babies close together,feeling very emotional

okay as you might have guessed i have just found out that i am pregnant,chantelle is 7.5 months old and i havnt had af as i am still activly breastfeeding.i am in total shock and am quite upset about it all.this is not how i want to feel as the thought of number 4 has always been talked about and was something we have been considering up till about a month ago.we decided that we were not going to go down that path as we were very happy with the 3 beautiful children we have already.i just get so upset and depressed at the thought of having 2 babies to take care of including the 2 older boys,will i cope,i feel like i will never have my own life,it is going to be so damn hard.i was looking forward to going back to work soon.we are in the middle of selling our house and buying again.just feels like this is all to hard.the reason for my post is i want to know if anyone else has felt this way when they found out they were getting a suprise baby,how they have coped and how they feel now.i am just so confused.i want to be happy....for god sakes i am having a baby,i should be over the moon......
thanks girls
nikki

Nicole,

*huge hugs* hon, what a difficult situation. I don't know if you have read my article new this month, 'Unexpectedly Pregnant' in the pregnancy section, but you are not alone. There are counsellors you can speak to over the phone, I have listed a couple, that can help with the emotions involved. Alternately you can organise to see a psychologist or someone else, but I think you definitely need to gather support, speak to family about how you feel etc. and get planning early on coping strategies.

Good luck hon, don't feel bad for not being ecstatic, things don't always happen the way we plan... I hope you have lots of support and please seek help - hopefully to help you have a more enjoyable pregnancy and when baby is born, there will be less chance of things like PND when it gets tough.

oh nicole, first of all congratulations on your pregnancy.

I hope you resolve your issues soon but having 2 babies close in age isnt such a bad thing. Chantelle is going to love it!

Kirsty77 and Kate are in the same boat at the moment being pregnant and having bubs at home too so they may be able to give you some advice?

remember sweetie I am literally around the corner from you and am happy to have a coffee, chat, gossip, cry or whatever with you!

im also happy for you to offload some kids at my house :) :hug: i hope you get excited about this baby soon and can work out a way to get your head around it.

thanks girls,
danni i actaully had to have a long hard think about posting this as i was thinking of you and how baddly you want a dear baby of your own,i felt very selfish and undeserving writing this as i am sooo lucky to be blessed with my children and then i say something like this.i appreciate your advice and the fact that you didnt take offence to my post.
nikki

oh nicky, dont be silly!

although as payback- i better be able to babysit :D

:hug: i am always here if you need ANYTHING

Awwwwwwwww big :hug: Nicole, I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Definitely talk to someone about how you are feeling, maybe even a chat to you MCHN if you have a nice one. I'm sure you will be able to cope when the time comes. Women/Mothers are amazing in that way, I think we adapt and manage far better in difficult circumstances than anyone.

And don't feel selfish in posting this, far better to post and get advice than to not post and feel the way you do.

Firstly, Congrats on your pregnancy :)

As much as its a shock now, things happen for a reason.. Yes it will be tough having 2 little ones so close, but everything is about adjustment, and i bet you and your family will adjust just fine :)

My kids will be 18 months apart.. i fell pregnant with #2 when Jake was 9 months old.. Although it was planned, i still get nervous about loosing my sleep, having 2 in nappies etc, but i wouldnt have it any other way!! :)

I bet once you get over the shock of it all, you'll be very happy!! :)

Nikki,

You poor love. I totally totally empathise with where you are right now. Charlie was only 6 months old when I discovered I was pg again, and I'll be honest, I am only just getting my head round it now.

Reading your post was like reading an echo of my own feelings.

Email or PM me if you want, sweets. :hug:

Nikki - Hugs to you, I know exactly how your feeling. Even though #2 was planned I was still shocked when a BFP was staring into my face then I got quite stressed worrying about how can I cope with 2 under 15 months plus DH`s 2 boys and taking care of the house (I don`t get any help from DH), I was often in tears thinking I`ve done the wrong thing.

Now I get excited about having another baby in the house but still get stressed worrying how I`m going to cope especially at night - how do I settle both Matthew and his brother during the night on my own???? I know I`ll get there and now Matthew will love his little brother but it can stress you out just thinking about it.

Hugs to you.

i know its a shock, my older son was 2, and my younger son was 7 months when i fell pg. Now im 30w, and still finding it hard to cope. My youngest isnt even walking yet, he's 14m old and weighs 15kg which makes things alot harder. But we're all super mums here, right?? And we cope with anything and everything life throws at us. We all know youll be fine, you're an awesome mum and this bub will be lucky to have your as its mummy , just like your other 3 are :) *hugs* to you

Hi Nikki

Our pg with DD was unexpected and I understand what a huge shock to the system that can be. In our case it was DP who had the biggest adjustment, I think I was more ready for it than he was. He 'put one foot in front of the other' as far as getting ready for the baby went for a while and gradually got used to the idea. As soon as she was born he was totally in love.

Since you already have kids I'd imagine you'd have even more to think about than we did - financial, emotional and physical challenges. Give yourself some time to get used to the idea and don't beat yourself up about not being excited at the thought of another baby so soon. Even if you aren't in love with the idea of #4 for the whole pg I'm sure as a Mum you know how you'll feel about him/her once he/she is born. And it might not take you that long to get excited! You will also probably feel better when the house is sold and all of that hassle is out of the way. This baby is so close to Chantelle in age you will get to do your own thing at about the same stage anyway, hon. Don't know if you'll be able to say the same thing about your figure!! LOL

For the record, if I fell pg within the first year of Lucy's life I know I would be pretty negative in my feelings. And I do want another couple of kids and have been surprised already! Just not now...

oh girls,you are just making me feel a lot better,thankyou so much,i went and had an ultra sound done today and i have to admit i felt a very familiar warmth when he showed me the heart beating away,i was releived to hear that i am only 6 weeks prg,so at least i have got the whole pregnancy to get used to all of this.i am feeling a bit more positive about it now although i go into a panick just thinking about it,thanks again,it is just such a great feeling to know that i am not the only one who has been through these feelings.i appreciate all of your support more than words can say,this baby is due on the 28th of january.
nikki

Wonderful to hear you are feeling more postive Nicole. I'm sure once you get over the initial shock you will be over the moon. Congrats on your pregnancy too :D

Hi Nicole, I felt like this with my 5th. I became depressed and moody and really had a hard time for about a week ( I know not that long), but it was horrid and I will never forget it. I couldnt imagine life without him now, but at the time just couldnt see past the shock. I definitely got over it and by the time I was a couple of months in was as excited as if it was my first. I think a lot of it was hormonal.


Good luck

*hugs* congratz on your little surprise! I know what it's like to have a shock like that. Lily was far from planned and when i found out i was almost 12 weeks along. So really only had 6 months to get used to the idea, which was hard. But in the end, i don't regret a thing.

im glad you are feeling better babe. Dont forget to buzz me if you wanna chat or babysitter ;)

Congratulations on your pregnancy. You are truely blessed!
Debbie

Nicole, congratulations on your pregnancy
This pregnancy wasn't planned, and like you i freaked out when those two lines came up, but now it has sunk in i couldn't be happier, there will be 19months difference between my youngest and the new baby, so it will be tough for a while, but i'm sure we'll cope as i'm sure you will too

Nicole, I can only imagine how you must have been feeling to find out you are PG. What tipped you off? With No AF yet i mean, what was it that made you test?

As for not having a life of your own for a few years to come, Find something that you can get involved in that is child friendly. I am involved with ABA & my kids can come to everything I do with in ABA so its great. I have my own little thing that I can feel proud of as being mine yet if need be, my kids can be with me & no one cares.

i am still feeling rather down and anxuios(depressed) about all of this.i had a good talk about my feelings with dh last night and he really understands but is just so positve and encouraging,but how do i stop feeling like this and begin seeing this as a wonderful,exciting,preciuos thing.i realy want to be excited and happy,but it is just not there,i try to talk myself into all the happy thoughts that come with this,then 10 minutes later i feel like my life is crumbling.i am a very active person and we get out of the house every day and i have alot of things to do with the other boys and there busy schedules.but i just feel like i am going to be so trapped and alone in my house with 2 small babies that are going to tire me out by lunch time,then i know by the time the kids get home from school i am going to be a lifless,exhausted and cranky person,this is not how i want to mother my children,i want to be energetic,and encouraging and be able to give them all everything they will need from me.i feel as though after trying to conquer all of this every day that at the end of it all i am going to suffer and so is my relationship with my dh,i will have nothing left in me to give to him or myself.this all sounds so selfish,but i want to be a bit selfish as i have been a very good mother for 11 years of my life and i just feel like i havnt got the energy left to do it anymore.i am enjoying chanteel immensly as she was a very planned and wanted baby,she is difficult at night so i know i am sleep deprived,what if the next one is the same,could i handle that agin.i try to tell myself that it isnt all that bad,i am doing it now anyway and it is ok,so what if i have another one to raise at the same time,atleast they will go through all of the milestaones of life together and before i know it they will both be at kinder and school at the same time.......oh i dont know,i wish i could wave a magic wand andmake me feel the same way about this baby as i have for all of my other children.i dont even want to tell anyone.i couldnt wait to share my joyous news with family and friends with my other children,,,,,this is all wrong and i dont like the way i am feeling,will it change,please tell me it will,i want to love this baby and love being pregnant.
nikki

the tip off was 2 of my girlfreinds told me i had that pregnant glow about me last weekend,i just said wtf,i dont think so!!!!!but i think i just had a feeling after they said that and did a test,i honestly was not expecting to see those 2 lines.
nikki

Ahh. You know there are counselling services you can call. Have a look in the communtiy pages in the front of your yellow pages. I think you will find it could help.
Try to look at it this way. Your boys are close & now the Chantelle will have someone close to her as well. I think its wonderful to be able to have someone close in age to grow up with. Chantelle would have grown up feeling like an only child with such a big age gap between her & the boys.
I only see good in what you have been given. You will cope, we all cope.

Oh Nicole, firstly congratulations on baby #4. There is definitely an echo in here. I went through the first two trimesters just living in denial about this baby (#5). I cried and ranted and raved about how I couldn't do this, I won't cope, What the hell do we think we're doing, and then it hit me one day that this is a litle blessing, and he is coming whether I like it or not and started to concentrate on all the positive things.

This baby was a bluff. I bluffed and DH called, lol. I really didn't think I would fall, I was breastfeeding and it had taken 18 months to get DD#3 and 6 months to get DD#4 so I really thought that he had no chance to get me and gave him one month to get me pregnant (he wants 6). We had flirted with the idea but I really was just humouring him. Well the joke was on me, lol. Mine won't be as close as yours but I will have three under 3 1/2 with two older ones. At the moment my girls are 9, 7, 3, 1 and a newborn.
Having been pregnant three times in the past four years I am very over pregnancy and find it hard to see me ever having a life outside the home again,but I will one day and right now my life is my children. It might be clouded right now but it will clear and you will see that you can do this and having them close can have its advantages. My fear is that the younger three will take all of my time and attention and my older two will suffer, but I take measures to ensure that doesn't happen. It's alot of work, I won't lie to you but the joy is tremendous. Good luck, if you feel you need help take it there is no shame in it and it can help you.