Just wanted to share :)

A good friend of mine told me this which I thought was a great tool when in the face of someone who is talking to you in a way you don't like.

With a group of friends, he asked a guy and a woman to face each other.

He said to the guy: I want you to insult her as much as you can. Over the top, let it rip.

He said to the woman: I want you to just stand there and take it. Not answer back, just listen to what he is saying.

So off the guy went, with bad insults like: "Why did you colour your hair like that? It looks cheap! You are crap at art, why do you bother trying... " and so on, and so on...

When they stopped, my friend asked the woman, how do you feel? To which she responded that she felt like ****, like she wanted to slap him and felt a hate for him. She was really, really, really angry even though she knew he was a friend. But it was enough to wind her up for that day and get some real emotion pumping.

THEN

He asked them to do the same, only this time he said to the woman: "I want you to think that you're a mirror. Pretend that he is standing in front of a mirror at home, talking to himself. So everything that he is saying, he's saying to himself."

So the guy went on and on like before, abusing and cursing, going crazy.

My friend asked the woman how it felt that time, to which she replied, she actually felt sorry for him and somewhat compassion. He obviously felt very badly about himself and was in a bad place/way. She didn't let the words penetrate her at all, but bounce off, without emotional attachment, because they weren't about HER. They were all about HIM.

The way people talk to us, is like a mirror into their soul. It may show us how they feel about themselves, how much they are struggling with their current situation or how bad they feel things are for them. This works with anyone, anywhere.

There are times where I get anxious when people are going off their tree at me, because I feel like they think I am a bad or horrible person, or not good enough in some way. Sometimes my natural reaction is to defend. But when you look at it this way, it helps promote calm and compassion, and is another one of those tools you can have in your arsenal of life experience. Different things work for different people of course, but just wanted to share and perhaps it will be useful one day, or for life :)

That's really good Kelly - thanks for posting.

May be the wrong place for this, but do people really behave this way? Go off their tree and be that insulting etc? I feel like I live in a bubble. I rarely see this kind of behaviour.....might be another topic.

So true. People's actions and reactions often tell more about them than it does about yourself.

I know my reactions to similar things vary depending on where I'm at in life.

The point isn't really about people going off their tree - but if you don't like how someone is talking to you, if they are angry with you or whatever :) The whole idea was to try to get them to see the point by being over the top :)

Love this, and thank you.
This is perfect timing for me, very good chance I'll be utilising this in the next 24 hours.

Wow, I never really thought bout it that much at all in that depth..

Great way to evaluate my own reactions to certain people lately...

Thanks heaps :)

This is great Kelly...I think I already do this to some extent.

wow thats awesome

It's great.

Thanks for sharing, very interesting read :)

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So true. People's actions and reactions often tell more about them than it does about yourself.

I know my reactions to similar things vary depending on where I'm at in life.

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Very interesting!

I've heard this explained many ways over the years... and read about it in several books i have. I refer to it as "projection". When somebody speaks to me in a way that is critical I try to take on board what they are telling me... until they get nasty/emotive. Then from my experience that is symptomatic of projection or the mirroring affect. That's when it becomes more about how much they are critical of themselves. If you can avoid retaliating and just calmly say that you will continue the conversation when they stop trying to derail the whole issue that often works. Great threat Kelly. :thumbsup:

:o Wow, that is awesome! Thank you so much for sharing :hug:

This reminds me of that old childrens saying:-

I am like rubber and you are glue what ever you say bounces off me and sticks to you

It is very iteresting but my main problem is that I find it hard to not engage with the person attacking you....takes a lot of inner strength and emotional confidence..

Thats a great way of thinking Kelly - thanks for sharing!

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He asked them to do the same, only this time he said to the woman: "I want you to think that you're a mirror. Pretend that he is standing in front of a mirror at home, talking to himself. So everything that he is saying, he's saying to himself."

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My friend asked the woman how it felt that time, to which she replied, she actually felt sorry for him and somewhat compassion

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I agree somewhat that when people insult you, it is more about them, but sometimes (say in the example of an emotionally abusive relationship) it's the fact sometimes that you do know it is more about them, and you do feel compassion that why you stay, you feel you can help them, but as time goes on it really does lose the meaning of 'it's all about them' and it does become about you.. I know it's a little bit off topic, and you weren't posting in a relationship example, but I guess what I'm trying to say is feeling compassion towards someone can sometimes be damaging to yourself in the long run because you don't cut the toxicity(sp?) out of your life and that's BECAUSE you feel sorry for them and sad for them that they feel that way about themselves..

I have NO idea if anyone will 'get' what I'm trying to say, it's hard to explain in text lol

I see what you mean yep - but we all know when it's crosses the line to being abusive especially in a relationship. They probably went over the top with what they were saying to make a point, but I would never suggest anyone stay in an abusive relationship. We all have kids, friends, family who argue with us or say things we don't like... its moreso for that. Not abuse.

I realise that absolutely.. I was definitely not suggesting you were saying that people should stay in abusive relationships.. But I think for *some* women and I guess men aswell, they are that compassionate and it becomes abuse before they even realise it YK?? Again I know that's not the point you were trying to get across, but I did think about what was written and that's what came to mind for me..

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This reminds me of that old childrens saying:-

I am like rubber and you are glue what ever you say bounces off me and sticks to you

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Or the Pee Wee Herman quote
I know you are, but what am I

Thanks for sharing Kell, has made me look at the way certain things played out in my life and how both parties reacted to them.

That is really good Kelly. Similar to this one that I try to live by -

The Law of the Garbage Truck

How often do you let other people's nonsense change your mood?

Do you let a bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss, or an insensitive employee ruin your day? However, the mark of a successful person is how quickly one can get back their focus on what's important. David J. Pollay explains his story in this way….

Sixteen years ago I learned this lesson. I learned it in the back of a New York City taxi cab. Here's what happened. I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for Grand Central Station. We were driving in the right lane when, all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car's back end by just inches!

The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident, whipped his head around and he started yelling bad words at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean…he was friendly. So, I said, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!'

And this is when my taxi driver told me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'

'Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it. And if you let them, they'll dump it on you. When someone wants to dump on you, don't take it personally…You just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. You'll be happy you did...'

I started thinking, how often do I let Garbage Trucks run right over me? And how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people: at work, at home, on the streets? It was that day I said, 'I'm not going to do it anymore.'

Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. Love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't. Believe that everything happens for a reason.
Never let the garbage truck run over you…

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But would love to know how you can get the "garbage trucks" that are close to you to understand their behaviour?

This is good Kelly! It's something that I need to work on, I often take things to heart, think that that the problem lies with me.

Hmm Very interesting perspective Kelly :)