Large age gaps between kids?

We have 3 boys all 15mths and under apart. We want one more child. We werent trying but werent preventing and got a + in Sept but unfortunately the baby died at 8wks and I had a d&c.

Im still waiting on the spotting to stop but when to TTC again is on my mind. We always thought about having them all close together to avoid a "lag" so to speak in the baby years. If we TTC when AF has come and gone we would only have until Jan (possibly Feb) to get a + otherwise we would have to stop until as late as Jan 2012 because getting pregnant in March/April would make me due at christmas/new year which is when we are due to move again next year and I do not want a newborn or to be heavily pregnant at that time. Dh is also supposed to be going away in June for 6mths so without him here no baby making is happening :lol:

I was just wondering if there was anyone on BB who had a couple of kids close together and then had the last one 3 or more years later than the rest? My main concerns are getting beyond that baby/toddler stage and then doing it all over again. Right now none of the kids sleep through and Ive still got 2 in nappies. Im imagining by the time I could possibly get pregnant and then give birth we're looking at 2013 which makes our youngest just about 4 years old; with the elder two at primary school. Also; I worry about the last child feeling left out being so far behind the rest in age, esp if its another boy.

Ive been thinking of just skipping TTC the next 3 or so months and just waiting til Jan 2012; that way I can go back to Uni next year and have a bit of a life while Ive not got any little babies to feed/worry about...........

Any advice or experiences you could share are greatly appreciated!!!

My little brother and I are about 7/8 years apart (he was a bit of a whoopsie baby :lol: ), whereas there is only about 18 months between my older brother and me. I find I talk to my little bro more often than the older one. i guess none of us are particularly close, but I just find it easier to talk to my little bro.
I can't say much from the parenting side of things, I think mum found it a little difficult at first trying to juggle us two older kids at school/after school activities and a baby, he kind of had to fit around everything else (soo different to your first baby where you fit everything around them!). But at the same time we were old enough to help out with him so probably eased the load on mum a bit.
If you think waiting would be a good idea, give yourself a bit of a break from the stress of TTC and focus on your life for a little while then it might be a good thing. And who knows, a little bundle might decide to make their way into your life when you aren't so focused on trying! :)

I don't have any close together so cannot really comment on that side of it. I think children cope with whatever their reality is IYKWIM? I think that if you had a little one later they would be so adored by their older siblings and you would really get to appreciate every minute of their babyhood because you aren't as rushed with the others being all small as well. I am biased because I love my age gaps though!!

Your reasons were the same as why ours are so close together. However, that is based on the fact that there is 7 years between my brother and I, and 5 years between my sister and I. I never felt close to either of them growing up and always felt left out, and didn't want that for my kids.

But that doesn't mean that it can't work for your family. I say go with whenever it happens and try not to think about it too much ;)

Hi Freya,

My first 2 are 16 months apart, we then had our 3rd boy and he is 2 half years younger, like you I was worried that he would seem like the odd one out, but he is now 18 months and is the life of the party, if anything they fight over who is playing with him rather than he being left out.

I have finally got the go ahead from DH to start TTC 4 (am very excited) but there will be another gap of min 2 half years to 3 years depending on when I conceive. Like you I was worried about going back to basics again but the one thing I did find with having DS 3 was that you acutally have more time to appreciate the small moments of having a newborn rather than being constantly trying to juggle babies, toddlers etc.

So I think maybe the time to recover , have time to yourself, move etc may be a good thing and then when your next bubba arrives you will have the time to relax and enjoy every little moment

I do have to say I'm alot closer to my bro, 2 years younger, than I've ever been to my sister, 6 years younger. I think thats more to do with her maturity level though. She's really immature... Maybe one day we'll be closer, but I can't see it happening.
I tried to keep similar gaps between mine, but far enough apart that I wasn't changing 2 lots of nappies, lol.

Hi Freya

I am not that far apart from my two sisters, 2 and a bit years b/w each of us. I wasn't really that close to them growing up and sought out the company of my bff who was three years older than me. DP and his brother, 3 years older, are not close at all and growing up there were a lot of bullying issues.

Now I'm an adult I am probably closest to my youngest sister, four and a half years younger. But it's taken a long time to get to the same 'stage' in life (my middle sister doesn't look like having kids any time soon!).

We made the decision to leave at least four-five years between our children, for my sake and so that we could spend more time one-on-one with each child. I don't know how my Mum juggled three of us close together, but I do know we didn't get much of that individual attention. I wanted to do that more with my DD, I thought it might stop some of the jealousy issues I had with my siblings when young.

Also, I work for myself = no maternity leave. No way could I juggle more than one at a time and still fit work in. DP also works for himself = no time off. You get the idea... ;)

DD is VERY excited about the idea of a younger sister (or brother, but not quite as keen LOL) so I'm quite happy we'll have between five and six years gap. She's going to be very much involved in the whole process (even if she can't choose the gender, to her dismay!).

I'm actually excited at the idea of going back to the baby stuff, it's not new, I'm going to savour it a lot more (knowing that I more than likely won't be doing it again) and I've got a whole other perspective on it with DD involved. I'm hoping it all comes back to me!

I had my 1st 2 22 months apart and DD2 was a very difficult child so we left it awhile to go again, DD2 & DS are 4yrs 7mnths apart and I LOVE it, the girls are at school, they are both able to do things for themselves if im busy with the little one and understand more about it all and they enjoy having a baby brother, im going to have one more in a few years time

We have 20mths between our first three, then there is a 3yr3mth gap between 3 and 4. It has worked out so well for us. I am loving having the gap like it is because now I have DS2 at home on his own for another 2 years before he starts school in 2013. It's hard to explain why it works for us, but it does. he just slots into things perfectly. Even with there being 6.5yrs between DS1 and DS2, they are still really close and spend a lot of time together, so I think if they are going to be close, then the age gap is irrelevant kwim? I wouldn't have had it any other way and think life would have been harder if we had them all close together.

my eldest is turning 5 this week, theres 19 months between him and ds2, they are realy close, there is just under 3 years between ds2 and dd, they seem to get along realy well, shes almost 9 months old, but lights up when he walks in the roomand out of the eldest 2, he is the first to offer me help with her (getting nappies and entertaining her)
there is 11 years between my sister and i, i dont recomend that much of a gap! i never realy got excited over her, and she is now 12, realy clingy, wants to hug and hang off you, it realy bugs me!! df has more siblings, hes 22 has a 21yo, 16yo and 9yo sisters aswell as 14 and 15yo brothers the only ones who realy get along is him and his 16yo sister! i guess it all depends on the kids and if you get the older ones to feel included befor bub arrives so its not a shock in a sence to them?

Thanks everyone for your experiences, esp Trill, your in the exact situation we would be in so its good to hear its working for you guys!

No worries :) I've been thinking about it a bit more and I think it works so well because I have that gap of older kids who are pretty self sufficient when you need them to be and then only one that I was, until a few months ago, doing the 'baby thing' for. I have the older 3 kids doing weekend activities and DS2 just plods along for the ride. at this point in time, if i had all 4 of them doing stuff it would be too much. Plus I look at it from a car seat perspective and I can have DS1 in the front seat now and don't need to have a car full of car seats and boosters. It's also a big thing when it comes to preschool and school. I had one start school every two years - DS1 in 06, DD1 in 08 and DD2 this year - and I had a 5 year run of preschool (DS only went for 1 year otherwise it would have been 6 years) and it was madness! This year I have the three older ones in school and DS2 starts preschool next year, so I've only had school to worry about. Having that year off from doing both has been great and I'm really looking forward to getting back into the preschool life again, whereas by the time DD2 finished last year, I was totally over it.

Ooohh I think it would work out really well to wait actually. It's not like you are ever going to be "over" babies :lol:, and the last one will have the benefit of more time with mummy with the others at school/kinder. Mummy will have the pleasure of only having one baby at a time too!

It must be hard with the moving, DH away thing when it comes to planning though. xoxoxo

Id be so tempted to wait until Stellan is in school (Im super lucky that Jett goes in 2012, Rip in 2013 and Stellan 2014 - one after the other!) before having another one but Dh has always been adamant about no kids in our 30's. He's 30 in 2012 but Im not 30 til 2015 so I guess technically it only matters about me, right, seeing as I carry them and raise them lol

The perks of that would be like youve all said enjoying the baby without the experience of the last 3, having a baby and two other little kids at the same time; I dont remember much of the early months. I could also get a majority of my degree done so Id either be finished (if I went full time) or atleast be 3/4 done so there isnt much to do after the baby arrives. I can still have 4 kids but still start my career by 30 too. We could also travel as well, spend some time on us and as a family. Ooooh imagine a holiday just me and Dh...........we still havent had a honeymoon after 6 years of marriage :think:

Might mull it over with Dh tonight, see what his thoughts are on it.

Ooh I forgot too Freya - since you mentioned the age thing - we don't have as much time up our sleeve for baby making either, I'm getting closer to 35 every day, so I didn't have the option to wait like 5 years or something.. it was now or never for us.

However, if I was in my mid 20's - I probably wouldn't have had them *quite* so close together.

I had N and W within 18 months of each other.......then V was born when W was 4 3/4.

I love having my babies close together and yep at times I htink why did I go back and have 2 more...BUT I found I have more patience and time for them...not everything in the house has to be perfect and we are absolutely nutters, something I wasnt keen on being with jsut the 2 boys.

I found the only trouble was sleep/nap time with a small baby hard with kinder and school drop off and pick ups, and knowing that having one so young in age to the other 2 ment I of course had to go back for another cause they needed a sibling closer in age top them :lol:

Freya

I will end up having a rather large gap with our last baby.. as M would like one of his own (dont worry he treats the girls as his own as well but YKWIM)

so M will prob be about to hit school by the time the last bubs comes along and omg im worried, but i also think to myself that it will be good.. I will have 3 in school allowing me to relate to new bubs well. Plus not to mention having 3 older helper..

and for what its worth I have a older brother less then 2 yrs between us and a younger sis who is 5 yrs younger and we all actually get along great now.

So glad you posted this, and so glad for the positive replies.
My two are 15.5 months apart and we are wanting another but, it's not going to happen for a few tears yet.
I was worried how it would all go but, you have all helped heaps!

Also want to add, there is 7 years between my sister and I, although I probably annoyed her heaps growing up, we are best friends now and talk everyday.

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