Cannot help these bad thoughts playing on my mind [ADVICE]

I'll be 10 weeks tomorrow, easily the most pregnant I have ever been by about two weeks. It's a great feeling, and I am adoring being pregnant :) But the fear that I will lose this baby (or that I already have) has been playing on my mind for most of this pregnancy so far :( DF has tried reassuring me, telling me that the morning sickness, sore boobs, little belly, are all great signs. I guess sometimes BellyBelly can be more of a curse than a blessing; I never knew before BB just how common miscarriage was, and after experiencing it myself...I just cannot shake the feeling that I have lost this one too :cry:

Please, what can I do? I hate thinking about the possibility of another m/c, I try not to often, but it always creeps back into my head. A few weeks now, I've had the almost overwhelming feeling to just go into the ED of my local hospital and get a scan, but the system is already so clogged. I am just terrified I'll rock up for my 12 week scan (at 13w3d) and bubs will be measuring 7 weeks or something. There was a heartbeat of 119bpm at 6w5d. What can I do? What did you guys do?

PZ, just couldn't read without posting something :hug:

I'm sure there will be lots of great advice coming very soon... What about one of those portable fetal Doppler thingys? Just to ease your mind?

And here's a few more of these for you :hug: :hug: :hug:

Hang in there :comfort:

:hug: PZ, Pregnancy after loss or ltttc is sooo hard and scary. I dont think I really have any answers for you but try and keep busy, like super busy. Perhaps you can ask for a scan at a private clinic it might cost a bit but if it eases your mind then so be it, we had scans every few weeks in the first trimester to keep me sane and I had bloods every 3 days from 3.5 weeks- 8 weeks. I also POAS regularly until about 36 weeks :doh: All your pregnancy signs are great and take them as a little bit of reassurance but I know that doesnt make it any easier. The fact that you have seen that little one on scan with a strong heartbeat is a great start too. Hang in there babe :hug:

PZ, I think it is normal to feel this way. I felt the same when i was pregnant and continually worried until I felt the baby move. Even then i was continually worried with "what ifs"

I guess its harder said than done but remember in a blink of an eye you will be holding your gorgeous healthy baby in your arms and then thinking "if only i enjoyed the pregnancy more and didnt worry throughout it"

:hug: we are here for reassurance whenever you need it.

:hug: hun like you I was and still am scared. Every day is a different battle, not sure what advice to give you cos i'm not that great at helping myself. My Dh is always reassuring me and that helps me to feel better and start thinking positive. For me to "feel safe" Well somewhat I have become over cautious with everything especially food! so I don't recommend that. I tell myself that I just have to take it as it comes not like I can change the outcome IYKWIM, trust that your little one is safe inside you and growing strong. It definitely isn't easy! :hug:

:hug: Couldn't read and not post. No real advice but just wanted you to know I am thinking of you, just try and take it one day at a time and think of each day as a little victory.
:hug: :hug:

Couldn't help but post, I can really feel your anguish. Unfortunatly there is little that can be done to reassure your worries, other than what other ladies have suggested (private scans and keeping busy.) My advice, just believe in what you can't see or control, you have too. Early prg after loss is kind of like the Pacific Ocean, you know its there, and sometimes you can see/touch it, but mostly you can't, you just trust in what you believe. Just believe PZ, we do.
Much faith and love.
xx

Oh you poor sausage :hug:

I have been blessed with five beautiful healthy happy children but my first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. I was gutted and devasted and all the normal emotions that follow.

It also meant that for every one of my pregnancies I fretted the entire time. From early on (especially so as I was a bleeder) right up until I had them safely in my arms.
Checking my undies everytime I went to the toilet constantly prodding my tummy and having cold drinks to get the baby moving once I could feel the kicks.

I guess I dont have any advice but I wanted to say that what you are feeling is very normal and common.
Take your pregnancy one day at a time and try to enjoy this fantastic (but scary) time.
Enjoy the changes in your body and yes the signs you have are a great thing.:clap:
Have your moments of worry but make sure you have more of the positive happy thoughts too

:hug:

Motherhood is such a test of our resolve and our ability to trust in our baby and ourselves.

I think perhaps you could start looking into some affirmations, and maybe even create a little baby/birth alter to create a space to go when worries overtake you...I found it really helpful even after DD was born, because the worrying doesn't stop!!

Maybe you could write up some affirmations to read, such as "Surrender to the process" and "I trust in my body and my baby" to reassure yourself that there really isn't anything you CAN do, but try and ride this wave of uncertainty.

I am not a fan of frequent scans etc, because I think they just add to the anxiety (for me personally). Instead I have found it easier to just quietly listen to my baby and trust things will be ok...whatever the outcome.

Bit of a ramble, but just know you are certainly not alone, even those of us without losses experience this kind of anxiety.

Until I started feeling Cookie move, I knew I'd lost him/her. I just knew it. There was pretty much no doubt in my mind that I'd be having another dead baby. I went into my first and second scans telling Scott all would be okay, but knowing it wasn't. And guess what? S/he's still there, belting me from the inside at every opportunity. It's so normal to have these feelings whether you've had a loss or not, and that's okay. It's alright to be afraid sometimes. If you're really badly scared, who cares about clogging up the public system? Go have a quick scan (when I say quick I just mean the actual scan, not the waiting times, etc. of course)

Hey, if you want we could see if they can do a quick check on you after my u/s next Monday? ;)

It is so very hard isn't it :( just take it day by day, acknowledge the fear but try not to service it too much, easier said than done I know. I wish I'd spent more of DD's pregnancy enjoying it, and not being so convinced for the most part that something was wrong, but hindsight is a wonderful thing, especially now she's safe in my arms. And I'm sure I'll have all the same fears throughout my next pregnancy if I'm blessed enough to have one. Extra scans will only reassure you while they're being done, then the worries creep back in once you wake the next day, or even later that day :hug: Don't be afraid to pour all of your love and trust into the amazing life that is growing within you PZ :hug:

Oh darl :hug: I understand where you're coming from. All my experience tells me that pregnancy lasts 6 weeks and doesn't result in a baby :cry:

Could you make the effort to write a journal for your baby? Just a small entry every day, saying what you did for bub that day, how you're feeling etc. Obviously you wouldn't wanna make the whole thing a downer, so it might force you to focus on the good stuff, even if its only for an hour or so every day y'know? Talk to bub, rub your bump, basically 'fake it til you make it'. If you do these things often enough, hopefully it will override your current habit of stressing.....at least, that's my theory :)

Hugs for you hun :hug:

PZ - my first pregnany ended in a m/c too, so when it come time that i was pregnant with DS my Dr kept reassuring me that the next time i got pregnant everything would be alright i would carry the baby fullterm, so when it come time i was pregnant with DS i tried to block out the negative thoughts and focused on what my Dr said that everything would be fine this time around and it helped ease my mind (didnt take away all of it) i would still go to the toilet and always exspect to see blood, well it never happened and i had a gorgeous healthy bubba 9 months later, so what i guess im trying to say is STAY POSITIVE!
Early scans only help ease your mind for that day mayb a couple days after then your worried again, its all about staying positive and trusting your body/baby

BTW by 10wks your have a very high chance everything is A-OK :)
Can i must say thanks to gorgeous Green Tree Frog (althought i dont think shes around anymore) her saying was

PREGNANT UNTIL PROVEN OTHERWISE!!! And believe in it cause you ARE pregnant until proven otherwise!

:hug: :hug:

Have you got a GP that can send you to a private u/s clinic? It might be the way to ease your mind.

I had spotting throughout my pg (after m/c the first too) and I got a doppler and it saved my sanity. I know all the bad things and risks with dopplers, but we limited our use and I was always able to check after a bleed that all was okay. It might be the only way to keep your mind at ease down the track.

PZ - This is all completely normal. Every time I had a scan after my missed m/c I asked the operator to turn the screen off until they confirmed there was a heartbeat - even at 21 weeks.

In the morning, go to the Early Pregnancy Assessment centre at RWH. They are very nice there. If you get there early (by 8:30), you won't have a long waiting time. They are open mornings only, M-F. You don't need a referral, just take your medicare card. With your history of multiple m/s, there shouldn't be any issues with them seeing you.

:hug:

It sux doesn't it. I had 2 m/c's before Dd1 and although I've had two successful pregnancies since then it still plagues my thoughts.
It's probably not that healthy but my coping mechanism is one of detachment. I think about being preg but not about the actual baby iykwim. It's not the best way to cope but it's what I do. I am freaking out there is something wrong with this bub due to all the meds I've had to take. But there is nothing I can do about if now, except try not to worry, and wait.

Once you reach ten weeks I think your chance of mc goes from about 1 in 4 to 1 in 100. So that's good news.

I know you have your nt scan late so your mum can go but have you thought of having it at 12 weeks and showing your mum the DVD? Might be better for you peace of mind? :dunno:



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Go and stand in your local marketplace or shopping centre. See all the people around you - hundreds, even thousands of people? They SURVIVED gestation. Their mothers didn't miscarry with them. I know what that anxiety is like, and convinced myself I would miscarry with DS. Bellybelly threads about loss didn't help. What did help was a bit of reality-checking now and again.

Statistically you are already looking at great odds - statistically speaking, chances are you will carry to term. I used to look at miscarriage statistics but ignored the flipside statistics. You have over 95% chance of NOT miscarrying. That's fantastic!

Keep busy. And stop reading stories of loss, or googling. Be kind to yourself. :hug:

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You have over 95% chance of NOT miscarrying. That's fantastic!

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Actually, I just remembered, I was reading yesterday - it's more like 99% after ten weeks :D

PZ - first of all, congratulations!!!!

I completely understand your anxiety. Please stop reading the stories of loss - it's hard not to, you will find that one way or another those seem to be popping out in neon lights but you need to stop reading them for your entire pregnancy.

Also, I agree with going to get a scan - the peace-of-mind is worth it. Either get a referral if you can, or go to one of the places suggested above. I had fortnightly scans for the first 28 weeks of my pregnancy. Although there were valid medical reasons for this, it gave me great comfort - to tell you the truth, I couldn't imagine waiting longer between scans as I was always a wreck by the time day 10 rolled around. Only when REGULAR movement started did I stop worrying between scans.

The doppler is kind of a good idea - i say this because 1 - it is still very early for a nonprofessional to find the heartbeat and this could lead to more [unnecessary] panic rather than assurance and 2 - even later, when the baby is smaller, it can be hard to find the HB. Even my OB would have to search around at the beginning....the search for him was only 15 seconds but it felt like I was holding my breath for 20 minutes.

Oh Punky. Don't have any advise, just big, warm, squishy :hug:.
You WILL carry to term. And you WILL have a healthy baby in a few months. You will be holding your baby in your arms, because you are sweet and kind and deserve it! :comfort:

Hun,
I know how hard it is to not be overwhelmed by the anxiety when you've lost bubs before. I guess all I can say is unfortunately it doesn't get easier until you start feeling your bub moving in your belly. Try to have faith in your bub, he/she is healthy in there & doing what they should be doing!
Even now I have only 5 weeks to go & I'm scared daily for her safety. I think the constant worry won't leave us until we are holding our babies in our arms.
Try not to worry Hun, your little one will be fine xox

Oh PZ *hugs* I know that feeling. Just yesterday I was talking to my midwife saying I'm tempted to beg the GP for another scan referral, because I just don't believe the 6 week scan cos it was so early. She offered to try and find the heartbeat for me, but I said no, if she can't find it (which is very likely at 8 weeks!) it would just make it worse. I'm just trying to take comfort in feeling sick and the changes in my boobs. I don't have a belly yet (no more than I usually do LOL) but not really expecting it just yet anyway, plus I'm losing weight atm. Altho.. I took a photo a few nights ago and you would think I'm 6 months pmsl. That was very ouchy bloating!!

Only a couple more weeks to get through.. and I know we've both had great practice at waiting things out (troublesome TTC days which I hope we both don't experience again!!). Everything is looking soooo good for you, just really try to focus on those good signs.

*hugs*

:hug: It's such a stressful time, I know exactly how you are feeling. Is there any chance you could have your NT scan a bit earlier? With my last pregnancy I booked it in for 13 weeks, and bub was measuring 13 weeks and 4 days, and it was a lot harder for the sonographer to get the measurements she needed as the baby tends to move around alot more apparently when you pass 13 weeks. Just a thought. I'm sure everything will be just perfect :hug:

:hug: I don't know what to say, I'm sure I will feel just like that when I am 'finally' pregnant again, but....

I'm sure everything will be ok.... And when you get your next scan you will be reassured all is fantastic with the baby !

Thankyou all so much, I'm so glad I added the [ADVICE] on the end, it feels good to be understood and supported.

I want to reply properly, but can't right now, as I'm battling extreme nausea and the urge to puke while getting ready for work :) Guess it's a good sign :D

Darl, although I've never suffered a loss, I too was terrified when I pregnant with DS. I could not get excited until after the 12 week scan. I was just convinced there would be nothing there, that the worst had happened. I even said to DH as we were leaving for the appointment "This is it. When we come back here we'll no longer be parents", I can still remember the fear. I think I even did a pregnancy test before we left the house!

Again, luckily I have never had a miscarriage. I can't imagine how it feels to know how easily all your hopes and dreams can be taken away from you. But I really think a lot of women feel scared until they see that little bub on the screen for themselves, it's just not talked about.

Big hugs, everything is going to be fine. I can't wait to hear about your next scan!

Oh darl, unfortunately it's an all too familiar feeling & one I wish we never had to go through. Pregnancies aren't supposed to be tainted with fear but lined with love & the feeling of promise.

We are all here to hold your hand & get you through to that magical scan. I wish you only the best of luck!

Ocean Princess had a fantastic suggestion - I hired a doppler (& I don't remember it being expensive), so I could just have a sneaky listen to bub's heartbeat when I had those moments of fear & it was brilliant for me. Maybe it's a valid suggestion/idea for you too?

Love Jayne x

Big hugeeeee hugs. :hug:

xox

It's horrible, isn't it? I cried before every scan, and nearly vomited, and tried to talk DH out of the 12 week scan because I just couldn't face bad news.

But to get through the days, the average normal days in between, I just used the mantra of "the majority of pregnancies survive." Especially after the dating scan. Before that, I just didn't get excited at all. Just took that mantra and repeated it to myself over and over and over.

And I sent this little baby all the love I could possibly muster, thanking it for any precious time we could have together. That helped a lot too.

Huge supportive hugs for you sweetness. I wish I could say the feeling goes away, but even at 30 weeks I still worry every day even though my little Apple Blossom never seems to stop moving. Of course then I wonder if something is wrong and that's why she's moving so much. You just can't win when you stress about every little thing.

My Obstetrician does a quick scan at every apt so I've had monthly scans plus my 12week and 19week scans, and leading up to each scan I get more and more excited, then when it's just days away I start to get more and more scared. I had a 4D scan on Sat and yet I am still scared about my Ob apt tomorrow! Completely irrational, but us mummies are allowed to be a little irrational from time to time ;)

Personally I am a huge fan of the fetal dopplers. I used one with DS's pregnancy and also with this one. I managed to find DS's heartbeat at 11ish weeks, and I found our little Apple Blossom's at 9 weeks! I will admit that it's a bit scary when bub's are so little and it takes ages to find the heartbeat. I was close to going to the hospital one night when I couldn't find her heartbeat while sitting up. I then lay down and found it within seconds. But when ever I heard that little thump-thump of the heart beating strongly I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders :)

I wish you all the best in the rest of your journey. Also, even when you stress about things, make sure you enjoy that little precious bundle growing inside you :D

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Personally I am a huge fan of the fetal dopplers.

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Me too, we found DS's heartbeat from about 12 weeks, I could always find it by being almost fully laying down (I do remember being surprised how low I had to place it though LOL
I still have my doppler, although a friend currently has it (but isn't using it now as she's had her bub) - I am happy to chase it up and loan it to you babe if you would like to use it :) I totally understand your fears - although we never m/c - DS was an IVF miracle so the pregnancy always seemed to good to be true, once I started to feel DS kick though (about 19 weeks from memory) I stopped using the doppler and my worries massively decreased

Naomi

:hug: PZ, I am another one who has never had a mc but keeps having the exact same thoughts this time. Can't help thinking like you, that when I get to the 12 week scan there will be nothing there. Having had losses before of course you will be worried, it's only natural. I have a friend who had 4 early mc's before her current pregnancy which is well into the second tri now. She kept saying she was 'crazy' because she was so worried about losing this baby. But it's not crazy it's perfectly normal - if something has happened before the mind can't help thinking it might happen again. Unfortunately some anxiety will go with the territory. All you can do is seek reassurance where you can (tashy's suggestion sounds excellent) and enjoy your pregnancy as much as you can.

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I could always find it by being almost fully laying down (I do remember being surprised how low I had to place it though LOL

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Oh yes, I forgot to mention that. At first you practically have to be trying to position it just above your pubic bone (near where your underwear sits) then push the doppler in and point it down to get it "behind" your pelvic bone, lol.

Feeling a little better today? :hug:


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Dont worry you're not alone and its completely normal. I am 5 weeks pregnant after loosing a bub 4months ago..i was ok at the start...i was over the moon, so happy...but then slowley but surely the fear has started to set in...the thoughts, the emotions...for me im petrified of the scans.......I have an appointment friday so i am hoping he can check my hormone levels......I dont have heaps of advise because like you im in the same boat trying to find some answers.....try and have people around you that understand and talk heaps on here..which always helps me...and im just praying that this time will be alright. Hope you're ok today