Who would you leave your kids with?

My PIL tonight asked us if in the event that both me and DP happen to be in an accident and we both died *knock on wood nothing happens* what would happen to our DD, who would get her?

I've been thinking about it and i am not entirely sure. I have to think about what effect it will have on the person/s we leave her with, if they have the same values we have and will give her the life we want for her. I don't think either of my sisters are able to look after her, they don't have a stable living arrangement. There is either of his sisters but then they have their own children and i think one more would be like a burdon on them but of course i have no doubt that if we left her with them that they would be more than happy to do so. Then i thought of his best friend and his wife. They are both intelligent people, they have great values and morals. They both don't want children of their own but i know that if something was to happen they would be more than happy to take over from us. DP is thinking of one of his cousins in Melbourne, she has two young children and we are very close to her.

I'd honestly like somebody who isn't in the family, but someone we class as family and who adore or DD as much as we do. That person is my oldest friend but i am not sure if she would have what it takes to take on a child full time, of course that would change if she got married and had her own children.

Its something we all should think about, as you can't say it wont happen to you.

So, who would you leave YOUR kid/s with??

Currently my brother and his wife. I love and respect the way that they bring up their own 3 boys.

However, when my sister remarries - I will put in my Will that either my brother OR my sister are to look after my children, whoever has the capacity to and also the desire ;)

We haven't actually put it on paper, but it would be DH's parents for sure. My mum has quite poor health and just doesn't have the means to look after 4 children and DH's parent's do - they have a massive house and are able to provide for them. Plus their ideals align with ours and Mum is a lot more 'questionable' LOL.

I have to say though, it was a bit rude for your IL's to ask you outright like that because it puts you on the spot to give an answer when it's something that needs a great deal of thought put into it.

Yes it was very confronting question but one that we hadn't talked about or even thought about.

We of course would be asking whoever we choose what they think about it. It is something that needs a lot of thought put into it.

if it was like 2moro it would be my parents if its later on in the future it would be my sister no hesitations i would give them to the IL's only coz they dont parent the same as me and i wouldn't see that as right or fair for the kids IYKWIM but in saying that if anything happened to me i dont know that DH would do too well and they would probably end up with my parents anyway

we would have been left with our uncle and his wife if anything ever happened to our parents

My younger sister! She is such a loving and kind soul! She has her head screwed on and most likely can't have her own kids without massive medical intervention. I know she'd do it without batting an eyelid or hesitation

Probably my mum, and my sister. Currently they live together. Although Panda is nearly old enough that she could make her own choices, I would hope she'd stay with the rest of the family ... DH's parents could take them too.

DF's sister and her DH, they dont have kids but are both great with them. We decided this from early on but dont have it on paper.

My ex-husband's sister and her female partner.

My parents are close to 70, my sister is disabled, on welfare and has two kids of her own. DP's father is in his 80s and his siblings are in their 50s/60s and have already done the raising kids thing.

But really for me it's a question of values and my XSIL and partner have values most closely aligned to my own. We've discussed it but haven't as yet formalised it on paper.

This is something we need to put in our will and dh and I agree that it'd be his dad and his partner 1st and if not them then my parents and if not them dh's mum. We choose his dad and they have more of the same beliefs as we do but hardly any money, that's ok as we would leave DS a huge amount of money with our life insurance. My parents are they are retired but still young and active and they have lots of money and a great lifestyle and love their grand kids but they aren't quite on the same wavelength as us with their core beliefs. DH's mum would still be able to look after DS but isn't on our wavelength.

My best friend and her bf, known both of them since we were 13, they are DDs god parents. I know should anything happen to us they would do an amazing job of raising DD how we would have raised her (*touch wood nothing happens*)

Have to add that this completely offended my mother, so you have to be prepared for people who you dont chose to get their noses out of joint a little bit

Ummm i really have no idea i would say my brother his 6 yrs younger than me and his gay so its very unlikely he will have children unless he adopts and i dont think he would, but me and dh would never agree on that i cant say honestly i trust or even have someone whom is similar to me to choose i know dh would say someone in his family but they all have 3-5 kids each already and still going..
Also they dont treat my kids the best as it is and im alive imagine if i wasnt there to defend them..

so if anything happened to us tomorrow i guess our kids would be caught up in a big s*** fight

if it happened when our parents were young they would most likely reside with my mum full time in our house and as the inlaws are planning on travelling they would essentially see the kids when convenient for the kids.. Ie take them on holidays or come and stay with them.. Other wise they would most likely go to Dh's brother and his wife.. they have 1 child, financially secure. While I don't neccesarily agree with some of the things they do they have similar values to us and a little strict but also caring and since their DD has gotten older they are less strict. (they were super strict before ~ RAAF people) (RAAF + royal australian air force) but I think if it came down to it we would let the final decision lie with the kids. Esp our 3 oldest as I think they are old enough to decide to a certain degree..

Nothing is on paper but has been discussed

We don't have anything on paper, but it would be any of my 3 brothers (Whoever was in the best position to take them at the time). As long as the kids stay together. It was actually my DH's wish that my family take them, not his, if anything was to happen to us. When we do actually put it on paper, it will also state that the inlaws are allowed to see them when they choose, same as they do now.

Our children would have to go to Italy with either MIL or one of my SIL's. Both my parents are deceased and I have no relatives. The only other family DH has here is his brother but SIL is alcoholic so no go there and he's aunts and uncles are older.

Regards,
Dianne

This is a huge and horrible thing to think about - but so important!

I agonised about this with my DH, we have yet to put it in our wills, which need to be updated now anyway. I think tomorrow is a good day to do this. Thank you.

I would like my twin sister to be the guardian, she has similar values and her husband is lovely. She has three gorgeous girls of her own, the two younger are the same age as mine. Given my sister and I are identical, genetically she could claim my kids! (and vise versa). My biggest concern is financial. I would hope that our estate would be enough to provide security for them and make sure not to financially burdom my sister.

Of all our family, I would not burden our parents. And our other siblings just done make the grade (as much as we love them!).

Stay Safe everyone

They will go to Charlotte's godfather (this is the major consideration for us in choosing their godparents.)
And failing that, they will go to DD2's god parents. (Or rather, who will be her godparents when she is born - but they don't know it yet, cos we are waiting til she is born to ask them lol)

My brother is single as is my sister and neither are in a place to raise a family nor do they necessarily possess the skills/values I would like my daughters raised with. Godfather does, and is much more like us, is stable, has raised 3 children, loves DD to pieces and would be honoured. That is why we chose him.

We think the ILs at this point. Their home is set up for our two already, they spend lots of time there and it would be comforting to them.

But if it happens 5+ years on, we're not so sure - the ILs are getting on in years!

My parents are not in a position, financially, physically or logistically to take them.

My sister and BIL would love to but ATM are living with our parents so not possible.

BIL on the other side is financially best placed but is not ready for the burden of kids.

That leaves their Godparents - might actually be the best option!

But we need to sort it out soon and put it in a Will!

In our will at the moment, it is my parents. Dh's parents would take financial care of our estate and my folks the kids. My parents are in their early 50's and dh's in their mid 60's so it was the logical choice for us.
My sisters are to young and inexperienced and i just dont think the right ones, SIL has 2 kids and i wouldnt want to burden them with 2 more and the financial part also, although thats what the estate is for, BIL is in perth, us in melb so i think it is just too far from my family.
Will re assess in a few years im sure
tough decision, but you never know what is around the corner
x all the best x

I would like my mum to have them but the thing I hate to think about is DSs father wanting him and him being seperated from his sisters :(

It's in our will that it would be my mum and stepdad. We knew that if something happened to us, they would take DD and she would be comfortable and secure there. We didn't want her to be uprooted again to move in with someone else. We are really close with my extended family on my dad's side, and we knew that mum would ensure that DD would still see all of them frequently. This was really important to us.

I think it's really important to write it down. Your wishes are really really important and once it's written down in a legal fashion, it would be very difficult to dispute.

If it were to happen tomorrow, they would probably go to my Mum. Otherwise I would love for them to go to my brother & SIL.

If it were to happen 10 or so years in the future, I think my older 2 children would look after the younger ones.

TBH we haven't talked about it yet.
I would like my brother and SIL however they have 3 kids and another one on the way and wouldn't have the finances to take on another child. The 4th is going to be hard enough!!
So in that Case I would maybe want my parents to look after her, the only problem with that is my dad has hep C and can get very cranky easily and I wouldn't want him yelling at her the way he did to me when I was younger.

I wouldn't want DH's parents because I feel they wouldn't raise her the way I want her to be raised... I have no idea what DH thinks though and I know my MIL would probably be upset if my parents became the carers of our children... But that wouldn't matter because we wouldn't be here to cop it! Lol.

I'm glad this came up because we obviously need to talk about it and let the people know!!!

My bro and SIL will get girls. As much as I do not want to think about it, they are the best choice.
Again *touch wood* I never have to go there.

bilby has no godparents
she has one grandma (in an aged care facility with adv. dementia)
if i died tomorrow, she would go to her father
if we both died tomorrow, i have no clue what would happen to her, prolly ward of the state i guess.
too horrible to think about

DD would go to DH's sister and husband. My parents are both deceased and PIL are in their 60s. They don't have kids of their own yet, but even if they did they're our only choice. We have spoken to them about it but have yet to put it on paper.

They currently live 400km away and I am concerned about my brother losing touch with DD if I was gone. But I feel I can trust DDs godmother to keep in touch with her and I think she'd facilitate contact between my brother and SIL. She'd also be our backup guardian if SIL and BIL couldn't do it for whatever reason.

This is a really good thread LMS cause it's something people don't really talk about but something that they should, and its something that alot of thought needs to go into.
Dh and I haven't talked about it cause we don't have kids together yet, but is something we will do.

Sent via my vortex manipulator

Thanks Teirae :)

Our first choice is his dad and step mum but because they travel and they dont have a stable living arrangement i just dont see her having a stable home. Both our mums have been there and done that. My sisters are out of the question, for now as they both dont have stable lives. My brother is too young. His sisters i just dont think they could afford to take on another child but have no doubt that they will help out whoever gets her and be there for her. DD is very close to my bestfriend but she still lives with her parents and has a boyfriend who doesnt like kids so i don't want to burden her (which i know i wouldnt be but YKWIM?) so that leaves his best mate and wife.

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I would like my mum to have them but the thing I hate to think about is DSs father wanting him and him being seperated from his sisters :(

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:hug: This would NEVER happen. He could not do it. He can not manage a week let alone a lifetime. I would kidnap DS before *he* gets him. :hug:

My job is writing wills, you can put who you would like to be gaurdian of your children in a will but by no means is it legally binding! It just means when push cones to shove and it goes to court to be decided that they will take into account what your wishes for it doesn't specifically mean it will go to that person, you should also make the person you want to be guardian of your infant children as one of your executors, if you trist them enough to have your children you should trust them enough with your money!!!

I have my brother and his wife as mine :) such a hard hard choice though!!!!!

My parents, for sure. They're pretty much all we've got. DH's parents are gone and our brothers (mine and DH's) are far too young and stupid to be caring for children - I won't even let my brother babysit either of my DDs and DH's brother would never ask (he's just 18 and can think of far better things to do with his time than be around toddlers - riding his motorbike and drinking with his mates over a few video games are just a couple of suggestions). In the future, I probably would still prefer my parents over our siblings as I just don't ever see my brother getting his act together (nor would I want my girls around his partner for any length of time...), and if BIL keeps up the way he's going with avoiding contact with us if at all possible, he will be a stranger to his nieces :(
Luckily my parents are still relatively young and have a great relationship with the girls - they see nanna and poppy at least 3 times a week, usually more, and go for sleepovers once every couple of months (it's usually pretty frequent on school hols when Mum's off work for a few weeks). They wear my parents out and while I may not agree 100% with their parenting philosophies, I know my olds would do a much better job raising my babies than anybody else I can think of. And really, when your choices are so slim, parenting methods/philosophies are certainly not at the top of my priority list in choosing a suitable guardian!