Oh no... did he really just say that??

So I have decided that I can't take my DS who is 3.5 to the Drs anymore!! Well it would be easier but not an option!

A couple of months ago we went and there was a dwarf, she was walking with a frame out the door when DS saw her and said "Wook Mummy, a wittle one". He said it quietly and she was far enough away that I am sure she didn't hear it but I was completely mortified! He didn't say anything else and I was in shock so I didn't say anything to him about it.

Fast track to today and we are at the Drs again and a very very large man walks in and sits facing us and is about 2mts away and DS says "Mum, he's fat". I made the rookie mistake of ignoring him and then he repeated it and much louder. :o I wanted to sink into the ground, I distracted him as best I could and prayed the Dr would hurry up. We had to wait a little longer and I was tending to DD when I heard DS mention something about a big belly and a baby in someones tummy. I asked him when we got home and he said the man had a baby in his tummy.

What on earth do you say to your toddlers? How do you deal with it?

That would be horrifying! Luckily we live in a small town so there isn't much variation for DS to comment on. I noticed him staring at a very black man at a take-away place once and said a silent prayer for DS to keep his mouth shut lol.

I think I would just go with a not a big deal statement like 'that is just how he/she is'.

omg I have no idea but the same thing happened to me last week. We were in a waiting room and a really large lady came out and DD looks up at her and yells out 'Ooooohhh WOW!! BIG!!'. I was just in shock and tried to distract her.

:rofl: Can't help it sorry that is classic. My worst was when we passed two gorgeous Sudanese twins at the shop in a pram one day and Iz goes - OOhh they are a bit dark aren't they mummy :rolleyes: So innocent but so embarrassing!

I would just go with "every body looks different and that what makes thing more interesting" or something like that.

I've had my kids ask all those kinds of questions and I always just explain as I said above, nothing really phases them now.

children. :lol:

My kids asked about why someone had a 'teatowel' wrapped around their head. Also why a woman was dressed funny (wearing a full burhka). we have also had the 'small person' comments.

When we were leaving BigW one day my 3yr old DS informed me in a very loud voice that "that man is having a baby", before I could even say anything my DD informed him "no he is not, boys cann't have babies, he just eats too much" and then they got into a huge arguement about it. I felt so bad for the man: it is bad enough being overweight without having people (kids) point it out so bluntly and then carry on arguing about it loudly enough for everyone to hear.


I think the only thing my kids haven't made a comment on so far is skin colour. (don't ask me why - maybe because they know kids their own ages with different skin colours, so they don't see it as too unusual????)

My girls are famous for this. We are trying at the moment to teach them the art of talking quietly and not announcing things out loud. We also say what Too Many Shoes says, that everybody is different and looks different and has different personalities and thats what makes the world interesting. but we still get the questions. I certainly don't mind answering them, its the embarrassing places and volumes that they ask the questions thats the problem!

My kids arent too bad, But Ds did point to a VERY dark Sudanese man and call out "Look mummy, a Fiji man is here!" after we came back from Fiji!!!

I had to pull DD up when she was about the same age and tell her that it wasn't nice to say things like that.

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:rofl: Can't help it sorry that is classic. My worst was when we passed two gorgeous Sudanese twins at the shop in a pram one day and Iz goes - OOhh they are a bit dark aren't they mummy :rolleyes: So innocent but so embarrassing!

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When my DD was about 2 she used to think Sudanese people were dirty and she would say "look dirty" and we used to tell her it wasn't nice but someone gave her a black barbie and she ised to constantly try to wash it telling it it was dirty. She has grown out of that now than goodness

jacks frist day at kindy yesterday he was so excited when I picked him up as he was allowed his water bottle I said oh did you ask someone yes the big boobed one in the blue (his teacher) we got a couple of sly smiles and giggles :lol:

For the Dwarf comment I would have just explained quietly and simply what dwarfism is..

for the larger man (and i have been in that situation) I took my son aside, he was 3-4 at the time and said it isn't nice to comment on someone if they look different. and while we notice if someone is different ourselves it isn't nice to point or comment. hope that made sense :lol:

Ds1 did it a 2nd time when we walked past a large man in the supermarket and said geez mum hes so fat I couldn't get past him. I was so mortified. I kept walking and when we left the aisle I told him it wasn't nice and if he did something like that again I would make him go apoligise. He has never done it again..

On a funny note though.. Ds3 was 3 yrs old and we were on holidays and when in a carpark in townsville this extremely large lady was in her car in front of us (facing each other) and she was eating a WHOLE chicken. you know the woolworths ones?? right from the packet no fork just holding it up and eating it.. DS3 said very loudly look at that fat fat lady eating that chicken (she would have heard as ours and her windows were down. Even now at 5 he had a chuckle and i said what was funny and he said I was thinking of that fat lady eating the chicken (I kid you not) I can't believe he still remembers.

Anyways it is normal and i think most people are understanding. With physical differences (ie in a wheelchair or missing a limb) I don't hide that my children have commented I just explain to them that the person may have had an accident or born that way and leave it at that. DS1 once made a comment to a lady in a wheelchair and she stopped and asked him if he wanted a ride lol. he had a ball :)

:lol: yup, ds1 & ds2 have both done this! would just say everyone is diffrent, we cant all be the same and some people are just like that.

*this may offend some, sorry if it dose*
i now have to limit the time ds1 spends with my mum... we were going down the street, and he saw a man with a turban,
ds1"look he must drive a taxi"
me:"why do you say that?"
ds1"well ALL curries drive taxis"
i nearly died was so mortified! only something he would pick up from my mum! (so lucky the man was to far away to have heard, and ive managed to explain curruie is a type of spice we put in food!)

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I think I would just go with a not a big deal statement like 'that is just how he/she is'.

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thanks for the idea! i am laughing (and slapping my head) at some of your stories (out of the mouths of babes, hey) but horrified at the thought of my DS saying something like that.

i guess there's a big lesson in tolerance there, and teaching/exposing our kids to all kinds of people.

a few years ago i was changing in the change-room at the pools, and very overweight at that stage, and there was a little kid who kept saying "she's fat" to me.... and the poor mum was really embarrased and just trying to hurry him up... so i think most people would have a certain level of understanding for kids who have no brain-mouth filters.....

Just wanted to add that I wasn't laughing at either the big man or the dwarf, just at your thread actually! I also think just a simple explanation is the way to go, mine aren't phased by it as such but kids are so honest that, for example O was quite right, the man WAS fat, it's just that we don't generally point that out, and also men don't have babies! :rofl: With the Sudanese kids, I explained to her that some people have different coloured skin, like her and me for eg. she is quite pale and I am tanned, so we started with that.

Kat - Iz has a black Barbie too called Beyonce - loves her!

:lol: DS & I were in the PO a few months ago. DD1's friends father walked in. Dark skin & dreds half way down his back.
DS: 'mum, has he got a knife?'
Me: 'no, why?'
DS: 'he looks like a naughty boy...'

He refers to people he doesn't know by the colour of their clothes... So its lovely when he says to me 'mum, whats that black boys name?' coz the poor guy is wearing a black tshirt, lol.
My kids don't really notice skin colours & with the comments about bigger people etc, I just tell them 'shh, its not nice to say things like that'. Its worked so far.

Except when I was pg with DD2 & DD1 pointed out a bloke with a big belly & said 'look poppy, that man's having a baby too!!'

We have a close family friend, who's in a wheel chair after a bike accident. He loves kids because they are so honest & up front. They just ask & don't get uncomfortable, or ignore the issue.

Enchanted I don't have any advice but just wanted to share the time when my niece announced that DH's cousin was "Fatter than Santa" to his face! The adults in the room tried to ignore the comment and not laugh (because he is obese, and yeah, we did find it a bit funny at the time - guess when it's family it's not as bad as a stranger!).
It is interesting to see how others deal with this as I am not really sure what I would do...

I did have a little chat with DS right after I posted this thread and he was good. I guess it was more the how do you deal with it when the other person can hear!
I guess it's not a bad thing to explain to them that everyone is different when they say it in front of someone. Will definitely take that one on board.

They're just too gorgeous and honest aren't they. Thanks for sharing your stories :)

My mum dealt with this a lot, but her most common story was about my little sister. When she was about 3 she saw an indigenous woman pushing a pram through the shopping centre. My little sister loved little babies and was curious. Dragging mum over she stopped at the pram and asked "May I please see your chocolate baby".

Mum said the woman was very good humoured and was more impressed with my little sisters manners than the colour inference.

Children are extremely innocent and do not actually see that what they have said is a negative thing. Most people are aware of this and are good natured when a child blurts out an uncomfortable observation. It is very hard for them to understand, but we can only explain to them that words can make people feel sad and you need to be more careful with what you say.

I don't think it is a negative thing at all - at that age it is just innocent curiousity. I think it is great that they are interested in learning about the world around them. But sometimes it can put you in a no-win situation, especially if the person your child is talking about doesn't understand kids or have a sense of humour about them and especially when your child doesn't understand or just ignores any attempts from you to divert the topic or get them to understand that it is innapropriate to speak like that about others.

I was horrified when we were at the doctor and there was a patient and even I couldn't tell if it was a man or a woman.

Thankfully DS whispered to me "Mummy, is that a man or a lady?" I could have died. I was sure everyone could hear it

DS does not know the word "fat". We don't use it. For that exact reason! However, DS is interested in other differences such as height, age, skin colour and nose shape. All innocent and all things I can talk about. I'm also teaching him which words to use to women - you don't call a girl "big". His best friend recently compared sizes with "I'm small and you're big. Mummy, you are big, but not as big as a house" so we don't use big for girls any more. We use "tall" and "small" to describe height.

As for colours, he will look at very, very black people, but mostly he will say someone has a different colour face (if he bothers to comment) and that's fine. They do. He will refer to "that boy" or "that girl"... if he sees people with different skin colours as being human just like him, that's not really racism. Just an observation.

Might be robbing him of innocent words, but hearing a male colleague tell a female colleague she has skinny legs (and being re-educated about the word "slender")... I'd rather start him off early. The same colleague also offered to mathematically prove that I had the same gravitational attraction as the earth. Massive attractive power I can cope with, same size as a planet I do not.

thanks lady Zaidie - I like your approach.

Reading it reminded me of our "white-centric" approach to race, where we are more likely to describe someone non-white by their skin colour, assuming that white is the "norm".... I remember consciously ruling out such adjectives at one stage and referring to people as "people".

A good thing to teach my kids!!

we were in big w the other day and this dwarf walked by us, Jack has never seen a dwarf goes look at that little girl and all her hair, the nasty woman turned round and said nastily look at you you little boy :(....he wasn't commenting on her stature, he saw a little person who is rpesumed was a little girl and she had masses of hair.

I did explain it was lady and try to explain dwarfism but he was adament is was a little girl, but she was so nasty her reaction I couldn't be bpthered getting him to say sorry...

really upset me it did