Would you donate or accept EBM from another?

I have a really vested reason for asking this question. I have just recently been put in contact with a lady who is struggling to feed her bubba (1 week younger than mine). She's battled nipple cracks, thrush & low supply, and has just started on meds to try help boost her supply.

I am in the very fortunate position of having had to express early on but not actually using any of it - I have no wish to give my DD at bottle at all if I can avoid it. So, I have about 5.5litres in the freezer. And we have hit up on the happy arrangement where this lady is using some of my EBM to top-up her bubba as she was keen to avoid FF if she could. Interestingly both couples have remarkably similar digestive issues (both mums have a malabsorption issue and both fathers don't cope well with dairy - I suspect this motivates her desire for EBM as well).

And I guess it got me thinking. My DS was topped up with formula (before I'd really had time to think about it). My DD went sooooooo close to being topped up, but we managed to avoid it by the hair on our chinny chin chin! For me to provide some milk to another bubba is just one of the most amazing wonderful things I could ever do as far as I'm concerned. And when I got a text from her yesterday thanking me so much, as her hungry baby is now much happier & more settled thanks to the extra EBM.
FYI, our process was to meet, discuss milk bank criteria, discuss my health & diet and basically see if we both felt comfortable (which we did). I understand that she is pasteurising it to make sure any infection is removed but I don't know the exact details. But I guess it got me thinking... AND... in contradictory fashion, I wasn't sure if I would have accept it had I needed it!

• Would you donate EBM to a friend or someone you'd been put in touch with?
• Would you accept EBM from a friend or someone you'd been put in touch with? Or would you rather provide FF than use someone else's EBM?
• How much would it matter to you that you'd known the person previously?

I don't think there's a right or wrong here, but when i think about the wet nurses in days of old, it makes me wonder how comfortable we are with similar concepts these days? I also wondered whether I could be at risk of being sued should anything happen, but then I felt that fear of consequences was not a reason I was proud of to stop me doing this, so I did it anyway :D

Cheers,
Belfie

Wow! Good on you! You have given that mother and baby an amazing gift.
As for your questions, I would donate and I would use donated. Depending on the way it's done would affect who I took it off. If it was someone I knew was healthy etc I'd have no problem, if it had been pasteurized and tested for things like drugs etc I would be fine with it being a stranger, I think I'd rather I had met the person first though. Obviously I wouldn't take it randomly of a stranger on the street!

Seriously, good on you! You should be very proud.

Congratulations on doing such a wonderful, generous thing. You and the other mother (and her bub!) are obviously happy with the arrangement and that is what matters most.

In answer to your questions, I would accept EBM for my baby only from a registered milk bank or from someone I knew exceptionally well. I don't think it is possible to pasteurize milk at home (someone correct me if I'm wrong!) and although the risk of disease transmission from EBM is minute, I would still be uncomfortable.

Yes I would donate and I would accept it if I was in that position. Belfie, I would just have to look at your little girl and I would be saying "I want what she's having!" She is clearly thriving, happy and healthy on your BM.

Wow what a lovely gift!!

Up here we have the 'Mothers Milk Bank' running out of Gold Coast Hospital. I've just applied to be a donor for that because like you I had plenty of milk with DS and I would like to put it to good use with this bubba. So basically the idea is that I express whatever I can after feeding DS and then freeze it. Once every 2-3 weeks someone drops by and picks it up and it gets taken and pasturised before being stored. Its used by people who like your friend can't produce enough or it is often used by women in hospital with premature babies or problems with lactation during the newborn period.

I think its an amazing thing to do. There is no denying the health benefits to bubba from breastmilk so to give someone else's child that gift is truly special.

Yay for you!!

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Wow! Good on you! You have given that mother and baby an amazing gift.
As for your questions, I would donate and I would use donated. Depending on the way it's done would affect who I took it off. If it was someone I knew was healthy etc I'd have no problem, if it had been pasteurized and tested for things like drugs etc I would be fine with it being a stranger, I think I'd rather I had met the person first though. Obviously I wouldn't take it randomly of a stranger on the street!

Seriously, good on you! You should be very proud.

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:yeahthat:

Aww Belfie, that's wonderful :)

I donated to the milk bank here, and I have just recently given away the last of my stash to a mum I came into contact with through Eats on Feet FB group. I have no problems at all donating milk. As for using donated milk... I'd be happy to take milk from someone I know, or from a milk bank. From someone I didn't know.. I guess I would want to meet them first, and I'd have to gauge whether I thought they were healthy & didn't drink, smoke etc. I don't even know how you go about pasteurising at home? But overall I think it's a wonderful thing to give & receive, and I hope that it might become more commonplace :)

How lovely

Yes i would also donate and except EBM also.
I think it is fantastic that we are able to help someone else in this respect and everyone including you should be very proud.

I would donate, very happily. I wish I'd been able to donate my milk after Ianto, but I didn't know how to go about putting it out there :(
I would take donated milk as well, if my baby needed it. I think I would prefer to take it from someone I know, but more for the convenience of being comfortable calling them to ask when I need it. If I was to take it from a relative stranger, I'd want it screened properly :)

YES!! i dontated earlier this year to a gorgeous friend here on BB! was one of the best gifts ive been able to provide someone, only wish i could have dontated more and for longer, but DD was already 12 months so my supply was well and truely established xxxx

Would give, would take.

I'd like to know a fair bit about the person I was taking it from, if I was taking. If they were a blood donor, that would help me out a lot, just because the screening for that is pretty intense.

Yes, I would donate and yes, I would receive.

In fact I took EBM from my SIL for DS2 while he was in NICU to decrease the pressure of meeting his feeding requirements while waiting for my milk to come in. I did not want him to receive FF and SIL had her baby less than a week before I did. I didn't tell them - just topped up my own EBM with her donation that was in the fridge in my room ;)

Yes and I think it's a lovely thing to do to help another mother and baby :)

Yep without a doubt, I would do both if it were possible and considering safety precautions were taken. You are doing a wonderful thing by donating to these mummies and bubs. Think of how good they feel and what a load off the mums shoulders you must be taking off in giving them the opportunity to continue bfing their bubs full time! :clap:

Would definately donate to someone in need and would also except from someone who was able :)

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I would donate, very happily. I wish I'd been able to donate my milk after Ianto, but I didn't know how to go about putting it out there
I would take donated milk as well, if my baby needed it. I think I would prefer to take it from someone I know, but more for the convenience of being comfortable calling them to ask when I need it. If I was to take it from a relative stranger, I'd want it screened properly

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:yeahthat: I had left over expressed milk after the twins and I wish I was told about donating.. I didn't even know it was an option and it's a shame the hospy didn't suggest it. and I agree with it being properly screened if it was a stranger.. Someone I know though would be ok..

Good on you!!!

And yes and yes, I would happily donate if I had ample supply and I would have been more than happy to have EBM over formula too.

Good job!

OMG what an amazing person you are hun!!! You are making such an unreal difference in a mother and her childs life, such a precious gift.

Answers to your question, I would take EBM if needed from any donor but as I think has been said I would want to be sure it was 'tested/screened'. As for donating, I suffered engorgement for 9 months and a MASSIVE oversupply and I was crying out to give my milk away :lol: unfortunatley I only found out about milk banks a week before DD was 6 months or I could have supplied half the world with what we had!

Sorry but I have to say it again~ you are amazing! :hug:

You are amazing OP, I wish there were more Women who were able to do what you are doing :)

YES I would. And YES I have accepted my sisters EBM for my DD when she was a newborn [less that 24hrs old].
It saved her life.

Yep. I've tried to donate but Jazz is too old now. I would accept it as well, as long as I trusted the person was being honest about their alcohol/medication consumption, or the EBM was from individuals tested for alcohol or drugs in their system at the time of donating. :)

I wouldn't donate because i take medication. i have researched and am happy for my bub to have my milk but other mums probably wouldn't.

I hope that i wouldn't need to, but if something happened (e.g. accident) and bub needed to be fed i would prefer ebm to formula.

I would donate and accept. I'd accept it without screening if it was someone I knew. Much better than the alternative, IMO. ;)

i'd donate if i could - especially for someone i know. i'd do it for a "contact" if we were put in contact, but for someone i knew that was struggling, i'd do it in a heartbeat

accepting - yup - esp at the very start when DD was losing too much weight waiting for my milk to come in and i was given the alternative of either making sure she gained weight overnight or they were going to give her formula with or without my consent. i knew i didn't want her to have formula if it could be avoided, so someone elses EBM would have been an acceptable alternative had we not managed to get her to put on some weight overnight (thanks to my DH being there to encourage me to feed and sleep overnight, while he settled the poppet for me)

if it was when she was a bit older and it was a supply issue, i don't know if i'd accept EBM.. knowing that attachment and stimulation fuel supply, i would try to avoid using another source so as to build up my own supply adequately, but in the case of being unable to attach/express due to nipple damage, then yes, i'd use EBM from someone else in preference to formula.

i would happily donate now if i was a more efficient expresser (and if DD weren't deemed "too old" for most to accept)

I wish I could have had access to someone else's EBM rather than giving M FF when I had to give up BF. So I would definitely accept EBM and I would be happy to donate too if I could.

In reality I think I'm much happier to FF than EBM, sorry. It's not just me, it's also DH, and how he feels about a third party person feeding DD1 when it could have been him with the bottle. He would feel like he was missing out. Very tough call to make, especially in the haze after birth.

I definately would. DD was in the NICU when born (with a perforated bowel) and we were told she wouldn't live, and i was never told to express after the first 12 hours or so, by the time they figured she would make it and told me to express it was day 3 of life, so a bit late. Luckily she was on 3mls every hour, so not a big supply to keep up with! but after a couple of months i was getting 10mls from expressing both sides, tried everything under the sun, and just couldn't keep up with her increasing feeds. at this stage we were in the special care nursery, and the lady behind me had a 32 weeker, and she had a HUGE supply. freezer at home and hossy full and was tipping it down the sink :(

she offered to give dd ebm and I gave the ok, but they wouldn't let her as she was on blood pressure tablets - the same ones i was on though!!!! it upset me to no end watching her go express, then chuck it out. if i had my time again i would have just done the sneaky and got it off her and pretended i expressed it. sorry for the novel, but yes I am so so so passionate about ebm donation, if both parties are willing then go for it.

oh and given the oppurtunity I would definately donate :)

Definitely on both counts. And it's actually more common than you would think. People do it more than they talk about it.

It's interesting to note that the risk of anything being transmitted to the baby via breastmilk is very, very small. Nature is very clever when it comes to providing for babies LOL! The World Health Organisation says that wet nursing and donated EBM are both better options for a baby unable to receive his mother's breastmilk than artificial baby milks and there is plenty of evidence to support that.

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Definitely on both counts. And it's actually more common than you would think. People do it more than they talk about it.

It's interesting to note that the risk of anything being transmitted to the baby via breastmilk is very, very small. Nature is very clever when it comes to providing for babies LOL! The World Health Organisation says that wet nursing and donated EBM are both better options for a baby unable to receive his mother's breastmilk than artificial baby milks and there is plenty of evidence to support that.

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I'm wondering if you know DH's thoughts on this? Just out of interest for me, since this decision we made was based on more than just pure nutrition :). Have any of us spoken to our DH's about this issue?

Please read this in the right light, I'm just asking out of curiosity, not trying to pry into your relationship or communication skills etc :D.

I know my DH would definitely prefer someone else's breastmilk for his children than formula. Probably EBM rather than from the breast, but that would be ok too if it were an emergency

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I know my DH would definitely prefer someone else's breastmilk for his children than formula. Probably EBM rather than from the breast, but that would be ok too if it were an emergency

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Thanks... my DH feels stronger about this than I do, I think it's more of him wanting to keep it all in house, and be able to provide without having to look to another person, ITMS? FF is not another person, it's just a product, whereas EMB is a dependancy on someone else. That's his thinking anyway... thanks for sharing your DH's feelings on the matter, it's interesting to me :).

My DH would only use formula if he couldn't get bm from another person. He would much prefer our children to have bm. But he's right up on the WHO guidelines. ;)

I would happily donate to anyone, But I would happily accept from a known person. Not sure I could accept from a stranger.

My DH would be fine with EBM from a bottle, I don't think he'd be so keen on from the breast. Thta's just him ;)

My DH would accept EBM if for some reason i couldn't provide for DD (was ill or something) - longer term, i dont think he'd want to be reliant on a "contact", but if it were from a friend, he would probably be fine with it. DD on the other hand - not so sure - she rarely took EBM at any time from anyone - if it wasn't the original delivery, it wasn't good enough!

yes and yes, and I would happily cross nurse with friends/family :)
this is such a great thing you've done, I wish I'd been able to use donor ebm rather than formula for dds top ups.
now my milk isn't great (due to a pitutary problem) but I can get enough with still expressing.

It raises really interesting questions I think. For me, the fact that I am so ready to donate but would have been hesitant to receive it, is IMO quite a double standard on my part. What I get from a lot of the responses here is that most of us would rather receive from a friend - a known, trusted, safe source - the EBM. The thought of receiving this from a stranger is much harder to accept.

My understanding is that the milk banks that are in operation are really only for premmie babies at this stage, & only accepting premmie milk as well. So for women who are still in hospital with a very new (term or close to) baby (as I was), milk bank milk is not an option. And if you don't have a handy friend with some age-appropriate milk... it's a difficult time to meet a stranger, decide she's ok then organise the milk, all the while pretending the EBM is your own. I gather that most people if receiving milk tend to pretend it's there own to avoid issues with the hospital staff. What a lot of obstacles there are!

Plus add to the fact that few of us have discussed this prior to birth... hey honey, I'm gonna have a baby soon do you mind if we use someone else's milk ahead of FF? In this sense for my recipient, she's lucky that she's had the time to think about it and decide to follow-up the option. I must also confess that it's rapidly becoming clear to me that this "stranger" to whom I am donating milk really is just a friend I hadn't met before. Someone coined the phrase milk brother the other day and we have already both used it in reference to our children. While I didn't donate milk to make a friend, I truly hope that I can stay in touch with her, as it's such a special & precious thing that is happening. She is also a brave person for choosing to "trust" a stranger, and I admire her (& her DH) for that. It's a funny thing that I now refer to the bottles as "his" (her son's) milk given my DD is not having any milk by bottle.

Maruschke - you asked a really interesting question about DH's. I think to be entirely honest my DH would have definitely preferred that we didn't accept EBM either. But bear in mind that DS had already been comp fed with FF, so it wasn't a new concept (even though with his allergies & eczema you could argue that the FF may not have been to his advantage - but how will we ever know for sure). I suspect (shall have to ask!) that he feels differently now that we've donated our own milk, and again (more double standards haha) he is very proud of the fact that I have been fortunate enough to both feed my own child & help feed another. I think male ego can play a part (and by this I mean healthy functional male ego) in wanting to provide for his children and keep it in the family. But sadly, I think this can backfire and make it harder for the woman when she is in the situation of not being able to fully feed her child for whatever reason. I wonder whether it's also how much they choose to think about the detail... to bottle feed your own child with another woman's EBM and to KNOW it's that woman's EBM in the bottle could be very confronting for some (maybe many?) men.

Mantaray - you said it's done more than it's talked about, and I guess that's why I started this thread - to get it talked about. I'll be quite honest, the general responses have probably been more pro-donate/receive than maybe I expected. Whether that's representative of the wider community I don't know, but it's heartening to see. And I guess at the end of the day, everyone will do what they are comfortable with. I was interested to see an article about a group on FB the other day too which is "eats on feets!" A milk sharing group with the tagline human milk for human babies.

ellasmummy - oh how heartbreaking to see all that EBM go to waste... and the fact you were both on the same meds. Oh dear, bureacracy gone mad!

happy to donate - wouldn't receive. I know too many breastfed babies who have been sick many more times than FF-fed DD1 ever was.