What if the next one is a "difficult child"?

So...My Mum thinks that my next child is going to be a screaming, crying, non-sleeping, puking, ****ting hell demon.

Explanation:

I was apparently a "dream baby". My sister was apparently a hell child. Let's face it, she still is.

When I had P I was lucky to have no difficulties with her apart from some major constipation and wind and eczema. She self settled from day one (basically because I didn't know you were 'meant' to cuddle your baby to sleep...it just didnt cross my mind), slept through from 4 weeks old, has developed fast and with no problems and etc.

I am grateful for that. I wouldn't love her any less if she was stereotypically 'difficult' though.

So Mum is basically wishing a demon child on me. Thanks a ****ing lot Mum.

What if it is? I don't even know what to do with a baby that doesn't self settle, or one with vomiting reflux that hits the wall across the other side of the room (like my sister had), or one that doesn't sleep, or a clingy baby etc.

I didn't want to get pregnant again, ever, but DH REALLY wanted another baby. I am really worried that I will screw Palmer up by having a baby...that she won't feel loved or wanted anymore.

What if I get the boy I always wanted and it's a screaming machine of destruction?

Does anyone else have this type of silly pregnancy anxiety?

Babe, you know jade has been pretty awful (she is perfect when we go out and at daycare but is a clingy sooky mess the rest of the time and only started sleeping thru 3 weeks ago) and I survived (just), I guess you just adapt, I hope K picks up his game and helps out at home x

You will cope and you will adapt, but you might also be worrying for nothing.

No one knows how the next one will turn out but just because your sister or mum had it one way doesn't mean it's the same case for you.

Hope it goes smoothly for you :)

I did think of you as I was writing this thread babe and I was thinking "Well I know what E has gone through with Jade, but Jade is so well turned out now and I think she's bloody awesome, so E managed fine and did a good job!"

I think it must be the perfectionist in me wanting to come out...wanting to have "perfect" children...and we all know that is impossible. All our kids have their quirky or annoying side...I don't think the perfect, well behaved child exists. It just seems that all the rich people in my area have perfect designer-book children who never have a tantrum or a hair out of place but I am sure they are probably not.

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I did think of you as I was writing this thread babe and I was thinking "Well I know what E has gone through with Jade, but Jade is so well turned out now and I think she's bloody awesome, so E managed fine and did a good job!"

I think it must be the perfectionist in me wanting to come out...wanting to have "perfect" children...and we all know that is impossible. All our kids have their quirky or annoying side...I don't think the perfect, well behaved child exists. It just seems that all the rich people in my area have perfect designer-book children who never have a tantrum or a hair out of place but I am sure they are probably not.

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hahaha yeah wait till you see their kids behind closed doors and how boring for a child anyway!

you'll be fine babe, and tell your mum to back off, why would she wish that on you?
even if you have a 'difficult' baby, you'll get through it, you're a survivor.
try to relax xoxox

You'll be fine.

My DD was quite difficult when she was born but is turning out to be the most wonderful, affectionate and just plain awesome baby ever. I have to feed her to sleep, carry her quite a lot and not really be out of her sight for longer than a trip to the toilet but I wouldn't have it any other way!

XXX

there is no reason you will have a demon hell child....but I have to warn you that boys pretty much are machines of destruction. But sooooo much FUN!

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you'll be fine babe, and tell your mum to back off, why would she wish that on you?
even if you have a 'difficult' baby, you'll get through it, you're a survivor.
try to relax xoxox

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Agreed. My problem here is probably more with my mother than with my children. DH says that she knows exactly what to say to make me vulnerable and then kicks me when I'm down.

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there is no reason you will have a demon hell child....but I have to warn you that boys pretty much are machines of destruction. But sooooo much FUN!

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LOL. I have my anatomy scan next week so if it is a boy you'll have to give me major lessons becuase there isn't one penis in my entire extended family.

Just wanted to wish you good luck...

Also, My mum said the same things about my DS lol, she kept on going on about how I was a horrible baby and wouldn't sleep and was clingy and demanding and screamed etc etc, and said karma would bite me in the butt and he'd be a horror (she also said that the name we chose for him, Jaycen, was a horrible one as every Jacen/Jason she had ever known was a complete and utter menace to society and should never have been born)... needless to say he was perfect, slept for 5 hours at a time after he was born and started sleeping through at 3 & 1/2 weeks... he has had issues with sleeping since he started walking but everything I've read says that that is normal... My mum is now extremely jealous of me and adores him (doesn't help that he's always on his best behaviour and showing off on the rare occasion that she is able to make the trip from QLD to VIC).

Now I'm worried that this one will be the horror child my mum ws wishing on me lol

I think we have the same Mum!

My Mum is also going on and on about how much she hates the names we've chosen.

Apparently she "will die" (her words) if I don't call her the very second I push the baby out this time. Sorry Mum but last time I was in ICU trying not to bleed to death.

She has also said that "if you have a boy this time you'll have to change your ideas on parenting becuase boys are slow".

Thanks Mum.

Everyone said that to me with the girls. DS was a dream and these would be monster children. Its super helpful, isn't it? :wall:
Don't stress about it, so far I've managed 4 kids that are all pretty laid back with their own little quirks (which may be perceived as challenges to some, DS co sleeping, DD1 can be too rough, DD2 cant have mummy out of her sight and DD3 is very VERY vocal) but that's my kids and you quickly adapt.

FWIW I had a girl first and then a boy, and temperamentally they have both been pretty much the same.
I worried before he was born that I would be pushing my luck to get two gentle souls, but if anything he is an even more gentle than she is.
He was more clingy at first, wouldn't let me put him down in the first months, but it probably helped to establish a stronger bond between us, and once he could crawl I just learned to walk slower so that he could keep up.
You really don't need to worry, there are no hard and fast rules. I'm sure you'll be fine.

ok well my boy was a perfect child until a few months ago lol yep boy as lulu said machines of destruction but hes a cute kid when he not destroying things but so far my second is good too no screaming no reflux ok she doesnt self settle but booby does wonders :) so far so good fingers crossed for u xoxox

Jenna, I think there might be some truth in what your Mum said LOL - one of my brothers is a Jason and Holy Moly! From the moment he was born he was a handful of a child, had more lives than a cat and as a teen he was one more court appearance away from remand. Nearly did Mum's head in. But he did grow up and turn out OK in the end.

Angela, there is every chance that this babe will be totally different to what P was/is. That's just the way the genetic lottery works and there is nothing you can do about it. The baby may well end up being a lot more high maintenance and needing you a lot more than P did but I think that had your mother not said anything like that to you, that this wouldn't be an issue for you at all. My first baby was a truly Awesome Baby. He did everything that all *good* babies are supposed to do and has a gorgeous personality that is kind, gentle and considerate - not like a boy at all LOL. But then I had DD1 and she was a very high maintenance baby - cried all the time because she wanted to be where the action was all the time and hated being a baby I think because once she started crawling it all stopped. This is just her personality because she is still a highly emotional, high needs child and nothing at all to do with being the second born. She was also a handful as a toddler, but then so was our next DD and OMG DS2 puts the two of them to shame ROFL - he's incredible.

And if this baby is different in personality and needs to P, then you just deal with it, you have to kwim? You will meet this babies needs like you met P's needs and though it might be in a different way to what you did with P, it doesn't make any difference to anything. Even now we have to parent all 4 of our kids differently because they need to be because of their personalities mostly, but even if she was the same as P, it doesn't mean that you can do everything the same as you did with her, if that makes sense. Not only that, things are much easier to cope with once you have the second bub as you have a hell of a lot more confidence in your ability to do the right thing.

I worry baby #2 is going to be totally different to DS, and I wont know how to cope.

You're not alone! :)

My DS has been what most would consider an 'easy' baby, apart from some sleep issues which have now sorted themselves out. He is happy, rarely clingy, happy to play by himself, but so affectionate and gentle.

I often wonder how on earth I'll cope with a baby who isn't so easy, so you're not alone :hug:.

Opposite here...lol.. I really hope I get a gentle one next time :) V is crazy but I love her and wouldnt change a thing although I am glad the worst seems to be over...for now,,,,

I am terrified Ill get ANOTHER one bahaha!

I have the same concerns as you, but i am trying to tell myself that i didnt know what i was doing last time, i have learned the better/gentler way to do things now, so hopefully this time around i will know what to do... but maybe not.

I think that it is normal for everyone to have these concerns, just the same as in the lead up to the first one, reality sort of hits and you thing OMG WHAT am i doing? HOW will i cope?
i think that it going to be adjustment.

And i dont think that you will stuff up P's life, you are going to give her the sibling that she will really want and need at some point (MJ is desperate for a little playmate now and DSS would have loved to have someone close to his age) Of course there will be an adjustment time, but there will be so many more positives for her than negatives in the long run.

Tell your Mum to keep her comments to herself, its hard enough these thoughs entering your head at times, but being told them is just totally uncalled for :hug:

I havent' read all the posts but I can totally relate. I'm pregnant with our first and I've had DP's family tell me that because DP was a hell demon baby, that this one will be. I was an easy baby, my bro was a terror.

You know what? I reckon those kind of predictions are total bollocks. When I was studying attachment theory as a part of my counselling course they went on and on about how poeple are born with a certain temperament and that's the way they are. Sometimes it can be related back through the family (in a genetic way, I suppose) but there is no way to tell what the babe will be like until you get to know it.

There are heaps of other factors (like Mum's coping style and her own experience in early childhood attachment as a child) but I wouldn't worry at all - as everyone has said.

When my DP's mother warns me about the possibility I quietly think "well, I would have been a hell demon baby too if you were my mother!" (She can be a total piece of work).

I wrote this huge long thing about differences between babies and blah blah but I got rid of it because I think what it comes down to is this: when people give you advice/their opinion about anything to do with children and parenting and whatever, they're basing it on their experiences... at least, that's what I have to think whenever my mum weighs in. She said so many times when I was pregnant with T, "oh, how are you going to cope with them so close in age/you'll have your hands full/you'll certainly be very busy" etc etc.

And I realised (after surviving a hellish three months after T was born with what my current midwife thinks was probably mild PND, and not feeling like I could say anything to my mum about it) that it was all about her. She found it really hard to cope with two children, I don't know that she adjusted very well to having a very full-on son compared to a placid (somewhat spoilt!) daughter, she didn't have very much support from my dad or from anyone else, she had really difficult pregnancies, and when she talks to me about how many children I should have, or how close together I should have them, it's because she doesn't have good memories of that. I'm not her, and my children are not me and my siblings, and while yes, S was a lot 'easier' and quieter, and T had colic and was/is clingy, on the other hand, S still doesn't go to sleep that well, and still doesn't eat very well, and T is amazing how she goes down for naps and at night, and will try anything (food, new experiences, you name it!)

You can always focus on what the second one 'isn't' but then I think you realise that there's so many things s/he 'is' and it's fantastic :)

^ What Sasha said... totally!

no advice other then to mention i sort of know how you feel with your Mum's comment cause when i was pregnant with my DD she would say " I reckon it's pay back for you now as i was in labour with you for 36hours " :doh:

i tried to find the humour in it but it did cause me some anxiety ... and needless to say my labour was for only 2.5hrs :dance: so goes to show such unneccessary wishful thinking on our Mother's behalf :shakehead:

(my DD sounds like your 1st bub too and i would have the same thing cross my mind with a 2nd bub, i think it's just natural)