual leave around the time DD was due and came to visit. They were there for 1 week before she was born and it was fantastic! Dad and DF would go and do the groceries and the washing and mum did all of the cooking and cleaning. I am forever grateful that I was lucky enough to spend this special time with them and that they were so helpful and not intrusive at all.

i saw my mum a little more than usual, but that was only because i wasn't at work & they'd moved a 5 minute drive away. i certainly didn't spend heaps of time there & absolutely loved my mat leave. DP was home as well & we had 7 weeks of bliss - i slept whenever i felt like it, pottered round the house, went to the shops, went out for lunch if we felt like it, watched late night tv...dvds etc. it was so relaxing.

i mean, it was nice knowing my mum was close by but i didn't really feel the need to see her any more than usual!

Mum lives about 15 minutes away and we probably see each other 1 - 2 times a week. I love it. We have a great relationship.

The hardest bit for me is that my parents booked a six month trip around the world, and a week later I found out I was pregnant, due two weeks after they left :( They couldn't change the trip as it was frequent flyers and they would've lost their points. So off they went....and I gave birth one week later. Mum flew home two weeks after DD was born to meet her, stayed for 9 days and then returned when DD was almost six months old. It was the hardest six months of my life. I was incredibly lonely, DD has hip dysplaysia so we spent a lot of time at home and my friends were working during the week and didn't want to be around on the weekends. So yeah, love my mum and glad I can see her whenever we want.

I couldn't think of anything worse either! I like my own space and my own thoughts, specially getting ready for a big life change like that.
So definitely not the only nut job hermit. People thought I was weird too not needing/wanting constant company and attention, but that's just not me, I don't like being fluffed over either :lol: But each to their own.

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I couldn't think of anything worse either!

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My MIL hanging around- 10 x worse!

I wouldnt want my MIL here (she lives 3500km away) before or during the birth because I feel like i need to be a 'good host' for the inlaws, plus as much as we get along normally we do have different views on things and i've found 3rd tri has made me a little less patient than usual! On the other hand, I'm really looking forward to my mum flying up a week before my due date (she lives 5000km away!) as i dont feel the need to entertain or run around after her, and i know she'll be a gem at looking after me with cooking and cleaning and stuff. But I dont see me really wanting anyone else around, i'd rather be able to do what i want when i want at that stage not accommodate other people.

My mum came and stayed a week before DS was born. It was nice going to the shops with someone as i didnt know anyone in the area at the time, but otherwise at home drove me nuts. I didnt feel like i could just relax. I felt like i had to entertain her. She then came and stayed the same before DD was born, but more to look after DS when i went into labour. Again.. drove me batty as was as if she was in a B&B and i had to wait on her. Was glad when she left. This baby, i wont be asking her to stay. The kids can go to MIL's when i go into labour or my girlfriends or something. The last few days before bubs arrives i want to be able to just sloth around and do nothing and enjoy it while i can. So yes, i know how you feel!

I'm enjoying time alone and can't wait to finish work soon so I get even more time potting around at home. My sister is coming to spend some time with me before I'm due and I'm really looking fwd to that coz it'll just be nice fun girl time instead of having to listen to lots of advice all the time. :P Luckily MIL is miles away, wouldn't really know what to do with her if she comes!

I guess that is the plus of both my mum and MIL living 1600 km away. :lol:

I would have hated having anyone staying with at the end of my pregnancies. It would be nice if they lived close enough for me to drop the boys off so I could have some me time, but I certainly wouldn't be spending everyday there. I even told them they weren't to come to visit for at least a week after DS2 was born because we wanted time to adjust as our own little family group.
Enjoy the peace while you can, I say.

Just had friends who stayed with us for a WEEK, and that was like running a B & B. Best reason not to have anyone stay in the last weeks of pregnancy? That we only have one toilet! Drove me crazy! They don't have kids, so she in particular didn't get why it was a big deal that she was spending an hour in the bathroom showering and doing her hair and makeup. Or sitting on the couch in such a way that I couldn't. Had to take them to the airport when I normally go for my weekly swim. They took off with our car for two days so I had to walk to the supermarket because they went through toilet paper at an astonishing rate. I didn't really appreciate my house being treated as a holiday destination. Not when I'm this pregnant.

At least with MiL she'd be accommodating of my needs, and could sort of anticipate them.

Anyway, she's coming in Jan for 9 days. Mum's coming just before EDD for two weeks, with flexi-flights, so she can change if I go early. Only downside is that she's a terrible cook :lol:

I am having my mum here from christmas eve onwards until about a week to 2 weeks after bubs is born and I am so thankful for that!! I know she will help so much, cooking, cleaning etc and not at all in my face...
BUT if it was my MIL... I would scream at her after 1 day I bet! She is full on and in my face and annoys the crap out of me even though she is lovely and not at all mean or rude... she is just annoying! I would go freaking crazy if she was here! luckily they are overseas until end of Jan and won't be coming up until Easter... which is also great because DH will then be home to entertain her... otherwise he would be at work all day and I'd have to deal with her by myself! lol...

Hey,
My mum can come and stay anytime, MIL different story. When I had the twins I really needed help and my mum came around everyday. My mum is the best she never interfers.