Seriously??? *VENT*

My MiL just called and completely ****ed me off! My SiL (her daughter who I am great friends with) obviously called to tell them about the loss of JellyBean and my DnC. My DH was supposed to call but he was being slack so I asked my SiL.

So, to get to the point, I answer and she says "Sorry to hear about your...operation...but it was for the best" Are you ****ing serious??? I said,"no not for the best but very unfortunate" - she couldn't even say "miscarriage" or mention the word baby. MY baby DIED - it wasn't "for the best" yes, something went wrong, whether with the baby or my body but it was devestating. She then proceeded to tell me that she lost a baby between her first and second "but she wasn't all that upset" well GOOD FOR HER!

I generally really like my MiL but she has seriously upset me tonight - it is usually only her comments about my weight that are inappropriate!

Thanks for reading - I'm going back to eat the rest of my "party bucket" of malteasers:doh:

:hug: I am so sorry to hear of your loss darl :hug:

I am sorry that your MIL seems to think that the passing of your precious little baby was 'for the best' just because she 'wasn't all that upset' about her loss doens't mean others dont feel 'all that upset'. Sending loads of big :hug:'s to you darl.

RIP Precious Baby xx

Sorry to hear about the loss of JellyBean. I think its a generation thing to be honest. I am sure she didn't mean to upset you but their generation in a lot of cases just don't talk about it and those who lost a baby seem to have been made to feel like they couldn't get emotional about it so they don't understand why we do. I totally understand why you are upset I am not defending her of course - but just sharing my thoughts on why she acted like that. My friends mum was the same when she lost a baby and so she confronted her mum and her mum felt terrible but explained it like I have said.

Enjoy your maltesers you lucky ducky!

:hug: what a horrible thing to say! No miscarriage is "for the best" :o
Fly free little Jellybean..hope you're doing ok CF, am thinking of you.

Farewell little Jellybean.

I'm sorry she hasn't been of any support :hug:

Terrible.... You lost your baby and I am so sorry she can't see it for what it is CF. You responded really well. She is clueless.. I am sorry :hug: Rach xx

I'm sorry she didn't give you the support you needed :hug:

Big :hug: CF. My own mother said a similar thing to me after my 1st M/C and it cut me sooooo deep and so did many of her comments after my subsequent losses. It makes me very sad that you have had your MIL say that to you. More big :hug: for you.

so very sorry to hear how unhelpful your MIL was ...

I think some people just don't know what to say, and they open their mouths, and make everything worse ... feet and mouths and all that!

Nevertheless I an enomously sorry for your loss. The very little I have seen from your posts in this and other threads demonstrates how much you love (not loved, but love) your jelly bean, and what a wonderful mother you are, and will be in the future.

Your jellybean will never be forgotten, and while they are not with you now, I believe you will be reunited one day, and they will know you, and know your love, and be so comforted and excited to meet you and their dad and siblings one day.

And maybe deep inside, your MIL knows these things too, but doesn't know how to express them ... I only found out about my grandma's troubles with birth and post birth issues when she was high as a kite and half dead from alzheimers, and the inhibitions and barriers were all gone, and she just talked to me one day about it all ... I guess we never know what's inside someone ...

or maybe your MIL really doesn't understand ... and if that's the case, I :pray: that her ongoing relationship with you will be a wonderful education and she will come to understand more about the relationship we can have with your babies, even before we've met, and your MIL will be so much better for that knowledge ...

You're so brave and strong ... GL for the next few weeks ... and I hope that there's plenty of people around you to support you at this terrible time. :hug:

xo

Lots of hugs hun :hug::hug:

so sorry for MIL stupid comments ! My MIL said something similar, " atleast you did end up with a retard" "your body was just fixing a mistake... Oh not in the baby, genetics!....) and step MIL the worst....... when she asked me how I was feeling.....
I absent mindedly said " like I'm dying" to which the evil ***** replied " you are not the one Who is dying !!!! "

hope you have lots of support from your hubby as you go through this :hug:

:hug: Some people are so incredibly oblivious and insensitive to just how painful a m/c is in so many ways. :hug: So sorry to hear of your loss hun xoxox

I know its hard for people to think of something to say at times like this but a "'I'm sorry for you loss" is loads better than what your MIL said.

At such a sensitive time words like hers can cut like a knife.

I hope your days and weeks gets easier- its such a sad and emotional experience. Big :hug: to you

Iam so sorry huni. Massive hugs...stay strong. xox

So sorry that She said this hun,, Just relax eat some more chocolate :) Try not to let her comments get you down further xxx

:hug: That's awful - I'm sorry she was so insensitive. You really don't need to hear that. :(

:hug::comfort: im soooo sorry for ur loss hun, and i can understand ur anger n disappointment in ur mil comments i think she just doesnt know how to comfort u and maybe thinks that saying about hers use have something in common, so sad though, i hope u dont let things like this get u down u have been through enuf really.....

and all the pp's i am shocked at some comments u have recieved especially about the one of "ur not the only one dying" that is just ridiculous u obviously have alot more patience than me cus i would of smashed the s**t out of her sorry for all ur losses

I'm so sorry CF.... this might be the first of many vents. :hug:

I really hated it when people couldn't (and can't!) say miscarriage, or refer to the baby. Even DH really really struggled with it. The way to stop it is to be the first one to say it, then people tend to open up more.

As for "wasn't all that upset" well that's just a lie, or a bad memory. I'll bet that she was, but it's so long ago that she's managed to deal with the hurt. Finally.

Maltesers should be on the PBS.

So sorry to hear of your loss hun...

(I saw your status updates on FB and popped in here to see if you were ok :().

People can be so inconsiderate sometimes. *huge hugs*

If you need anything let me know, thinking of you xo

Eat all the malteasers you want.

:hug: Enjoy every single one of those maltesers, you deserve them. I can't believe how insensitive people can be!! Good on you for 'correcting' her! I would have to.

:shakehead:

Some people...GAH!

Big hugs hun!

xoxox

Wow. It just goes to show that even those of us who have experienced a loss sometimes say the wrong things. Most of what she said would be on my top 10 list of things NOT to say to a grieving parent.

I guess because she didn't feel all that sad about her mc (or maybe didn't ALLOW herself to feel sad) she expects you will be the same. Or perhaps she's trying to comfort you (in her weird way) by saying she got through it unscathed. Sooo not helpful, but maybe that was her motivation. About the 'for the best' comment.................. I hate that one the most. Almost as much as 'everything happens for a reason'.

I used to get so upset and actually yelled at one person 'WHAT F'ING REASON MIGHT THAT BE? WHAT POSSIBLE REASON CAN THERE BE EXCEPT THAT THIS IS SOME KIND OF PUNISHMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!' Let's just say nobody said that again. :redface: Anyway, I would like to try to translate what your MIL said into a more considerate and helpful dialect, if that's ok.

When she said that it was for the best, what I think she meant to say was : "Your baby is at peace now, and won't have to suffer any ill effects of what may or may not have gone wrong with their development. It's nobody's fault, ESPECIALLY not yours. It sucks bigtime, and there is no reason for it except that nature, while beautiful, can be devastatingly cruel."

I'm pretty sure that's what she MEANT to say, but just didn't have the kohunas to really open up to you. Maybe for fear of opening her own wounds, I don't know. But I wanted to leave you with some kind words, rather than her............ thoughtless attempt at kindness ringing in your ears.

Your baby might be gone, but will never be forgotten. He/she has had, and will continue to have an impact on your life. I have a little saying I like to use when it comes to this kind of loss. This will make you stronger, and softer all at the same time. And that's your child's gift to you. Although it hurts, it wasn't all for nothing and in time you will still feel a strong connection to this little one, and be able to see the ways in which your life has been enriched. Sometimes even from the greatest heartaches the most wonderful things can spring. Until then, take care of yourself and give your heart time to heal.

:heartbeat: I don't know if any of my rambling helped, but I couldn't read and run.