Debrief with my OB ~ dissappointing results

I had my post natal check up today, it was so lovely to catch up with my OB and one of my MW's and show off DD2 and hand over some chocolates and gifts just to day thankyou :)

But what also came with the appointment was the beginning of looking at my pregnancy and the impact that this would have of any future pregnancies and the fact that the news wasn't good.

I am just not "designed" to carry babies to term :(

The septum can't be removed, it is not only long but very wide and thick, any attempt removing it would not enable my uterus to be rejoined sucessfully and safely, if it was just long and thin it would be ok. So with that comes the high risk of pre term labour, breech baby, and high risk of futre M/C's :(

My uterus tore during the CS, up on the left hand side, so while my scar on the outside is the normal, my uterus is not, and I would require to have a CS should we get pregnant again. My OB is very supportive of VBAC's, but in my case it is just not safe, the tear is too significant.

I would have to be medicated from very early on to try and keep my uterus calm, and I would be put on bed rest again just to carry for as long as possible ~ I had asked that could it just be a pregnancy by pregnancy thing, but because it has happened twice and significantly worse the second time, it is just my uterus and will be the same or worse the next time, it isn't something that gets better.

The cost implications of the medication, even with the Pharmacy discount and the piddly bit I got back from my PHF, it is $13 a day for the Progesterone, just under $400 a month, add on top of that Nifedipine, appointments, scans etc.

I will never get to experience what it is like to be "barefoot and pregnant"

I will never get to "relax and just enjoy" being pregnant

The constant monitoring and checks will be exhausting and draining

I won't get to experience and VB again

I feel like if we decide the in future to try and get pregnant again the cost is going to be huge, because I will be limited in my work again, and all the costs that are going to come with the pregnancy to keep it going.

While I am eternally grateful that we have two gorgeous girls and we have been extremely lucky to get pregnant quickly, it feels sucky that we won't be able to make a decision on a whim, a lot of planning and preparation is going to have to take place.

Knowledge is power, and I guess it is good that we are fully aware of it all and we will be able to make those preparations and hopefully not have to rely on the help of others as much.

But mentally and emotionally it would be a big decision whether we go down that path again in the future, it was very draining, having my independance taken away was frustrating, and missing out on so much with DD1, and next time it would be both girls.

My OB said that it was a very difficult pregnancy :( and that my body just doesn't "do" pregnancy, and I could see that she was sad that there was nothing that could be really done aside from what we did this time to prolong it.

I am struggling with it because I don't feel finished with children, we always wanted 3 and that feeling is really strong right now, I think because we skipped the real premmie thing, 35 weeks wasn't really that prem and we came out the otherside pretty unscathed and we have really been able to enjoy having a newborn, where as with DD1 we didn't really get to enjoy it as much...... it is just what it took to get there that is the hard part.....

On the upside my OB said that I didn't look like I had been pregnant let alone have a CS :D

Oh I'm so sorry hun, that must have been hard news to hear. Having another baby would be a huge decision, and I can really understand feeling overwhelmed because it can't just happen spontaneously. The extended bed rest must have been sooo difficult, and so much harder with two little ones to care for. But on the other hand, what value can you place on creating a new life? I guess it'll take you and your DH some time to process this information, and with time it will become clear whether you can face going again. I wish this was easier for you Beema. Big :hug:

HB
xxxx

I'm so sorry it wasn't the news you wanted to hear :hug:

Oh I'm sorry Beema, that must be so hard to hear. Take your time processing it all.
On the upside, sounds like you're in very good shape right now :hug:

:hug: That's a lot to process.

I hope you take the opportunity to grieve what you have lost; it will be a big step to acknowledging and moving on and ultimately making the decision that's right for your family.

I don't have any words for you Hun, just wanted to send you some :hug: xo

Hugs sorry not the news you wanted to hear.

xoxo

=( Sorry about the news Beema... no wise advice but lots of cyber :hug:

That is a huge amount to have to deal with :hug: I wish the visit could have been more positive for you.

Hugs Beema, that would have been very difficult news to hear.

:hug: i'm sorry the news wasn't what you wanted to hear.

Aww Beema, I am sorry!!
That is such hard news to get!! I know the Ob said there isn't much chance of it not happening again but I am believing for yo that you will get a 3rd child and it will be the pregnancy you want...
You can still keep hoping that it'll be different...

And yay to not looking like you have had a baby!!

I'm sorry Beema, I really hope that when you're ready you will be able to have bub number 3.
Thinking of you Hun!

So sorry you got this news hun. :hug: Although my circs are a bit different, I do understand the feeling that the decision to add to your family has been taken out of your hands, I really relate to that alot and I feel that I have basically now come to terms with only having 2 kids because of all the issues I have with a 3rd c/s and my mental health as a result of it but it has taken a long time to reach that acceptance and it is still painful if people ask if we will go again, because the answer to them seems so simple but for us it just isn't. :hug: vent away and get your emotions and feelings out because it really is tough to make that decision whichever way you go. xoxo

I'm so sorry for this news hun. As you say knowledge is power and you can make a concious decision on where too next.

You know we are all here right with you, no matter what decision you make - and you know what? You can change your mind at any time too. We all luv ya!

xoxo

Just another one adding some :hug: :hug:
It's a lot to take in, I guess some of it you already knew, but putting all the pieces together it's pretty disappointing picture.
But the truth is, you are the strongest woman I know, if you decide that you want another child in time, I am sure you will be able to put everything in place to make it possible, and to make it the most empowering experience you can. In the meantime, you need to recover from what was an absolutely gruelling pregnancy, and take on board all this new information. So settle in, enjoy your gorgeous princess and when the time comes, whatever decision you make, I know you and DH can do it together.
:hug:

I'm sorry it wasn't the news that you wanted to hear :(

:hug:

Thankyou all for your support :hug:

I think part of my "problem" is that I can't deal with what we went through, I have subconciously or even possibly conciously pushed it to the back of my mind so that I can enjoy having a newborn..... when ever I sit down and have time to myself and think about it, there is instantly that lump that sit in the back of one's throat, the tears well and I sit there convincing myself not to think about it....:(

I look at DD2 and I know that she is just the most precious little soul, and she makes it all worth it.

I know we won't be making any decisions soon, but I know in my heart that I don't feel like our family is complete, yet in the same instance could we do it all again...

You are right honeybee, we can't put a value on life, we would just find a way to finance it...

I can't find the right words for you all personally, but please know I appreciate all of your messages :hug:

I don't really know where to start when it comes to grieving our pregnancy, the loss of Miss A's twin and everything that happened... and the words from that OB (not mine) who at 29 weeks said we could still terminate if we wanted to just rip me appart :cry:

How do i deal with it all? I don't really know where to start, I can't really talk about it without turning into a blubbering mess, I have only cried about it once to DH since DD2's arrival.........

:hug: I'm not surprised to be honest, it was an unbelievably traumatic pregnancy and your reaction sounds perfectly normal. But I think you have to start making a time and space to deal with it... very gradually though, I wouldn't rush it. Can you find a counsellor or midwife who specialises in pregnancy loss or birth trauma, someone who would fully understand what you went through, that you could debrief with? Maybe once a week at first while DD1 is at daycare. Just so that if it does threaten to overwhelm you, you know that you have that time set aside to talk about it, cry about it, deal with it, with someone who can understand. DH could come with you if and when he needs to, because I am sure it was hard on him too. Maybe when you're feeling strong enough you can put in a complaint about the OB who made the comment about termination :( because that was just sooooo out of line. But that is what I would suggest as a place to start.... Kelly might be able to recommend someone locally.
What you're feeling is totally understandable, and I think if you want to have another baby in the future (and even if you decide you don't) it would help you to heal.
Thinking of you xoxoxox

:hug: the biggest hugs babe, u have done such a fantastic job, no1 expects u to have come out of it emotionally unscathed. u def need to deal with it but dont rush urself. i cant offer u any other advice, sorry hun. just big hugs xxx