How impt was it that your partner could stay with you after birth?

We're discussing options for our next pregnancy and this is one of the things on my mind and will influence our decision on public v private hospitals. At this stage, we think we've ruled out homebirth :(

Assuming we have a live baby next time, I'd prefer DH could stay overnight with us. I don't want him missing out on those first few hours of our baby's life.

It's highly unlikely he'd be able to stay with me in a public hospital. I'd most likely be in a shared room (which is another issue I have), so that's not on. He doesn't think his being able to stay over is worth the $000's to pay for a private OB when we would get as good or better care doing shared care with our IM and a public OB. (I'm hoping that as we're 'high risk' we get to see only one OB throughout).

Our IM is a LC, so any help we need could be done with her at home. I'm likely to want to go home ASAP, depending on how the birth goes. I prefer my own space/bed/privacy and I don't want strangers handling me or my baby. So I don't know how long I'd stay in hospital anyway. We have PHI but a $500 excess.

Advice etc would be appreciated.

I assume you can't use PHI to get a private room in a public hospital.

TIA

i had a private room in a public hospital - and DH stayed the night E was born and the night before we came home.

i think you should check with the hospital you would use - you may find if you talk to them about the circumstances with Leo's birth and you needing (psychologically speaking) to have your DH there for both of you, it might be something they could accommodate

with the hospital i went to, they filled the private rooms first, then put one person in each of the shared rooms, and only actually shared if there were too many people for the other wards - didn't matter how you birthed. at the other local-ish one, they automatically put you in a shared room if you're a c/s, but leave you in a single if you have a VB. if your bub goes to SCN you are put in a shared room i believe...

I gave birth in public and will do so again this time around :) i was lucky to get a private room after i gave birth with no drugs or gas given dd was posterior; the mw's felt i deserved my space after that hehe

I had dh with me for 3hrs after the birth but by then he had to get home to sleep and i needed the rest and it worked fine for us! I missed him each night as i was in for 5nts and a private room gets pretty isolating after a while. Im happy to twin share this time around . HTH!

I had DH in there for the first three nights (two of those three were waiting for the indutcion to work, so one night when Bub was with us). I had Bub with my for one night and DH went home and then DD was taken to the SCU and DH spent those nights at home. I found the night I was with DD by myself in my room very daunting and isolating. This time around I will be having my DD1 stay with my parent and DH will be staying with me. At this point I don't really care if he wants to or not he will be staying for my comfort.

I also plan to get out of the hospital ASAP but if this one has to go to SCU that means a longer stay.

I thought I would be right the night I was by myself and I haven't even told DH that I was petrified hence the reason this time around I won't try and be 'tough'.

Yes where I work you can use your private health in the public system which often includes a private room when available. Unfortunately because its a public system your still not guaranteed a private room as other people may take priority (such as other private ladies who were there first or infectious diseases etc) You can not have your partner stay unfortunately (unless is exceptional circumstances) Your partner can stay in delivery suite but not the postnatal ward.

I would think early discharge would be the best solution for you, your DH and babe especially if you have good support at home and to help the reduction of illnesses and people touching your baby. I have this issue also and plan on discharging home within 4hrs of birth if possible. I'll be birthing in a public hospital as a private patient (as our private hospital only does c/s) and provided everything is normal I'll be out of there for the same reasons you mentioned (wanting privacy, not wanting the midwives/Drs touching bub and then other visitors coughing and ****tering in communal places)

I'll add you to my prayers that your next BFP is just around the corner and you have a brilliant birth and take home bub!

for my pregnancy i went private, with my own OB and chose to deliver at the private hospital as opposed to the public one he has rights at.....

for me i wanted my DH to stay the night she was born BUT the hospital we happy for him to stay as late as he wanted and come in as early as he wanted so after being settled in my room and seeing the double bed we choose for him to go home and come back early in the morning, plus i had a PPH so they wanted me to rest up so him staying in a small bed with me wasnt going to work.

DH then worked while i was in hospy and would come in and stay till late each night.

i then expected him to stay the night before we came home but DD ended up in SCU so there was no point him being there.

when i was admitted in jan before we lost our DS i was in the public hospital and becasue i was a private patient i was guaranteed my own room, and given my situation the middies told me i would have been given one anyway....

personally for me, i like knowing the option is there just incase and there was no way i wanted to share a room so going private guaranteed that for me....

I had DD in a private hospital and DH stayed the first 2 nights with me. The second day he actually went to work and then came back in the afternoon (he works in the public hossy next door to the private one). It was a great help, especially the first night as I had a c/s and he was able to assist with getting DD for me. If he wouldn't have been there they would have taken her to the nursery as I couldn't get out of bed.

Every other day of my stay he would come in about 7.30am to spend time before going to work and then every evening until about 9pm to help with bathing etc. Going private for us meant that he could come and go whenever he pleased and stay as late as he wanted to everynight. They allow that for partners and your children but not other visitors who have strict visiting hours.

I had a single room which was great and I didn't feel lonely at all as I would have the midwives come in and visit and chat when it was quiet and if I had no visitors.

This time around unfortunately he won't be able to stay with me as he will need to look after DD, but he will come in everyday and bring DD with him and in the evenings we will go through DD's nightly routine with her (even shower her in my room if needed and I will also order extra for my meals for DD as well) so she can spend time with me before she goes to bed in the evening and then DH will take her home for bed. We want to try and make this time about including DD in the whole baby process and by having our own room in a private hospital it will allow us to spend as much time together as a family unit.

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I assume you can't use PHI to get a private room in a public hospital.

TIA

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Pretty sure you can?? I would check it out with RWH if that is where you are thinking of and your PHI.
You can be a private patient in a public hospital for other procedures, so I would think this would extend to Maternity as well. It may be just luck of the draw or perhaps a chat with a MW about getting a single room.

My DH stayed the first night after the birth for DS1 and the last night before I went home. We had a double bed and I only paid the excess for me and that was it.
That was with Frances Perry.

Yes u can use you phi to seek a private room in public hospital. We can for my hospital anyway? but its not guaranteed if they are busy.

I had a public room in a public hospital. Maybe it's because I went to boarding school but I kind of liked sharing, it was nice to have some company outside visiting hours.
When I was in the ante-natal ward and I was freaking out they let DH stay and moved me to a private room - generally I think that if your mental state is such that if you won't cope well alone they will let your partner stay.
Personally I was so tired after each birth that I was perfectly happy to send DH home and crash out, in fact I think I was fast asleep long before they told him to leave.

I went private and DH actually spent all four nights in there with me, he only came home to feed our dogs and shower. I think it helped him bond even more with DD, plus he was there to hear everything the nurses had to say. The best nurse we had was our night nurse, so it was great that he was there when she would do her night time rounds. Second time around it will be different, because we have DD, but I'll still be going to the same hospital, with the same ob, even though it will cost us extra. Good luck with your decision :hug:

I THOUGHT it would be important but I had a v long labour first time around. DP left around 11pm and came back first thing. I was way too excited to sleep which would have meant neither of us would have slept and we would have just been gasbagging all night.

Second time around I had an elective caesar (because of the 18 month recovery from the SPD first time around after a VB which I was going to risk again second time around) and I was worried that I wouldn't be able to do much and that it was vital DP was there. Was in a complete flap about it beforehand because we moved in late pregnancy from Melbourne to Woodend but I wanted to stay with my private ob and private hospital which meant DP couldn't stay the night as he would have to take care of DD1.

So practically, he couldn't stay. I really needn't have fussed. The nurses were fab and really, I ain't the first person to have a caesar and need help :)

Private room is essential to me. I like my own space. I wouldn't cope with having other people around.

you could alway just leave the hospital straight away after the birth - both of you can spend the first night together with bubs ar home.

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you could alway just leave the hospital straight away after the birth - both of you can spend the first night together with bubs ar home.

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We've discussed this and it really depends on timing and length of labour/exhaustion etc.

It was very important to me and we both loved the experience. We had a lovely room at a wonderful hospital. It was more like staying a hotel room and besides a quick check from the midwives three times a day, we were very much left to our own devices.

I had a double bed so DH slept next to me and snuggled me while I fed DD. I loved that closeness and all the love that was in our little family in those first few days. We were besotted and it was amazing to be sharing the experience. Gush,gush, gush!!! :rofl:

I was most thankful on day 3 when my milk came in (boy did that hurt!) and the baby blues kicked in as well. Having DH there to lend a hand and reassure me (I had a pretty big meltdown!) that all was ok made all the difference.

DD was born on a Saturday so DH went to work during the day until I went home on the Thursday. We didn't see the point in him using his leave while I was in hossi. He started work a bit later though and finished earlier.

Yeah, it was nice. I'll miss him next time round. He'll probably stay for a night or two but will then need to be home for DD.

you can definitely be a private pt in a public hospital, and as long as they have the rooms available you should be able to get a private one.

It wasn't important to me that DH stayed, but after losing Leo i can imagine it would be much more important to both you and your hubby to be there. x

It wasn't important at all to me. I went public and got a private room. The option was there for DH to stay, but we decided for him to leave. DD was born 5:20 pm. I was admitted to the ward about 8:30. Mum left then, and DH left about an hour later. Baby and I slept all night and he was back at about 6:30am. I was offered 10am discharge and if I knew then what I know now, I'd have taken it. Home is so much more restful than hospital.

It wasn't important to me but I think if I felt strongly about it, I would pay the extra $$$ if it meant I could have that :hug:

It was super super important to both of us, both times. DS1 was in SCN, but only for 24 hours, and then in with us for the next 4 days. I can't imagine that special time without DH sharing it. I also had a broken foot, so it was helpful to have him there to help look after me and DS.

DS2 was in SCN for a month, and I can't imagine not having my baby OR DH with me while recovering (I had a c/s this time). Having DH there really lightened the (emotional) load, and he was so supportive of all my expressing efforts etc. It was tough, because it meant DS1 spent a week with my mum while we were in hossy, but I think it was really important for us as a family. And DS1 coped fine ;).

HTHs

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It wasn't important at all to me. I went public and got a private room. The option was there for DH to stay, but we decided for him to leave. DD was born 5:20 pm. I was admitted to the ward about 8:30. Mum left then, and DH left about an hour later. Baby and I slept all night and he was back at about 6:30am. I was offered 10am discharge and if I knew then what I know now, I'd have taken it. Home is so much more restful than hospital.

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That doesn't seem so bad.

Do you have to use PHI for a private room or so they just allocate according to what's available?

I'm wondering if I'm also being seduced by the idea of being transferred to a lovely hotel.... but I'm still not sure it's worth the 000s for that. I'd still just rather go home. We have the comfiest mattress in the world :)

Thanks for everyone's input. It's an interesting dilemma for a woman who'd rather just birth at home.

I had the option of going to the Hotel. I didn't want to. I was happy where I was and just could not be bothered packing up and moving for a two nights and then have to do it all again to come home.
This was the same for all three.

For DD, I had her late in the afternoon and didn't get to a ward room until 11pm. I was so exhausted as was DH that it was best for him to go home and get a good nights rest so he could come back fresh in the morning.

If you went public, you could have baby in the afternoon and by home by 10am the next day. A GF of mine went to William Angliss, started in the Birth Suite had to be transferred to the Hospital Birth Unit, had baby that night and was home for breakfast the next morning.

I was in a private room at a private hospital. DH didn't stay either time, I didn't think it was that important that he slept there, just that he was there during the day when bub and I were awake more. With DS1 he was there most of the time during visiting hours, just sitting and gazing at his son. With DS2 he was hardly there at all as he had to be home looking after DS1. It can be a bit boring when bub is asleep the whole time, but on the other hand you get lots of time alone with bub before you have to share them with anyone else.

I agree. I was really into the whole idea of going to a hotel first time around. It was offered and like a PP, I knocked it back. Could NOT be arsed packing everything up.

Really, just get home as quick as you can. Private hosptials are great for the private room factor but they are nowhere near restful. You have people in and out ALL morning - ob, paed, midwives (multiple times), catering person (multiple times), newspaper person.

Seriously, I've been bloody exhausted both times between DDs waking up during the night and not being able to sleep during the day. And that was despite the fact I banned visitors.

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Really, just get home as quick as you can. Private hosptials are great for the private room factor but they are nowhere near restful. You have people in and out ALL morning - ob, paed, midwives (multiple times), catering person (multiple times), newspaper person.

Seriously, I've been bloody exhausted both times between DDs waking up during the night and not being able to sleep during the day. And that was despite the fact I banned visitors.

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This is one of the things I'm afraid of. I LOATHE strangers in my personal space, especially at such an important time. I think I've also read too many stories about bullying, insensitive midwives....

If I knew I was OK, I'd be fine discharging from the birth suite (We did that last time, but it was exceptional circumstances). Just so long as I can take a living baby home this time. That's all I really want.

Tash, would you be considered high risk? They won't let you go to the hotel unless you have a low risk, straightforward birth. And you only get to go if the Hossy is full and rooms are available at the hotel.

Don't get me wrong, I loved every minute of it and hope to go again, but it's not as accessible as they make out.

Then use the Public Hospital system as your security. Take a Doula with you that will help you with a possible insensitive, bossy MW. They also arrange for a MW to come to your home to check on any stitches you may have or BF questions.
That way you can go straight home form the Birth Suite.

I must be a freak (or really lucky), I really enjoyed the stay, both times. With DS2 I felt even less inclined to leave the hospital, but I guess that's a given when you can't take your baby with you.

Tash, your ultimate desire is so natural and understandable, but that doesn't mean that you can't do whatever it takes to help ensure that your hospital stay (however long) goes well. Good on you.

It really depends on the hospital. The public hospital where I had DD, I could have been admitted as a private patient without an OB, and I could use my PHI to have a private room and the Bear could have stayed if we had realised that we had to ask earlier and asked (I didn't go up to the ward until around 11.30pm which was too late to organise it. This time, I don't think any of those are options, just because it is a different hospital with different policies. So ask and then you can make your plans from there. You might be surprised.
I didn't feel it was that important at the time because I was so exhausted I just wanted to sleep. I also didn't realise how close we came to losing her. The Bear did, as he was with her the whole time, and for him going home alone was really hard, after watching me give birth to her, and then her nearly dying and ending up in SCN.

with DS i was in a shared room with no other ppl i think it might have been the same as previous posters where they fill the private rooms first and one person in each shared room till they are full DH stayed for the first night coz i was in the family birth centre with a double bed and my parents stayed as long as they could i only spent my last night actually in the ward lol

with DD small hospital and all the rooms were private DH would have stayed but he wanted to go home to DS but he was with me all day they didnt really enforce visiting hours unless i wanted them to

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This is one of the things I'm afraid of. I LOATHE strangers in my personal space, especially at such an important time. I think I've also read too many stories about bullying, insensitive midwives....

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tashy, I'm VERY protective of my personal space. I've been known to leave the table at a dinner party and go into another room for half an hour so I can be on my own. I refuse to share a room on girls weekends away with people I've known for nearly 20 years because I just like to be on my own ... so I hear you.

Having said that, it's hard to predict how you're going to be in a hospital. It's a different kettle of fish. All the people coming in are coming in to look after you in some way and hey, it's always nice to be the centre of attention. When I'm not in my anti-social freak mode, I'm in full-on chatterbox mode so I kind of liked having people pop in, in short doses - but it did mean I didn't rest but you're left relatively alone in the arvos from memory. That's one of the reasons I banned visitors - I average 2-3 hours sleep per night in hospital and really need some time during the day to catch up a bit.

No-one can guarantee you perfect midwives - usually there are good and bad in most hospitals but the hospital I recommended to you did seem to have really lovely ones except for a couple of contract ones on the night shift. And even they weren't even that bad just not the angels they had on the day shift.

For us it was one of the key factors in deciding to go private... After having an emergency CS I was really glad we did because DS was able to spend his first night sleeping on my chest because DH was there to look after him while I was bed ridden. I have a friend who had a similar birth in a public hospital and her little girl got put in the nursery the first night because she was bed ridden and her DH couldn't stay with them.

For us it was really important to be able to spend pretty much every minute of those first few days together as a family and for DH and I to learn about this parenting business together. In some ways I think it was really good for DH that I was bed ridden that first night because he was it and he got to do everything. If I had of been physically up to it I'm sure I would of taken over iykwim? But because he was 'in charge' he was able to build his confidence in handling DS very fast. Anyway I'm rambling but I guess what I'm trying to say is I think it is really valuable for the dads to be there 24/7 those first few days, I have some friends whose partners don't have to much confidence with their little ones because mum has always 'appeared' to know best iykwim? I personally do think a lot is set in those first few days...

But all that said, next time around I don't think we will be able to justify the price tag, especially because we have DS which means that DH probably won't be able to stay anymore than one night.

HTH

Sorry, I meant to add that I also thought I would want to get out of there asap, not sure if it would've been different if I had of had a natural birth, but I found the midwives really helpful and enjoyed being in hospital. They left us to take care of DS and it was nice to have someone there to alleviate our silly concerns in those first few days. Also, I was really glad to still be in hospital when DS became jaundiced on day 3, I'm not sure how I would've coped with that at home.

i went public (at MMC) and i ended up in a room by myself - they were doing renovations & i got lucky & was put in a family birthing room that was up on the ward. i was very happy because i'm not a big one for sharing personal space. i don't think they offered for DP to stay & i'll be honest - i was absolutely gutted when he left. i had DS at about 5.30 & DP stayed until about 11pm that night. the next afternoon i started asking when i could go home & they were happy for me to go the next morning. they thought i might be lonely & offered to see if they could get me in a shared room but i declined :lol:

the only thing with going home relatively quickly was that i didn't realise i should take it easy (i felt fine) & i think if i'd stayed in hospital it would have forced me to take the rest i needed. but now i know better & will probably just be bossier & delegate more next time round ;)

JM - I suspect we will be considered 'high risk' simply because our baby died. It has nothing to do with the pregnancy or birth. As my DH delicately put it, I could birth in a tree :) Assuming I'm not pumped full of adrenalin and there's no medical issues, I expect to have another natural, drug free birth. I expect pregnancy to be a complete cow, but that's because I still have SPD from the last one. But, whatever. If it wasn't for Leo dying we'd be low risk. Nevermind that he died from a genetic disorder. However, from a mental health/peace of mind thingy, we'll most likely be high risk. Then again, I imagine the paeditricians will want to triple check the new baby is fine.

Heather - we'll have our IM wherever we go. If it's public, she has a bit more influence on our behalf. It may be possible to have shared care with her and RWH. If it's private, she has less power to look after us. She has to be careful not to step on toes.
She'll be there for the birth but she has to go home sometime. We were lucky with most of the mw we had last time, but it always depends on who's on shift and what the hospital policy is. She'll also be our LC.

sloane - WRT running around once home. I'm likely to just want to stay home in bed with bub for a week. We figure parents etc can meet bub but we'll then let visitors in at home on a trickle until we feel a bit more confident. Then again, I might call everyone around to come see our living, healthy baby.

Everything changes again if we end up with a c/s. It's almost as though if we have a VB, we'd be OK going public, hoping for a private room and checking out ASAP. If we ended up with a c/s then the comfort of a private hospital, single room, better food etc would be a benefit.

It's starting to do my head in. But this is helping me work through it, so thanks so much for all your input.

tashy - this is another way of looking at it. The money you'll save by going public can be spent on physio if you have lingering SPD issues.

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tashy - this is another way of looking at it. The money you'll save by going public can be spent on physio if you have lingering SPD issues.

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So true. I spent $3K on various therapies last year. Or we could put it towards the education fund.

I think I'll have to find out more about the private room/Dh staying over option at RWH. It just seems to be the luck of the draw. I don't suppose I could transfer to stay at FPH afterwards?

I got a single room with a double bed*. Bub was born in the evening and DH stayed for a few hours before heading home. I thought i would want him there that night, but i was quite comfortable with him going home because we had both been up for more than a day and a half and i wanted him to get some sleep. My gorgeous DD slept the first night too, and so i was able to rest up too.

THe midwives i saw at RWH on the ward were lovely. On the second night they actually asked if i wanted DH to stay with me. The 'rules' are that partners don't stay but under some conditions they do allow it.


* The bed moved up and down using a remote and the head could also be angled up using the remote. I used it to help me sit up and to have good height to get out of bed and then made it higher to get up to bub's bed when i wanted to bring her on to the bed.

Tash - I know you can use PHI to get a private room at the Mercy for Women in Heidelberg - is the Mercy an option?

Even if you weren't considered "high risk" because of Leo, I just have to second what some of the PPs said about the hotel option - there are more criteria that you have to meet, not just low risk - you have to be on your way to establishing good BF (or FF, whichever you choose), baby has to be above a certain weight, some other things. Even if your Ob clears you for transfer, the hospital may not, based on their criteria, and also as someone said there might not be any room.

Also I know at the Mercy through the standard public system, they do have some partner rooms available but it really is luck of the draw. Some how my sister lucked one both times and BIL stayed but a lot of other people I know missed out. I assume it'd be similar at RWH.

Something else to consider - if you do end up needing a c/s, DH may not be able to stay even if you are private. Someone correct me if I'm wrong... but I seem to recall something about the mum needing to be in a single bed that can be levered up/down and also whisked off to theatre in case anything happens? Something like that? So would partners still be able to stay, even private? Someone will know the answer to that...

The answer to that OP, at least at Frances Perry House where I had my boys (and had a c/s for DS2), is that they have a pull out bed for DH to sleep on. After 2 nights we were transferred to a bigger room with a double bed (which still went up and down like a single hospital bed). I don't know about public, but I certainly know a few people who have had caesars in private hospitals and have had their partner stay.

Hun, I went through the same dilema. I had my son who was stillborn in a private hospital. Dh stayed and we checked out the following day. DS two was born in a public hossy but I stayed in a private room with phi because it was really important to me that DH could stay. dH stayed the whole time I was there. DS3 in a public hossy, dh went home because ds2 needed him. I was in a shared room but ds3 was in scu for the first room so I really didn't care.

Tbh in terms of support, the public hossy and a public patient was the best care.

Spring xx