Cot instead of co-sleeping - how?!

Here i am back with the next big sleep issue in our house!

We've been co-sleeping for the last few months, but for various reasons have decided it's time for DD to start spending the night in her cot again.

I've spent the last two weeks playing with her in her cot for a while each day to make it a happy place, which seems to have been working as she asks to play in there now, I can leave the room for a few minutes and she's comfortable, and above all she's been having her daytime sleeps in there for the last couple of days, which wasn't happening before.

For the last couple of weeks i've been trying to re-settle her in her cot when she wakes rather than just picking her up and taking her back to bed in a sleep deprived haze, some nights it's worked, and others not, so i'd just take her to bed.

Last night I decided was the night to start being a bit more active to get her back in - I've set myself a goal of her staying there til 5am (usually second wake-up between then and 6) because she stays there til then on her own some nights, and after that time I think I'll really struggle to resettle her unless she's snuggled up next to me. Last night she woke at 1, I fed her and got her back in with no problem, but did have to get her completely to sleep... No problem. Then she woke at 3.15, not so straight forward - after an hour and a half of feeding,rocking and lying in her cot with her, most of the while with her screaming 'no no no no' and crying I gave in and took her to my bed - she snuggled in and went to sleep.

I'm sick of being a sleep deprived zombie, but i've a feeling it may have to get worse to make it better. I want to do this in the kindest way for my child, so she still feels secure but we can all start getting a bit more sleep.

I'm looking for stories from anyone who's done it on how you did it. Was it successful and how long did it take?

I have no advice because I co-sleep with DD & DS. But just wanted to send you hugs :hug: I know what it's like to be sleep deprived

Thanks DB. A big part of me would prefer to just continue co-sleeping but 3 in the bed is just proving too challenging when the smallest of the three is a huge fidget! DH has been sleeping in the spare room during the week, but we don't want to do that long-term.

DF generally falls asleep on the couch watching tv so it's not a big issue for us. I hope it all falls into place for you.

i am working on this atm too. hoping i can get some hints.

Could you maybe start out with the cot attached next to your bed? Like in a kind of side car arrangement? We're doing this just now and it is part of my wee plan to transition DD to her cot when she is waking less in the night for feeds. We love co-sleeping but she's getting too big and is a total wriggler. And since we've been doing this, she's already been waking less in the night - it would seem being too close to me is waking her more for feeds!

So have her there and then when she gets used to it then move it away from your bed and see if she'll settle this way?

Sorry, I'm rubbish!
Sue x

Not rubbish at all, it's a really good suggestion. Our bedroom is pretty small but I wonder if I remove the bedside tables temporarily if I could fit it in that way. DH is going to think I'm crazy, but it just might work... Thanks Sue!

When DS was one we took the matress out of the cot and had him on the floor- that way when he woke up i could lay there with him all cosy and then extract myself from him. This worked well and it wasnt long before he was in a big boy bed.

He really didnt seem to like the confine of the cot once he has been co sleeping in bed for so long- so having an "open" bed seemed to work for him. And for safety we just had him on the floor so he couldnt fall out!

Good luck!!

Ah, that's an interesting idea StarBright - I have wondered a couple of times whether she's just one of those who don't like the confines of her cot and wondered about getting her a little bed. I have jumped in her cot with her quite a few times but recently that doesn't help, just makes her scream, but when my back is aching from rocking her I always give it a try.

I have wondered about going straight to a bed with sides on it too. But then you have the issue of wondering if they are safe cos they are not contained and might get into stuff.

How do you get into the cot? Does the base hold your weight ok?

I put the side down and climb in Kate. It feels really sturdy and appears to hold my weight without a problem (I hope typing those words isn't the curse that gets me next time!). It's always a bit harder climbing out than in. Where are you up to with the process? What have you tried so far?

I've just been talking to DH about it all and think we're going to give it a try with the cot in our room, then once she's in it all night consistently we'll put it in her room with me in a pull out bed in there too, then I'll move back to my room once she's ok. Baby steps.... I think Pinky would approve! Has anyone actually had experience of doing it successfully like this?

My little one was sleeping in a hammock in our room fairly happily and coming in to our bed for feeds and some part of the night. She is getting too mobile for the hammock so i have packed it up and moved the cot in to our room- but then she decided our bed was much better and the cot sucked.

The cot is still at the higher level (my bub is only 7 months) which is the same height as our bed. I have the cot up against the bed but the side is still higher than the mattress so i can't just slide bub across (this was my initial plan). Her initial sleep at night is now in the cot. I feed to sleep and then carry her in. When she wakes i usually feed her in our bed and then :crossfingers: transfer her back to the cot.

Doesn't always work.

I have tried settling her and then holding her hand whilst she is in the cot and i am lying down on the bed. This has worked but not always.

At some point in the night she ends up in our bed and stays there til morning and if i am lucky i sneak out and get a shower before she wakes.

I am getting DH to read No Cry Sleep Solution and then we gonna work out a more formal plan of what are our aims and how to achieve them.

The benefit of having the cot next to the bed is when bub is in the bed it gives a safety barrier on one side.

During the day, i have a mattress on the floor in her room where i have been trying to feed her to sleep on so she also gets used to sleeping not in our bed and it is safer than our big bed.

Bit different situation - I coslept with DS on a mattress on the floor for ages. Ocasionally he'd have good patches and I could leave him, then finally after he was 19 months or so he entered a longish good patch and that was that (aside from when he was sick or something). So all we had to do was wait. Then after a few months we switched him to a bed.
A seperate sleeping space in your room - floor or cot - might be a good way to start.

Having the cot in our room worked well for us. I co-slept until DS was about 9 months, but then he got too wiggly and restless and I thought it was probably hindering our sleep more than helping. I moved his cot into our room (which is tiny too. I had to move out the bedside table on that side and push our bed up against the window) and put it right up against our bed. When I put him down at night, I could lay on our bed with my hand through the rail touching his hand until he would drift off. I really think he was ready to move into his own bed and he started sleeping longer almost straight away. A month later he was sleeping through and we could actually leave the room when we put him down and he would settle himself off to sleep! That was a real novelty when that started to happen!! ;)
He slept in our room for about 4-5 months and then I moved is cot back to his own room and we've never looked back.

I will say- we were lucky and in our house we could shut off all doors to kitchens/bathrooms etc, we never had a problem with him waking up and getting into anything- coz when he woke up he wanted me, so thats the first place he went!!! Sometimes he would still just wake up and cry out and i would have to go back in there- but we basically went with the idea if he woke up and came to our bed he could stay there... which um... he still does lol so that may not solve your not co-sleeping thing!!! (he is two) and he does have full nights in his bed- but just as many nights he ends up still with us!!!


Soooo hmmmm.. maybe dont take my advice lol :)

My youngest 2 started out in the hammock in our room then into the cot... right next to me in our room. Yup a bit squishy in the room, but workable lol. We had 4 in our room at one stage... until Oskar decided at the age of 2 1/2 to move out of the cot and our room into his big bed and own room all in one night lol. Shocked but well, he decided he was ok and he's been there ever since. Elijah... he is now in the cot right next to me... (haha I've had a cot in my room for 3 years now) which works well cos if he wakes up at night he likes to put his fist into my hand - don't know why but that's what he likes - and he goes back to sleep. I think he likes the reassurance of knowing I'm there? He'll stay until he's ready too. So, for us, it works.

Just checking this out, we will be in this boat soon I think... I slept on the couch last night because I was sick of getting kicked & thumped.
Some great idaes here :)

Good luck Swoop!

Loads of great ideas here, let us know how you go Swoop!! xxx

Yes, thanks everyone for your fab suggestions, I really appreciate it.

I'm going to measure up In our bedroom and check that the cot will fit, then give that a go.

I did some serious moving around in our room to make way for the cot. Our room isn't small but it's not huge either and I love the way the cot is now. Right next to me! My bedside cabinet is in a weird spot but it seems to work for now LOL

Do you have the No Cry Sleep Solution book? It also has some lovely ways to transition little ones.

Hugs
S X

Yeah, think so small I'm not sure that cot and bed can actually both fit and still be able to walk in the room! The bedside tables are definitely going to have to come out.

I have got NCSS somewhere - i'm embarassed to say I think it's still in a box from when we moved house in February!! I'll have to dig it out.

Maybe all this moving around and searching will inspire a much needed clear-out too!

My DH is (finally) reading No CRy Sleep Solution. It is helping cos then we can work out some ideas to try together.

Last night my LO slept in her cot from 9pm - 10.30pm, up and had a feed and then back to sleep in her cot from 11 - 12.30ish. She had a feed and then back to cot for 10 mins, woke and held my hand slept for another 10 mins then woke and couldn't be re-settled and came into our bed. It's a start anyway.

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My DH is (finally) reading No CRy Sleep Solution. It is helping cos then we can work out some ideas to try together.

Last night my LO slept in her cot from 9pm - 10.30pm, up and had a feed and then back to sleep in her cot from 11 - 12.30ish. She had a feed and then back to cot for 10 mins, woke and held my hand slept for another 10 mins then woke and couldn't be re-settled and came into our bed. It's a start anyway.

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It is a start - baby steps (just re-read Sleeping like a baby and this is my current favourite phrase!)

Just thought I'd give a little update and share my progress...

The cot wouldn't fit into our room any which way we tried, so i persisted with resettling her in her cot in her room whenever possible (I got so tired I fell asleep in the chair in her room holding her one night, so gave in for a couple of nights until i felt a bit better rested).

I feel like we've come on in leaps and bounds in the space of a few days - for the last 5 nights she's slept in her cot until at least 5am every day. She's rarely feeding to sleep now (I didn't influence this, it's just happened) but falls asleep quickly when rocked. My DH can resettle her throughout the evening (previously she would scream until i came) and is doing so consistently so that I can go to bed early to have the energy if required through the night. I am starting to be able to put her in her cot very drowsy and pat her til she's asleep. She's generally only waking twice, although I've been giving her teething medicine and the one night I didn't she woke so many times. She's also doing much better with her day sleep.

My one big problem to tackle now is that her second wake-up is somewhere between 5.00 and 5.45am every day and I struggle to get her back to sleep after that, she just wants to play. I tried taking her in our bed, but it didn't work. last night I put her blackout blind back up over 3/4 of her window to see if it helped. This morning she woke at 5 and i was in her room til 6, feeding and then rocking back to sleep; she fell asleep much easier than the previous days when I rocked her, but every time I put her down she woke, until I let her to get maybe 20 mins into her sleep and then put her down.

Although I'm really tired, after the success of the last few days I'm not feeling too stressed about it... I'll keep doing what I did this morning for a few more days and if that doesn't work I'm going to do what Pinky McKay suggests and wake her half an hour before that, I'll feed her and get her back to sleep and hope for the best, then start moving the time slowly back until we reach what I consider to be a reasonable time to wake up! If that doesn't work, I'll be back for more advice :D

Awesome!!!!! xxxxx

Oh Swoop! Glad things are coming together for you.
After a long absence, I just logged onto to Bellybelly to try to get help for our sleep problem. I see your little one is about a month older than my DD, so I feel a bit better - there may be a light at the end of the tunnel. My problem is a bit different. I'm going to start a new thread, hopefully some BB experts can point me in the right direction.

Thanks girls :)

GoingtobebiginAsia - hope you find your answers :fingerscrossed:

I've made it to 5.50 for the wake up... I suspect it may just be a natural adjustment as I remember my friends DD doing something similar when she was moved to the cot. I have put a blackout blind over 3/4 of the window (she used to cry when it was all the way across it) and I think that's helping.

Okay, so I am awake at 5.30, which I'm not best pleased about, BUT

DD slept through from 7.30pm til 5am! Woohoo - it's working! Now if I can just get her to sleep in a little later again then better still, but baby steps...

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Okay, so I am awake at 5.30, which I'm not best pleased about, BUT

DD slept through from 7.30pm til 5am! Woohoo - it's working! Now if I can just get her to sleep in a little later again then better still, but baby steps...

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ETA - after my previous post but before she started going all night without milk (2 nights ago) the wake-up had gradually crept back to 6.45, so I'm feeling hopeful :D

That's great news Swoop, you're an inspiration! xxx